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Does he like me?

tree said:
@logos

Have you read it ?

True, it is a very old book.

The basic principles can be useful to those
who are capable of applying them.

Displaying sincere interest in what another person is saying, for instance.
Click to expand...
If the interest is sincere does a person really need to do any effort to display it? People can tell when you put on some fake sociability mask and shoehorn socially appealing interactions into your conversations with them.
 
Nobody's suggesting being fake.

The book presents simple principles that
people may over look.

When was the last time you, @logos read this book?
 
tree said:
Nobody's suggesting being fake.

The book presents simple principles that
people may over look.

When was the last time you, @logos read this book?
Click to expand...
A quick look trough a summery of the principles lined out in this book should be enough to see why it is obviously completely impractical, nonsense or counterproductive. I think following every principle would turn you into some walk over doormat that endlessly tries to appeal to others ego, if it doesn't outright fail because someone can see right trough what you are trying to do.

Six Ways to Make People Like You​

Likewise, there are six fundamental principles for getting people to like you. Master these principles, and you’ll never struggle to make friends.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people. Want to know one easy trick for making more friends? Simply become genuinely interested in other people instead of trying to get them to be interested in you. Be willing to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness. Greet people with animation and enthusiasm.

2. Smile. Your smile is a messenger of goodwill. It brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone stressed or experiencing hardship, your smile is like a ray of sunshine breaking through a cloudy day. And the best part? It costs nothing for you but creates so much more for others.

3. A person’s name is the most important sound to them. Most people are only interested in hearing one name above all others: their own. To call someone by their name is to pay them a subtle compliment, to show them that you care. To remember a person’s name is to share with them the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4. Be a good listener. There’s nothing more flattering than giving someone your undivided attention while they are speaking to you. People will enjoy talking to you if you’re willing to listen intently and encourage them to talk about themselves.

If you want to be a good conversationalist, learn to be an attentive listener. To be seen as interesting requires you first to be interested. Ask questions and encourage others to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. And remember, the people you’re talking to are way more interested in themselves and their problems than they are with yours.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Talking about whatever the other person is interested in will benefit both of you. Not only will you learn a lot more about the other person, but they will actively seek you out for how interesting you are.

6. Make the other person feel important. If there’s one law that you should always follow, it’s this: always make the other person feel important. No matter their current standing in life, everyone desires to feel important, so honor their desire and do so genuinely.
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This makes me puke.
 
logos said:
A quick look trough a summery of the principles lined out in this book should be enough to see why it is obviously completely impractical, nonsense or counterproductive. I think following every principle would turn you into some walk over doormat that endlessly tries to appeal to others ego, if it doesn't outright fail because someone can see right trough what you are trying to do.


This makes me puke.
Click to expand...
OK.

Since these principles are repugnant to you,
and it seems you would surely not find it useful
to employ them, what behaviors do you
recommend?

What can you say has lead to friendships you have
formed and maintained?

What is your best advice regarding human interactions?
 
tree said:
So, you're saying you have not actually read the book?
Click to expand...
I have read the summary of principles in this book before and seen references to it, that's enough of a give away that its not worthwhile and full of baloney. Much like i don't buy products from tele-shopping commercials or pay for get rich quick tutorials before i can determine that its not worth my time and money.
 
tree said:
OK.

Since these principles are repugnant to you,
and it seems you would surely not find it useful
to employ them, what behaviors do you
recommend?

What can you say has lead to friendships you have
formed and maintained?

What is your best advice regarding human interactions?
Click to expand...
I don't need to know what does work before i am able to say what definitely won't
 
tree said:
What can you say has lead to friendships you have
formed and maintained?
Click to expand...
In none of the genuine friendships that I have had did i really have to think about what i was saying or what i would have to do to keep their interest. I just had a lot in common with them and we connected, at no point did i need to help of social principles or whatever. So my advice from my own experience is that if you are trying to be friends with someone and you think you might need to follow a rule book to get trough a conversation with them, it's better to just give up on that person and not waste your time.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Markness said:
I don’t think my mind will be able to retain anything from it.
Click to expand...
@Markness , why do you never answer people's questions from people who are trying to get you to think your way forward. Instead you take the negative view of their comments. It is as if you are avoiding helping yourself. Really, you need to practice CBT or CPT to learn healthier ways of thinking about yourself. No self assured woman wants to date somebody passive in ways you have demonstrated.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
@Markness , why do you never answer people's questions from people who are trying to get you to think your way forward. Instead you take the negative view of their comments. It is as if you are avoiding helping yourself. Really, you need to practice CBT or CPT to learn healthier ways of thinking about yourself. No self assured woman wants to date somebody passive in ways you have demonstrated.
Click to expand...
I answer questions from tree, Thinx, Aspychata, and some others.
 
logos said:
In none of the genuine friendships that I have had did i really have to think about what i was saying or what i would have to do to keep their interest. I just had a lot in common with them and we connected, at no point did i need to help of social principles or whatever. So my advice from my own experience is that if you are trying to be friends with someone and you think you might need to follow a rule book to get trough a conversation with them, it's better to just give up on that person and not waste your time.
Click to expand...

If you are naturally capable of making friends, influencing people, winning allies, making business deals, doing well in interviews, and so on, then obviously you don't need a how-to book. That doesn't make the book bad; it just means you, specifically, don't need it.
 
Markness said:
I make attempts to learn new things and nothing sticks.
Click to expand...

I forgot what your medication situation is like. Maybe you should try a MAOI. It's an older kind of antidepressant that's often used after other antidepressants have failed. I hear good things about Phenelzine.
 
Fino said:
I forgot what your medication situation is like. Maybe you should try a MAOI. It's an older kind of antidepressant that's often used after other antidepressants have failed. I hear good things about Phenelzine.
Click to expand...
I am on Prozac.

I’ve been on so many medications that the list kept in my medical records is very long.
 
Markness said:
I am on Prozac.

I’ve been on so many medications that the list kept in my medical records is very long.
Click to expand...

Sounds like you have treatment-resistant depression, which is exactly what MAOIs are for. Do you feel like the Prozac is helping?
 
Fino said:
Sounds like you have treatment-resistant depression, which is exactly what MAOIs are for. Do you feel like the Prozac is helping?
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I don’t think it’s helping.

I’ve had TMS done on me, particularly because I have treatment-resistant depression, but I still struggle even after that.
 
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