I am going to post some of my film reviews in this thread.

[Mr. Stevens]

It is also very anti-PC when it comes to trans representation, but it does this in such a truly bizarre fashion that laughter is really the only appropriate response to that particular angle.​

Sounds like Sleepaway Camp. A nightmare movie on every level.

 

[Metalhead]

Till Death (2021)

Grade – 2.5 / 5

Rating – R

Running Time – 88 Minutes​

Till Death is a horror thriller featuring the remarkably bland acting talents of Megan Fox in every scene, showing remarkable resilience in the face of sadistic torture. Her makeup never falters. For a significant portion of the film, she is handcuffed to a corpse that shows no sign of decay throughout that very long period. She shows some nice MacGyver skills in trying to escape a homicidal maniac who is hunting her down, but every time she knocks that killer out with a single blow, she hesitates to finish the job and just tries to run away. I suppose a more talented actress would not have taken this role.

The plot of her insane husband to end her life is impressively and unbelievably elaborate, and not surprisingly, it mostly plays off as planned with a few hiccups along the way. It involves him handcuffing himself to his wife and then shooting a large hole in his head, then sending a sadistic robber who tried to kill her a decade earlier in their general direction. He even throws in the guy who was her side lover just so he could be killed off as well. This is all quite predictable after the initial shock of seeing the husband kill himself.

Till Death is an economical B-movie that is smart enough to start rolling at a brisk pace after the first horror elements show themselves. There are few surprises after the initial reveal of the husband’s death, and people who have seen the trailer already know that is going to happen. It does show Megan Fox playing a character who truly has the same amount of physical strength and endurance that Wonder Woman has, though, so if that appeals to you, this is your movie.

The acting is wooden all the way across the board, and the lack of sympathetic characters is another thing this movie has going against it. Technically, Fox’s character is the one the audience should sympathize with, but with a wooden performance like this, I am not willing to give that much consideration to this character. But the pacing of the movie is fast enough to keep all of the cliches interesting, as this film leaves an extremely little amount of time for details like character development. I knew that husband was a jerk when his wife bought him Super Bowl tickets at the 50 yard line for their anniversary present, and he left those tickets as a tip to the waiter. That probably is the greatest act of violence this movie contains.

 

[Thinx]

Wow you do some hard work for the team watching these films, so that we don't have to ! Great reviews as always, znd that's a few more hours of my life I don't need to waste! I am currently working my way through the whole 6 series of Downton Abbey, as I convalesce from an op for twisted bowel. I think you'd find that a special kind of hell, but try it if you dare. Maggie Smith is part of what keeps me interested, and the beautiful setting which I think is Highclere estate. Almost no gore, but the blue blood drains pitifully away as they waste and mismanage their heritage.

 

[Metalhead]

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Grade – 3.5 / 5

Rating – PG-13

Running Time – 154 Minutes​

Harrison Ford made it clear that his last performance as the title character was to be in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. As the final film in the franchise, it makes for a decent sendoff while not quite reaching the great heights of Raiders of the Lost Arc and The Last Crusade. The action sequences are expectedly spectacular, but the human drama is uninvolving, and the plot is rather predictable. How many times must Dr. Jones deny that a relic holds special powers only to be proven wrong at the end of the film? This is the fifth film in a row where that pattern occurs.

Mads Mikkelsen does make a great villain, chewing up the scenery in virtually every scene he is in. Phoebe Waller-Bridge plays Jones’ goddaughter with likable arrogance. But the real star of this movie is not in the casting or in the screenwriting. It is in the slam-bang action sequences that make up the bulk of its 2 ½ hour running time. Harrison Ford and his cast of stunt doubles do amazing work here. The action violence is over the top and really quite ridiculous the more I think about it, but that is to be expected from an Indiana Jones movie by this point.

