Dying alone.

[oregano]

I am destined to die alone and forgotten, and you know what, I'm fine with that. Most people are forgotten soon after they die, and the only evidence that they existed at all is a small rock with their name carved in it sitting on top of a bunch of bones in some long forgotten cemetery.

The Indigenous Prairie Tribes of North America had a tradition similar to what @Au Naturel describes, they called it "sky burial". In sky burial, a patch of prairie grass would be cut and the body placed in the middle. Then the area would never be visited again as nature reclaimed the body. This is how the explorer James Beckwourth was buried, he had lived among the Crow People for a time and since he had no children the Crow claimed his body and then did a sky burial.

I think everybody should visit an abandoned cemetery and see the worn, barely legible headstones of the dead. In life, those people had families that loved them and communities that respected them and they had possessions and etc. But in death all that remains of them is that rock. The town disappeared long ago, the family-if any distant descendants exist-have forgotten them.

I personally would like to be "buried" in the Sacramento River in a form of sky burial, but it is illegal to do so. My parents wanted me to be cremated like my dad (mom is still alive, but she will be cremated too) and buried alongside them, but I don't want that either. Maybe I can eventually buy a cheap burial plot in the Rogue Valley and be buried there. But I'm not sure if anybody will even notice that I am dead. I may just rot in my cabin forever. And I'm fine with that.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am still angry at God for telling me the bad news about someone dying then my uncle dies. Also, not pleased with him that he praised others in my life group with a better job and an engagement on Thanksgiving, but his punishment for me and this is not even including the fear of masks I have now because of the pandemic but everything else too. Maybe I should leave like I did last time as there is no more physical church, and I am sick of all this Zoom crap. With artificial virtual groups I have no chance of meeting someone. He even took whatever little chance I had of that.

If I am still around give it another 15 years.

 

[Greatshield17]

I am still angry at God for telling me the bad news about someone dying then my uncle dies. Also, not pleased with him that he praised others in my life group with a better job and an engagement on Thanksgiving, but his punishment for me and this is not even including the fear of masks I have now because of the pandemic but everything else too. Maybe I should leave like I did last time as there is no more physical church, and I am sick of all this Zoom crap. With artificial virtual groups I have no chance of meeting someone. He even took whatever little chance I had of that.

If I am still around give it another 15 years.

How do you know that He's punishing you? How do you know that He is not rather trying to tell you something else, like remembering to honour the dead? Just this morning I watched a video on another thread which mentioned a plane crash in which people died, and my almost immediate response was to say a quick prayer their souls. Try praying for the dead, remembering those whom so many others have forgotten; pray every time you pass by a graveyard or hear about someone who has died be it, recently or years ago. I'm not sure if you are open to the belief in Purgatory or not, if you're not you can pray that those who died died in a State of Grace and may enter Eternal life, (I do both) because God lives beyond time and thus can hear our prayer intentions in our time, and answer them to people in the past.

You know, my hope and dream is to die surrounded by my future family, receiving the Sacrament of Extreme Unction, and then be given Holy Viaticum; my family saying the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for the intentions of me receiving a smooth trip to Eternal Life. But while I pray for that, I know I'm not guaranteed that, so I pray also everyday that I have a zeal like that of the Canadian Martyrs because you just never know; for all I know, I could die the very moment after I post this reply. Our Lord said, "seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His justice and all else shall be added unto thee!" this is something I have been trying burn into my head for years since reverting, seek first Eternal Life with God. St. Therese of Lisieux wanted to join the Missions in Vietnam and evangelize the people there, but she never left her convent and she died there. After her death however she appeared to a Vietnamese man named Marcel Nguyễn Tân Văn, and helped him become a Redemptorist brother and practice her spirituality called "The Little Way." Perhaps I too, will not become a father in this life, but become a spiritual father and elder brother (I have been far from the best big brother to my own brother prior to my reversion.) to others after my death, and appear to them and help them. Saint James the Greater, when he died he had three followers with him, it seemed as though his efforts to the bring the Faith to the Iberian Peninsula was in severe want, yet history shows that far from it, the Faith flourished and Spain and Portugal, and beyond; I myself am a spiritual descendant of St. James, being of Basque ancestry on my dad's side of the family. (And judging that your surname is "Ramirez" it may well be the case that you, yourself, are also a spiritual descendant of St. James. )

