How to tell someone off when they comment your behaviour?

[vergil96]

it's okay, I'd just want to not continue the topic any further

 

[Au Naturel]

People watching - without being creepy about it - is an art. If you don't care if you look creepy, or don't even realize you look creepy, you'll never become proficient. You have to want to NOT be creepy.

I blew job interviews because I didn't make enough eye contact. So I corrected and blew job interviews because they thought I was too challenging or appeared overconfident. How am I supposed to know how much eye contact is right?

 

[Jumpinbare]

I blew job interviews because I didn't make enough eye contact. So I corrected and blew job interviews because they thought I was too challenging or appeared overconfident. How am I supposed to know how much eye contact is right?

I had the great fortune with my last two job interviews of having been strongly recommended beforehand, so the interviews were essentially formalities to keep the HR departments happy.

For the first one, I was recommended by a friend who had known me since first grade. For the second one, I was recommended (by name and phone number) by the contractor who was installing one of the laser systems. They had worked with me at the previous job and knew my qualifications. The new perspective employer actually called me out of the blue asking me to come and interview for the position. I had never applied for the job.

I dressed neatly for both interviews, and made a point of a few milliseconds of initial eye contact, but knowing from past experience that I would be more nervous trying to maintain eye contact than I would being myself, I went for more of the relaxed demeanor than a personable demeanor. I don't really know how they would have turned out if the interviewers didn't already want me.

 

[Jonn]

I think that's right if you're talking to someone. That is taken as a challenging stare down.
If you're listening people seem to like you staring and if you look away they think you're not listening or they get self conscious because they think they are making you feel uncomfortable.

Yes, context is important.

 

[Jonn]

I used to work with an autistic guy who would avoid making eye contact with you and sort of look towards one of your ears instead.

Spoiler

I am certain he was talking to your ear bc he knew it would relay what he was saying to your brain.

I still knew he was talking to me and he was friendly and likeable and everything.

One would think this was the most important thing.

I don't see what problem people have with someone not quite making eye contact unless they're obviously looking away and seeming shifty, but this autistic guy didn't come across like that.

Neither do I.
I would lean towards thinking the person may be shy.

 

[Jonn]

Hey, I'd like to not derail this thread in the direcrion of the point of view that poor eye contact means lying.

Noted.

 

[Jonn]

I just heard Aspies on forums say that they've often been accused of lying because of not making eye contact, and often point out that lacking eye contact can "freak NTs out" and make them think the person is lying or is being sly or something.

Rightly or wrongly, there are ppl who think that.

It was unfair of the policeman to base judgement on the eye contact and he even told the policeman that he's autistic. I feel sorry for him because he often gets mistreated for lacking eye contact.

If true, another example of the fallibility of humanity.

Nonsense in the spoiler content.
Do not read.

Spoiler

BTW, was that autistic person looking into your eyes when he said that?

 

[Misty Avich]

it's okay, I'd just want to not continue the topic any further

It's not my point of view.

 

[vergil96]

It's not my point of view.

I don't know where you see that I say it's your point of view in the quoted message. Let me rephrase: I accept why you brought up the argument about lying, it's fine, but I won't engage with this topic any further and wouldn't want others to do that in my own thead.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't know where you see that I say it's your point of view in the quoted message. Let me rephrase: I accept why you brought up the argument about lying, it's fine, but I won't engage with this topic any further and wouldn't want others to do that in my own thead.

Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was your thread. I get what you mean now.