Has the time passed for me to ever get a girlfriend?

[aspieoutlaw89]

I am now wishing I didn't have Aspergers and want a cure since that's probably the only way I'll ever have a girlfriend. I don't even want my birthday celebrated this year.

i can relate to that.whenever i'm made eye-contact with by a girl (those who i awkwardly interest & also avoid like a ninja) or woman,they just walk away from me because of how severely awkward i appear to them upon eye-contact.that's why i would rather sleep with a giant teddy bear (used as a sex toy,sorry if this freaked anybody out) than with someone who wants nothing to do with aspies like us,ever !

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It has been so long I don't even care anymore about an girlfriend. Just having people I talk to now that is not my family I feel more happy now.

 

[Markness]

It has been so long I don't even care anymore about an girlfriend. Just having people I talk to now that is not my family I feel more happy now.

I don't think I can ever let go of wanting a girlfriend. I still feel like the lonely 17 year old wondering why his siblings and male classmates are always getting the girls while he is always going home and staying stuck in his room because he doesn't have a vehicle so he can't go anywhere.

 

[Kalinychta]

I'm so sorry, Markness. Are you in therapy or anything? Working on your anxiety and isolation is the first step. Are there any autism support groups in your area? It feels nice to be around people who understand what you're going through, which builds confidence.

If you feel isolated and anxious, getting a girlfriend isn't going to help. You'll still feel isolated and anxious after you get one, and your relationship likely won't last anyway, because you'll use her as a "crutch" probably. Best to get at least semi-healthy and then seek a romantic partner, not the other way around. In the meantime, seeking more close friends would be beneficial.

And maybe, when the time comes, finding a dating website for autistic people would be a good idea, if such a thing exists.

 

[Markness]

I'm so sorry, Markness. Are you in therapy or anything? Working on your anxiety and isolation is the first step. Are there any autism support groups in your area? It feels nice to be around people who understand what you're going through, which builds confidence.

If you feel isolated and anxious, getting a girlfriend isn't going to help. You'll still feel isolated and anxious after you get one, and your relationship likely won't last anyway, because you'll use her as a "crutch" probably. Best to get at least semi-healthy and then seek a romantic partner, not the other way around. In the meantime, seeking more close friends would be beneficial.

And maybe, when the time comes, finding a dating website for autistic people would be a good idea, if such a thing exists.

I've been in therapy since I was 17 but there are many things that keep me depressed to the point of hopelessness. I am surrounded by people who think all I need to do is put faith in God despite how I grew up and was even baptized as a Christian but I've never gotten any divine epiphanies from that supposed God nor did praying to it ever grant my wishes. You are also considered "weird", a "loser", or even lacking in morals if you aren't a Christian. I also keep encountering people who only want to talk about football, cars, cellphones, beer, cigarettes, country or rap music depending on the demographic, Fox News, South Park, and other extremely crass media.

I actually used to be part of an Aspergers support group for many years but I stopped going to it on a permanent basis this year. The people in the group tend to be low functioning, can't discuss complicated subjects (Especially if these subjects are "un-Christian"), still rely on mommy and daddy to get them places, and there are a lot of cliques so there aren't any widespread discussions, just isolated ones. I've looked into other groups but they are largely for children and the only other one for adults that I know of is in Austin but the two times I went to it were overwhelmingly disappointing.

My last attempts to make even platonic friends have ended in failure. I don't drink or smoke while practically everyone in my age range does so I am often the odd man out.

 

[Kalinychta]

I've been in therapy since I was 17 but there are many things that keep me depressed to the point of hopelessness. I am surrounded by people who think all I need to do is put faith in God despite how I grew up and was even baptized as a Christian but I've never gotten any divine epiphanies from that supposed God nor did praying to it ever grant my wishes. You are also considered "weird", a "loser", or even lacking in morals if you aren't a Christian. I also keep encountering people who only want to talk about football, cars, cellphones, beer, cigarettes, country or rap music depending on the demographic, Fox News, South Park, and other extremely crass media.

I actually used to be part of an Aspergers support group for many years but I stopped going to it on a permanent basis this year. The people in the group tend to be low functioning, can't discuss complicated subjects (Especially if these subjects are "un-Christian"), still rely on mommy and daddy to get them places, and there are a lot of cliques so there aren't any widespread discussions, just isolated ones. I've looked into other groups but they are largely for children and the only other one for adults that I know of is in Austin but the two times I went to it were overwhelmingly disappointing.

My last attempts to make even platonic friends have ended in failure. I don't drink or smoke while practically everyone in my age range does so I am often the odd man out.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's difficult to form real, meaningful friendships and relationships when you see through people's BS. I have the same problem. I like to read and write and think, whereas the average American prefers to dope up on television, football, getting married and popping out kids, etc. Half of me wants to connect with people, but the other half wants nothing to do with them. I have one real friend in my life, and it hits me occasionally how lucky I am to have her. She's a needle in a haystack.