St. Mark Evangelist preached the Gospel in Egypt, and the Pagans seized him and dragged him though the streets of Alexandria until he died. It seemed like St. Mark was destined to be forgotten, never heard of again, but it's now been around two thousand years and we still know of him. His successors included Saint Athanasius the man who almost single-handedly defended the Dogma of the Trinity, against the Arian Emperors. St. Mark took on Egypt, land that symbolizes spiritual slavery in the Bible, and conquered it; he took Alexandria, a crown jewel of Greek civilization, and made it a part of the Church's Pentarchy.

There was a Greek princess by the name of Philomena who was Christian and made a vow of perpetual virginity. The Roman Emperor Diocletian had desires for her and as you probably know, he was also persecuting the Christians; he tried to get her to marry him. Long story short, she was martyred but during her martyrdom, many people who witnessed it came to believe in Christ and convert to the Faith. However, not long after her martyrdom people quickly forgot it, presumably because they were all martyred by Diocletian. Centuries passed by, with no one knowing of St. Philomena's very existence, until her tomb was finally discovered in the 1800s; upon that discovery miracles immediately started happening cures and the like. St. Philomena herself appeared to several mystics in different parts of Europe and told them her story and thus, it's only by her own intercession in Heaven that we know of her. I'd actually post a video here of St. Philomena's story, but one of the injuries she cures was way to graphic for this forum site so, I won't post it.

You have to ask yourself if saying and agonizing over all of this is going to help you? Is refusing to have a relationship with God, not because you don't believe in His existence, but because you do and don't like what He seems doing really going to help you? Talk to Him, figure what's really happening, surely that's much better than doing what you're doing now.

 

[oregano]

I didn't know that about St. Philomena. There is a parish on the northeast side dedicated to "St. Philomene" [sic] and it has an elementary school attached to it, and I go by there all the time, but I never knew anything about the saint to who it is dedicated. The old northeast was built in the 1940s and 50s right after WW2 and there are several parishes there since many of the original homebuyers were Catholics from immigrant communities in the Great Lakes area who settled in Sacramento after fighting in the Pacific.

 

[Greatshield17]

I didn't know that about St. Philomena. There is a parish on the northeast side dedicated to "St. Philomene" [sic] and it has an elementary school attached to it, and I go by there all the time, but I never knew anything about the saint to who it is dedicated. The old northeast was built in the 1940s and 50s right after WW2 and there are several parishes there since many of the original homebuyers were Catholics from immigrant communities in the Great Lakes area who settled in Sacramento after fighting in the Pacific.

Yeah, St. Philomena is a fascinating Saint. Interesting that those Catholics came from the Great Lakes Region since that was where some of my favourite Saints, the Canadian Martyrs were, well, martyred; albeit those immigrants probably arrived there long after the words and deed of the Martyrs were done.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

When did this post become about Catholic. I am not Catholic so I don't care about any Saints or whatever. I don't believe in Catholic. I grew up Catholic school and teachers one nut even told me God will take away my legs if I don't go to Church. Catholic is the reason why I avoided God.

I'm a Christian and even that is on thin ice because of the pandemic . Just now my friend called me and I missed the call only for a minute going inside to put my tray away I miss it. I am so ticked off. I message her back over an hour ago no response.

All I know if my PITA mother or father call which they do bug me for the most stupid things I won't answer.

Update she got back to me and is going to call me in 20 minutes.

