I have no issues with how he processes emotion on a surface level... the problem is, he mutes me for having them and gets annoyed when I cry, for example... he has maladaptive coping mechanism (i.e., excessive drug use) and that makes me wonder if he's processing his own emotions in a way that's really serving him.
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He thinks I was trying to hurt him...
- Thread starter Jorjor23
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I have no issues with how he processes emotion on a surface level... the problem is, he mutes me for having them and gets annoyed when I cry, for example... he has maladaptive coping mechanism (i.e., excessive drug use) and that makes me wonder if he's processing his own emotions in a way that's really serving him.
JDShredds
Well-Known Member
That's understandable from both perspectives (perhaps because I know this dynamic well). What exactly does he do to "mute you?" There's definitely a fine line between not being comfortable with someone being visibly emotional (I struggle with this), and actually trying to shut them up or worse, shame them for it. Does he take it that far? Also, keep in mind from his perspective, as confusing and backwards as this may seem, he may see all that emotional expression as immature and weak minded. Not that he is correct, but that he may see it that way. I've been one to perceive it that way myself, though I've grown to appreciate such emotional expression more.
The excessive drug use is a bad sign no matter what.
Honestly he was much better about this in the beginning, but the stress is getting to him and he doesn't handle it that well now. He see's me as being overly dramatic because I cry, therefore he see's himself as "walking on eggshells" when I feel similarly about his reactions to my emotions. I cry to release pent up stress and feel much better and tend to "snap out of it" afterwards. Last time when I cried, he told me "see, you're crying again, this is the second time in two weeks" (which to me wasn't that outrageous). This kind of put pressure on me to "wrap it up" and "move on"
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Yeah. I come from a pretty bleached background so I try not to be overly judgmental, but when it affects our relationship it becomes a bit of an issue. Oftentimes he'll stay up all night because he did coke, then in order to "correct" this he'll take a xanax and knock out for the whole day. Then I'll get annoyed that he's sleeping all day. It's the constant overcorrections that get on my nerves. I just wish he could find a happy medium, which doesn't mean cutting drugs out altogether, but just being a bit more "present"
Leave him.
Excessive drug use on his part = stupidity on your part.
Guess you must partake as well.
You certainly have unrealistic expectations is they will never be met as drugs are involved.
Anyway, I resign.
Good luck.
Partake in what? I don't do drugs outside of occasional weed....And how does that automatically equal stupidity. That's a black and white way of looking at it.
I’m feeling more and more sorry for your boyfriend.
1. Falls asleep after taking Xanax at midnight (the bastard!)
2. Self medicates after surviving a traumatic childhood (so inconsiderate of him!)
I’m going to follow fridgemagnetman and resign too.
1. Falls asleep after taking Xanax at midnight (the bastard!)
2. Self medicates after surviving a traumatic childhood (so inconsiderate of him!)
I’m going to follow fridgemagnetman and resign too.
You're missing the point on purpose... He didn't take Xanax that night. I'm talking about in general. After a night of doing coke he'll typically take xanax during the DAY and sleep through the entire day. But thanks for faking a lack of reading comp to further demonize me.
As ar as self medicating, I'm trying to get him to open up and possibly explore healthier avenues through which he can process his trauma. Awful right?
I feel like you guys are just piling on me for the hell of it at this point... whatever
GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
The last time I was sick was the middle of October when I had a bad cold. I was nearly out of medicine like Tylenol and cough drops and really wanted some decongestant spray. But I have no car and no one living close by, so I walked to the drug store and bought it myself. I felt a little guilty about being in public while contagious and I tried hard to keep my germs to myself, but I did sneeze a couple of times.
I think the purpose of my story is that people should consider themselves lucky that they have someone who is willing to get them things when they're not feeling well. But people can get more emotional than usual when they're sick as well. And of course there's the old "man cold" or "man flu" stereotype. My dad doesn't seem to have it, though, because my mom said she has to keep an eye on him to make sure he rests and takes care of himself, and he has CPOD.
I think the purpose of my story is that people should consider themselves lucky that they have someone who is willing to get them things when they're not feeling well. But people can get more emotional than usual when they're sick as well. And of course there's the old "man cold" or "man flu" stereotype. My dad doesn't seem to have it, though, because my mom said she has to keep an eye on him to make sure he rests and takes care of himself, and he has CPOD.
The last time I was sick was the middle of October when I had a bad cold. I was nearly out of medicine like Tylenol and cough drops and really wanted some decongestant spray. But I have no car and no one living close by, so I walked to the drug store and bought it myself. I felt a little guilty about being in public while contagious and I tried hard to keep my germs to myself, but I did sneeze a couple of times.
I think the purpose of my story is that people should consider themselves lucky that they have someone who is willing to get them things when they're not feeling well. But people can get more emotional than usual when they're sick as well. And of course there's the old "man cold" or "man flu" stereotype. My dad doesn't seem to have it, though, because my mom said she has to keep an eye on him to make sure he rests and takes care of himself, and he has CPOD.
Thank you for not blowing up on me. He just moved here(L.A) from NY on a whim. L.A is a pain to navigate without a car. He makes a good salary working in tech so I feel like there was a lack of foresight in not straightening out the car situation beforehand. This city is well known for it's pathetic public transport system... lol. That being said, I'm fine with running errands for him, but I do expect for him to try to meet me in the middle when possible, whether that be pitching in for gas... or.. well, opening the door.
It seems like you understand kind of what I'm getting at
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Seems you omitted some very important facts. These facts change everything. You said he was sick, but he wasn't sick, but rather coughing and congested because of his coke habit? You haven't known him that long? This has nothing to do with NT/ND relationship. You're right, he's a grown man (which is the reason I would not have been running out at midnight to get his cold medicine) but that's still not the problem. The problem is coke. It's early enough that it's your decision at this point if you want to deal with his coke habits and everything linked to it or if you want to stay away and find someone a little more here.
Yeah, I guess I'm just trying to gauge his trajectory. I met him during a stressful and transitional time in his life and it hasn't been long. I am curious to see if it tapers off once he gets more stable ( long term apartment, a car, get back the thousand dollars his friend/roomie owes him, and other burdens...) He says this is the most frequently he's ever done it... I hope I can at least give him somewhat of a chance before I give up on him. He has admitted that he needs to take better care of himself
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