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Has my “time” come so to say?

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@Markness - I'm loosely following this thread. I want you to be happy. If you think you cannot be happy unless you have a girlfriend, then okay. You will have to do something affirmative to find girlfriend. You will have to leave your house, go somewhere, talk to women, take risks by asking women to join you for some activity such as getting some ice cream, drink a beer or coffee, eat at a restaurant, buy a takeout pizza and eat it in a park, to go a movie, take a walk, or something along those lines. You're never going to make any progress unless you get out of your rut and get out of the house. I'd like to think that you could meet some women through your job but you indicate that's not a viable option.

Just because others ignore you or criticize you is not a good reason to keep on isolating yourself at home, miserable all the time, and focusing on what you call your detractors instead of focusing on finding a girlfriend. I think you're seeing "sympathy fatigue" from other posters. When you ignore or reject others' helpful advice and ideas, they get tired of trying to help you.

So what can you do? The ball is in your court. What are you going to do?
 
Jonn said:
Do you know what I do in such a situation?
I skip the thread!.
Not rocket surgery. :cool:
Click to expand...
I agree that is better to ignore the threads, but I think some people just wanted to antagonize Markness since he is the type to react to any negativity pointed at him. Skip through this thread and you see him zone and interpret criticism into a personal attack. Some were angry at him for suicide baiting as well, so I think some of his behaviors were interpreted as being annoying/attention-seeking by members, giving them the justification to bait him/attack him.

I don't think it did any good to tell Markness that he would never get a girlfriend. It is cruel.

As Mary Terry said, I think there was a lot of "sympathy fatigue" going on.
 
honeytoast said:
I agree that is better to ignore the threads, but I think some people just wanted to antagonize Markness since he is the type to react to any negativity pointed at him. Skip through this thread and you see him zone and interpret criticism into a personal attack. Some were angry at him for suicide baiting as well, so I think some of his behaviors were interpreted as being annoying/attention-seeking by members, giving them the justification to bait him/attack him.

I don't think it did any good to tell Markness that he would never get a girlfriend. It is cruel.

As Mary Terry said, I think there was a lot of "sympathy fatigue" going on.
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Ouch. No matter the amount of frustration someone can provide, I agree it's cruel to make fun of someone who is obviously suffering.
 
Markness said:
I didn’t like it when people made fun of me for things beyond my control and punched me in the face just because they could get away with it. Are you saying it was fine for these people to do that?

Where did I indicate I thought I was the only autistic person on this forum? I never did.
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Markness, you are doing exactly what I said you were doing in the first place - twisting others' words to suit your own narrative.

You know exactly what you are doing.

I am not playing your games anymore. You worship your own misery, your own ego. And until you stop doing this, you will remain miserable, a slave to yourself. When you show the slightest bit willingness to stop worshipping yourself, I'll help you.

Until then, you will remain exactly as you are right now.
 
REMINDER
The subject of this thread is not who may have been a member on
another forum and whether people there were mean to anybody.

The subject of this thread is OP's pondering whether he is in a
position to interact socially with a person he sees out in public
in such a way as to further those interactions beyond the customer/
employee position.

Additional comments made in this thread should be directed toward
that end.
If you come across something you find offensive or believe breaks the rules, report it to a member of staff using the report button. Do not reply to the thread. If you are having a problem with another member of the forums, you may contact a member of staff via Private Message about it. Post #1: General Rules & Guidelines
 
I wouldn't say that Markness worships his own ego,
or that he actually is aware of what he's doing.

@Markness, it looks to me that you continue to
interpret statements made in support of you as if
they were negative.

What value are you deriving from the discussion
in this thread? How, if at all, has it furthered your
ability toward your goal of social interaction?
 
@Mary Terry

I don’t know where you are getting the idea that I don’t leave the house I live in because that just isn’t true. I work most days of the week and I drive to my therapy appointments. I do the same for doctor appointments, work meetings, my meals, walks at the park, getting my car’s oil changed, the times I have spending money, the few times I get to socialize with other people, and the times I’ve attended social functions. For an entire summer, I volunteered at the library I ended up working at, went to driving school, and was driven to Austin for job testing but only for what my mother wanted me to do.

I work with women at the library but the majority of them are married and have their own social lives. The few that aren’t are dating other men, not me, even when I’ve stated that I am single.
 
tree said:
I wouldn't say that Markness worships his own ego,
or that he actually is aware of what he's doing.

@Markness, it looks to me that you continue to
interpret statements made in support of you as if
they were negative.

What value are you deriving from the discussion
in this thread? How, if at all, has it furthered your
ability toward your goal of social interaction?
Click to expand...
Exactly! I don’t buy into the concept of worship and I want to be authentic in my posts.

I think my voice should be heard.
 
"Single mindedly focuses on" might have been a more adequate choice of words than "worship."