 

[oregano]

Yeah, St. Philomena is a fascinating Saint. Interesting that those Catholics came from the Great Lakes Region since that was where some of my favourite Saints, the Canadian Martyrs were, well, martyred; albeit those immigrants probably arrived there long after the words and deed of the Martyrs were done.

Yes, after the war men who had been called up for service from the Northeast Corridor and Chicago-Detroit areas and sent to the Pacific were shipped back to the Port of San Francisco (I really like St. Francis BTW and consider him a personal patron of mine) and decided to settle here. No snow is a big plus! The old northeast has a number of churches of various denominations since the settlers had been through the Depression and the war in cities that quickly descended into chaos after the 1929 economic collapse, and it made them very religious.

Disclaimer: I am not Catholic myself (baptized Mormon and Lutheran, two different sides of the family each wanted a say) and am more pantheistic.

As for being angry at God, yep that was me, the angry atheist, from age 12 to well into my 20s and even 30s. Took me a very long time to accept its plan for my life. And once I did I found others to be less than understanding.

The lack of a hermit tradition in American Christianity is very disturbing to me. We have few monasteries, and the residents of the remaining ones are old. Few Catholics seek canonical hermit status here. As the Roman Empire descended into debauchery and wickedness, some Christians took to deserts and mountains to live as hermits, away from the decay of the cities, alone with nature and God. It is likely that the bones of many of them are still out there, utterly forgotten even now.

My point is that each of us has a role, but some want to fight it because it's not what society tells us it should be. This plague could be the opportunity for people to reevaluate their lives and become closer to God, but they would rather whine that the old ways have been stolen from them. Although it is not faith based, the allegory Who Moved My Cheese? is good reading on this topic.

People would rather risk needless suffering by gathering in megachurches than read Jesus's dictates in Matthew 5 where he commands his followers to pray alone. They should also consider how he blasted the Pharisees, who eagerly took Roman gold and silver in exchange for leading the Jews astray, as "of your father the Devil" and the "synagogue of Satan" for doing so, and then look at the wealthy preacher who wants to defy doctors in order to pay his mortgages with tax free donations.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I just talked to my friend and she cheered me up.

I know believe that God is testing me seeing if I can get through Covid and the struggles and loneliness because of it. I have believed that this situation won't be forever and if I stick with him and not listen to the enemy he will reward me in ways I never expected.

 

[Jordy]

I have pretty much accepted that being forever alone is my reality now, i feel like loneliness is just part of who i am, i wouldn't be me without it. I have also read a lot of stories from woman have had been married to a man with autism, it often doesn't have a happy ending.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I heard that animals usually go somewhere alone when they're about to die. Guess I'll do the same thing.

 

[Greatshield17]

The lack of a hermit tradition in American Christianity is very disturbing to me. We have few monasteries, and the residents of the remaining ones are old. Few Catholics seek canonical hermit status here. As the Roman Empire descended into debauchery and wickedness, some Christians took to deserts and mountains to live as hermits, away from the decay of the cities, alone with nature and God. It is likely that the bones of many of them are still out there, utterly forgotten even now.

Yes there's actually a heresy in Catholicism in the US called Americanism, a very complex heresy in fact; and one of the things that that heresy did was cause a lack of a hermit tradition in the US, because the Americanist clergy viewed religious life (That is, a celibate life dedicated to prayer and meditation, usually in a monastery) as unproductive, and they believed their flocks should be dedicated to building up American Society. Today among American Catholics there is a bit of a revival to religious life, not full-blown hermit life, (at least I don't know much about that; I've heard of one priest that became a hermit in the US, but that's about it) but religious life nonetheless, although there are controversies and issues that are slowing the revival.

 

[AprilR]

I have the same fear, i understand you.
When i told my psych this however she told me this: do you have any guarantee that your spouse and children will be around when you die?

