I've noticed that the single women seem to be more capable than the single men. The women are women and the men are still boys. I see it in real life too. The only men left are not quite right in some way, developmentally. You can't hold a conversation with them. They aren't mature enough to handle responsibilities.
Women are happier alone. Attaching yourself to a man brings a lot of responsiblities. If your regular NT man won't pick up the slack why would an aspie with executive functioning issues?
Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert
I do agree the ability to have a conversation is very important in a relationship, and I do not care if it begins mainly through writing, phone, video chat, whatever. And regardless if it's a man or a woman that is irresponsible, that would be a big turn off to me as well. Personally, as I am modern thinking, I feel a man or woman should be able to initiate if wanting to pursue things further. I would not hold it against a man, if he wanted or needed the roles reversed there, but likewise, I would see it as a positive if a woman had shown interest.
The reasons I am married today is a mix of both of that. I initiated writing to her privately when she was on some yahoo anxiety group at that time, and I initiated setting up the in-person meeting in a public setting about six months later, but she hinted at wanting marriage after we had been together one to two years mostly as live-in. So, when I felt wanting and willing a few months after that to marry her, I proposed and she accepted. I am not saying everyone should do as we did, but just be open minded to who initiates, as many with ASD have relationship concerns or difficulties..
I just think in my wife's and my case I had lots more to lose with a relationship as my wife had several very severe mental health issues and far more needs than I, prior to marriage, and as I was happy alone just prior to that, could function on my own in all ways, and was ready to start a career, and wanted to grow. But, love is love, and her severe issues did not stop me from pursuing a relationship, then marriage with her. I did not see my wife's more limitations and less abilities as a reflection of someone who was not deserving. I saw it as an opportunity to assist her, and grow with her together.
Had I assumed she would be some burden, or not a match, through my initial contacts when she was a total mess that would have turned most persons off, I would have never learned all the great things about her, and we would never have been fulfilled to this day. I am not saying everything is perfect, nor am I saying that everyone should be ok settling for those with conditions. Some cannot take on that. All I am saying is there seems to be a lot of functional single men and women in this forum wanting to at least try a relationship of some sort, and try not to assume things, until you learn more.
I do agree though that regardless if one is a man or woman, if communication cannot be sustained or if one showed mostly big developmental, negativity or anger issues, and the good traits were mostly hidden, that would be a turn off to most. I am a rare case maybe where I had enough patience and empathy to look beyond that, but my wife even had patience and understanding too, as in-person I was much quieter than in my online talks with her. I opened up a lot with her in-person, the more I knew her, and the more that like turned to love. Neither of us ran away, when we both could have.
So, the bottom line is, I personally feel if one sees or senses more positives than negatives with a relationship, I feel most with enough strength will not usually give up, and you will see them trying hard to learn from their mistakes, or to put their best foot forward in making more efforts, and/or in showing their strengths, more, even if it is doing things in ways different than they had planned. If they cannot do this, yes, they could have larger developmental issues, or they are not ready either, or have given up in ways, or they just need the other do mostly everything. That rarely works.