Oh no, and you live in Texas... Is there any way you can move? My sister lives in Oklahoma at the moment, and she is appalled by the people there for the same reasons you are. I live in Portland, Oregon, and the people here are fanatical and closed-minded as well (just in a different way than Texas), but it's still better than there, I would imagine. Exit Texas! Flee on your donkey (as Anne Sexton said).

 

[Markness]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's difficult to form real, meaningful friendships and relationships when you see through people's BS. I have the same problem. I like to read and write and think, whereas the average American prefers to dope up on television, football, getting married and popping out kids, etc. Half of me wants to connect with people, but the other half wants nothing to do with them. I have one real friend in my life, and it hits me occasionally how lucky I am to have her. She's a needle in a haystack.

Oh no, and you live in Texas... Is there any way you can move? My sister lives in Oklahoma at the moment, and she is appalled by the people there for the same reasons you are. I live in Portland, Oregon, and the people here are fanatical and closed-minded as well (just in a different way than Texas), but it's still better than there, I would imagine. Exit Texas! Flee on your donkey (as Anne Sexton said).

I can't move due to my financial situation which has gone from bad to worse this year. I honestly don't even have enough money to get my own apartment and actually have to live with my mother which is a nightmare but I can't escape it.

 

[Kalinychta]

I wish I could give you some hope, but I really can't. Life sucks. It really does. And I think the sad truth is that sometimes we just have to get used to not having what we want. All you can do is try to slowly chip away at problems and expect a lot of failure but hope for eventual success.

 

[cberg]

People get married in their 90s. I don't think there's really any limit on this at all. I don't gain anything from living in lock-step with the modern world anyway. It's about loving people your own way, not what we all expect from each other.

 

[Pinkie B]

Here: definite proof that the time has not yet passed:

'I wanted sex on my terms, and it was': readers on the joy of losing your virginity in your 30s

You're welcome.

 

[Markness]

I wish I could give you some hope, but I really can't. Life sucks. It really does. And I think the sad truth is that sometimes we just have to get used to not having what we want. All you can do is try to slowly chip away at problems and expect a lot of failure but hope for eventual success.

I feel more like I start chipping at the problems but my tools keep breaking.

 

[Pinkie B]

I feel more like I start chipping at the problems but my tools keep breaking.

It's important to have good tools.

 

[GadAbout]

It's important to have good tools.

Only an inferior craftsman blames his mistakes on his tools.

Sorry, may not really apply here - but I've been waiting years to use that quote!

 

[Markness]

When I became depressed over being single when I was 17, I didn't have a vehicle and was constantly stuck at home. When I think back to those days, the memories of the pain I went through fill me with dread and I wonder why I am even still alive. I have a vehicle now but I always end up going home alone so essentially things are still the same for me.

Others tell me I need to stop ruminating on the girlfriend issue and try to "work on myself" but I keep getting reminders of my singlehood and everything I try fails.

 

[Crossbreed]

I sometimes fear that there are no single women my age or that my lack of romantic history will make any potential girlfriend reject me.

See my reply at Is this stalking ?

Addressing your depression would greatly help, too. (Relying on "her" to do so is very high-maintenance. And a turn-off.)

 

[Markness]

See my reply at Is this stalking ?

Addressing your depression would greatly help, too. (Relying on "her" to do so is very high-maintenance. And a turn-off.)

I honestly struggle to form even platonic friendships with the opposite sex to the point I don't even have hang out with female friends. The few platonic female friends I have are married and have full time jobs. Partly why it feels impossible to make female friends is because most women in the culture I live in don't share common interests with me and the few that do already have a boyfriend or husband who often don't let them socialize with other men. It makes me feel even more discouraged and hopeless.

 

[Crossbreed]

I honestly struggle to form even platonic friendships with the opposite sex to the point I don't even have hang out with female friends.

Even platonic relationships with men and ineligible women (in social settings that fit you) may lead to introductions to THEIR friends & relatives who ARE eligible. You are being too short-sighted.

 

[Markness]

Even platonic relationships with men and ineligible women (in social settings that fit you) may lead to introductions to THEIR friends & relatives who ARE eligible. You are being too short-sighted.

None of my friends, past and present, have tried to set me up, though. They generally didn't have sisters my age nor female cousins in the area or they just told me "Just go and ask her out, dude!" if I was interested in a girl.

I really hate the lonely walk I go through on a daily basis but I can't find any options nor solutions to my predicament. I've been this way since 2006 and I feel like I'll still be telling stories like this in 2026.

 

[Crossbreed]

None of my friends, past and present, have tried to set me up, though.

That means that you will have to broaden the net.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Boy have you done a good job of brainwashing yourself into a negative state of mind. You have to change that tape playing in your head or nothing will change for you. Like some others have said, focus on developing some skills for independence including job skills. Also check out the you tube videos by Asperger's from the Inside- he's got some really good ones on developing social skills and how to interact with others as well as emotional intelligence. Only you can develop the motivation to make changes- we can encourage you but you have to make the effort and put in the time. With the current tape playing in your head you are constantly self sabotaging. So first rerecord that tape!!!