Your spouse might leave you, i hear a Lot of people getting divorced these days and some of them after years of living together. I even heard of a couple at their 60s wanting to break up which seemed illogical to me precisely because of the reason you mentioned. It seems like people barely tolerate one another after the feelings of youth fades. There is also no guarantee that your children will want to take care of you after you get ill or so.

And even if you end up with someone who really loves you, they might die before you.
You can have the biggest family and still you might happen to be alone when you die.

Although with people in your life that love you, even the thought of them might give you strength. But in the end, death is something everyone will face alone.

 

[oregano]

Yes there's actually a heresy in Catholicism in the US called Americanism, a very complex heresy in fact; and one of the things that that heresy did was cause a lack of a hermit tradition in the US, because the Americanist clergy viewed religious life (That is, a celibate life dedicated to prayer and meditation, usually in a monastery) as unproductive, and they believed their flocks should be dedicated to building up American Society. Today among American Catholics there is a bit of a revival to religious life, not full-blown hermit life, (at least I don't know much about that; I've heard of one priest that became a hermit in the US, but that's about it) but religious life nonetheless, although there are controversies and issues that are slowing the revival.

I recently read a New York Times article about how the demands of covid are spurring an interest in hermitage in the US. There is even a rise in Catholic hermitage apparently, although most American hermits are either Protestant or follow their own sui generis religious beliefs. The exodus from the cities and the new laws forcing isolation are indeed making some reconsider their attachment to materialism. Hopefully their numbers will keep growing. Before the plague I would tell Christians of my intentions to be a hermit and then they would dump their "you need to join our congregation, we love everybody!" garbage on me. The guilty ones usually meant some big flashy megachurch. The American megachurch is more like a big cult that forces itself into every aspect of your life and that you cannot escape. Their approach to roping in converts is close to the infamous "love bombing" done by cults of religious personality. It is tough to swim upstream, but my struggle is beans compared to those who have been tortured and executed for their faith.

 

[Streetwise]

I recently read a New York Times article about how the demands of covid are spurring an interest in hermitage in the US. There is even a rise in Catholic hermitage apparently, although most American hermits are either Protestant or follow their own sui generis religious beliefs. The exodus from the cities and the new laws forcing isolation are indeed making some reconsider their attachment to materialism. Hopefully their numbers will keep growing. Before the plague I would tell Christians of my intentions to be a hermit and then they would dump their "you need to join our congregation, we love everybody!" garbage on me. The guilty ones usually meant some big flashy megachurch. The American megachurch is more like a big cult that forces itself into every aspect of your life and that you cannot escape. Their approach to roping in converts is close to the infamous "love bombing" done by cults of religious personality. It is tough to swim upstream, but my struggle is beans compared to those who have been tortured and executed for their faith.

You are making a sweeping generalisation unless you are omniscient then I must meet you!

 

[Autistic Yoda]

I have pretty much accepted that being forever alone is my reality now, i feel like loneliness is just part of who i am, i wouldn't be me without it. I have also read a lot of stories from woman have had been married to a man with autism, it often doesn't have a happy ending.

My first wife did receive her happy ending, basically everything she desired.... since she was wise enough to leave me for an NT.

 

[Greatshield17]

I recently read a New York Times article about how the demands of covid are spurring an interest in hermitage in the US. There is even a rise in Catholic hermitage apparently, although most American hermits are either Protestant or follow their own sui generis religious beliefs. The exodus from the cities and the new laws forcing isolation are indeed making some reconsider their attachment to materialism. Hopefully their numbers will keep growing. Before the plague I would tell Christians of my intentions to be a hermit and then they would dump their "you need to join our congregation, we love everybody!" garbage on me. The guilty ones usually meant some big flashy megachurch. The American megachurch is more like a big cult that forces itself into every aspect of your life and that you cannot escape. Their approach to roping in converts is close to the infamous "love bombing" done by cults of religious personality. It is tough to swim upstream, but my struggle is beans compared to those who have been tortured and executed for their faith.

