How Normal Are You?

[nonsensical]

How extreme would you consider your Aspergers traits compared to a neurotypical person? Can you pass yourself for a 'normal? person in everyday situations, or would people likely pick up on your AS peculiarities the moment you begin speaking? Basically, how capable are you of being a social chameleon? It seems that many documentaries, movies and books focus on what I might consider more dramatic expressions of AS. Since people generally focus on ?the other end? of the AS spectrum (i.e., noticeable stimming, rambling on about special interests etc.), many people probably overlook AS in those with less extreme symptoms or those who are good at hiding their symptoms. Personally, I believe I could pass for normal in many situations although it does not come naturally. Over the years I have learned strategies to be more reciprocal in my conversations. I also try to change the tone of my voice in order to reflect intent and feeling. However, my superficial outward appearance only goes so far. The more time you spend around me, the more likely you are to notice how awkward I am especially since I'm so terrible at keeping a conversation flowing past one or two topics. I also have a hard time maintaining eye contact without yawning a lot. For some reason, looking certain people in their eyes during long conversations causes insatiable yawning! :unsure:

So, in your best attempt to see yourself in the vantage point of a third person, how do you convey yourself to others? What would people notice most during their first five minutes of conversation with you?

 

[King_Oni]

Hm... how normal am I...

Let's put it this way; most people don't think I have autism, though their notion of what autism is might differ. To them autistic people might be the same with down syndrome. So in a sense that's a misinformed crowd. People have compared me to Sheldon when rambling about subjects, but never ever did the subject of autism come across.

Furthermore; from a perspective of others... I'm weird enough. Or at least, people can tell that I do not fit in. Yet I don't think it has to do with AS as such. I mean, I often dress more alternative/punk/goth with some military influence, have long hair, facial piercings and considering my age, that's already strange to people. Count in that I'm between 6'2 and 6'3, about 240 pounds and wear shades out- and indoors and people get a bit intimidated by me. Perhaps this helps camouflage the inherent traits (or people just don't dare to comment, heh). In a way it might be along the lines of a quote from Catch me if you can;

Frank Abagnale Sr.: You know why the Yankees always win, Frank?
Frank Abagnale, Jr.: 'Cause they have Mickey Mantle?
Frank Abagnale Sr.: No, it's 'cause the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes.

I'm not doing this on purpose though... it's just the way I like to dress and I have, in varieties over the past 15+ years.

This all being said, I'm not as socially awkward as a lot of people on the spectrum. I don't mind talking to people to get stuff done (talking to people cause I don't like people as "beings" is a totally different matter, lol). Add in that I also have a knack for being kinda dominant in conversations and it's not me that's getting uncomfortable, but most likely the others that interact with me. Also, I often joke around in conversations, so I don't know if keeping a conversation going is my problem. If anything I'm "too much" for people. People have asked me to take my shades off a few times because it made them feel really uncomfortable, behind my shades is a set of eyes that are out to kill. I just have that certain stare going on. That freaked people out even more at times.

Much like you I can't keep a conversation going after a few topics (and even less when I'm not in control, or have to talk about things I don't care about), but honestly, I don't care, and the aspie in me is probably blunt enough to tell you "if you're not providing something of interest for me, this conversation will end right now". I might come across as a bit arrogant, but I believe it has it's reasons, since I was way more timid and in the background as a child and had to learn to stand up for myself for years (hooray for bullying and more of that).

So summarizing; I don't think I act like a stereotypical autistic person, but I have my quirks (and most likely a lot of them), yet due to appearance (both style and physique) I feel I can get away with a lot and people just settle with an "ok, if that's what you like... I'm not going to argue about it with you".

 

[oscar2012]

Am aspergers thanks

 

[Aalo]

Not the moments when I begin to speak, but when I won't say anything even if I'm spoken to. When I speak, it also depends so much what am I speaking about, how my intentions meet with others. Because there truly are situations where it doesn't matter to me discussing some mundane unimportant stuff, because even that can be useful to the situation sometimes, and I'm not always oblivious to that. I haven't been told this, but I guess that people often get me as odd because of my eccentric point of views and discussion mannersisms. Yeah, every discussions don't interest me as others find them suitable and trying to question or lead the topic to more interesting direction is apparently a custom.

