I just follow the NT's lead, hard as they keep moving on changing direction. Stay away from the guys as they like sports Hang with the ladies as they like discussing family. Why I like hanging with my family many are on the spectrum.
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How to have normal social interactions?
- Thread starter Batmansbrotherspidey
- Start date
That's me as well when I don't have that comfort level I spoke of. Especially when I'm dealing with anyone who for whatever reasons inherently has leverage or rank over me.
I also doesn't help that I suspect many of us are unable to multitask in real-time in the midst of a conversation with another person. That we struggle to comprehend someone, while attempting to simultaneously (and self-consciously) think about how we appear to them.
One of those cases where if we attempt to do both at the same time, we end up failing over one consideration or the other.
An autistic person (such as myself) who wants to have "normal social interactions" already understands that they are dealing with their own psychological issues, life issues, possible trauma, and a long backstory.
What an autistic person may forget is that every body else - not just autistic people - is dealing with psychological issues, life issues, possible trauma, and a long backstory as well.
There really is no such thing as a generic normal interaction. All interactions are bent around the complicated interactions of the life histories of the people involved (the shorthand term for this is "karma").
Since no generic normal interaction is possible, the more useful question is " how do I interact with THIS person under THESE conditions?"
Chatting with the cashier at Big Store, and asking a person to marry you are both "normal social interactions."
Don't try to do them both using the same formula, though.
What an autistic person may forget is that every body else - not just autistic people - is dealing with psychological issues, life issues, possible trauma, and a long backstory as well.
There really is no such thing as a generic normal interaction. All interactions are bent around the complicated interactions of the life histories of the people involved (the shorthand term for this is "karma").
Since no generic normal interaction is possible, the more useful question is " how do I interact with THIS person under THESE conditions?"
Chatting with the cashier at Big Store, and asking a person to marry you are both "normal social interactions."
Don't try to do them both using the same formula, though.
This is what I was trying to say.
Social interaction is different in every context so you have to just "get it". Must be really daunting to most autistic people. I don't really have that struggle much, just some social awkwardness.
The same way in nature Wolves will pick off the injured member of herd. Humans were inspired by their tactics, like the Wolf Pack of U-boats that take out the ship with no convoy or air support. Or the Focke-Wulfe that picks off the B17 that's on fire, running on one engine, straggling behind the air formation without fighter escort.
Maximum exploitation with minimum energy expenditure and minimised risk of being taken down with them.
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Rats are good for autistic people to learn about social hierarchy 
They have popularity and cliques and fall outs and dominance and arguments, you name it. So fascinating.
They have popularity and cliques and fall outs and dominance and arguments, you name it. So fascinating.
What does a dominant rat doRats are good for autistic people to learn about social hierarchy
They have popularity and cliques and fall outs and dominance and arguments, you name it. So fascinating.
Dominates. Wants to be in charge of the cage and picks fights with rats socially weaker than them. Some rats love them and suck up to them, other rats hate them and fight or avoid them, and other rats are scared of them. Mind you I don't know if this is just male rat behaviour, as I've never had female rats. Maybe they're different.
My previous post doesn't give much useable info, other than "don't try using a formula."
Info on how to interact without a formula might be useful:
1. Context (the conditions under which an interaction takes place) matters. Example: I can talk all day long about organic gardening. I'd love to talk about it. If I try that at a social gathering, people DO NOT want to hear about it because I will be using words to describe things that are not a part of their life experience.
On the other hand - a different context - if I invite a guest to look at my garden, I can see what interests them (flowers? Herbs? Vegetables? Composting?) and we can chat about that. The thing we are talking about is right in front of them, they have expressed interest, so it is now meaningful.
2. Rejection isn't always about you. Like many autistic people, due to a lifetime of being told "you need to be more..., you need to be less..., all you have to do is..., man up, etc" - advice as useful as telling a blind person to "just look harder", I have a crappy self image.
A crappy self image means that, when things go wrong, I always blame myself first.
But often enough it isn't my fault because that other person, due to their life circumstances, past experience, general karma, ect., is, at least sometimes, a jerk.
In this case, don't blame yourself. Let it go and walk away.
3. Listen more, talk less. I like to talk about my interests and current obsessions.
SURPRISE! So do other people.
Let them.
Listen - not in order to find a place to insert your own words or opinions, do it the way you would if you were listening to somebody you admire giving you highly meaningful information.
If a person can get their ego under control well enough to do this, that person will become a highly respected conversationalist.
