How do you all cope with the feeling you’ll never feel belonging in this world?

[Jonn]

Yep, a harsh reality to swallow but it is the truth nonetheless. Sadly we have to endure said limitations for the rest of our lives, the consequences of which can be quite a brutal truth to accept.

Part of the problem is that some of us allow others to define what life is meant to be.
It is better to develop an internal locus of identity, rather than an external one.
In the end, we all end up in the same place...

Spoiler

Florida...

 

[Chimorin]

Part of the problem is that some of us allow others to define what life is meant to be.
It is better to develop an internal locus of identity, rather than an external one.
In the end, we all end up in the same place...

Spoiler

Florida...

Eh, true.

I suppose I find it hard as well to ‘go against the grain’ as I’m fully aware of the consequences of going against it. Trying to be who I am in public led me to a whole lot of grief to be blunt, I suppose I want to regain what I lost (which autism took away from me) and I worry I will never get back. Lost time is never found again, and I wish I could find the good times again. Been a year in the same position, the one I hated then and the one I hate now, and I worry the one I will continue to hate in the future. I hate this condition.

 

[Jonn]

I worry the one I will continue to hate in the future. I hate this condition.

Studies have indicated that the happiness levels with ppl over 50 tend to rise.
A lot of this has to do with accepting life as it is, and in my case, how ridiculous it all is.

 

[Chimorin]

Studies have indicated that the happiness levels with ppl over 50 tend to rise.
A lot of this has to do with accepting life as it is, and in my case, how ridiculous it all is.

Fair enough. I like to view life like a restaurant. You can have a bad starter, you can have a bad main, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a good desert. That’s what I hope for in my life.

 

[Jonn]

Fair enough. I like to view life like a restaurant. You can have a bad starter, you can have a bad main, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a good desert. That’s what I hope for in my life.

I have had a foul life pretty much from the beginning, but it is great now.
"I left the best for last."

 

[Slyfox]

I don't

 

[Mary Terry]

If alcohol and drugs didn't exist, I'd belong quite snugly in this world. But as soon as people start talking about the last time they got drunk or the last time they done the spliff, I suddenly feel isolated and become the least exciting person in the room. Being teetotal can be a lonely place.

I watch a lot of BBC programs and notice that drinking alcohol is often a significant part of the plots. There's also the British pub culture. It makes me wonder if drinking alcohol is more prevalent in the UK than the US. Some Americans do go to bars but it seems like every village in the UK has a pub where everyone hangs out and drinks beer. Am I misreading the culture differences between the two countries?

 

[Misty Avich]

I watch a lot of BBC programs and notice that drinking alcohol is often a significant part of the plots. There's also the British pub culture. It makes me wonder if drinking alcohol is more prevalent in the UK than the US. Some Americans do go to bars but it seems like every village in the UK has a pub where everyone hangs out and drinks beer. Am I misreading the culture differences between the two countries?

I think it's more common in the UK to drink, as in it makes you look and feel "normal" if you know you get drunk whenever you go out or whatever.

I remember one time (years ago) I was walking along the street with my mother and we passed a girl I knew who was 18 at the time, and she was loitering with a group of friends. After we'd passed my mum said to me "isn't she a bit old to be loitering about like that?" I asked what else should she be doing and my mum said "well, she's old enough to go into pubs now, you grow out of loitering about in the street by that age." I then asked what if you don't want to go into a pub, and she said "well it's just the done thing. When I was that age I had a boyfriend I was seeing, I wasn't hanging about in the streets like a younger teenager."
I sort of saw her point, but at the same time I wondered why it is expected for everyone to hang out in pubs once they turn 18 otherwise they're "immature". What if you don't drink or don't have a boyfriend and prefer to hang out outside?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I watch a lot of BBC programs and notice that drinking alcohol is often a significant part of the plots. There's also the British pub culture. It makes me wonder if drinking alcohol is more prevalent in the UK than the US. Some Americans do go to bars but it seems like every village in the UK has a pub where everyone hangs out and drinks beer. Am I misreading the culture differences between the two countries?

My understanding is that Europeans and Great Britain and Scandinavia (less so) tend to do all their socializing in pubs and rarely entertain in private homes.

While Americans do most of their entertaining in their private residences.

