How do you respond to Compliments...?

[Judge]

You might peruse this thread. Lots of comments on this subject.

Strangeness with compliments...?

 

[kay]

I get squeamish.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I usually just say "thank you". That's not usually a hard thing to say, is it? Although I heard in this age of no manners it apparently is.

 

[ksheehan88]

Ugh.

I get very awkward. I don't like it. I like that they think nice things but I don't like the feeling of being spotlighted.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

My response is : Thank you, you too
What I think at the same moment is : ( why he/she saying that? Trying to seduce me? to fool me? does he/she want something from me? I know he/she must be lying because im obviously not good looking and my hairs are baaad so it must be a lie or some kind of maneuver to get something from me.

It feels so so cringy xD

It makes me think about another thing that happened to me in hightschool.

I had a girl sitting next to me during chemistry and she was always asking me for stuff like pencils etc...
It made me feel so cringy that one day she still told me that sweet " thank youuuu" and I just replied to her :" Can you stop thanking me all the time?"

Later in the year she asked me if I was gay xDDD Putting things together now It may be that she was just trying to get a little closer and testing me xD

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I don't mind receiving compliments. A conceited reason lies behind this. If someone were to tell me, "You're awesome," I'd thank them, but think, to myself, "Yes, I am; I already know that." Compliments, however, inform me that I'm maintaining a positive relationship with somebody.

Conversely, I love giving compliments. I'm an optimist, and love commending people, especially if doing so delights them. I create happiness, in someone, at no cost, and that also delights me. Beautiful! I find that happy people make great friends and teammates, and I value bettering their lives, with my optimism and gratitude. I believe that fostering good morale, while embodying altruism and mutualism, builds trust and connection between people. Through commending others, I display my grateful nature, continually easing any tension they gain, from me, when we first meet. I want them to know that I'm there to help, and that I'll be their ally, rather than their foe.

However, I find myself less useful, when associating with those who dislike compliments. It's as if I carry around a bag of apples, sharing them with everyone I meet, but then I offer one to someone new, who rebuffs me, preaching pear supremacy. I then can't share one of my greatest gifts.

What about you?
Do you enjoy receiving compliments?
Do you enjoy giving compliments?

 

[Running Girl]

Yes, yes, yes! As a kid, most of the parents of my friends thought i was rude, ungrateful, and raised by bad parents cause I couldt readily say thank you. Just wouldn't come out of my mouth. So awkward! As an adult, replying to "send my regards to your husband" or the like, I almost always reply "same to yours" too late, or not at all. I just forget thats expected of me. Between not understanding the timing and rhythm of having a conversation and forgetting the appropriate reply, i feel like such a jerk after these little pleasantries. They are decidedly NOT pleasant! I also dont like the rote phrases we're supposed to say on holidays. I recall avoiding people/coworkers even more than usual when i was working on Christmas (for example) just to get away from the "Merry Christmas" 's . Ughh. It isnt that I dont wish them 'merriness', you know,? Just seem to fail with the timing, and its all even more stressful than on an ordinary day. On the up side, I think I've gotten pretty good at "Hi, how ya doing?" But then i hope the other party doesnt take it beyond that!

 

[Progster]

What about you?
Do you enjoy receiving compliments?
Do you enjoy giving compliments?

I don't enjoy receiving compliments. I can't tell whether they are genuine or not, mot of the times it seems fake. I don't ask for it and I'd rather that they didn't say anything than give a fake compliment. Also, I don't know what to do with it, how to respond. Thank you doesn't seem right, like I'm supposed to be grateful for them giving a possibly fake compliment that I didn't ask for in the first place? The whole thing is just so awkward.
Giving compliments - if I go to someone's house and they have a really great music collection, then yes, I will compliment them on their music taste and that will be a sincere, genuine compliment. What I find difficult is when someone insists on showing you their art collection/new car/photos or whatever, and I am expected to compliment on how good they are when actually I have no interest in them whatsoever; that is something that I just can't do - or I can't make it sound enthusiastic enough. I just wish that people wouldn't insist on showing me things and putting me in this position in the first place. I don't like forced social interaction.

 

[Gracey]

I feel quite awkward on the receiving end of a compliment.
I like the comment from @Progster above regarding a fake thank you in reply to a fake compliment.

What a waste of good O2.

I 'think' more compliments than I give.
This may have something to do with my guessing how they might be received.
I don't think I have my scripts acceptable yet.

In my head I might be thinking,
'YOU sir, have your awesome pants on today and have just blown me away with that comment'

But have to translate it to "great point"

Another thought might be,
'You are amazing and I want to adopt you'

But that just seems creepy and I don't think I have an acceptable translated script for that,
so say nothing

 

[anacrusis]

I'm usually wondering what the motive was behind the compliment and also feel very awkward when receiving them. I suppose compliments are way for people to connect - a way to get a little buzz of "ooh, I'm appreciated by someone" but always end up wondering what I should do in return, and when. Trying to compliment back seems fake to me too - though if it's someone I work with, I can always (if I remember) find another time to give them a compliment first. I've also had self esteem issues, so used to downplay compliments all the time, and that makes the giver feel a bit as if their opinion isn't worth anything. (I didn't know this, someone pointed it out to me). So now yes, I'll say "thank you" when I can, and if the compliment is wildly off the mark, I'll go all confused or mumble something about that being kind, or it's nice of them to say so...

 

[sisselcakes]

I'm an NT and feel awkward receiving compliments! My initial reaction is to discount them, but I realize that comes across as insulting and unappreciative, so I just respond "thank you".