The situation where I could be seen most normal is when I'm visiting at the library, I think. There it's ok to be mute, and I've noticed that people often wander aimlessly and are about to stumble for not knowing where to go. Maybe they're amused about large interesting collections, idk, but I have problems to decide where I'm going in everywhere, and in most places it can look out of place. For me it really varies daily, I can also walk really calm and direct sometimes. And maybe because of my self awareness of my oddity, I tend to pay extra attention on interacting with shop personnel and other staff really clearly. But when not interacting, I keep mumbling on my own, so once again it might not be difficult to spot me. Although I think many other people too do speak by them selves with slight lip movement. I wouldn't say I'm too strange after all.

 

[Soup]

I can appear quite normal...to the uninitiated eye...IF they don't look too closely. I am very slim & petite with what the Victorians would've called 'regular features'. I wear comfortable clothing that is conventional enough that nobody looks too closely. My face, however, has no expression on it whatsoever. I zone out & I have the classic Aspie stare. My gait is odd & tippy-toe-ish & BUt f I wear a wedge-type platform soled shoe, that doesn't show any more. Over the years, I have learned a series of socially appropriate responses & things to say in different situations. The trick is to use them & get the hell out of Dodge before I run out of script (happens quickly!). In my experience, Aspie women tend to look more 'normal' & have an easier time blending in than our men-folk do. Many of them look unconventional & odd. Also, male fashion/appearance options are more narrow & constrained that are a women's. For example, a man in a sundress is officially 'in drag' & will draw stares. A woman can have short hair, wear some regular jeans, a flannel shirt & a pair of Doc Maartens, no make-up & anything else typically feminine & nobody even notices! Even if an Aspie woman goes for a punky or Goth look with spikes, choppy hair with a blast of bright green tint in it, 5 earrings & heavy eyeliner, nobody notices that much (esp. if she lives in an urban setting).

Acting normal may be easier too since we can bury our face in a book & simply look studious or engrossed in out reading. Also, according to conventional social expectations, a quiet solitary woman will be thought of as simply shy whereas a man doing the same thing may be typecast as a dangerous, scary loner-type (the kind who goes nuts & does unspeakable things).

 

[Arashi222]

Humm appearances are deceiving. I tend to according to a lot of people seem normal for a short while. Then...they start to notice what they call the weirdness. I am not normal I never have been Don't want to be normal. I am fine with being and Aspie who has NVLD. I find that people seem to think I am joking when I tell them I have Autism, or they laugh and say they are sorry or that they didn't think I looked Autistic. You get the people who say things like you smile too much you can't be autistic...right...My personal favorite but your an adult you can't have Autism yes yes I can. So I guess. No I'm not normal I do tend to appear normal for a short time until it becomes obvious that I have issues when as Soup says my pre-done scripts run out.

 

[Ste11aeres]

People who know me really well or who understand Aspergers well are not surprised by the idea of me+Aspergers. People who have a mistaken or exaggerated idea of what Aspergers is, find it hard to believe I have it. Earlier this year I tried telling some of them I have it, that's how I know. Now I choose to keep it private.

 

[manca]

I think I pass as a normal, until it's not expected I talk a lot. I think most people just think I'm really shy, but that's just because I can't figure out how to talk when there is a group of people. And lots of times I just keep quiet because I know my views on certain subjects are unwanted and I'll end up arguing. Also I don't like and can't find a purpose in small talk.
I don't know if people notice I don't watch them if possible when I'm talking to them. Sometimes, after spending quite a time with someone I suddenly see their face by coincidence and it really surprise me how they look like.

When someone knows me better they may think I don't like them. I rarely ever answer my phone, rather have it ring and I respond with a text later. Talking on phone gets me really anxious. Then when we talk it's not uncommon that I don't respond. If I don't like the subject. If I don't know what to say. If they don't like what I've said before.

My stimming is quite hard to notice, so I should pass as normal here. But I was told I start singing really quiet and high few times. I guess that happens when I'm bored and I drift off.

Once I start about my obsessions it's hard to quit though. If people knew that's a symptom they could know I'm an aspie. But they are mostly ignorant. I try to keep it short since I got hurt few times when they disrupted me.

You know what I found out last week?
If I have my horse beside me it's much easier to talk. I don't need to look at person I'm talking to, I can take more time to response (because you know, horse just moved and I have to place him correctly again), and it's easier to keep the topic horsey. I can talk a lot about horses.

