GET the COOKIE

[Ezra]

I get a job as janitor of the shrine and stealthy take the cookie out of the jar whilst dusting the lid. Sneak the cookie out the back door and take a bus, a train, a plane and a long range motorboat to a remote uncharted island and hide the cookie.

 

[PL99]

I fly drones over many islands to take pictures and look at that, there is one with a bus, a train, a plane, and a motorboat parked in a circle. So yay! I know that is the place where the cookie is hiding.
I get the cookie and take it to a secret location with the address 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and place it
carefully either at the north or south facade but I am not telling which.

 

[zurb]

As I live in a different country, I had to hire a secret agent to scout out 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. He discovers there is a gym next door. I immediately sent in my crack sumo wrestling team to join their jazzercise class, causing sufficient earthquakes that both facades collapsed, exposing the cookie. Unfortunately, as I can’t afford to pay them, the sumos are holding the cookie hostage on an island somewhere in the South Pacific.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Having nothing on but their mawashi's, the sumo wrestlers start to get very sunburnt. I exchange a crate of suntan lotion and aloe for the cookie. I construct a rudimentary raft from the crates and set the cookie adrift on it. I wait patiently on the shore of the Phillipines, where oceanic current charts indicate the cookie will land.

 

[zurb]

As I no longer need to hide from the sumos in my submarine, I rise to the surface only to find a raft knocking gently against my hull. In the middle of the raft, there’s a lone cookie. Feeling somewhat obligated to protect it from the seagulls and the elements, I bring it with me into the submarine, and quietly slip below the waves again.

 

[Thinx]

500 years in the future I am reborn and grow up. Now we have transporter technology, so I beam on to a vintage submarine once inhabited by you, and retrieve the cookie. I beam home and then I m tired due to all the beaming playing havoc with my molecular structure. I fall asleep after beaming the cookie to a safe destination.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I secretly reversed the wires on your teleporter, replacing all subatomic particles with their tachyon equivalents (it’s all very technical and fully scientific - just trust me), resulting in the cooking going back in time instead of forward.

I joined an archeological dig around Mount Vesuvius, where I unearthed the cookie and used those fancy little archeologist brushes to clean the dust and ash off it. Since I didn’t want to share my find with the other archeologists, I attached to cookie to a weather balloon and released it into the wind.

 

[zurb]

I was out in my garden the other day when quite unexpectedly a cookie attached to some perished scraps of rubber dropped out of the sky. After a bit of googling I discovered the scraps of rubber were from an old weather balloon, proving quite definitely that this was ‘The cookie’. I donated it to our local museum and it is now on display on their cafe counter.

 

[PL99]

An intern, unaware of the historical significance of "The Cookie",
takes the cookie from the counter, and carries it to the Employee
Lounge where she tosses it in the wastebasket.

Fortunately, another intern (me) saw this and waited until that
girl left the Lounge before I grabbed the cookie out of the trash.
Unfortunately, the Director of Interns saw me and scolded me,
saying that if I was hungry, she'd be glad to share her lunch
with me.

I thanked her and said that it wasn't hunger for food that prompted
me to retrieve the cookie. I really wanted it for scientific project.
That's what I told her.

She said OK, then.
As long as you're not going to eat it.

Then after my shift was over, I put the cookie in a safety deposit box
in the town where the Simpsons (Homer & Marge) live.
I give the key to the safety deposit box to their dog, Santa's Little Helper.

 

[tree]

Santa's Little Helper is easily bribed with a hamburger and
offers to dig up the safety deposit box for me, if I will give
him another burger.

So I do, he does, and I open the box, take out the cookie,
and put it on a plate near the Christmas tree, where there
is an early offering for the fat man in the red suit.

 

[PL99]

The fat man in the red suit is my uncle George.
He took the plate of cookies because he collects antiques. He kept the plate and gave me the cookie.

Now the cookie is safe, secure in a bag hanging from a drone circling the Washington Monument.

 

[Kalinychta]

Washington D.C. is restricted airspace and a No Drone Zone. A flock of F-16 fighter jets is dispatched. The drone is shot down, and the cookie plummets to the earth. I seize it, flee to New Orleans, and disappear into an ocean of Mardi Gras revelers.

 

[zurb]

When Yeshuasdaughter looked at them, the Mardi Gras Revelers paled, and as they did so, they became transparent, revealing the cookies whereabouts. I throw my invisibility cloak over the cookie and steal it while Kalinychta’s not looking, astonished by the vanishing revelers. I quickly scurry into a nearby drain before anyone notices.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Sorry honey, but aspies can see invisible stuff. So I just walk over, take the cookie out of your cloak, and marvel that the cookie is still intact after all it's been through.

 

[tree]

This is almost too easy.
I snatch the cookie from your hand
and using my time transporter, shift
the cookie back to the year 1946.

Spoiler

The cookie is safely placed within one of Earl Tupper's
prototypes in South Grafton, Massachusetts.

Spoiler

Tupperware Brands - Wikipedia

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I walk up to Earl Tupper's mother and ask if I can borrow some Tupperware. She gives me a seemingly empty container from the back of the cabinet. I open it and find the cookie. I jump on the bus to take it home.

And as I ride on the stinky mass transit vehicle, I realize how hard this game is for an aspie with very little creativity.

 

[tree]

While you are distracted musing about creativity,
I *accidentally* bump into you, causing the container
to fall to the floor and open. The cookie falls out.

You don't notice when I, the clumsy but kind stranger,
return the container to you empty.

The cookie is in my pocket when I exit the stinky
mass transit vehicle. Try to figure out which pocket
in which garment, among the items in my closet.

Sure, that doesn't sound challenging.
Unless you've seen my closet.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I call in the ASPCA and report your overcrowded closet situation to them. As we all know, ASPCA stands for:

American Society Protecting Cookies & Animals.

So, the ASPCA comes to your house, pulls all the random stuff out of your closet, and takes the cookie, and brings it to me, where I run a rescue for cookies who have been stabled in overcrowded situations.

I give the cookie a pasture consisting of three acres of open rangeland, access to fresh water, and organic feed twice daily.

 

[tree]

The yaks circle round the cookie staring at it.
The owner of the yak herd takes after his mother
who is a nurse and rather OCD besides. So the
existence of a cookie in the yak's rangeland (which
has been fenced in since the innocent cookie was placed
there) is insupportable chaos to the owner of the
yak farm.

And, as expected, the owner removes all impediments
(such as that old farm house and barn that used to
be on the open meadow) which includes the cookie.

The cookie is tossed on the scrap pile of roofing that is
all that remains of the 100 year old barn.

I sneak up to the scrap pile and grab the cookie.

I put the cookie in a jar and drop it in the library drop box.
Libraries are still closed around here, so it will be safe for
awhile, unless the next cookie thief is small enough to
fit through the drop box slot, and strong enough to
open the jar.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I put on my homemade corona mask so no one will recognize me. I take a crowbar and jimmy the back door of the library open. I go in and search the dark aisles for the cookie. Finally, I look behind the librarians desk and find the bin where all the returned library books fall from the drop box. The cookie is on top.

I snatch the cookie and wave it above my head cackling "Bwahahahahaha! I have the cookie! And better yet! There is no one in the library to shush me! Bwahahahahahaha!"

Just then, the FBI smashes down the door. I mean they could have just used the doorknob as it was already broken into, and thus, unlocked. Anyway, I am taken away in handcuffs and as I await my courtdate, I call you on the phone to tell you that the cookie is being held in the evidence room in Area 51. Unfortunately, you refuse the charges when you hear the familiar "Telmate" message.