Five Love Languages Quiz

[Cali Cat]

I got quality time, but my idea of quality time is different from how it was described. I like to spend time with people, in small groups, or one on one, but I'm not looking for a deep connection, just time together, unless someone wants to dive into a long winding discussion on some esoteric subject.

I have been smothered by people wanting deep connection, and they wind up feeling neglected, saying I'm distant and aloof.

I read the book "Love Languages" it was recommended to me by a former therapist. I found it rather simplistic, but informative.

I know what you mean about people who want deep connection. My last relationship ended because he was smothering me. He told me I always seemed preoccupied. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was being attentive, but then he got "quality time" on this test too, so I'm thinking it was because I associated "acts of service" with being attentive, while he was looking for that deep connection 24/7.

Quality time probably does have a slightly different meaning from one person to another too.

I only read excerpts from the book, and yes, it did seem simplistic. It's difficult to pigeonhole people into selective categories, but I think it can give some basic insight into reasons why some relationships succeed while others fail.

 

[Cali Cat]

I can see the logic, but for me personally true words of affirmation don't signify the need that emanates from a lack of confidence, but rather signify someone's appreciation of who I am just for who I am and not for who I am expected to be.

Affirmation can mean different things to different people, but I should imagine it is not an easy task to love me as I am more than a handful and definitely march to the beat of a different drum. So, to me affirmation means acceptance and love. However, I could have misread the questions and misunderstood the intended meaning.

Yes, when dealing with definitions of words, there's always the chance that different people will associate slightly different meanings based on their own experience. That's one thing that makes it difficult to conduct a social experiment. Not everyone has the same background, and that will influence the results too.

 

[Cali Cat]

What's the result with only "C" answers ?

Lol

 

[Professori]

Yes, when dealing with definitions of words, there's always the chance that different people will associate slightly different meanings based on their own experience. That's one thing that makes it difficult to conduct a social experiment. Not everyone has the same background, and that will influence the results too.

What was your hypothesis?

 

[On the Inside]

I would count words of affirmation as my second love language, but being a bit semi-verbal, it is largely missing. I don't talk to very many people, and I often forget to give words of affirmation myself, so I don't get much in return. I do know that they make me feel understood, which is very important to me.

 

[On the Inside]

I thought I was being attentive, but then he got "quality time" on this test too, so I'm thinking it was because I associated "acts of service" with being attentive, while he was looking for that deep connection 24/7.

I certainly view "acts of service" as being attentive, and if the person is in the same room, such as while I'm making dinner, I definitely count that as "quality time". But that is not how my SO views it.

On her birthday, when we had been dating for a few months, she wanted to spend all day together, and wanted us to really connect, as we where both busy with jobs and college classes. Finally, at dinner in the restaurant of her choice, after a day of me straining to be "with" her, I was talking about some subject or another, she said "I don't want to talk about that now, it's my birthday, let's talk about us." I started to lose it, and told her I couldn't take it anymore, I was being suffocated, I had to leave.

Speaking of birthdays, does anyone think an Aspie would get "Gifts" on this quiz? I dislike both the giving and receiving of gifts, it's too much pressure feeling I have to get the right gift, I put it off, then have to scramble last minute. I seldom get gifts I really like, and really prefer not to get more things anyways. Then there is the feeling of needing to reciprocate. A real gift to me would be taking some of the stuff I have off my hands, or giving me help in de-cluttering without judgement.

 

[Judge]

Too many unexpected consequences in gift-giving. I suppose it's just another aspect of how we may overthink things, where NTs don't give it a thought.

Just another thought process I can't suppress.

 

[Xenocity]

I didn't like the quiz at all.
A lot of the options just didn't suit me at all.
So I picked the best option...
It definitely needs more options if it wants to encompass all 5 languages as the title suggest.

I do prefer quality time over materialism...

 

[Professori]

I certainly view "acts of service" as being attentive, and if the person is in the same room, such as while I'm making dinner, I definitely count that as "quality time". But that is not how my SO views it.

On her birthday, when we had been dating for a few months, she wanted to spend all day together, and wanted us to really connect, as we where both busy with jobs and college classes. Finally, at dinner in the restaurant of her choice, after a day of me straining to be "with" her, I was talking about some subject or another, she said "I don't want to talk about that now, it's my birthday, let's talk about us." I started to lose it, and told her I couldn't take it anymore, I was being suffocated, I had to leave.

Speaking of birthdays, does anyone think an Aspie would get "Gifts" on this quiz? I dislike both the giving and receiving of gifts, it's too much pressure feeling I have to get the right gift, I put it off, then have to scramble last minute. I seldom get gifts I really like, and really prefer not to get more things anyways. Then there is the feeling of needing to reciprocate. A real gift to me would be taking some of the stuff I have off my hands, or giving me help in de-cluttering without judgement.

Snap!! That is exactly how I feel about gifts. I cannot relate to them and frankly I don't really understand the need. I don't give gifts and often question motives behind them.

 

[Cali Cat]

I certainly view "acts of service" as being attentive, and if the person is in the same room, such as while I'm making dinner, I definitely count that as "quality time". But that is not how my SO views it.

On her birthday, when we had been dating for a few months, she wanted to spend all day together, and wanted us to really connect, as we where both busy with jobs and college classes. Finally, at dinner in the restaurant of her choice, after a day of me straining to be "with" her, I was talking about some subject or another, she said "I don't want to talk about that now, it's my birthday, let's talk about us." I started to lose it, and told her I couldn't take it anymore, I was being suffocated, I had to leave.