Info on how to interact without a formula might be useful:
1. Context (the conditions under which an interaction takes place) matters. Example: I can talk all day long about organic gardening. I'd love to talk about it. If I try that at a social gathering, people DO NOT want to hear about it because I will be using words to describe things that are not a part of their life experience.
On the other hand - a different context - if I invite a guest to look at my garden, I can see what interests them (flowers? Herbs? Vegetables? Composting?) and we can chat about that. The thing we are talking about is right in front of them, they have expressed interest, so it is now meaningful.
2. Rejection isn't always about you. Like many autistic people, due to a lifetime of being told "you need to be more..., you need to be less..., all you have to do is..., man up, etc" - advice as useful as telling a blind person to "just look harder", I have a crappy self image.
A crappy self image means that, when things go wrong, I always blame myself first.
But often enough it isn't my fault because that other person, due to their life circumstances, past experience, general karma, ect., is, at least sometimes, a jerk.
In this case, don't blame yourself. Let it go and walk away.
3. Listen more, talk less. I like to talk about my interests and current obsessions.
SURPRISE! So do other people.
Let them.
Listen - not in order to find a place to insert your own words or opinions, do it the way you would if you were listening to somebody you admire giving you highly meaningful information.
If a person can get their ego under control well enough to do this, that person will become a highly respected conversationalist.
I used to enjoy socializing with NT's but the past 5 years I damn well hate it to the point I am going insane. I'm getting to the point where I can't stand them. Not only that, but I try to be nice but new people and even "so-called friends" before I open my mouth just know I am a ND autistic somehow and overtalk me give me two word conversations and seem to purposely not pay attention. Then they will listen to some stupid story about how they found a quarter on the floor, but if I say the same damn story, they literally don't give a damn to listen. Then the resting faces and purposely getting up even as far as the other side of the room or the street park when I sit near them even as far as about a good 3 to 5 meters 15 feet mostly women me really hurt me to the point of anger that my father paid over $100 on Cologne and other crap which I don't stink which made no damn difference yet NT guys who look and smell like bums have the same women flock to them.
They're never here for you when you are in real crisis. They will travel without you with their true friends and exclude you every time. Not only that, but they contradict themselves and they break promises. Also, one mistake, minor meltdown or what they think is an insult, they drop your ass as friends because now you are a threat, they use the word safety, and now you're on your own. Yet they sling insults amongst their cliques, do much worse as "friends" but all is "forgiving and understanding".
They're never here for you when you are in real crisis. They will travel without you with their true friends and exclude you every time. Not only that, but they contradict themselves and they break promises. Also, one mistake, minor meltdown or what they think is an insult, they drop your ass as friends because now you are a threat, they use the word safety, and now you're on your own. Yet they sling insults amongst their cliques, do much worse as "friends" but all is "forgiving and understanding".
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I want to avoid celebrity at all costs.
Couldn't think of anything worse tbh!
I remember introducing a friend to an underground rock n roll band that were getting hype in alt rock magazines and were just on the cusp of becoming nationally famous in the scene. I used to play their debut album to him in the car.
They played a new album launch gig at a tiny local record store without my knowledge until I saw a poster after the fact. Turned out this friend invited all his friends except me to go see it.
I managed to catch them on a bigger tour later anyway, but that would have been so good. Maybe he wanted to claim the disovery as his own. Of course, I'm the one who's fragile for being upset about it, but you know on a soul level that was shenanigans .@Tony Ramirez
They played a new album launch gig at a tiny local record store without my knowledge until I saw a poster after the fact. Turned out this friend invited all his friends except me to go see it.
I managed to catch them on a bigger tour later anyway, but that would have been so good. Maybe he wanted to claim the disovery as his own. Of course, I'm the one who's fragile for being upset about it, but you know on a soul level that was shenanigans .@Tony Ramirez
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Have you started therapy? It will help you.
Still looking and delaying. Frustrated.
Didn't you say in a profile post that you hadn't actually reached out to any therapists?
I just had my first intake appointment today. I started searching last week and I did it without any phone even. Have another one on Monday.
Therapists accepting Medicaid. Just click on their website and email them. You can even copy and paste:
I just had my first intake appointment today. I started searching last week and I did it without any phone even. Have another one on Monday.
Therapists accepting Medicaid. Just click on their website and email them. You can even copy and paste:
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Copypasta it Tony, go for it! @Tony Ramirez
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