How do you all cope with the feeling you’ll never feel belonging in this world?

[Chimorin]

I suppose this is touching on my previous post, just wondering how you all cope with that feeling. Just so many milestones I really wish I hit, just really miss having a sense of belonging. I feel lonely with people, lonely without them, but they were nice to have despite how empty my previous connections were. I can’t help but want to belong to SOMETHING y’know? I dunno, they’re just not many of us I guess, and a lot of us here are also very closed off, myself included, so it’s quite hard for us establishing that circle. Of course I know me being young makes these feelings amplified, but still, just lack that sense of purpose, something to wake up to, just monotonous emptiness over and over. This world owes me nothing I course, but I do wish I had someone to wake up to (friends, partner, whatever, someone lol).

Thank you for taking time to read this, whoever you are.

 

[Starflowerpower87]

At least you have the forums here. I cope by living in my own fantasy world. All my friends are there. It gets lonely but having an imagination helps. It also feels good to go out and be around people but not socialize with them.

 

[Chimorin]

At least you have the forums here. I cope by living in my own fantasy world. All my friends are there. It gets lonely but having an imagination helps. It also feels good to go out and be around people but not socialize with them.

I get you on that, in my case though my bubble shattered, something I haven’t recovered from yet. I do have this place though, just not always the most active here (which of course is understandable, we all live busy lives after all).

 

[Tired]

What are your hobbies? You can fill your life with meaning by having hobbies, and if you're good enough at them - you can start getting money for them (being a freelancer, selling things online etc).
You can also have a pet if you are allowed, they are good to fill that loneliness.
And I would suggest having some online friends, with whom you don't just daily talk about how hard life is, but about something easier, simpler, lighter. It will not immediately fill your life with a sense of belonging, but it can simply raise your mood by having something or someone positive to focus on, and that can lead to feeling more at home in this world.

 

[Judge]

Yes, that weird feeling as if you are always on the outside looking in, wherever we go, no matter how many people we interact with or may be around us.

A sense of loneliness that for some of us isn't easily shaken off.

How do I cope? I just "soldier on". Not much else one can do. But that feeling is always there.

 

[Chimorin]

What are your hobbies? You can fill your life with meaning by having hobbies, and if you're good enough at them - you can start getting money for them (being a freelancer, selling things online etc).
You can also have a pet if you are allowed, they are good to fill that loneliness.
And I would suggest having some online friends, with whom you don't just daily talk about how hard life is, but about something easier, simpler, lighter. It will not immediately fill your life with a sense of belonging, but it can simply raise your mood by having something or someone positive to focus on, and that can lead to feeling more at home in this world.

I don’t have many hobbies these days, making music is all I really do for now (like you said hopefully I can make some money out of it). I did have a cat but she went missing sadly, saved her when she was a stray. I actually was quite popular in other online circles but things blew up in my face there and got ostracised from those circles, so I need to make online connections somewhere else. It is a blessing in disguise though since I got overly dependent on them for interaction though, which of course isn’t good for day to day life. Thank you for the advice though, much appreciated.

 

[Chimorin]

Yes, that weird feeling as if you are always on the outside looking in, wherever we go, no matter how many people we interact with or may be around us.

A sense of loneliness that for some of us isn't easily shaken off.

How do I cope? I just "soldier on". Not much else one can do. But that feeling is always there.

I agree with you on that. It doesn’t really get me down per say, just that nagging feeling y’know?

 

[Judge]

I agree with you on that. It doesn’t really get me down per say, just that nagging feeling y’know?

Absolutely. It just lingers...never really goes away for long if at all.

 

[Chimorin]

Absolutely. It just lingers...never really goes away for long if at all.

Thanks for the honesty, I’d rather accept a painful truth than a comforting lie. I got me to understand me at least, you have you to understand you too. We may not consider it much, but it’s something.

 

[Tom]

No two personal paths are the same. The road, the encounters, and what we take with us is all different. But my suggestion to you, because of your age is not resign yourself to never belonging. One school, one town is a small sample. Also, people on the spectrum can be on a longer maturing curve. Some lessons just have to be experienced to learn. Silly as it sounds, I think one of the most valuable things you can embrace is a positive attitude and confidence in yourself that you will somehow, someday find a way.

 

[Jonn]

How do you all cope with the feeling you’ll never feel belonging in this world?​

Well, most can get used to it.
I did.
I am essentially a suburban hermit, and I prefer it that way.
Most on the spectrum seem to need solitude on a regular basis.

 

[grommet]

I suppose this is touching on my previous post, just wondering how you all cope with that feeling. Just so many milestones I really wish I hit, just really miss having a sense of belonging. I feel lonely with people, lonely without them, but they were nice to have despite how empty my previous connections were. I can’t help but want to belong to SOMETHING y’know? I dunno, they’re just not many of us I guess, and a lot of us here are also very closed off, myself included, so it’s quite hard for us establishing that circle. Of course I know me being young makes these feelings amplified, but still, just lack that sense of purpose, something to wake up to, just monotonous emptiness over and over. This world owes me nothing I course, but I do wish I had someone to wake up to (friends, partner, whatever, someone lol).

Thank you for taking time to read this, whoever you are.

I am a 56 year old aspie male and you described my life and how I feel perfectly. Age has not changed it but maybe the loneliness feels more painful. I gave up trying to belong, it did not work. I miss people too and wish I was around them but I also cannot be around them. A lonely life.

 

[Outdated]

It's difficult to relate how things were for me in comparison to you because I lived in a different era, a different world.

