Has the time passed for me to ever get a girlfriend?

[Markness]

Has the time passed for me to ever get a girlfriend or is it just depression making me feel hopeless about my future? I am 30 years old, I don't date nor am I able to establish one due to my poor social skills as well as social isolation and anxiety, and I don't have a meaningful history of connections with the opposite sex (I am a guy). I sometimes fear that there are no single women my age or that my lack of romantic history will make any potential girlfriend reject me.

 

[Buckmeister69]

I am the same I know there is hope for all of us I sometimes listen to romantic music and pretend I am the one singing it to the lady I think Ed Sheeran should share some of his romantic magic with the rest of us haha I might dye my hair ginger if my mum lets me I’m 34

 

[Illkurok]

Chin up, mate. I thought the same way you did and just recently I found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and it certainly didn't happen the way I was expecting.

There is someone out there for everyone. it's never too late to find love.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Has the time passed for me to ever get a girlfriend or is it just depression making me feel hopeless about my future? I am 30 years old, I don't date nor am I able to establish one due to my poor social skills as well as social isolation and anxiety, and I don't have a meaningful history of connections with the opposite sex (I am a guy). I sometimes fear that there are no single women my age or that my lack of romantic history will make any potential girlfriend reject me.

as an aspie myself,same here,and how every aspie like us appear to them says it all,it also drives me to hatefully & angrily resent them ,along with everything else lovey-dovey in the world to the extreme or anything else lovey-dovey going on with them !

 

[Markness]

I used to want to prove my older brother wrong because he would boast to me about his social skills and his sexual experiences but he no longer does since he's now married and has four needy kids. He tells me he wishes he could trade places with me but I wouldn't wish my social isolation on anyone. Even though he no longer boasts, I could never prove him wrong.

 

[paloftoon]

It's never too late per se, but I think positive words alone feel kinda empty because they are just there. What you need are some guidelines to help you improve yourself so that you have what you need to connect with others. If you don't have at least a Bachelors degree or a full time job, aim for one of these things. If you are living off of your parents, work at making yourself independent. If you think you are too fat, consider exercise. You probably can't do all of these things at once. Pick one. When you start to feel better about yourself, people around you will notice. This renewed energy and sense of self worth will allow you to be in command of yourself and level more with people you want to level with. Be open to platonic friendships too because maybe they know someone too. This is the best way to change your situation. It's a process. Nothing overnight. Good luck.

 

[Sarah S]

OF COURSE NOT youre only 30 dear you have PLENTY of time to still be able to find the right one. NOONE knows what the future has to bring

 

[Markness]

OF COURSE NOT youre only 30 dear you have PLENTY of time to still be able to find the right one. NOONE knows what the future has to bring

I just don't want to wait until I am old to finally find the right one. The social isolation I suffer from is so agonizing that I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy and the 13 years of depression have made me terrified of my future. I know life isn't a Disney movie but I don't want mine to end with me never being able to say I overcame my struggles. It would've been a wasted existence.

 

[Sarah S]

I just don't want to wait until I am old to finally find the right one. The social isolation I suffer from is so agonizing that I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy and the 13 years of depression have made me terrified of my future. I know life isn't a Disney movie but I don't want mine to end with me never being able to say I overcame my struggles. It would've been a wasted existence.

BELIVE me when i say i understand you BUT as i also said just giving up is NOT the answer to youre problem dear. you NEED to keep on fighting REGARDLESS the poor odds and NEVER stop trying TRUST me on this. i have fought against ****** ods from birth and still continue and will probably have to keep do this as long as breath air on this earth. And will NOT stop trying to make the BEST i can with what life has given to work with.

 

[Markness]

I am still struggling and no progress has been made since I last posted. I feel lost in this world and I am going to die without ever having anything positive to show for my life. Some tell me I will be a late bloomer and having Aspergers should make it ok for me to still need to develop as a human despite being in my 30's but my mind tells me I will never bloom and it's pathetic how I am 30 but still socially naive.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I felt like that when I turned 30, although I had no idea I was Aspie. Things can change unexpectedly.
Social naivety is not an issue if you happen to meet someone who is also socially naive. You can occasionally find them on the Internet lol.