 

[total-recoil]

People notice I'm different but don't know why. I get extreme reactions which these days I tend to pay attention to out of interest. I have found that once neurotips get to know me, any hostility usually disappears and they feel more at ease but, in the beginning, they may be sort of on my case. I consider my aspie traits to be not too self evident but, in reality, I believe I have very strong aspergers symptoms and have pretty much all of the traits, except I never rock or anything. The problem would become far more significant once superficial friendship became deeper and then I confess I'm kind of hard to deal with.
Acting? Well, all of a sudden I'm getting much much better. Not that I try to hide my symptoms but I really do chat a lot to girls and I was amazed that just over the past couple of weeks there are women calling me by my first name. That has never happened before, I don't recall. It also feels very strange - also the fact I now make eye contact with women, whereas when I was younger I'd look away.
Music seems to help as well as a lot of women are press-ganged into hearing my music and one or two were quite keen. Anyway, I don't try and act normal but I do make an effort to make jokes and be myself or even crack jokes about my weird behaviour so at this moment in time I'm not doing so badly.

How extreme would you consider your Aspergers traits compared to a neurotypical person? Can you pass yourself for a 'normal? person in everyday situations, or would people likely pick up on your AS peculiarities the moment you begin speaking? Basically, how capable are you of being a social chameleon? It seems that many documentaries, movies and books focus on what I might consider more dramatic expressions of AS. Since people generally focus on ?the other end? of the AS spectrum (i.e., noticeable stimming, rambling on about special interests etc.), many people probably overlook AS in those with less extreme symptoms or those who are good at hiding their symptoms. Personally, I believe I could pass for normal in many situations although it does not come naturally. Over the years I have learned strategies to be more reciprocal in my conversations. I also try to change the tone of my voice in order to reflect intent and feeling. However, my superficial outward appearance only goes so far. The more time you spend around me, the more likely you are to notice how awkward I am especially since I'm so terrible at keeping a conversation flowing past one or two topics. I also have a hard time maintaining eye contact without yawning a lot. For some reason, looking certain people in their eyes during long conversations causes insatiable yawning! :unsure:

So, in your best attempt to see yourself in the vantage point of a third person, how do you convey yourself to others? What would people notice most during their first five minutes of conversation with you?

 

[total-recoil]

Does anybody ever experience the following: You are quite relaxed chatting within a group and then suddenly you feel an onset of pressure like you're about to do something really wrong and make a fool of yourself so all you want to do is get away. And the longer you stay, the more uncomfortable you feel and very jittery. I have had real bad experiences of this and it can be kind of crushing to feel fine and be with friends one moment and then suddenly to get this anxiety. I guess I can only describe it like a freeze and you really want to act normal and be normal but somehow just can't relax and feel so much pressure. I wonder if this is something I experience outside of aspergers or whether a lot of other people here know what I'm describing. And you go away feeling that in truth you can never ever be just normal.

 

[nonsensical]

Throughout my entire life, people have said, ?You?re weird,? ?What?s your problem,? etc., so I would venture to say that I am not ?normal.? Even my parents, as screwed up as they were, were unable to accept me as I am. I function well enough in certain situations to get by like at church, but I?m still unable to operate in what would be considered a ?normal? manner.

Like many on here, I use ?scripts.? If they don?t work or run out, then the situation becomes a train wreck. I either totally clam up or do everything within my power to escape the situation. Those who know me best (the very, very few) accept me and don?t put me into a place where I have to rely on the scripts; if the scripts run out, they understand and accept what comes next.

I received the same types of responses from people growing up. It was painfully obvious that I didn't fit in, but back then you were just considered a loser (as my sister always made sure to let me know) instead of having a disorder. My parents thought I was intellectually slow since I was painfully shy, wouldn't speak up and lived in my own little world.

 

[nonsensical]

Does anybody ever experience the following: You are quite relaxed chatting within a group and then suddenly you feel an onset of pressure like you're about to do something really wrong and make a fool of yourself so all you want to do is get away. And the longer you stay, the more uncomfortable you feel and very jittery. I have had real bad experiences of this and it can be kind of crushing to feel fine and be with friends one moment and then suddenly to get this anxiety. I guess I can only describe it like a freeze and you really want to act normal and be normal but somehow just can't relax and feel so much pressure. I wonder if this is something I experience outside of aspergers or whether a lot of other people here know what I'm describing. And you go away feeling that in truth you can never ever be just normal.