We didn't have computers and phones were firmly attached to walls. For entertainment we went to the pub to meet people and play 8 ball. Or we played sport. The only hobby of interest for men was the internal combustion engine, cars boats and bikes. A lot of people simply didn't have a phone back then, especially if they were renting a flat, so if you wanted to catch up to someone you went and knocked on their door.

I had two regular friends that I hung around a lot during my teen years and in to my early 20s plus there were many others that joined us from time to time. On weekends we were always doing something, let's go surfing, let's go camping and fishing up the river, let's nip over to Melbourne and go skiing. And during the week it was common to go over someone's place for the evening to drink coffee and play card games.

That pattern never changed for me, if I want to socialise it's with real people in real life, I don't do phone calls and chat. I think if social media had existed when I was young I would not have been forced to become as social as I was, and I don't think that's a good thing. In a way it was a kind of forced behavioural therapy.

I also learnt early on that there was a big difference between different types of loneliness and that I didn't suffer from needing to be around people all the time but I did want a partner. That never really worked out but I had a lot of fun trying. As we get older our perspectives change, by the time I was 40 I no longer wanted a partner but I still had a healthy sex drive, the thought of a woman wanting to live with me was terrifying though.

I never developed an online presence, the whole concept of social media seems perverse to me. If I feel like socialising I go to a pub and talk to people, I don't know any of them and that's a good thing because for me shallow relationships are easier to deal with. I talk and joke with a few people while having a couple of drinks and when I've had enough I go home again knowing that I'm unlikely to ever meet any of them again, I like it like that.

 

[Suzette]

Sometimes I think loneliness and seperation are feelings inherent in the human condition. Autists are not alone in this feeling. Maybe we don't know how to cope but I think NTs feel lonely and apart from others too.

Media like television commercials, movies and t.v. shows depict couples and families as close and happy to be in one anothers company. But honestly, I don't think that is the norm. Divorce rates are over 50%. Mental illness and depression are sky high amongst all age groups and genders whether you are ND or NT. I don't think these things would be true if humans found it easy to connect with others.

Our skin suits and language barriers keep us from really feeling a part of others. When I say language barriers I mean the difficulty of expressing how you feel with words that another can fully understand.

 

[Jonn]

I miss people too and wish I was around them but I also cannot be around them. A lonely life.

I find internet connections/friendships work for me.
I guess my 3 K9 kids are enough in real life. <shrug>

 

[Jonn]

I had two regular friends that I hung around a lot during my teen years and in to my early 20s plus there were many others that joined us from time to time. On weekends we were always doing something, let's go surfing, let's go camping and fishing up the river, let's nip over to Melbourne and go skiing. And during the week it was common to go over someone's place for the evening to drink coffee and play card games.

Remember, you are on the fringe of the autistic bell curve.
I.E. You are an a-typical aspie.

 

[Jonn]

I agree with you on that. It doesn’t really get me down per say, just that nagging feeling y’know?

OMG!
I just now realised you are only 18.
Disregard everything I have said.
We are worlds galaxies apart.

At your age, imo, you need to get out more to "collect data".
Lots and lots...

 

[velociraptor]

I suppose this is touching on my previous post, just wondering how you all cope with that feeling.

Thank you for taking time to read this, whoever you are.

I lean hard into my hobbies.

 

[Rodafina]

How do you all cope with the feeling you’ll never feel belonging in this world?​

Create your own world - one in which you belong just perfectly. If you are comfortable with your own self, you have a better chance of one day feeling like you fit somewhere else, too.

Sometimes, a sense of belonging comes from watching animals, staring at the stars, or finding a friend when you least expect it. Just keep searching and keep an eye out for fascinating things along the way.

Belonging is not always a static thing. Sometimes, it is just a fleeting feeling that we can have, appreciate, and remember.

 

[thejuice]

It's difficult to relate how things were for me in comparison to you because I lived in a different era, a different world.

We didn't have computers and phones were firmly attached to walls. For entertainment we went to the pub to meet people and play 8 ball. Or we played sport. The only hobby of interest for men was the internal combustion engine, cars boats and bikes. A lot of people simply didn't have a phone back then, especially if they were renting a flat, so if you wanted to catch up to someone you went and knocked on their door.

I had two regular friends that I hung around a lot during my teen years and in to my early 20s plus there were many others that joined us from time to time. On weekends we were always doing something, let's go surfing, let's go camping and fishing up the river, let's nip over to Melbourne and go skiing. And during the week it was common to go over someone's place for the evening to drink coffee and play card games.

That pattern never changed for me, if I want to socialise it's with real people in real life, I don't do phone calls and chat. I think if social media had existed when I was young I would not have been forced to become as social as I was, and I don't think that's a good thing. In a way it was a kind of forced behavioural therapy.

I also learnt early on that there was a big difference between different types of loneliness and that I didn't suffer from needing to be around people all the time but I did want a partner. That never really worked out but I had a lot of fun trying. As we get older our perspectives change, by the time I was 40 I no longer wanted a partner but I still had a healthy sex drive, the thought of a woman wanting to live with me was terrifying though.

I never developed an online presence, the whole concept of social media seems perverse to me. If I feel like socialising I go to a pub and talk to people, I don't know any of them and that's a good thing because for me shallow relationships are easier to deal with. I talk and joke with a few people while having a couple of drinks and when I've had enough I go home again knowing that I'm unlikely to ever meet any of them again, I like it like that.

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Nokia brick phones, a simpler time. Wasn't till I was 17 that I even got one of them!