Interesting, while I truly believe I am called to married life, I do like the mediation and contemplation of religious life; in fact the no. 1 reason why I know I'm not called to religious life, is because whenever I think about being a religious brother or monk, it just seems too idealized for me. I've actually had doubts several times in the past when it seemed, I couldn't be able to find my future spouse. I would wonder if maybe I wasn't really called to married life after all, but when I imagined myself in religious life or even priestly life (as heavy of a burden as that calling is) it just seemed too romanticized for me, so I know my calling is to keep searching for the one. Of course lay Catholics not only can but are called to set time aside for meditation, and so I still do it and enjoy it despite not being ideal at it. Of all the spiritualities the Church offers I'm pretty sure my favourite is the Carmelite spirituality, it's a very deep and meditative form of spirituality, I've only scratched the surface of it and would like to go deeper, once I've put other things in order here.

 

[hatfullofrain]

Tony
l had a spouse and a child. Both acted like l never existed. So l suggest live your life to your fullest. Even my mother refused to acknowledge me much in this lifetime. But l live my life for me.☺ Sometimes the guy that l really care for seems indifferent, but l still live my life to my fullest everyday without any of them. l truly never would want to hurt anyone but l still live my life in the end free of co-dependency.

Quick question. I have an autistic Dad and I suspect he might say that about me, but the fact is. He never ever visits me unless I ask my Mum to bring him. Even then, he's sometimes too busy with a weekend project to visit. He's never been to this specific house for a visit, just to drop things off.

I've stopped bothering. But I do wonder if he writes on forums that I never visit him.

My aunt suggested we sit together at a family meal because we "don't see much of each other." Yeah, that's not my fault.

 

[hatfullofrain]

I genuinely believe that God looked at my makeup and said, "no, that's not going to make you happy." I cried over wanting to meet someone, like a mad person, like Hannah crying at the temple because she wanted a baby. But he said no.

Here's a weird thing. I know someone in similar circumstances to me when we met. We were both looking at houses in the city. I managed to buy one and she couldn't ever get an offer accepted. She got married and moved away soon after.

We are looked after in different ways. I didn't get what I wanted. I'm gald I have a secure home. I'm glad I don't need to worry about a landlord kicking me out on a whim. But I wanted to be loved.

Anyway, here's a Keanu Reeves quote.

If I die alone, no one will be hurt when I go.

 

[Aspychata]

I genuinely believe that God looked at my makeup and said, "no, that's not going to make you happy." I cried over wanting to meet someone, like a mad person, like Hannah crying at the temple because she wanted a baby. But he said no.

Here's a weird thing. I know someone in similar circumstances to me when we met. We were both looking at houses in the city. I managed to buy one and she couldn't ever get an offer accepted. She got married and moved away soon after.

We are looked after in different ways. I didn't get what I wanted. I'm gald I have a secure home. I'm glad I don't need to worry about a landlord kicking me out on a whim. But I wanted to be loved.

Anyway, here's a Keanu Reeves quote.

If I die alone, no one will be hurt when I go.

Hurt is okay. l would rather hangout with someone who is beautiful to me, inside and out, and bring happiness to their soul. Even if they told me they were leaving in two weeks forever. Life brings people in and out of our lives. Some stay and hangout, some leave right away.

 

[Aspychata]

Quick question. I have an autistic Dad and I suspect he might say that about me, but the fact is. He never ever visits me unless I ask my Mum to bring him. Even then, he's sometimes too busy with a weekend project to visit. He's never been to this specific house for a visit, just to drop things off.

I've stopped bothering. But I do wonder if he writes on forums that I never visit him.

My aunt suggested we sit together at a family meal because we "don't see much of each other." Yeah, that's not my fault.

Someone l know never met his real father. His father just left one day. He started a new family. Later this person tried to go meet him and to show his father how well he had done. The dad wasn't interested in connecting with his two sons. We can't force what isn't going to happen.