 

[Markness]

If I had to list most of the things that've prevented me from having a girlfriend, it would be these things:

- I've lived in the Central Texas Bible Belt area all of my life. Even though I grew up in it, I've always been an outsider in one way or another and the constant social expectations that I am still subjected to have taken a sickening toll on me.

- I have low self-esteem and almost no confidence due to being bullied by my older brother and others at school as a child. I still get bullied today and I can't do anything because somehow I am always in the wrong due to having Aspergers.

- I am naturally shy and anxious.

- My hairline is thinning out in the front of my head due to my genetics and I've actually had someone imply to me I wasn't attractive because of it.

- I am not loud and aggressive which is how most of the men in the culture I live in behave. I also don't dress in "sexy" clothes meant for men or style my hair like Brad Pitt.

- I don't identify as a Christian; I grew up being taken to church and went to a private school but my faith fell apart when I became clinically depressed. Most women in the culture I live in not only identify as being Christian but will only date Christian men. Even ones who are open to pre-marital sex will only have sex with other Christians.

- I missed out on learning social skills in my developmental years and was pushed into adulthood without being ready to actually be an adult.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

no, it is not too late for your to find romance, but you are going to have to do the work necessary to make yourself worthy of woman's attention.

it won't be easy, but you can do it!

 

[Markness]

Of course not! I know a woman in her sixties who just got married as a blushing bride, and another in her mid-fifties that is moving out of state to marry the man of her dreams.

I don't want to wait as long as they did, though. 13 years of clinical depression has been torturous and I don't see it ending unless I find love within this current decade of my life. Some have told me to let go of wanting a relationship and just try to live an enriching life but I struggle with other avenues in life to the point I feel like a malfunctioning machine that needs to be destroyed.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It has for me I am 41 going to be 42 in two months. The only good thing in my pathetic life is that I look 10 years younger for my age and no I will not fake my age if by some miracle I actually talk to a girl "Yea Right" not counting "people I know" so don't get into that hole again.

 

[Markness]

Well, I've done some things like join a gym and I gave Hinge a try but I am still single and hopeless.

 

[the_tortoise]

The time has not passed and you are not hopeless.

The first step is getting out and meeting people, talking to them. Or you could try reaching out via online dating.

People of all ages can find love.

 

[Markness]

I am not a recluse but it's very hard for me to interact socially, especially with strangers. They tend to already have company with them or they are hyper focused on whatever they do with their cellphones.

 

[Pinkie B]

OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!!!

I was writing this whole long story about my own personal struggles with being 30+ and single and then finding someone who, for the first time in my life, seems to want to be with me just the way I am, but then I realized I have a much better story!

One of my very good buddies met his girlfriend of 10+ years on an internet forum! They're both computer geeks and my friend (dude) is the father of two children (one with severe autism) and an incredibly socially awkward ADHD computer programmer. So his main socializing was on the computer and his girlfriend lived in another state and then they met and then she moved in and has been helping to raise his kids ever since. And they're so totally solid!

We used to go to boardgame nights together. He taught me about Meeples.

So, you wrote this long list of all the reasons why you're unlovable, but I think that you could bypass a lot of those if you met people online. And it doesn't have to be dating apps, either. Those are very dehumanizing. I used to OkStupid for a while but it starts to feel like a meat factory...

But here's the thing: You can't approach this with the attitude of "I HAVE to find a girlfriend NOW because I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!" That's not going to make a good relationship because girlfriends aren't a thing that you add to your collection of things. They're people and most of them (when they're just girls, before they're your friends) can sense that you're looking at them as a means to an end and not an end in themselves. So you're going to have to make peace with who you are first before you try to build a relationship with someone.

As Dan Savage says, "you don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be in good working condition" and that means that you can't be looking for a partner to fill in the empty holes in your life.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

I felt like that when I turned 30, although I had no idea I was Aspie. Things can change unexpectedly.
Social naivety is not an issue if you happen to meet someone who is also socially naive. You can occasionally find them on the Internet lol.

and on dating sites !