Do you think it's harder as an aspie male?

[xrobertxdavisx]

Things is there aint much i enjoy. I go to gigs alot but there mostly guys there and like no girls and if there is girls they are there with their bf's.

I go out into a club every friday night hoping i will see some girl by herself who i can try to talk to but people are always in groups and such. Or I get too shy and scared. And no girls ever come up and talk to me which i wish they would cus sometimes i see a girl look at me and i feel she looking at me liek she likes me but i dont know if i am reading the signs correct or not and get scared and cant talk to her and she probs thinks cus i dotn go talk to her that im not interested in her.

and just i dont have other hobbys other than being on the computer or video gaming.

the only way i will ever get a gf is probs if i meet someone online liek my previous "girlfriends" but no one ever replys and if they do its to say sorry your too young for me. and just i message people nearly every day ive nearly messaged everyone in my area i think that use dating sites in the age group i am looking for.

I give up. but giving up means different to me. Giving up doesnt mean i will stop looking cause its the only thing in life that means something to me. Love is the most important thing to me.

giving up just means i give up hope on finding someone. I still just keep trying to find someone and stuff. I just i hate being alone it hurts so much. ive always hated being alone and lonely.

I just cant imagine not wanting to be in a relationship so trying to stop looking would be nearly impossible as its all thats always on my mind.

 

[Krazie243]

I'll throw my input in simply:

We guys have it harder due to the social gender expectations. I would have to work out and dress stupid to get noticed, but a girl just needs to release a little skin. So just the attraction phase is trickier. But then in a relationship the woman 'owns the vagina' so she's in control. It's hard to even ask for physical contact. But if a girl wants it, she gets it. Very few guys will deprive a girl of whatever physical fantasy she wants.

 

[richbebo]

My advice to all you people, **** online dating, just DRINK and get smashed, gives you way more confidence, u may still ome across as weired but who gives a crap your drunk. Girls arent gna see you as a social outcast if you get pissed(as long as you dont make it look like you have a problem) they will think you have fun, i believe the key to fitting in is basically not giving a **** what people think. If you dont care people respond to your not caring atitude and notice you dont appear to have issues with wanting to fit in but cant, this is what i have learned and it works. This is coming from a guy who with his mate dressed up in blazers and glasses and folders then walked around the village saying "good day" to everyone in a typical english accent, and tbh i'm pretty sure people thought we were complete retards but most importanty we didnt give a **** and i would do it again. We then got smashed and ran down the road pretending to be super mario lol. I would tell any girl this, she would respect the fact that i obviously dont care what people think and it makes good convo(who would she rather talk to, the guy who acts like an idiot, or the guy that sits on his xbox all day)
So for all that is HOLY drink, drink, DRINK..... and just for the record, anyone who's tasted jesuses "blood" at church, he definetly doesn't have trouble with woman LOL

GRANTED this aproach may not be advisable for older aspies, but who knows.

This also makes a good argument for the "harder being boy or girl", guys can act like complete idiots and get away with it, i dont think girls could pull that off.

 

[Sean2222]

Definitely harder as the aspie male because of the difficulty in approaching, initiating conversations, etc. But you can make it work for you if you just focus on the girl more and less about yourself. Just remember the girls are nervous just as you are. You simply have to bring them emotional comfort and show them you sincerely care about getting to know them for the right reasons. And that you care about them and see them as intelligent, beautiful, and amazing. That you can fall in love with them for their minds just as much as their bodies.

-sean-

 

[hardcore]

I disagree with all the people who say that men are shallow if they are attracted to nice looking girls. Its basically a purely evolutionary thing. It doesnt make us shallow. Its a similar thing with most women who from an evolutionary perspective want safety and security. Its all down to the standard male instinct that is embedded in our DNA to have as many young as possible so to speak and nicer looking women apparently give birth to healthier babies.
But i do agree with those who say that girls do get it easier than guys especially from a social perspective and to be honest about 75% of all the girls ive met in my life have treated me badly just for who i am and for no reason at all. Almost everything women do when compared to men is done by their emotions and of course emotions are the best tool fundementally to connect with other people. But this is just my opinion.

 

[hardcore]

Ive tried that kind of stuff. I have tried to believe but i gave up after a year after trying to believe and ask. Hense why I also started to believe im cursed. In the time where I was believeing I had been stood up over 20 times and been led on and they stop texting the day of the meeting up about 30 times.

Mate I feel for you I really do but I think you need to accpet that maybe youll never find anyone.Im 21 and have never been in any kind of relationship nor ever been intimate with a woman so to speak and this isnt through personal choice. its all a case of most women ive met not wanting to make the effort in getting to know me for who i am even though I myself know am worth it.
Youve done far better than i have and probably ever will. But some of us like me and well maybe you just arent meant to be with any woman simply because they find it far easier to judge us instead of getting to know us.Im saying this purely out of past and somewhat present experiences. There is one good thing out of all this though and that is...
IT GETS EASIER AND IF YOU LET IT YOU WILL STILL GET USED TO IT.

Im not saying its good or right but its really the only choice if you want to be happy and move on with your life.

 

[142857]

Im 21 and have never been in any kind of relationship nor ever been intimate with a woman so to speak and this isnt through personal choice.

And yet people always assume that people like us choose to be alone.

To be honest if my social skills and self confidence had been better when I was in my twenties I probably wouldn't have had much trouble getting a girlfriend - how I would have gone at maintaining a relationship would have been a different story though. It sucks when you can't even tell if a girl likes you.

Anyway, 21 is very young. You have lots of time. What was good for me was spending time around people, observing and learning. Once you can learn to relax and make small talk with a girl you are well on your way. I got my first girlfriend when I was 36, and she was really cool and smart and attractive and more than a little crazy. My 2nd girlfriend was when I was 38 - I married her and now I have 2 gorgeous children. I know that it is easy to think that your life is over at 21... or 30... or whatever. But the best stuff may well be ahead of you.