I notice when I compliment my ASD bf he seems to get awkward and uncomfortable, as if he doesn't know what to do with those words that are lingering between us. One I told him his green eyes are nice, and he responded, "yep, they're green". I was like, what an odd answer. That was before I knew him better. I think part of it for him is he really is hard on himself and it's difficult for him to hear something positive. Maybe doesn't fit with his beliefs about himself, plus maybe he feels fake responding with a nicety.

 

[kenaij]

The first paragraph is context for this particular situation, the situation starts at the second paragraph so feel free to skip.

Ever since I started looking into autism I have been trying to figure out what traits of me might be more autism related, and which traits are unrelated to potential autism.
Last friday we had a special team day at work. I work at a school as a janitor and there have been some struggles the past year(s) with all employees where we are not one solid unit. This day was geared towards building up that bond and making us a more solid structure. The day before we had a school party for the students which had already burned me out a little. The day started with a task to all (60 people) stand up and walk around the room and telling everyone who inspired us at the workplace to do our jobs better. Seeing all the people in this unorganised mess, and not having enough time to think of a person I see as an inspiration I felt an enormous wave of panic. I actually left the room until the task was over. Only a couple of people noticed luckily.
The other tasks were a little less stressful so I participated fully in them.

During the break I was standing in line to get a cup of coffee. One of the newer teachers was standing there with some people and looked at me. He then told them I was his inspiration. Because I was always calm, I always help everyone when I can. And if I can`t I`ll tell them who they need to go to instead. And I never complain about any of my tasks. I didn't know where to look and just smiled and got my cup of coffee. A direct colleague proceeded to tell me she was not surprised and that I hardly have a clue how valued I am by everyone. Again, all I could do is smile a little silly and look at my cup of coffee.
Often times when I get compliments like this I do not understand them at all, and do not understand why people feel the need to compliment me on things I see as my responsibility and basically, doing my job. It is so obvious to me I HAVE to act like that and I HAVE to do those things I do not understand why I need to get complimented over it.
It is often even worse when the compliment is directly related to the mask I put on to appear 'normal'/'typical'.

Do any of you feel the same way when getting compliments?

 

[AO1501]

Compliments always seem to be meaningless babble to me. I have no idea how to respond to them, so I don't. If they're true, then it's just a fact that needs nothing from me at all, and if it isn't true then it's pointless and doesn't deserve a response.

I know that many people feel that stating the obvious is a good thing, but I know when I do a good job, and I don't need anyone else to tell me.

 

[LadyS]

I don't generally like receiving compliments either. I know when to be proud of myself and when I could be better. And that's enough for me. But also I think it stems from my not liking the spotlight. I'd rather just blend into the background than be noticed. I also know that sometimes compliments are self-serving in order to get on someone's good side or garner favor. This may sound paranoid but I've actually heard people admitting this to me.

But I will say that knowing that many autists are of similar nature and are generally more genuine in their interactions, I do value autist compliments more as I know they have more substance than most NT compliments I've received.

 

[Darkkin]

I'm quick to acknowledge others, (great diversion tactic, many people enjoy talking about their achievements), but prefer to blend in with the wall. Being seen legitimately leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable. I know it is illogical and a bit stupid, (hypercritical inner narrator). I'll give the appropriate scripted reply, promptly change the topic and find the closest place to hide...

 

[MildredHubble]

I often feel so wrong footed by compliments, I don't seem to have figured out the right way to respond. I kinda feel if it's related to something I have a responsibility to do, then I shouldn't be complimented. It's no big deal. But some people get so emotional about it at times, like I've done something amazing, when to me it just made sense to do it.

I always look awkward I'm sure. Maybe it's because when people said positive things about me in the past, my mother for example, would burst that bubble quite quickly. She didn't like me feeling any pride I guess.

Responding to compliments where you should reciprocate, is also difficult for me sometimes. Like if someone says "How are you?" I respond with "great thanks!". Saying "thank you" was something that was so ground into me, I just can't help it. This means that I respond with gratitude, rather than reciprocating and asking how the person who asked is.

Most of the time I guess it doesn't cause problems, but there are occasions where I'm assumed to be a horrible person who doesn't care about how others are doing.

 

[paloftoon]

Sometimes, you can simply say "thank you" to a compliment.
I think it's better to find another compliment to someone's compliment, once. If the same person compliments more than once in a short period of time, it's okay to just say "thank you" and if necessary, "thank you for all the compliments you will give me."
If it's not too much for you, you can even start attempting light half-joking such as "With you by my side, I can become a Compliments Queen!!"

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I've never seen myself reflected in so many responses. Wow.

 

[kenaij]

I've never seen myself reflected in so many responses. Wow.

That is the general feeling I have had since I joined this forum a couple of weeks back.

 

[Beanfinity]

This thread is everything, I relate so much. It took me a while to learn what was the socially acceptable way to respond to reciprocal phrases like, "have a good weekend!". These phrases are not necessary, and serve no purpose, except to maybe make me feel like I'm being commanded to enjoy my weekend (the literal interpretation). Now I have a polished script, but in no way does it genuinely reflect how I feel or think in that moment. Of course, I appreciate people and want to wish them well, but my timing appears to be off. And when the timing is off, I get this scrunchy feeling in my gut when I try to respond and sound genuine. It just doesn't want to come out that way. My voice falters and dwindles.

As for receiving compliments, as a child I started off by just saying "ok" or "oh" in a flat tone because to me they were pointing out something I already knew, or seemed obvious or fact-like. I found it odd when other people received a compliment, they were almost 'surprised' by it, acting like they didn't even know they did their hair nicely that day, or put in effort that paid off on that task. I eventually learned to say, "oh, thanks!" and feign the same surprise.

Along the same vein, the dreaded "hi, how are you?" as a greeting or a genuine question, or neither and just something people parrot back to each other, baffles me to this day.