How to become better at being a woman?

[Jordy]

All beautiful. All incredibly feminine.

They dont appear very feminine.

 

[Progster]

They dont appear very feminine.

How so?

 

[vergil96]

How so?

Because what you said was insensitive and now you're word-picking. I believe that you're voicing your authentic understanding of the conversation, however, pause for a second... "you need to be thin to be a tomboy" might be true in a sense that to fulfill this image you need to look a certain way, but if a woman (or AFAB person who doesn't identify as such) hears that tbh for the millionth time, that feels like too much, irritating, misplaced. Just look at it from a different perspective. It's about context. It might not be obvious to you, but it's there, just like there are different ways to properly thank someone around the world and not being aware of a Chinese social norm living in America, doesn't mean it disappears from China or that your behaviour won't evoke certain feelings in Chinese people when you interact with them. You have to admit that you're wrong sometimes.

 

[Jordy]

You have to admit that you're wrong sometimes.

But what i said wasn't wrong. I agreed with the op and validated their beliefs of possibly not being able to meet the tomboy stereotype.

If you want to be angry at someone for supporting stereotypes, look no further than the op.

 

[vergil96]

But what i said wasn't wrong. I agreed with the op and validated their beliefs of possible not being able to meet the tomboy stereotype.

It wasn't, I see your logic, but fact-stating can make a bad impression if you put emphasis in the wrong place. Emphasis is put by the amount and directness of words. Also short words sound stronger, so possibly more rude. (This comes from a person who can't always apply it, because it takes a lot of effort)

A better sounding alternative would be to elaborate on the thought more and say (kind of stating the obvious): The tomboy stereotype is about a certain look, but there is nothing more into it and it's just marketing.

 

[Jordy]

It wasn't, I see your logic, but fact-stating can make a bad impression if you put emphasis in the wrong place. Emphasis is put by the amount and directness of words. Also short words sound stronger, so possibly more rude. (This comes from a person who can't always apply it, because it takes a lot of effort)

A better sounding alternative would be to elaborate on the thought more and say (kind of stating the obvious): The tomboy stereotype is about a certain look, but there is nothing more into it and it's just marketing.

Not my problem some people have factophobia.

 

[Darkkin]

Tomboy: a girl who enjoys rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys.

Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

(Oxford English Dictionary)

 

[vergil96]

Not my problem some people have factophobia.

You don't need to get so defensive. I guess everyone here has said many tactless things in their lives. Other people's feelings aren't an attack on you. Look how much energy you're wasting on interactions like that, defending your way of phrasing things. For most people a simple "sorry, I worded it in a way that came across differently than I intended" would suffice.

 

[Jordy]

Tomboy: a girl who enjoys rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys.

Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

(Oxford English Dictionary)

Colloquial usage of tomboy also implies an aesthetic, as is understood by the op. Oxford prescriptive definition doesn't do it justice.

 

[LadyS]

That's weird, it's the opposite from my experience. Many of the tomboys I personally know are on the curvier/heavier end of the spectrum. This is actually the very first time I've heard that tomboys are supposed to be thin. This is how I know stereotypes are just what they mean.. only stereotypes. Inaccurate in real life. One could say that about pretty much every stereotype there is.

 

[Jordy]

That's weird, it's the opposite from my experience. Many of the tomboys I personally know are on the curvier/heavier end of the spectrum. This is actually the very first time I've heard that tomboys are supposed to be thin. This is how I know stereotypes are just what they mean.. only stereotypes. Inaccurate in real life. One could say that about pretty much every stereotype there is.

There is a suble diffirence between a tomboy and a fat lesbian in denial.

 

[Jordy]

skater sub-type tomboy:

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7214920092323204358

chubby lesbian version:

 

[Darkkin]

Want to effect true change. Address the stereotypes, the mind sets, not the people social media keeps trying to force into a mold.

Anybody recognize the manic pixie dream girl archetype? The mainstream term for what is occasionally referred to as 'pretty autism'.

Women on the spectrum who are held up as an 'ideal' of the cute, quirky, sensitive, 'old soul' individuals that appeal to society. The stray kitten people adore.

People take it for granted that you are limited to what they see and assume. Society doesn't take you seriously because you're the kitten mascot. (Also known as the 'pretty bias' and is often the cost of 'pretty privileges' or a slightly wider band of social tolerance based solely on one's physical appearance.)

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Hi there! I'm afab but I've never been good at being a woman. I've always been the loudest, most dominant in the room if I'm with other females. I don't have the energy to wear tons of make or use skin care. As a child, I related more to movies like the little rascals and Scent of a Woman, rather than female-led movies with female desires. Other girls have bulled me intensely while growing up and most of the time they scare me. How do I become an actual woman? I'm tired of being a social outcast and want to be accepted. Also, I'm too fat and ugly to be a tomboy so don't come with that suggestion since tomboys can only really be thin and cute

I have a slightly different take on this issue of being a woman. It might be more useful to consider what you want to see in yourself as an adult human. Just something to think about.

It doesn’t happen all at once. You continue to grow and develop throughout adulthood.

I don’t have use for make up and other girly things either. I was bullied and left out too. I tried lots of things but none really fit me very well. I mostly hung out with men as an adult. I found men more interesting to talk to and more accepting of me.

It does sound as if you have gone down the rabbit hole with social media. Social media is a false world. Can you find something to replace it? A special interest?

Whatever you do, remember you are a valuable person. You will work through this and other challenges throughout your lifetime.

 

[kenaij]

There is no one way of being a woman.
In my opinion there is actually one 1 rule. 1 rule which I am sure more than half the people here disagree with.
For me. A woman is an adult human with 2 X chromosomes.
Since for me, that is the only difference between men and women. XX and XY.

Now, beyond men and women you have a whole bunch of other identities. But those are all social terms. And basically, those terms have very fluid rules. What is true in those rules today will most likely not be true tomorrow. That is why I prefer my viewpoint. It is set in stone, and is very unlikely to be proven wrong in the future.
Clear rules > chaos for me.

And to that point. You are a real woman. There is nothing you need to change about yourself to become a 'better' woman. Better person, maybe. But that is truly in the eye of the beholder, if not only your own eyes.

 

[Mary Terry]

I respect your opinion, but mine is clearly much better.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Of course I cannot answer your quandry except not to allow external validation drive you. I never was a stereotypical man despite the incessant 1950s propaganda about gender roles. In me, that created a negative self image and body image that contributed to my social and sexual isolation. Finally I decided to screw that and embraced my differences as being significantly better for me as an interesting and worthwhile person who exists beyond confining and stupid stereotypes. That gave me the confidence to then move towards traditional male interactions, like being the person to approach women for a date and connection.

I hope you can embrace yourself to be the woman that you will define for yourself. And, here is the truth: there are men who see a woman not for her looks, but for her values and strength of character.

 

[Mary Terry]

They dont appear very feminine.

Hello mary

Hello mary.

You're really on a troll roll today, aren't you, Jordy?

 

[Mary Terry]

Not my problem some people have factophobia.

 

[Mary Terry]

@Jordy - You could learn a lot from this website. People here could help you overcome or learn to live with your bitter, empty existence and your need to hurt and criticize others who come here in good faith.