Do you have delayed emotional responses that 'appear' suddenly once 'switched on'?

[Loren]

You posted these before and I found them extremely useful! I don't remember if I ever mentioned that fact.

I'm glad to know they were useful to you! : )

 

[Clueless in Canada]

It seems that perhaps the case is that this problem is not directly related to alexithymia but that alexithymia exacerbates it or increases the likelihood of it happening. Just something I'm throwing out there based on the comments I've read.

For example, the idea of "checking in" to make sure you're not ignoring your emotions. Does anyone do something like that and find that they have no clue what the feeling being experience is called? Like there are no words to describe it, that it's just what you're feeling and how would it make sense to describe that, it's something you feel, and I don't what words would indicate whatever this is.

Or something like that?

CONFUSED DUCK

Yes, I think this happens to me. I don't seem to know what I feel. If you asked me regularly I'd say I am fine as I assume that I am but then suddenly I sort of emotionally melt down and everything is upsetting. At this point I might begin to be able to pinpoint the triggers but not always. It might be that I finally realise I have a lot of pent up frustration or fear and then it all comes out one day when somebody puts the towel back in the wrong spot and it's about the towel but more than the towel. I think it has something to do with spending so much time suppressing things and not knowing. I was raised not to complain, not to make a fuss, not to draw attention to myself and to always put others first. I have a horror of being disliked or embarrassing myself in public so I suppress emotions but they always burst eventually.

I'm not even sure if what I typed makes any sense. I had an emotional upset today and I might be rambling.

 

[Fino]

Yes, I think this happens to me. I don't seem to know what I feel. If you asked me regularly I'd say I am fine as I assume that I am but then suddenly I sort of emotionally melt down and everything is upsetting. At this point I might begin to be able to pinpoint the triggers but not always. It might be that I finally realise I have a lot of pent up frustration or fear and then it all comes out one day when somebody puts the towel back in the wrong spot and it's about the towel but more than the towel. I think it has something to do with spending so much time suppressing things and not knowing. I was raised not to complain, not to make a fuss, not to draw attention to myself and to always put others first. I have a horror of being disliked or embarrassing myself in public so I suppress emotions but they always burst eventually.

I'm not even sure if what I typed makes any sense. I had an emotional upset today and I might be rambling.

I hope it made sense because it described me perfectly! I was raised the same way.

 

[techteach]

@Loren Thank you.

 

[Gracey]

I am capable of justification.
Dragging up older memories to try to justify feelings.

In 'the moment', I'm aware of sudden chemical change (emotion) in this case, sadness.

I'm not sure I could reason (?) process or pin point why, in that moment, I feel an overwhelming surge of sadness.
But I recognise it's there.

Nobody gets upset for no reason, right?

In the absence of an immediate cause I can identify, - that makes some sort of sense to me,
I'll start searching memory for reason or justification.


I believe the trick is to just roll with it.
There doesn't have to be a good reason.
It just is.
Haven't quite mastered that technique yet

 

[Fino]

I am capable of justification.
Dragging up older memories to try to justify feelings.

In 'the moment', I'm aware of sudden chemical change (emotion) in this case, sadness.

I'm not sure I could reason (?) process or pin point why, in that moment, I feel an overwhelming surge of sadness.
But I recognise it's there.

Nobody gets upset for no reason, right?

In the absence of an immediate cause I can identify, - that makes some sort of sense to me,
I'll start searching memory for reason or justification.


I believe the trick is to just roll with it.
There doesn't have to be a good reason.
It just is.
Haven't quite mastered that technique yet

I have that EXACT conundrum!

I also have a problem that I'll use an exaggerated, fake example right now to make sure it's clear:

Me: I don't know why, but I feel kind of sad...
Other person: Dude, your dog just got ran over.
Me: Oh right, maybe that's why.

Often emotions don't feel connected to the thing they're obviously caused by.

A more mundane example is I'm driving to work, feeling anxious, wonder why I'm anxious, then realize it's probably because I'm running late.

