Eating together as a date

[Graphin]

I have no idea about dating, never have done it, not planning to, and dislike the often sexualized nature of it.
But wouldn't cooking together be a more interesting and useful way to date than eating together?

 

[Bolletje]

It could be a great date, could be a terrible one. Depends on what you and your date are like in the kitchen.

I like cooking together, but I am very particular about following recipes and doing things according to my plan. I also cannot abide chaos in the kitchen. I’ve literally had a few heated arguments with my boyfriend because he decided to throw in an ingredient we hadn’t initially discussed, without consulting me.

When cooking with someone I need to be sure that either one of us is clearly in charge, or we decide beforehand to be experimental and add ingredients as we go, but not before agreeing what goes in the pot.

Which leads me back to my original point

 

[Nitro]

It could be a great date, could be a terrible one. Depends on what you and your date are like in the kitchen.

I like cooking together, but I am very particular about following recipes and doing things according to my plan. I also cannot abide chaos in the kitchen. I’ve literally had a few heated arguments with my boyfriend because he decided to throw in an ingredient we hadn’t initially discussed, without consulting me.

When cooking with someone I need to be sure that either one of us is clearly in charge, or we decide beforehand to be experimental and add ingredients as we go, but not before agreeing what goes in the pot.

Which leads me back to my original point

What? Follow a recipe?

How do you think those recipes got started?

You would grow to hate my style in a heartbeat

 

[Panthro]

It is a better date to cook together especially for someone on the spectrum as that presents an activity to participate in and probably cuts down on the need for pragmatics. However, it is probably not good for a first date unless you already know the person fairly well, because if the date is not going well then there is no escape option as the person is in your house.

 

[Mary Anne]

I do not understand. You want to cook together, but not eat together???? One cooks together, and then sits down to eat it together. I don’t imagine anyone that would agree to the first part but not the second part. What’s wrong with eating together? Somebody please enlighten me.

 

[Graphin]

I didn't specify anything on the eating part, yes probably eating too, but not just eating. The worst part for me is to clean up

 

[Bolletje]

What? Follow a recipe?

How do you think those recipes got started?

You would grow to hate my style in a heartbeat

Haha, I am a very experimental cook as well, and I cook by intuition and knowing which things taste good together. However, I can’t trust someone else to go rogue in the kitchen while I am also cooking.

 

[Mary Anne]

It is a better date to cook together especially for someone on the spectrum as that presents an activity to participate in and probably cuts down on the need for pragmatics. However, it is probably not good for a first date unless you already know the person fairly well, because if the date is not going well then there is no escape option as the person is in your house.

I agree 100% A first date with that new person in my home, or I in their home is way too personal, and unsafe. I could share a few stories of what can happen while trapped in that manner, but I do not want to relive those traumatic incidents nor upset anyone here.

I would never cook with anyone unless I had known them a while, felt extremely comfortable with them. Otherwise, no!

 

[Bolletje]

It is a better date to cook together especially for someone on the spectrum as that presents an activity to participate in and probably cuts down on the need for pragmatics. However, it is probably not good for a first date unless you already know the person fairly well, because if the date is not going well then there is no escape option as the person is in your house.

“Accidentally” stab yourself while chopping veggies, then get rushed to the ER and get out of your date!

 

[Panthro]

“Accidentally” stab yourself while chopping veggies, then get rushed to the ER and get out of your date!

For the price that an ER would cost me in medical bills I think I take the cheaper option of eating at a restaurant and pulling the "I have a family emergency" escape routine.

 

[Mary Anne]

I didn't specify anything on the eating part, yes probably eating too, but not just eating. The worst part for me is to clean up

Why not “just eating?” That is a pretty normal thing.

 

[disconnected]

Just eating can be stressful and uncomfortable. It seems before I met my wife the norm was becoming meeting at a coffee shop for coffee.

 

[Mary Anne]

Just eating can be stressful and uncomfortable. It seems before I met my wife the norm was becoming meeting at a coffee shop for coffee.

