Do you Really Have Friends???

[wyverary]

I used to...don't know where they went...hmm I think I left some bout 10 years ago when I took the less used left trail and they went right...?
At least that's how it feels. How was I supposed to know ya had to nurse relationships...or maybe I've just had acquaintainces...and a few close friends that I wasn't able to hold onto. Let's see I have my NT female friend. There is a friend who might have Aspergers but he moved; we talk on the phone here and there.

I feel stuck. Always was busy doing my hobbies, hiking, camping, photograhy, swimming, sports...I did a lot of solo things & didn't realize that I was mostly alone. That it might not be "normal." Once in awhile I had a group of guy acquaintainces-we'd play football, drink, play cards etc. Maybe I'd meet them thru work or they lived on my block. But that's long gone. The last group of guys I met in 2006 thru volunteering. We'd throw a football around, go for walks, talked about football & a few of us got together at a diner or to grab a burger.

But by 2008 that broke up. Guys move, get divorced etc. Since then I've tried again several times via volunteering or going to a support group. But...nothing. So I've started to [duh] think it's me, that somethings wrong with me...and now...I feel like my feet are in cement and I'll never have an offline friend again in my area. I've given up. Maybe if I acted fake & created my new invention, an NT Suit... yes that's the trick. Comes with an NT Cloaking device...and an inflatable chest for an extra $150...

I think, having hung out on this forum for a while, it gets harder to make friends as one ages. In many ways I can relate to your difficulties finding male friends. For me,it could simply be that I am not really a "guy," in any typical sense. I do not know why I relate more easily with women, but it just happens that the people I get along with best and feel like "true" friends are all female. Fortunately, being asexual steers me clear of the complications that can often arise in platonic relationships.

 

[imanerd]

I've had a friend named Alyssa in high school. I miss her, since I haven't seen her in about a year.

By the way, I'm NOT sexual either; PROUD VIRGIN.

 

[ShellingFord]

I'm close-ish with my sister and a friend I pretty much regard as a second sibling. We talk sometimes, but it usually ends with (in my sister's case) her getting frustrated with my lack of emotional involvement or (in my friend's case) we don't really know how to talk to each other outside of a few jokes and things bothering us at the time. It doesn't help that I ignored this friend's existence for two years in high school because I just generally didn't want to deal with people at the time. Some times I can really get down on myself about this and I wish I could be a good friend to others. Other times I just remind myself that I don't really want or need friends since all I do in my free time is read or do other solitary activities. However, I know it's not necessarily true.

 

[reindeergirl]

I always thought of friends as someone you went out with often and talked to. I don't get much of that because all my 'friends' are married, have kids to look after work all day etc. Sometimes I feel like my 'friends' are my 'friends' cause they pity me? I'm never had any self love there's a few people I really like and I get a long with but I don't get t see them often cause they have lives of sort, and I have no real life as such, while my work mates at the places I volunteer can talk about things about their house, their partners, their husbands, wife's, social life and I cant join in with that. I feel like I have nothing like that. I think over all there's people I work with and people I know and a few people I like and care for more than others but none what I'd call friends.

 

[Val2]

I don't have many friends. I have two friends from childhood and one newer friend. Otherwise, my family is my means of socializing. It's quite sad sounding but I'm content. I'm very picky when choosing friends.

 

[nowwhat]

Not the sort that rely on (consist of?) social ritual. I am fortunate enough and thankful to have a few real friends. Amazing how much I work to push people away all the time. Then I have a few people I associate with due to common interests. The ones that share my obsession (maybe merely their INTEREST), are fun, but most are not really friends. My oldest friend, whom I've known since 1982, lives nearby and we get together quite a bit. Another moved to Japan a coupld of years ago. I was bummed. We correspond about our common interests, and when he's back in town every year, we get together. Mostly I try to do the necessary interaction with people that their daily needs and mine mandate, and leave it at that.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I?ve been reading the posts here and compared them to those I submitted earlier. It seems like most of us have very similar stories when it comes to friends. One thing came to me this morning that I?ll throw out as a theory, opinion, or whatever. Aspies have fewer friends than NT?s, but that?s because the Aspie?s friends are closer, ?more real.? NT?s have a multitude of friends, most of which could be classified as ?mere acquaintances? or shallow. Those types of friends may come into our lives, but do not stay long. Does anyone agree or disagree with my hypothesis?