@Markness
You want to be authentic in your posts.

In what way has this thread helped you in that regard?

What benefit are you getting from participating in this thread?
 
Markness said:
@Mary Terry

I don’t know where you are getting the idea that I don’t leave the house I live in because that just isn’t true. I work most days of the week and I drive to my therapy appointments. I do the same for doctor appointments, work meetings, my meals, walks at the park, getting my car’s oil changed, the times I have spending money, the few times I get to socialize with other people, and the times I’ve attended social functions. For an entire summer, I volunteered at the library I ended up working at, went to driving school, and was driven to Austin for job testing but only for what my mother wanted me to do.

I work with women at the library but the majority of them are married and have their own social lives. The few that aren’t are dating other men, not me, even when I’ve stated that I am single.
Click to expand...

You don't leave your house to actively seek female companionship. Do you?
 
Mary Terry said:
You don't leave your house to actively seek female companionship. Do you?
Click to expand...
Although I'm not there accompanying him on his everyday sojourns,
I get the impression that @Markness feels that he's constantly
actively seeking female companionship, regardless of the venue.
 
tree said:
Although I'm not there accompanying him on his everyday sojourns,
Click to expand...

Indeed, none of us were there. Actively thinking about female companionship isn't necessarily the same as actively pursuing it, either. With no real way for us to validate one over the other. The only thing we do know is that whatever he's doing, it isn't working for him.

Yet if he is truly seeking such companionship, perhaps he needs to reevaluate not only his methods, but his choices in women he's actually willing to approach. Maybe he needs to "lower the bar" over his expectations given his circumstances.

Which reminds me of the Hollywood romance between two fictional characters, Rocky Balboa and Adrianna Pennino. A very sweet, but very realistic relationship for two people who actually thought very poorly of themselves as human beings, yet together had something really special.

Maybe @Markness needs to seek out that "Adrianna". In real life I see couples like that all the time. Being alone at my age I constantly wonder about this in my own case. Maybe I had my sights set too high as well, especially in hindsight feeling socially hampered by autism.
 
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tree said:
@Markness
You want to be authentic in your posts.

In what way has this thread helped you in that regard?

What benefit are you getting from participating in this thread?
Click to expand...


I think some people keep getting the wrong ideas about me and I need to explain things to them.

I don’t think I am getting much in the way of benefits but I need to stand up for myself. I am glad some people have shown that they care but I am also seeing there are those who dislike me and have admitted to getting thrills off my struggles.
 
@Markness
Yes, you probably do see that people dislike you.
I believe you *see* that whether that's what they were saying or not.

It's good that you recognize many people reply to your posts because
they are trying to show they care.

I don't think anybody is getting "thrills" from your repeated struggles.

What does standing up for yourself mean?
 
tree said:
@Markness
Yes, you probably do see that people dislike you.
I believe you *see* that whether that's what they were saying or not.

It's good that you recognize many people reply to your posts because
they are trying to show they care.

I don't think anybody is getting "thrills" from your repeated struggles.

What does standing up for yourself mean?
Click to expand...
Admittedly, I have a persecution complex. What it does to my thought patterns is just so strong that I feel like the thoughts are true. It also doesn’t help that someone extremely rude and condescending on Discord mocked me for having a receding hairline, something that is out of my control. He also said that I am really 40 years old (I am 35.) and that I will never have a girlfriend because I look like “Mr. Burns.” To even be more of a jackass, he claimed there is a video on YouTube (It doesn’t exist.) of me saying I have sex with marshmallows.

I don’t sit and take false claims about myself.
 
Markness said:
Admittedly, I have a persecution complex. What it does to my thought patterns is just so strong that I feel like the thoughts are true. It also doesn’t help that someone extremely rude and condescending on Discord mocked me for having a receding hairline, something that is out of my control. He also said that I am really 40 years old (I am 35.) and that I will never have a girlfriend because I look like “Mr. Burns.” To even be more of a jackass, he claimed there is a video on YouTube (It doesn’t exist.) of me saying I have sex with marshmallows.

I don’t sit and take false claims about myself.
Click to expand...

You just need to keep perspective that EVERYONE has a right to the pursuit of happiness.

No exceptions. Don't listen to anyone who claims the contrary. Regardless of looks.
 
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tree said:
@Markness
Are you diagnosed as having a Persecution Complex?

If not, there is another state of mind the aspects of which
are quite similar to what you often express, such as
the idea that the life is against you, feeling stuck,
approaching situations with a negative attitude.

Those are some of the ideas in what is called a victim mentality.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-victim-mentality
https://www.healthline.com/health/victim-mentality#responding-to-it
Click to expand...
I’ve never been officially diagnosed because my family thinks it’s a waste of time.

One of my detractors wanted me to read up on “perpetual victimhood” but I didn’t want to do what a detractor was telling me to do.
 
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