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General question for all

I don't think there's a "right" significant other for me anymore. I already had the one who was as close to right as he was gonna get. I don't think you can hope for two in one lifetime. I'm perfectly okay with it though. I have a really hard time adapting to the expectations of an SO. I'm about ready to toss my bf out on his ear. He's not that bad ... really ... but I don't want anyone in my personal space to that extent. Actually, I feel quite fortunate that being alone doesn't bother me at all.
 
Cali Cat said:
I don't think there's a "right" significant other for me anymore. I already had the one who was as close to right as he was gonna get. I don't think you can hope for two in one lifetime. I'm perfectly okay with it though. I have a really hard time adapting to the expectations of an SO. I'm about ready to toss my bf out on his ear. He's not that bad ... really ... but I don't want anyone in my personal space to that extent. Actually, I feel quite fortunate that being alone doesn't bother me at all.
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Cali,
What do you mean about SO? I think when I can have cats again where I live I will feel so content as you about being alone! Cats are the best friends ever. :catface::catface::catface:But, I'm glad we're becoming friends too!
 
Melissa Kay said:
Cali,
What do you mean about SO? I think when I can have cats again where I live I will feel so content as you about being alone! Cats are the best friends ever. :catface::catface::catface:But, I'm glad we're becoming friends too!
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My boyfriend is living with me now. It's very difficult for me. I'm much happier when it's just me and the cats. I get so much more done. But, the SO (boyfriend) didn't have anywhere else to live due to financial hardship. I take in all kinds of strays. :rolleyes:
 
Cali Cat said:
My boyfriend is living with me now. It's very difficult for me. I'm much happier when it's just me and the cats. I get so much more done. But, the SO (boyfriend) didn't have anywhere else to live due to financial hardship. I take in all kinds of strays. :rolleyes:
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Aye aye aye! :cat::cat::cat:
 
Sometimes, every body just "want to BE a cat".................

kid in my life said that....... hehe.......... sounds pretty magical sometimes, huh? Kids are so brilliant! It's actually a song, and a movie............
 
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I have a fear of commitment, combined with seperation anxiety; a very nasty combination. I am so scared that people leave me that I choose to keep them at a safe distance so they won't hurt my feelings. It's a little cycle that repeats itself over and over again. My biggest issue is that I try to limit my love for the person I am with. For some reason, I am sure they'll leave me at some point so I am already trying to protect myself.

I always need a person who is reliable and steady; like my mom was when I was a kid. Someone who can calm me down and organize the chaos in my head. Someone who can be with me when I have to put up with an Asperger related issue. Usually I tend to put that role upon the shoulders of my boyfriend. But when I loose them, I feel as if I loose the earth beneath my feet.

...So yeah...
 
I've never found a significant other, and I don't think there is anyone I would fit well with, most people are very boring or just want a lot of money or things or specific traits I don't have.

Personally I am hoping androids become a thing
 
Yes, but you are not alone!

MANY others (NT, even) SHARE this same feeling! the SAME situation!!!!!!!!

(Please don't mind me, It's like, my life goal to cheer up people....... I try, way too hard...... and I can't stop..........I skipped ahead. Too much sadness is depression. Depressions is so debilitating! It destroys lives!!!!!!!! I know too many close depressed family/friends! aw. hang in there......)


I remember, once, I NEVER had a boyfriend for the fireworks of the 4th of July? I wondered WHAT was all this fuss about?????????? so, I this guy finds me. when I am "vulnerable" (never had a boyfriend/too curious), He was not even that much attractive (my opinion. everyone else thought he had that very sensitive pretty young thin poet description.) He used to chat with me on the internet, when no one else would pay attention to me (such a nerd). So, He asked me a on a date. Then, ONE TIME (and ONLY ONE TIME) I had an actual real date/ maybe boyfriend?! for the 4th of July. (I am 38, by the way. Only ONE time. Yup.) It turns out, there was a choice, watch fireworks, OR kiss! You can not do both at the same time!

Sometimes, Life is odd like that........... You yearn for something............ then , you realize it is not at all as your imagination/fantasy would lead you to believe........... Sometimes, I bet your siblings argue with the Significant Others? Or get too hot or cold? or must pick up his dirty socks AND place them in the hamper?
 
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I've had two SO's, with the second one currently, and having difficulties. Each have been the right one in one way or another, but not all ways. And I haven't been the right one in all ways either. We compromise, and either it works or it doesn't. Compromise is hard and uneven, someone is bound to get the short end of the stick. And that is a matter of perspective.

I feel I have very little in terms of what I ask of a partner, but with my Aspie traits, I'm not easy to live with. So, as my current SO says, it's still asking a lot, to put up with me.

Then you find that needs and wants change, for both parties. Do you stay together, or split up? If someone can no longer meet some of your needs, can you get creative and stay together, or do you have to split up?

So, I've given it two tries at finding and being the right SO, not ready to give up, but it IS hard to find the right SO.
 
I guess it depends on how we define "right". If by right, we mean perfect, then I believe that is impossible. If by right, we mean very, very suitable, then yes, it is possible but quite difficult.

For now, I am focused on my studies and my interests. Even though a part of me would very much like to have a partner, I just feel like it would take too much effort and come with too many risks. I'm also very comfortable with being alone. I'm also not sure that I could be what my potential SO would even need. Being on this forum and reading about dating experiences, I have discovered that many people, especially NT people, are not satisfied with what I consider to be connecting and socializing. Discovering this explains so much for me.

The main issues for me are that I have a hard time recognizing the intentions of possible mates and that I don't believe I can be what most people need.
 
I definitely do not think of the right SO as being perfect or ideal in any sense. I'm much too realistic for that. I did have someone in my life once who I thought might be close to right, we were both involved with others and weren't able to give it a go, but really, probably would have wound up some distance from right for each other in the end. But it was nice to dream of what could be. It apparently happens for some lucky few.
 
[QUOTE="On the Inside, I did have someone in my life once who I thought might be close to right, and weren't able to give it a go, [/QUOTE]

Hi Too bad has to hurt sometimes life just doesn't smile on you. We all want that person that thinks, (Ooh you are my RISING SUN, SMOOTCH Smootch smooch). But that door swings two ways, if you're sitting around saying well I don't know if you're gooood enough, and she's going maybe you're not gooood enough. And guess what, wet blanket on fire sssssss, romance over! So I don't how we are supposed to do this, but some how spotting a good one early and taking that leap of faith, with out stepping in a bear trap, may be the way to wedded bliss. Heaven help us all....!
 
pushpin said:
The main issues for me are that I have a hard time recognizing the intentions of possible mates and that I don't believe I can be what most people need.
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I feel similarly, but it doesn't mean that that feeling is right.. it's just a feeling, based on bad experiences. Be aware that what you think of yourself is not what others see!
Someone out there could look at you any time, get to know you and realise you are the one for them.. ya just gotta be patient and open to the possibility :)
 
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