Speaking of birthdays, does anyone think an Aspie would get "Gifts" on this quiz? I dislike both the giving and receiving of gifts, it's too much pressure feeling I have to get the right gift, I put it off, then have to scramble last minute. I seldom get gifts I really like, and really prefer not to get more things anyways. Then there is the feeling of needing to reciprocate. A real gift to me would be taking some of the stuff I have off my hands, or giving me help in de-cluttering without judgement.

The birthday incident is certainly understandable from my point of view, and I agree with your reservations about gift giving and receiving. Too many variables involved.

 

[Cali Cat]

I didn't like the quiz at all.
A lot of the options just didn't suit me at all.
So I picked the best option...
It definitely needs more options if it wants to encompass all 5 languages as the title suggest.

I do prefer quality time over materialism...

I honestly don't think the quiz was written for people on the spectrum, and that's why many of us have had issues with it. I, too, just picked the "best" option, or the one least offensive to me.

The lack of materialism seems to be a major trend. I'd like to know how it stacks up against data from NTs.

 

[tree]

RE: GIFTS
I like to give people things they can use.
I like it when a person gives me something I can use.

To know what a person can & will use requires
observation of the person.

I don't like "gifts" that are not offered on that
basis and with that degree of involvement.

For instance, my mother gave me some wonderful
gifts: toothbrushes, dental floss, packages of safety
pins. My friend gives me great gifts: office supplies
and casette tapes of stories.

My sister, on the other hand...I don't know who she
imagines I am. What do I want with Hello Kitty coloring
books, Dora the Explorer coin banks, rhinestone key
chains? It's like she thinks I am six years old.

I suppose liking gifts that are useful is an aspect of
'service.'

 

[Butterfly88]

You got: Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

 

[Loomis]

You got: Quality Time

 

[On the Inside]

RE: GIFTS
I like to give people things they can use.
I like it when a person gives me something I can use.

Those are the gifts I like, and the ones I like to give, as well.

I had tried giving gifts I thought my SO would like early on, but I kept missing the mark and she let me know in subtle and not so subtle ways. I kind of skipped a few gift giving occasions, which didn't go over well, so I started giving practical gifts; a set of mixing bowls that she wanted, snowboard equipment, bicycle gear, that sort of thing. She eventually said she wanted things that said I was thinking of her, and knew what would make her happy. Then I just gave her selections of various expensive chocolate bars, chocolate truffles and the like. Last gift giving occasion she said enough with the chocolate. Now I have no idea what to give, might just skip it from now on.

Having been on the receiving end of many gifts I didn't want or had no use for, I should have a good idea of what it feels like to get a gift that doesn't work, but instead of just saying to myself "Oh well, it's the thought that counts" like I often do, accepting the gift graciously, I'm supposed to feel that the giver doesn't really know me, listen to me, or has the "appropriate connection" to me?!?

 

[Cali Cat]

RE: GIFTS
I like to give people things they can use.
I like it when a person gives me something I can use.

To know what a person can & will use requires
observation of the person.

I don't like "gifts" that are not offered on that
basis and with that degree of involvement.

For instance, my mother gave me some wonderful
gifts: toothbrushes, dental floss, packages of safety
pins. My friend gives me great gifts: office supplies
and casette tapes of stories.

My sister, on the other hand...I don't know who she
imagines I am. What do I want with Hello Kitty coloring
books, Dora the Explorer coin banks, rhinestone key
chains? It's like she thinks I am six years old.

I suppose liking gifts that are useful is an aspect of
'service.'

I agree with your last statement. Practicality is a component of service.

My mother and my husband always gave great gifts. They put in a lot of thought, and the presents were things I could use. My father was different. I don't think I ever used a thing he gave me. Like a lime green t-shirt ... when did he ever see me in bright colors? Makes you wonder if they are buying it for you, or just because they like it. My mother-in-law is similar, but at least she says upfront that she won't buy me anything she doesn't like herself. Seems weird to me, but at least she's honest.

 

[Cali Cat]

Now I have no idea what to give, might just skip it from now on.

Uh ... I wouldn't advise that. Women get very funny about that ... just saying.

Having been on the receiving end of many gifts I didn't want or had no use for, I should have a good idea of what it feels like to get a gift that doesn't work, but instead of just saying to myself "Oh well, it's the thought that counts" like I often do, accepting the gift graciously, I'm supposed to feel that the giver doesn't really know me, listen to me, or has the "appropriate connection" to me.

Actually, saying, "It's the thought that counts," may be giving credit where it isn't warranted ... at least in certain cases. I know I've received some "gilts" that were "regifted" only because the person felt obligated to give me something, anything, but didn't want to put any thought or money into it. And then, sometimes, a poor gift choice does signify that the giver doesn't really know you.

See? These are all reasons I'd rather not exchange gifts at all. How about I just wash the dishes for you? Acts of Service, you know.

 

[tree]

Apparently some people make coupon booklets
to formally present to other people, in lieu of tangible
object-gifts.

http://www.suzanne-brown.com/HERBS/BFF COUPONS.pdf
https://img1.etsystatic.com/036/0/9729328/il_fullxfull.626163823_8vdt.jpg
http://s57.photobucket.com/user/liz...stockings-cool-mom-picks_zps81bb500c.jpg.html

Lots of others, if you google 'coupon ideas for friends,'
for instance.

 

[Cali Cat]

Apparently some people make coupon booklets
to formally present to other people
..

I've seen that. I think that's a cool idea.

 

[Maelstrom]

I don't know if I did it right I was split hard on some questions I got (Quality Time) whatever that means?

My main trouble was choosing between touching affection and thoughtful acts...I hate the gift and fake praise stuff.