I think you'd call it catastrophizing a situation. It might happen more often with Aspies due to our terrible track record with socializing, but neurotypicals have the same problem. If you are a negative or anxious person you may constantly run possible outcomes to situations through your mind with the expectation of the outcome actually occurring. I have a tendency to do this visually - forming mental imagery of horrific things happening to myself, my dog and those close to me. Sometimes these catastrophes we play through our minds are due to previous bad experiences and other times we simply have irrational thoughts based on nothing at all.

 

[manca]

Does anybody ever experience the following: You are quite relaxed chatting within a group and then suddenly you feel an onset of pressure like you're about to do something really wrong and make a fool of yourself so all you want to do is get away. And the longer you stay, the more uncomfortable you feel and very jittery. I have had real bad experiences of this and it can be kind of crushing to feel fine and be with friends one moment and then suddenly to get this anxiety. I guess I can only describe it like a freeze and you really want to act normal and be normal but somehow just can't relax and feel so much pressure. I wonder if this is something I experience outside of aspergers or whether a lot of other people here know what I'm describing. And you go away feeling that in truth you can never ever be just normal.

Yes... Especially if I say something and the response is mellow or unexpected... Then I can't talk anymore at all.

 

[TaumaRN]

In the first five minutes of meeting me most people would observe that I don't maintain eye contact very well. I believe they will see me as a nice and polite person who doesn't quite understand how to just chat without a specific issue on the table. If I am in a setting where I feel confident they will see that I have a big sense of humor sometimes to the point of being obnoxious. I am working on that. They may also notice that I have a receding hairline. Joke

 

[TaumaRN]

I believe I can relate especially at my work setting. I seem to have a problem when I get excited and joke around and I feel I have gone too far. I feel terrible, anxious to disappear and like an idiot. I try to remind myself to not get too excited when having a good day and mood. Sometimes it is something someone else says that is an immediate conversation killer to me for some reason that I usually can't put my finger on. I just try to get busy with something which is easy enough at work. Unless, of course I am in a staff meeting or specific council meeting. I try to keep my mouth shut in those situations but usually am not able too. I once interrupted my boss and was immediately corrected by her. I felt foolish to say the least. Meetings always seem dangerous to me because I don't trust what may come out of my mouth. However, I never, ever intentionally hurt anyone's feelings or belittle them. One of my largest issues is when people insult another's intelligence. It makes me so angry.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Does anybody ever experience the following: You are quite relaxed chatting within a group and then suddenly you feel an onset of pressure like you're about to do something really wrong and make a fool of yourself so all you want to do is get away. And the longer you stay, the more uncomfortable you feel and very jittery. I have had real bad experiences of this and it can be kind of crushing to feel fine and be with friends one moment and then suddenly to get this anxiety. I guess I can only describe it like a freeze and you really want to act normal and be normal but somehow just can't relax and feel so much pressure. I wonder if this is something I experience outside of aspergers or whether a lot of other people here know what I'm describing. And you go away feeling that in truth you can never ever be just normal.

I've had the experience where I begin a sentence, and then a feeling suddenly presses down on me, as if something really bad would happen if I finished the sentence, or, more accurately, as if finishing the sentence is the thing that's really bad.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

What is normal? You don't have to be on the spectrum to be quirky. I know some NTs who are absolute nutters.

 

[King_Oni]

What is normal? You don't have to be on the spectrum to be quirky. I know some NTs who are absolute nutters.

But in the general consensus of the NT population are they nutters among the NT's?

Or are they just weird in your opinion?

 

[WildCat]

For someone who was diagnosed with classic autism at a young age, I have yet to be called out on it...yet. The average layperson's stereotyped picture of an autistic like myself, I'm guessing, would be someone who repeatedly makes odd hand movements in public and/or presents on the whole as an overgrown child, which would obviously lead people to second guess whether or not I'm actually on the spectrum. I for one know better than that, but that's the image of autism in the eyes of modern media, and to someone completely ignorant to the facts as far as they're concerned I'm completely "normal". That's not to say I am "normal" though, with my occasional language difficulties, changing tone of voice, social anxiety and other slightly noticeable habits which all correlate with my current stress levels, but no one ever seems to point it out.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

But in the general consensus of the NT population are they nutters among the NT's?

Or are they just weird in your opinion?

No, I know NTs who consider other NTs to be either weird or a complete nutter. They may not fit into a profile listed in the DSM but they don't seem normal to others.