Does he like me?

[Primrose]

Update.

I went to visit my friend. On the way I met her neighbour again. He was outside smoking. I smiled at him and said hi. He looked at me coldly and didn't say anything. Then turned his back to me and looked in opposite direction. I stood there and was disappointed. Friend reassured me later I didn't do anything wrong.

I feel a bit foolish at the moment but I do appreciate all your replies.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Do not ever feel ashamed for reaching out. Of anything, and from the distance of time, I am ashamed for NOT reaching out and perhaps missing the opportunity of meeting a nice and interesting woman. Such 20/20 hindsight.

Stay strong.

 

[Primrose]

Do not ever feel ashamed for reaching out. Of anything, and from the distance of time, I am ashamed for NOT reaching out and perhaps missing the opportunity of meeting a nice and interesting woman. Such 20/20 hindsight.

Stay strong.

Wise words. Yes, I tried. I don't regret it.

 

[Varzar]

I smiled at him and said hi. He looked at me coldly and didn't say anything. Then turned his back to me and looked in opposite direction. I stood there and was disappointed. Friend reassured me later I didn't do anything wrong.

I feel a bit foolish at the moment but I do appreciate all your replies.

That's a pretty strange reaction he gave after having a decent conversation with you. It seems like he likely has some issues you probably didn't want to have to deal with anyways.

I have a neighbour that for a time I got along with. We had met at a xmas party. I talked to him at length on various topics and we generally seemed to get along. Fast forward a couple years and they are now in a dispute with another neighbour. When he sees me the next time with said other neighbour, he comes at me with, "And you! I don't know what I think of you, I think you're kind of an -------".
To me it was just so out of left field since every interaction we'd had prior to that had been positive.
People have issues sometimes, and they just take it out on those around them whether or not it makes any sense.

Anyways, your friend is right, you certainly didn't do anything wrong. Certainly no need to feel foolish.
Was very courageous of you imo to reach out to him that way.

 

[Shaddock]

lol I wrote once a thread with the title "does she like me?" funny : P

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

To paraphrase some advice I heard recently...
When you're getting to know someone that could be a romantic interest, all you need to consider is if you'd like to spend time with them again, once. No need to think about compatibility, or if he's the "one" or anything big like that. Just decide if you want to see him once more, anything more is overthinki@@ng it.

@Markness, are you reading this?

 

[Markness]

@Markness, are you reading this?

Yes, and life never goes the way I want it to go. Even when I’ve told someone I enjoy talking to them and they agree, they won’t stay in contact with me.

 

[tree]

What does "won't stay in contact with me" mean?

 

[Shaddock]

To paraphrase some advice I heard recently...
When you're getting to know someone that could be a romantic interest, all you need to consider is if you'd like to spend time with them again, once. No need to think about compatibility, or if he's the "one" or anything big like that. Just decide if you want to see him once more, anything more is overthinking it.

that´s a really good tip. I should consider and implement this too.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes, and life never goes the way I want it to go. Even when I’ve told someone I enjoy talking to them and they agree, they won’t stay in contact with me.

And, how have you followed up? After i first contacted my future spouse, and heard from her that she appreciated our first conversation I followed up and we were conversing at least twice a week leading up to the trip, then afterwards made plans to visit her in Chicago. I enjoyed being with her and made it known. Only much later did she tell me that the men she felt used by were those who never bothered to follow up with her. She liked it that I was actively pursuing her.

Do you expect the woman to carry the weight of the relationship? That is not endearing and marks you as being passive.

 

[Markness]

What does "won't stay in contact with me" mean?

I’ll try to keep contact with them but they won’t reply to me.

 

[Markness]

And, how have you followed up? After i first contacted my future spouse, and heard from her that she appreciated our first conversation I followed up and we were conversing at least twice a week leading up to the trip, then afterwards made plans to visit her in Chicago. I enjoyed being with her and made it known. Only much later did she tell me that the men she felt used by were those who never bothered to follow up with her. She liked it that I was actively pursuing her.

Do you expect the woman to carry the weight of the relationship? That is not endearing and marks you as being passive.

Please don’t make assumptions about me. I would take the initiative in contacting. For some reason, the conversations would eventually fizzle out.

 

[tree]

I would take the initiative in contacting. For some reason, the conversations would eventually fizzle out.

How do they respond at first?
With interest?
Or mere politeness?

By fizzle out, you mean the back and forth exchanges lose impetus.
No further movement.

Why do you suppose that was?

How do you go about trying to advance the course of conversation?

 

[Markness]

How do they respond at first?
With interest?
Or mere politeness?

By fizzle out, you mean the back and forth exchanges lose impetus.
No further movement.

Why do you suppose that was?

How do you go about trying to advance the course of conversation?

They’ll look interested.

I don’t really know why.

I try to say interesting things.

 

[Markness]

I'm just wondering, what do you talk about in those situations? I don't mean exactly word for word, just what kind of things are you likely to talk about? If you look back at those situations, what did you talk about?

The subjects can be highly variable. There used to be times I would essentially go “Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk…” in the sense that I would just say whatever as if throwing something at the wall to see if it would stick.

 

[tree]

They’ll look interested.

I don’t really know why.

I try to say interesting things.

You are describing talking to a person face to face ("They'll look interested.)

Maybe you get as far as exchanging phone numbers?

But future plans fail to develop after texting or talking on the phone?
Or what?

 

[Fino]

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is an excellent book and may be of some help if you're willing to read it.

 

[Markness]

You are describing talking to a person face to face ("They'll look interested.)

Maybe you get as far as exchanging phone numbers?

But future plans fail to develop after texting or talking on the phone?
Or what?

Either I meet them in person or online. Future plans will be talked about first but then never materialize, usually due to foot dragging.

 

[Markness]

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is an excellent book and may be of some help if you're willing to read it.

There is no point because I am already hated by the autism community.

 

[tree]

There is no point because I am already hated by the autism community.

*welp, no hope, is there?

Nothing can change.

It is what it is.*

Your statement from Post #40 is a clear indicator of how
much effort you are willing to put forth.

At the moment.

Maybe, gradually, over time, eventually, with the help of
others, you may be open to useful suggestions.