I don’t know if this is still true, but it was 30-40 years ago.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

You should see the streets in Oslo on a Saturday night. People think the Brits drink a lot but we make them look like amateurs.




What we do here, is that we have something called vorspiel. Before-party. People gather in someones home in the afternoon and party until around 10-11pm. Then we go out on the town and party more. And when the pubs close, around 3am, we have something called nachspiel. After-party. People gather in someones home and party more. Sometimes it's the same home you had a vorspiel in. So most of the partying is actually done in someones home. It's cheaper, alcohol in bars is very expensive. And it's more fun. You're already drunk when you go out on the town, so the mood and noise level is high.

You are right, of course. I have have read also the Swedish drink a lot of their higher alcohol content beer.

What is the alcohol content of Norwegian beer? I am thinking maybe I can't go to Norway after all. I couldn't keep up with all that drinking.

What you describe is like some of the colleges here. They are known as "party schools." They mostly occur in fraternity and sorority houses, spill out into private homes - some landlords rent out entire houses to students.

 

[Rachie]

Well they say life can be a bit of a mixed bag, I think that means there is good and bad in things.
Me, I think most people want things to work out for themselves when they are younger.
As an adult though I am glad that I don't fit this world. I live in it and you have to try and adapt to what you have. We are human beings and if we don't adapt we can risk our health.
I don't like wordly things and a lot of what I see about the world now, really I am very selective of it now. So I am glad I am not much of a part of it.
However, there are times were not having a normal life has stung me a bit like at family gatherings it makes me remember like I didn't have a traditional life like children being around family like that. It can be a mixed bag, Generally though I would now say I an glad I am not wordly, but you still need to be a part of it to function and they say when Rome do as the Romans. That means trying to get through with what you have at its most looset to me.

 

[Shamar]

Well they say life can be a bit of a mixed bag, I think that means there is good and bad in things.
Me, I think most people want things to work out for themselves when they are younger.
As an adult though I am glad that I don't fit this world. I live in it and you have to try and adapt to what you have. We are human beings and if we don't adapt we can risk our health.
I don't like wordly things and a lot of what I see about the world now, really I am very selective of it now. So I am glad I am not much of a part of it.
However, there are times were not having a normal life has stung me a bit like at family gatherings it makes me remember like I didn't have a traditional life like children being around family like that. It can be a mixed bag, Generally though I would now say I an glad I am not wordly, but you still need to be a part of it to function and they say when Rome do as the Romans. That means trying to get through with what you have at its most looset to me.

Being an outsider and only able to observe in society and social gatherings is bad enough, but being an outsider in a family gathering really hurts.

 

[plushy]

"normal" people feel the same, and feel lonely just as much as we do, according to things i've read. the feeling of belonging, they suffer that kind of stuff too. it's a human thing, not an us, on the spectrum thing.

i never felt that need though tbh. i was happy in my own little world. although i suppose it would be cool to know more people like me, spectrum people, if they lived near enough to hang out. but i definitely don't pine for it.

 

[Shevek]

I suppose this is touching on my previous post, just wondering how you all cope with that feeling. Just so many milestones I really wish I hit, just really miss having a sense of belonging. I feel lonely with people, lonely without them, but they were nice to have despite how empty my previous connections were. I can’t help but want to belong to SOMETHING y’know? I dunno, they’re just not many of us I guess, and a lot of us here are also very closed off, myself included, so it’s quite hard for us establishing that circle. Of course I know me being young makes these feelings amplified, but still, just lack that sense of purpose, something to wake up to, just monotonous emptiness over and over. This world owes me nothing I course, but I do wish I had someone to wake up to (friends, partner, whatever, someone lol).

Thank you for taking time to read this, whoever you are.

One antidote to loneliness is reading stories about families that fight at every gathering and other news of partnerships gone bad. Until age 27, I adopted the interests of other eccentric youth, but then got bored and frustrated. I took stock of my talents and interests, and of the problems arising in modern civilization, and set out to research solutions. I got considerable respect for my work, but it never paid a living. Now I spend a lot of time just building things to please myself and enjoying the process. I still keep looking for someone to continue my work, and am just discovering that I might do a lot better if I wrote in a style I detest but which works for average NTs.

 

[vergil96]

A lot of company is fake and not worth it