Dying alone.

[hatfullofrain]

Greatshield, what if that's not your calling? I genuinely believed that mine was to be married as well. I even wanted to have children when I was younger. I really believed.

The last time someone asked me out I was like, "Wow, this is finally it!"

Dear reader, that was not it. What I got was a mirage.

I will never, ever, ever believe I have some kind of calling ever again. Life doesn't work like that. Doing that just sets you up for a fall.

These people that are married and settled got lucky. They got lucky with their genetics. They're not weird aspies that the average person can't relate to. They're NTs. They're not more favoured. They just happened to be in the right place at the right time and met this person that they fell in love with. I don't thing God moved them around like pawns on a chess board.

OP you are not punished. It's just that being an aspie is a genetic fluke and we find these things more difficult.

I considered and observed on earth the following: The race doesn't go to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor food to the wise, nor wealth to the smart, nor recognition to the skilled. Instead, timing and circumstances meet them all.
Ecc 9:11

I have flat feet. I'm never going to be an olympic runner. That's just the luck of the genetic draw. Same with dating.

 

[Greatshield17]

Greatshield, what if that's not your calling? I genuinely believed that mine was to be married as well. I even wanted to have children when I was younger. I really believed.

The last time someone asked me out I was like, "Wow, this is finally it!"

Dear reader, that was not it. What I got was a mirage.

I will never, ever, ever believe I have some kind of calling ever again. Life doesn't work like that. Doing that just sets you up for a fall.

These people that are married and settled got lucky. They got lucky with their genetics. They're not weird aspies that the average person can't relate to. They're NTs. They're not more favoured. They just happened to be in the right place at the right time and met this person that they fell in love with. I don't thing God moved them around like pawns on a chess board.

All I know is that right now, I've got to keep trying, there's nothing out there right now that says I've got to change course, and aim for something else; right now, the only argument against this being my vocation, is the highly likely possibility of an early death.

I view my life like the Exodus, the journey through the Wilderness to the Promise Land, the Lord is leading me this way and that way through life; I don't know where I'm going, and I don't why I'm being lead in that particular direction, but I know it's for some reason, and there is no reason right now, why I wouldn't be promised a spouse a long the way; there could very well be some odd Aspie girl out there right now, whom the Lord wants me to meet-up with and start a family. So now I'm just going in that direction to see if that is the case.

 

[hatfullofrain]

why I wouldn't be promised a spouse a long the way

Why would you be? Plenty of faithful, good people don't find a spouse.

I think it's good to have a plan B. Just in case. I didn't and I was heartbroken. If I hadn't just expected my life to go that way I don't think I would have taken it so badly.

I'm not saying you should stop looking. By all means keep your eyes open. But don't pin all of your hopes and dreams on it. I'm recovering from a nervous breakdown right now, harrowed with disappointment, but I'm ok and facing the future with a different outlook.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Well Tony, find a girl you like and talk to her. As an aspie that's hard, but you've got testosterone and certainly the drive to want to meet her and start a family. You seem to have your priorities straight. So just start talking to women. You don't have to flirt at first. Just be friendly. Maybe at the mailbox or in the grocery store. Get some digits. During the pandemic, they are just as lonely as you...

 

[Greatshield17]

Why would you be? Plenty of faithful, good people don't find a spouse.

I think it's good to have a plan B. Just in case. I didn't and I was heartbroken. If I hadn't just expected my life to go that way I don't think I would have taken it so badly.

I'm not saying you should stop looking. By all means keep your eyes open. But don't pin all of your hopes and dreams on it. I'm recovering from a nervous breakdown right now, harrowed with disappointment, but I'm ok and facing the future with a different outlook.

Well for me, I believe it's the opposite, I don't put enough effort into starting up relationships, I don't open up enough, because I'm afraid of being disappointment and being awkward and the like; so I go too slow. My last relationship though was different, I met this Filipino woman who lives in the city I want to move to in the future, and we met just before I had this huge spiritual breakthrough back on the 23rd of October; on top all of that I really just liked her personality. I was able to loosen-up more and joke around this woman, but it turned out she only wanted me as friend, we wouldn't go any further. However, despite all that I was able to survive this disappointment and still have my confidence and move on.

It maybe the case that marriage is not my vocation; but right now, the only way for me to go is forward down this current path I'm wandering on.

 

[hatfullofrain]

You're right. The only way to find out for sure that it's for you is to open yourself up to the possibility and see what happens.

 

[David Lavery]

Actually a bit of both. That I will die without a spouse with no kids and no one would be around that's still alive.

I am sorry you have had such a sad life, i have the same problem, loneliness is destroying me, I joined a dating site for chinese brides and i got a lot of interest and some of them wanted to come and meet me but then i realised i cant live with anyone. So i don,t have anymore dating sites. Asperger's is a horrible curse.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's really hard to talk to girls I don't know and the only reason why I made some friends that are girls especially one I talk to on the phone sometimes that one I mentioned is she came up to me because she knew me from the life-groups, note the bold park knew me.

Also the other one that use to talk to know me from life group to. They only say hi to you if they know you from somewhere. Something I experience as an adult. Teenager years were the opposite they sometime talk to me and I would run away.

 

[Greatshield17]

It's really hard to talk to girls I don't know and the only reason why I made some friends that are girls especially one I talk to on the phone sometimes that one I mentioned is she came up to me because she knew me from the life-groups, note the bold park knew me.

Also the other one that use to talk to know me from life group to. They only say hi to you if they know you from somewhere. Something I experience as an adult. Teenager years were the opposite they sometime talk to me and I would run away.

What exactly do you mean by "knew" you? Does that mean that you're not even friends with them?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Look at my sig. What I meant was that I would have never known them (9) if I did not first meet them in life group because I am afraid to approach (10).

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

for me,i don't care if i do,because giant stuffed animals are the closest things i will ever have to a girlfriend (i'm a plushophile).

 

[Tony Ramirez]

for me,i don't care if i do,because giant stuffed animals are the closest things i will ever have to a girlfriend.

Never liked stuff animals. The textures felt not natural. Give me a cat to pet and cuddle instead.