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Eye-contact

Onna said:
This has got me confused now... Are we talking about actual trees? Or is this some kind of metaphor? :tearsofjoy:
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Yay, I'm not the only one! But I ended up deciding I understand.. there are lots of trees where he lives, so much that he calls it a forest. And the non-NT world he referenced was.. nature! Or just trees? I probably get it. :cool:
 
I avoid eye contact but in doing so often avoid face contact. This leads to me missing many visual clue in the way a face (and eyes) express emotion. Facial expressions go a long way to helping us understand context and how something is said. It makes every conversation into the equivalent of a phone call and we miss out a lot of information that way. But I still cant do the eye contact for any length of time despite this.
 
When I was a teenager I read from one psychology book that eye contact is important. That is when I decided to look into the eyes no matter what... If I could I would keep my eyes closed. And that is something I must do if the situation gets too intense or I need to focus. But... It confuses people so I try to keep my eyes open.
 
I suspect my eye contact style is all over the place. I look at the face but not always the eyes if I think I can get away with that. Sometimes I stare or make intense eye contact. Other times I am very uncomfortable with how intimate eye contact feels. It seems to all depend on the person involved and the situation.
 
l don't know what to make of the eye contact thing. l don't understand that part of me. l feel that people staring at me feels obtrusive, but they have that right. It's a free world, l don't like my sensitivity to this. Sometimes it exists, sometimes l could really care less about eye contact.

So anything that makes me feel even slightly uncomfortable, l do it to get over this reaction. l find this a good response, fake it until you make it. Lots of people have major insecurities and they don't even have Aspergers, so l have decided not to hang-up on my particular hang-ups but l will now concentrate on what are your hang-ups, at my job, in store, while l am driving. This thought process actually sets me free, it's reverse psychology. Hope it helps somebody out there.
 
Eye contact feels like a very intimate thing, on the same level as hugging someone or telling them you like them a lot. That's this poster's perspective. It feels like something that shouldn't happen between casual acquaintances, or when I'm just chatting with someone.

Like, imagine if you had to hug everyone you talked to. Weird, right? Most people would not be comfortable with hugging everyone they interacted with. Does anyone else have this problem, that eye contact just feels way too intimate?

I also am not sure what to do with my face expressions or body language when I make eye contact. It's hard to formulate words and make eye contact (or even look in someone's direction) at the same time. More to the point, we can do it at the basic level, but the problem is that there is a whole other level that we're expected to operate on.
For a lot of non-spectrum people it sure seems like eye contact/body language/facial expressions are just the basis of a more complicated system of interaction. When it sounds like a lot of the people here are struggling with the basics in the first place.
 
Eye contact is a weird one for me. It really depends on the person, and how I'm feeling. Strangers at a store, for instance, I'm really unlikely to make eye contact with. Someone I like and am interested in, I tend to stare like a creeper. If I'm relaxed and interested in what you're saying, I stare. If I'm not relaxed, I can't make eye contact very well.

I spent hours talking to someone at breakfast and I thought we really connected...but when I left I realized I had no idea what color her eyes were. I had been focused on her (bright purple) glasses the entire time.
 
Hi- has anyone who struggles with eye contact ever told people that you struggle with it?

I've noticed that it really turns people off, and have been told that other people find me rude or disrespectful when I won't make eye contact or when I look away when we talk.
I can understand why they get that impression - when I see someone else doing this I even interpret it as rude. It just feels like physically impossible to make eye contact at an acceptable level. Seems like at least some people on this site feel the same.

Just wondering if anyone has tried to be direct and honest with others people about the difficulty of eye/face contact, with or without mentioning ASD, and whether that made others less offended by it and/or helped the relationships stay healthy.
 
I was told recently by a guy I was dating that I had poor eye contact. He tended to stare at my eyes a little too much though, put me on edge.
I've studied this subject for years and have decided that people will at first look at your eyes when you start talking but when it's their turn to talk they look away...at the floor, your shirt, or whatever. Everybody does this and I told him so. I told him that I think it's unsettling and rude for people to stare directly into someone's eyes
 
tree said:
"...maintaining eye contact while also searching for an answer is too demanding on the brain. Looking away is a motivated response that enables one to better process information."
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I think I speak for a lot of us when I say, "I knew it!"
 
Annanda said:
“And now I know it is perfectly natural for me not to look at someone when I talk. Those of us with Asperger’s are just not comfortable doing it. In fact, I don’t really understand why it’s considered normal to stare at someone’s eyeballs,” John Elder Robison

What do you think about this quote?
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Studies show that during their first year of life, babies who were later diagnosed with autism made just as much eye contact as non-autistic babies. Something caused them to stop making eye contract. They weren't born that way. Maybe they became depressed and lost interest in people or started having anxiety.

I used to struggle with eye contact because it hurt my eyes. I found out later that was due to anxiety. After I overcame my anxiety, it still didn't come naturally. I had to remind myself to look at people's eyes and that made it difficult to listen and think about what I wanted to say. I knew it was important so I practiced making eye contract while watching TV. I also made an effort to constantly remind myself to stare at people's eyes while taking to them. It made conversations difficult and awkward but after several months, I started to look at people's eyes automatically without thinking about it. Now, it comes easily and naturally and makes it easier to understand people.
 
FormerlyAutistic said:
Something caused them to stop making eye contract. They weren't born that way. Maybe they became depressed and lost interest in people or started having anxiety.
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Interesting. Do you think neurotypicals could eradicate autism by being more interesting?
 
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