Does this make sense to anyone? I don't think I've ever tried explaining this before.

 

[Gracey]

Makes perfect sense to me



Your driving example,
I'd recognise the physical effects of anxiety but not the cause, or causes.

I'd probably have to wait til I got home again, dig out an old CBT worksheet, try to remember what happened on my journey and systematically work through it all to try to find a reason, or reasons.

Lately though,
I've been trying to calm anxiety in that moment, rather than using brain power to pin point an exact cause.
Forget the back story or consequence, just calm myself. Now. In this moment.

I like understanding reasons though.
Why something happens.
Cause and effect.
I can see the sense in calming myself in that moment,
But have a bit of trouble accepting the 'it just is' way of thinking.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Forget the back story or consequence, just calm myself. Now. In this moment.

I like understanding reasons though.
Why something happens.
Cause and effect.

If ye lay bound upon the wheel of change,
And no way were of breaking from the chain,
The Heart of boundless Being is a curse,
The Soul of Things fell Pain.

Ye suffer from yourselves. None else compels,
None other holds you that ye live and die,
And whirl upon the wheel, and hug and kiss
Its spokes of agony,

Its tire of tears, its nave of nothingness.

From a long poem...
The Light of Asia by Edwin Arnold, Book 8

I remember the buddha said something like -

'if you have been shot with an arrow, you don't ask how it was made'

Perhaps there is a freedom when we allow thought to flow like a river.
A river that flows amongst us all.
Searching for reasons, claiming ownership, stops the flow and we begin to
'whir up on the wheel' bound up in cause and effect,losing the freedom of each moment.

 

[techteach]

There doesn't have to be a good reason.
It just is.

Often emotions don't feel connected to the thing they're obviously caused by.

A more mundane example is I'm driving to work, feeling anxious, wonder why I'm anxious, then realize it's probably because I'm running late.

Thank you for posting @Gracey and @Fino. This helped a lot, this is it. I'm feeling but not sure what the feeling is or why I am feeling it.

I did check out the Alexithymia website, the test was interesting and from that would seem I am blind to emotions. The forum was hard to read, lots of fighting, arguing, trolling, very stressful. Maybe just me.

I have been examining my feelings but am unsure of what they are. I know anger, I know happiness and sadness, not sure if I know anxiety. Just a feeling in my middle and my heart-rate goes up, feel shaky. Yesterday it occurred to me that what I might be feeling is excitement? My wife came home after being gone for three weeks and I felt nervous? Or excited? I can't tell.

I know my heart rate goes up and I feel shaky when I have an allergic reaction. Am I having a reaction to dust or am I afraid?

I do know love because of my children and grandchildren

 

[Fino]

That's interesting because I can recognize anxiety, excitement, and anger, but everything else feels like a guessing game.

 

[onlything]

That's interesting because I can recognize anxiety, excitement, and anger, but everything else feels like a guessing game.

To be honest, I'm always at a loss when it comes to excitement. I think I felt it once in a theme park - I was energetic and my heart would beat really fast - that's it? What's the difference between excitement and lack of boredom/curiosity? I know anxiety and anger and it wasn't it - I didn't feel like leaving, running away or snapping at anyone. Was I just curious about the new thing or excited? Where's the line?

To me, it's mostly four states: fine, happy, sad and bored. The rest, like you said, is a guessing game. Ugh. It's much easier not to bother with emotions but then you implode... One bad and one worse. Heh.

 

[Aspychata]

l guess l need to admit the truth, l get anxious, happy, excited when l meet this person, it's a potpourri of feelings, but most things in my life bore me to tears, driving really bores me.

 

[Loren]

I did check out the Alexithymia website, the test was interesting and from that would seem I am blind to emotions. The forum was hard to read, lots of fighting, arguing, trolling, very stressful. Maybe just me.

I'm very sorry you had that negative experience, and I'm glad to know about it, as I will refrain from referring to it in the future. It has been quite some time since I have viewed the Alexithymia forum, and had not come across the negative behavior you have mentioned, at the time. I'm sorry, techteach.