Um...I think NTs have more shallow friends, yes, but I think they also have some real, close friends. They just have more people in their lives. Some of those people in their lives are aquaintance/shallow, but some others are close to them.

However, we probably appreciate our close friends more than they appreciate their close friends. A person who is starving who is given a good meal will appreciate that meal more than someone eating an equal meal who knows they can go out to a restaurant or grocery store and get another meal anytime they want.

 

[lyricalillusions]

I only have online friends. None irl. There is one I have known/was friends with from first grade on but we're not really friends now.

 

[SUM1]

I have only one very good friend at my school, and I have about 3 or 4 from my old school, but I'm normally only in contact with 1, the best friend one out of them.

 

[King_Oni]

Slowly the friendship I have with an (aspie) friend is eroding away. And that's pretty much the only person I have regular contact with, besides my girlfriend.

It doesn't surprise me as such though, since this is usually how it always goes whenever a certain situation arises. It's just reaching it's limit recently.

Everytime my friend has a girlfriend he's out of the loop for days (staying at hers, or her staying at his), though now it's turning into weeks, almost months where he's at her place at a time. And while I don't want him to have a bad relationship, there's something to be said about not spending a certain amount of time with friends, especially if you have a small social group.

And clearly this friend isn't one to be single for long either. In the time we've been hanging out (the past 3 to 4 years; knew him before, just didn't hang out a lot), he's been single about a month a most in between relationships, and has been through 5 or 6 relationships already. So clearly he's not taking it slow either, heh. Looking at his dating past, he'll go great lengths to be involved with someone, up to 100+ miles of travelling. Which might justify him staying at his girlfriends place for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. It just feels he gets home sometimes to collect mail and... while he's home anyway, see if I"m around in the evening wander around a bit, sit in the park and chat up with what's going on recently.

Granted, he has some reasons to not be home, since he can't be home for 2 days without having a big argument with his mom about whatever, which pretty much prompts him to leave home again. Clearly it doesn't help that his girlfriend lives 30 miles up north and he'll rather hang out there.

So all in all, it's not that I can blame him for his behaviour, but it does chip away an established friendship one might have with someone.

And he's also considering living together with her somewhere around where she lives, so I guess this friendship at some point is close to done. Especially considering that even on the times when he was at home, I actually have to contact him to ask if he wants to hang out.

Maybe I should ask him if he's aware of this, since... aspies and social convention, heh. Reminds me of being at his place and his mom has to ask me if I want a drink, since even that's something that escapes him sometimes.

 

[oscar2012]

i no plenty of people but i have myself

 

[Cuppa' Tea]

I have four friends. Two of those are like sisters to me. The other two are quite close though. Then I have a few acquaintances and people I used to consider friends but not so much anymore. And I have one cousin that I consider like a friend, but she is family so I put her into another category.

 

[Sev]

I have a "few" friends, but I'm always skeptical/paranoid about their true intentions. I struggle "trusting" people with anything, I suppose this contributes to my limited number of friends. I think people are nicer online then they are in real life...

 

[nowwhat]

I have a "few" friends, but I'm always skeptical/paranoid about their true intentions. I struggle "trusting" people with anything, I suppose this contributes to my limited number of friends. I think people are nicer online then they are in real life...

