Does he like me?

[Primrose]

I'm interested in any thoughts on this situation. I recently became single after a long relationship and I'm very unsure about dating.

I was visiting my friend's apartment and we had a barbecue in the garden. A man who lives in the building came out to us and spent an hour talking to us, mostly to me. Afterwards my friend told me the man is not talkative and only ever says hello. She thought he stayed to talk because he liked me. She said he looked at me the entire time and looked like he was attracted. I don't know. A few weeks later I was visiting again and we were getting in the car to go out and the man was walking past and looked at me and asked my friend if we were going somewhere. Again she said this was unusual for him to ask questions and thought he seemed interested in me.

I felt attracted to the man when I was talking to him, but I don't know if there's anything further I can do or is it best to forget him? I might not even see him again but at 37 I don't often meet men who are so interested in talking to me!

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Sounds like,...at the very least,...he may be an introverted personality,...even a chance of being on-the-spectrum. So, in today's world, given all the crap that guys go through with 99.9% women rejecting them (sometimes rudely),...you might want to initiate a casual lunch date,...or another time when he can come over to your friends house so that you can talk.

 

[Primrose]

Sounds like,...at the very least,...he may be an introverted personality,...even a chance of being on-the-spectrum. So, in today's world, given all the crap that guys go through with 99.9% women rejecting them (sometimes rudely),...you might want to initiate a casual lunch date,...or another time when he can come over to your friends house so that you can talk.

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, I guess I haven't much to lose by inviting him out. Even if he says no I will get over it. At least I'll know I tried!

 

[ForestGumpett]

I’m too shy and old fashioned so glad your younger and able to be bold like that!

I will say if you let him do all the work in wooing then I’ve seen it work out better for the woman in most cases. You also don’t want to look desperate at 37. I say this in kindness, as myself a woman that really screwed up and got married to the wrong man when I was 35 because...I was 35 and felt like something was wrong with me. Fast forward 20 years and I’m married to a prince for 5 years (yesterday was anny) that cooks for me and treats me like a lady - He is absolutely perfect for me and I’m so glad I never jumped into anything.

What I’m saying, don’t rush it. Lots of people get married after 37 try to allow it to happen somewhat naturally? Maybe I’m old fashioned, but yes I do think he likes you and in no time he will ask you out!

 

[Primrose]

I’m too shy and old fashioned so glad your younger and able to be bold like that!

I will say if you let him do all the work in wooing then I’ve seen it work out better for the woman in most cases. You also don’t want to look desperate at 37. I say this in kindness, as myself a woman that really screwed up and got married to the wrong man when I was 35 because...I was 35 and felt like something was wrong with me. Fast forward 20 years and I’m married to a prince for 5 years (yesterday was anny) that cooks for me and treats me like a lady - He is absolutely perfect for me and I’m so glad I never jumped into anything.

What I’m saying, don’t rush it. Lots of people get married after 37 try to allow it to happen somewhat naturally? Maybe I’m old fashioned, but yes I do think he likes you and in no time he will ask you out!

I'm glad things worked out well for you and you found a good man. Happy anniversary!

Maybe I will wait and see what happens if I meet him again. I don't want to seem desperate!

 

[Varzar]

I think both @Neonatal RRT and @ForestGumpett make valid points.
I think you could either wait for him or ask yourself.

If you don't want it to be like asking him on a "date", just invite him when you're going out with friends for dinner or something.

@ForestGumpett Happy Anniversary!

@Yeshuasdaughter What is so good about the knees of bees anyhow? They look just like the knees of most insects don't you think?

 

[1ForAll]

It's possible he might be interested. During your talk with him what things did you like about him, in how he presented himself, in what he said or did, or how he said or did it it, besides the fact he gave you that one-to-one attention? Of course, so little is often known whether two are a fit based on one talk, so if it was a positive experience for you, of course you can have some chance meeting again after meeting your friend again, or you or your friend initiate some inquiry from him if he "would like to talk further as we both like chatting to others," etc., to learn more without you committing to any official date yet. Most guys, much less shyer guys if this is the case with him, are often very fine with initiation from women too. These days that is a bit more common anyway, and it was this way for me fifteen to twenty years ago even. It's how I met my wife, and the others I dated before her too. In that regard, I like to be more modern thinking.

 

[Primrose]

It's possible he might be interested. During your talk with him what things did you like about him, in how he presented himself, in what he said or did, or how he said or did it it, besides the fact he gave you that one-to-one attention? Of course, so little is often known whether two are a fit based on one talk, so if it was a positive experience for you, of course you can have some chance meeting again after meeting your friend again, or you or your friend initiate some inquiry from him if he "would like to talk further as we both like chatting to others," etc., to learn more without you committing to any official date yet. Most guys, much less shyer guys if this is the case with him, are often very fine with initiation from women too. These days that is a bit more common anyway, and it was this way for me fifteen to twenty years ago even. It's how I met my wife, and the others I dated before her too. In that regard, I like to be more modern thinking.