Although I have read about this autism thing of “eating can be uncomfortable around other people,” I do not understand it. Could someone please explain it to me?

Is it a hand/eye coordination thing? Motor skills off? Chewing with mouth open? What is it?

 

[disconnected]

Although I have read about this autism thing of “eating can be uncomfortable around other people,” I do not understand it. Could someone please explain it to me?

It’s was just a lot of pressure for me. To try and maintain a conversation, not say anything weird etc. it was to much quiet alone time with a new person. It wasn’t the actual eating part, but the entire scenario associated with it.

 

[Bolletje]

For the price that an ER would cost me in medical bills I think I take the cheaper option of eating at a restaurant and pulling the "I have a family emergency" escape routine.

Or stab your date! Saves you an awkward conversation AND medical bills! (Just to be sure, I am 100% joking)

 

[Mary Anne]

It’s was just a lot of pressure for me. To try and maintain a conversation, not say anything weird etc. it was to much quiet alone time with a new person. It wasn’t the actual eating part, but the entire scenario associated with it.

Oh. I have no problem making small talk with people. People say weird stuff all the time though. It’s no biggie. Sometimes it’s best to go out in a social group first, but I hate groups. I think going for coffee, and say, pie, is better then a full meal.

I also love going for walks in nature or museums rather then in busy loud places which most restaurants are these days (I prefer small out of the way Thai or Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese,restaurants). If my date does not like nature walks, museums, or Asian cuisine, than we are not matched for each other. No date. Simple solution!

 

[Mary Terry]

It drives me crazy for someone to butt in while I'm cooking. I let my husband cut everything up for me but don't want him adding ingredients unless I tell him to. When he cooks (rare event), I leave the kitchen because I know I'm going to get stressed out watching him screw stuff up. He does a good job grilling food outside because I tell him cooking times, like 8 minutes per side for thick steaks, or 1 minute per side for pineapple slices. A meat thermometer also helps him cook to the proper temperature. It works well for us - I cook and he cleans up while I get ready for bed.

We often cooked together when we were dating so I learned early on that I needed to be in charge of the cooking.

 

[Bolletje]

It drives me crazy for someone to butt in while I'm cooking. I let my husband cut everything up for me but don't want him adding ingredients unless I tell him to. When he cooks (rare event), I leave the kitchen because I know I'm going to get stressed out watching him screw stuff up. He does a good job grilling food outside because I tell him cooking times, like 8 minutes per side for thick steaks, or 1 minute per side for pineapple slices. A meat thermometer also helps him cook to the proper temperature. It works well for us - I cook and he cleans up while I get ready for bed.

We often cooked together when we were dating so I learned early on that I needed to be in charge of the cooking.

Sounds familiar. Dividing up the tasks works quite well for me too. Or deciding who’s in charge of what dish. Although sometimes I love standing over a huge pan together and excitedly debating whether or not this new surprise ingredient will improve the dish.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

What kind of date? First? Second? Third? Tenth?

Going out to dinner is a crap idea unless you are a married old couple or something. Only times I go out to eat with a girl is if I want to check a place out and I don't want to go alone. And usually it's a friend rather than a date.

Go out for a walk with ice cream for a first date. Or even a boring drink. That's the most universal stuff there is. Cooking together is a bit too romcom for my tastes. Just take turns cooking. You seriously don't want to end up her sous-chef.

 

[AO1501]

It seems to me that eating together would be an inherently social event, which many Aspies would find difficult to cope with in itself. Add the 'dating' dimension too, and it would not be my choice of how to spend time with someone new that I didn't necessarily know well.

Cooking together however is something I'd see much more as like a science experiment, and having had to get used to there being all sorts of people active around me in science labs throughout school, I'd feel much more comfortable with that.

Probably enough that by the time the cooking was done, I'd feel much more comfortable to sit down with the person and eat the result.