Wow. I'm really paranoid, too. I'm always waiting for people to turn mean, or perceiving, well, FEELING, more, menace and ill will where (part of me knows) none exists. Really ****s you up in life, dunnit? I Guess my real friends are those to whom I attribute no ill will (very few). Very tired of always feeling this way. Not able to read social nuance, and never know where I stand with people. I hate it. I mostly just avoid people, or act really crude, awful and crass to keep them at a distance. I think really believing people to be mostly cruel and base has made me pretty mean at times. I can be a real son of a *****. People screw with me less than they used to, as a result, but damn am I alone.

 

[Sev]

Wow. I'm really paranoid, too. I'm always waiting for people to turn mean, or perceiving, well, FEELING, more, menace and ill will where (part of me knows) none exists. Really ****s you up in life, dunnit? I Guess my real friends are those to whom I attribute no ill will (very few). Very tired of always feeling this way. Not able to read social nuance, and never know where I stand with people. I hate it. I mostly just avoid people, or act really crude, awful and crass to keep them at a distance. I think really believing people to be mostly cruel and base has made me pretty mean at times. I can be a real son of a *****. People screw with me less than they used to, as a result, but damn am I alone.

Wow, you pretty much described my life.

 

[Aalo]

I recently abolished yet another close friend. I hadn't felt him that close for a long time thou, but it might be because of he couldn't relate to my issues dealing with me mourning loss of my mother (which I should have completely gone over in few moths) and my inability to deal him being an ass after he lost a job. At the time we met I was impressed of his wit, but lately it all turned to be mindless joking the way I don't find funny. Pointing out a peculiar fact or altering some little detail, a word maybe, can be funny but distorting the truth and making sh!t up as in lying, is not.

Example: I told that pharmacist had persuaded me on buying a totally new brand of eye drops for myself, and that I didn't like about how big drops it blasted to my eyes because now all my face was getting wet while using it.
Comments I got: "Maybe drops are normal, but your eyes just have been getting smaller" ...ok. And: "Maybe it's broken."
Wouldn't I ffs notice if it was broken, and take it pack to the drug store for a replacement instead of ranting over it on the internet.

Sure it's not harmful joking, I'm just not interested in wasting my energies on something like that without positive feedback too. I thought parting with good will would be in place, but as he heard about my intentions things got interesting. I've never heard "others can be worse and foul or hurt deliberately" to be a valid reason to continue spending time with someone. That poor fellow had just used maybe best reasoning I've heard so far in my life, and even personally, not from happening to someone else. And that was from a friend, not from romance that'd gone bitter.
And I'm not really blaming him, his jokes would have been perfectly ok for just so many other. I'm just incompatible. Wish thee a merry life. I feel good about this turn of events. I don't need people to argue with, and I rather feel good in my solitude that feel bad and desperate around others. The is a certain difference in there.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I am the same and I discovered I'm far better off getting stuck into whatever interests I have and not dwelling on the social interaction that has never been normal for me. I have a pet German Shepherd I'm very closely bonded to and I guess nobody else really comes that close since I always find human friends tend to be unreliable (desert you in times of need).

Faithful human friends are real, just rare.

 

[Yoshi08]

i have a few retired people i see at my morning coffee group each morning but thats about it as far as friends go for me. i have online friends through a journal site i have, and i recently deleted my facebook account since no one talked to me on there except for two people so i didnt find it worth it to keep it. so i deleted it.
but yeah i dont have friends. im always doing stuff alone, or i sit in my room for the most part since i dont have anyone to go out and do stuff with.
im 29 and i have no friends. it sucks. i guess my coffee friends are my friends but they are all twice my age or older so yeah.

 

[nowwhat]

I have people who genuinely accept and want to interact with me, but feel guilty because at times, everyone just irritates the crap out of me, and even being around those who are true friends makes me want to break someone's nose. I should accept them on the basis of their intentions, but dodge them instead, until I'm in a state more conducive to my appreciating them. Lately, this avoidant mode is about 98% of the time.

 

[Yoshi08]

I made a friend at a meetup and she said to email her and left me her number but I never heard back from her.. I dont know what to think about that.