Yes, it's impossible to know in such a short time if we are compatable. It felt nice talking to him, it felt easy and natural. He was a good listener. And yes, the attention was nice.

 

[Aspychata]

Next time you see him, ask if a coffee grab is okay? It's not too datey, or the other option is a walk or a museum? More datey though.

Even just walking around the block, tell him you need to walk a leg cramp out, does he want to go with you. Then say hey, this was fun, do you want to swap numbers? Nonchalantly of course, but batting your eyes, and dangling your bees knees is all acceptable.

Thirty Seven is not desperate. Didn't marry until late thirties. There are people who meet in their seventies.☺

 

[Varzar]

Yes, it's impossible to know in such a short time if we are compatable. It felt nice talking to him, it felt easy and natural. He was a good listener. And yes, the attention was nice.

To paraphrase some advice I heard recently...
When you're getting to know someone that could be a romantic interest, all you need to consider is if you'd like to spend time with them again, once. No need to think about compatibility, or if he's the "one" or anything big like that. Just decide if you want to see him once more, anything more is overthinking it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Sounds like he is shy and inexperienced. His initiating conversation may be a bold move for him. His actions are those of somebody smitten by you. You may need to be the one guiding the relationship. This is a good article here Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women | www.succeedsocially.com This created a lot of anxiety for me reading it because it was describing me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, I guess I haven't much to lose by inviting him out. Even if he says no I will get over it. At least I'll know I tried!

BTW Congratulations on noticing somebody who is interested in you. That is something which I was bad at with my social deficits. So, with the consensus here of him being interested in you, I think that you are being given a gift of connection.

 

[Aspychata]

I am too very shy. I present myself as all that but l just do my best to be me. But l have a hall of boyfriends that surprise me. Thinking wait- did l really date that guy? And he wanted serious with me? Police captain of lol, omg. Life is so interesting. He wanted a child with me.

 

[Fino]

I would just ask directly, and it always worked out, but that was man on man, so who knows if it'd work for your sandwich.

 

[Primrose]

Sounds like he is shy and inexperienced. His initiating conversation may be a bold move for him. His actions are those of somebody smitten by you. You may need to be the one guiding the relationship. This is a good article here Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women | www.succeedsocially.com This created a lot of anxiety for me reading it because it was describing me.

Thanks for the link. The strange thing is he seemed totally confident when talking - his body language and eye contact. But from my friends description of him he does keep to himself so maybe he is very shy.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

~

Thanks for the link. The strange thing is he seemed totally confident when talking - his body language and eye contact. But from my friends description of him he does keep to himself so maybe he is very shy.

When I finally worked on myself to the point where I was finally able to seek a relationship for the first time at 27, I studied about body language a bit so that I would at least go through the presentation of being open and confident. That did not make it any easier for me to ask the person out even after making a nice connection through conversation. My mind was always ready to interpret most anything as rejection and so was reticent about asking to date and spend more time together.

I was fortunate to meet a woman who was accepting of me, and the difference in my mood/behavior was noticeable by my co-workers immediately. I hope that you will find happiness.

 

[Suzette]

Dating implies a willingness to develop emotional intamacy. Even if one is confident in non-emotionaly connected relatiinships, one can certainly be shy about intimate self disclosure.

 

[Primrose]

~

When I finally worked on myself to the point where I was finally able to seek a relationship for the first time at 27, I studied about body language a bit so that I would at least go through the presentation of being open and confident. That did not make it any easier for me to ask the person out even after making a nice connection through conversation. My mind was always ready to interpret most anything as rejection and so was reticent about asking to date and spend more time together.

I was fortunate to meet a woman who was accepting of me, and the difference in my mood/behavior was noticeable by my co-workers immediately. I hope that you will find happiness.

Yes, that is a very good point. Perhaps he is not as confident as his body language indicates.

I'm glad you met a woman who is accepting of you. It's inspiring! Thank you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Dating implies a willingness to develop emotional intamacy. Even if one is confident in non-emotionaly connected relatiinships, one can certainly be shy about intimate self disclosure.

Exactly! While I only had two relationships progressing towards intimacy, my brain was fighting me all the way. That final step of opening myself for intimate self disclosure, baring my desires to her was terrifying and my mind wanted to protect me from rejection. That is why I have told @Primrose to go for it but be aware that she may need to lead in some of the relationship (And I hope things go well for her!).

Fortunately I didn't listen to my brain. And I found that being inexperienced was no handicap as later she told me that it was nice that I was the only man so far who put her pleasure foremost. That surprised me, because isn't the objective of opening yourself to another is to be able to experience that person's pleasure? Sometimes obsessive focus has its rewards, I guess.

 

[Suzette]

Fortunately I didn't listen to my brain. And I found that being inexperienced was no handicap as later she told me that it was nice that I was the only man so far who put her pleasure foremost. That surprised me, because isn't the objective of opening yourself to another is to be able to experience that person's pleasure? Sometimes obsessive focus has its rewards, I guess.

And some people say we lack empathy! Plththth!!!