 

[Aspychata]

This site has help me understand that just because an emotion (s) hasn't been spoken, doesn't mean the person doesn't have them. Also l tend to wonder if we are hit with a myriad of emotions, if we checkout or disassociate. It's like the wealth of feelings discombobulates us, for lack of a better word. Like we need to sort through the emotion files to make sure we aren't involved in risk taking behaviors which actually becomes more important as you age. So to completely shut down emotions is a way to take no action at all on whatever you are facing. As one PO at site expressed, l am not sure of these feelings, l have them, then they disappear so then it causes me to question the validity of those feelings. But feelings are not concrete, they wax and wane, (wax on, wax off). Our feelings are constantly evolving, because we evolve. But deep down, l truly know who l enjoy having in my life.

 

[techteach]

Our feelings are constantly evolving, because we evolve.

So confusing. Doing better, just keep checking them, mostly don't know what they are. Experiencing them, recognizing them, not sure what else I can do if I do not know what is going on. BUT it does seem to help, just to acknowledge them. Wife is so sweet.

@Loren Hey wasn't complaining, thanks for posting it This is a very important step for me... Just to know that even though I don't know whats going on I can not ignore it. You helped me, its OK. Could just be me. I don't like when people fight, it makes me nervous. Sry, even when it's just on-line.

l guess l need to admit the truth, l get anxious, happy, excited when l meet this person

Someone is special! YAY!

 

[Loren]

@Loren Hey wasn't complaining, thanks for posting it This is a very important step for me... Just to know that even though I don't know whats going on I can not ignore it. You helped me, its OK. Could just be me. I don't like when people fight, it makes me nervous. Sry, even when it's just on-line.

I am the very same way, and cannot bear being in the presence of people arguing, fighting, or, even speaking too loudly, even online. That is why I empathized with you, and wanted to apologize for the experience you had. I did not, at all, perceive your comment as a complaint, and I am so glad to know that the information has been of benefit to you! : ))

 

[Fino]

To be honest, I'm always at a loss when it comes to excitement. I think I felt it once in a theme park - I was energetic and my heart would beat really fast - that's it? What's the difference between excitement and lack of boredom/curiosity? I know anxiety and anger and it wasn't it - I didn't feel like leaving, running away or snapping at anyone. Was I just curious about the new thing or excited? Where's the line?

To me, it's mostly four states: fine, happy, sad and bored. The rest, like you said, is a guessing game. Ugh. It's much easier not to bother with emotions but then you implode... One bad and one worse. Heh.

When I said I recognize excitement, the example that came to mind was when I'm going to see somebody I love, particular friends, the night before I will often think, "I am going to see 'that person' tomorrow!" and feel brief excitement, which I will then feel again as I drive to the place where the person will be.

Not sure what else to say about it. "Lack of boredom" isn't really a feeling, I don't think, because then what is present now that the boredom is gone? Something must be there, I think?

Sometimes I think of it as the other side of "anxious," where it's a similar feeling but positive, pleasurable.

 

[onlything]

When I said I recognize excitement, the example that came to mind was when I'm going to see somebody I love, particular friends, the night before I will often think, "I am going to see 'that person' tomorrow!" and feel brief excitement, which I will then feel again as I drive to the place where the person will be.

Isn't it just being happy to see someone? Like, what's the difference between excitement and happiness?

"Lack of boredom" isn't really a feeling, I don't think, because then what is present now that the boredom is gone? Something must be there, I think?

Well, what I know is that sometimes I'm so bored it gets unbearable. Or maybe it's something else than boredom, difficult to say. Anyway, lack of boredom is not positive or negative, it just is - I suppose I would call it 'being fine'. Not sad, not happy, not bored, so - fine?

Eh, why do emotions have to be so complicated?

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

YES I am exactly like this. This is an autism thing??? I finally get it.

 

[techteach]

I think someone posted that about 50% of people on the spectrum have problems identifying emotions

I don't know if it's JUST ASD folks though.