Director James Mangold wisely keeps the plot moving at a whiplash pace, and he managed to make 2 ½ hours feel closer to 90 minutes when I was watching this. While this film fails to bring anything new and fresh to the franchise, it should be enough to please fans who only want more of the same. Fans of Hollywood action epics will find a lot to love here. In the end, I recommend watching this at a matinee screening with a bucket of popcorn; but be sure to leave your brain at the door before entering the theater.

Nobody Is coming to this for a believable plot. They are coming to this to see a motorcycle chasing a train and the hero jumping from the bike on the train to immediately start punching Nazi scumbags within the first ten minutes of the running time.

 

[Metalhead]

Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972)

Grade – 5 / 5

Rating – Unrated (Equivalent to an R)

Running Time – 94 Minutes​

Much has already been written about Werner Herzog’s legendary film, Aguirre, the Wrath of God. I am here to confirm that it really is one of the greatest depictions of a descent into madness depicted on the silver screen. Klaus Kinski’s performance as the title character here really is as unsettling as you have probably heard it was.

Many people may be put off by the fact that the characters here are mostly of Spanish descent, yet they are clearly speaking German. That is a minor quibble, IMO, when the filmmaking craft is as great as this. The cinematography captures a sense of claustrophobia when most of the film takes place on rafts on open water. Hostile natives of the jungle sometimes appear from a distance, and the sound of absolute silence usually means that somebody on the rafts is about to die.

The musical score is another highlight here. It is used sparingly, but effectively. Aguirre’s mutiny against the Spanish crown takes place very early into the film, and the insanity of the situation this crew finds themselves in just ramps up every passing second until the film’s iconic and famous ending scene, which makes a great mockery out of the self-proclaimed Wrath of God. Kinski expresses his character’s insanity with a lustful drive for power always evident in his eyes. At first, he is able to inspire a mutiny by promising his crew the unknown riches of El Dorado. I guess it is no spoiler to say that things do not turn out very well for any character under his leadership.

One thought that kept on coming into my mind was how difficult it must have been to shoot this film in the jungles of Peru. This was an era long before CGI sets took over many film productions. Herzog was risking life and limb to capture this narrative footage, and his crew was brave enough to go along with it. The result is the kind of rich cinematography that one rarely sees in modern movies.

I consider this to be one of the greatest movies ever made, period. However, I do not recommend it to anybody who is already in a depressed state of mind. There is a poetry to the sense of sheer nihilism in the plot that comes to one of the most haunting climaxes in the history of film. If you do not already know how it ends, see the film for yourself and avoid reading any more about it.

 

[kenaij]

I just used that read check with a dutch text. It seemed to work. I had to send an e-mail to all students about emptying their lockers. It scored me with a readability of 13-15 years old. Our students range from 13-22 so I guess I was really spot on.
Very curious how this check works since it seems to work on a language that is not native to its programming. Assuming it is only programmed for English. Wonder how it works for languages that are generally more difficult in their buildup than English (or Dutch since that is about the same as english).

 

[Metalhead]

Andrei Rublev (Uncut Version) (1966)

Grade – 5 / 5

Rating – R

Running Time – 205 Minutes​

This review is of the uncut 205-minute version of Andrei Tarkovsky’s legendary epic, Andrei Rublev, which is available in the USA through the Criterion Collection. I have not seen the original 165-minute American release, so I went into writing this review without any real knowledge of how to compare the two versions.

This film is very long, but not a single second is wasted. It is slow moving, but never boring. This is not a straight up biopic of the famed 15th century Russian icon painter, but it is rather a episodic character study of the artist himself – very little of his art is seen here until the film’s final minutes. Essentially, this is a movie about a Russian Orthodox Christian struggling to hold on to his faith while the world around him is so absorbed in cruelty and bloodshed. The Tatar invaders are raping and pillaging every village they come across – this is a not-so-subtle metaphor about what Communism did to the director’s homeland.

For a movie produced in 1966, the violence and sexuality are both remarkably graphic, at least in this uncut version. Yet none of it comes across as gratuitous. Andrei observes a world full of sin, and he sins himself in many key scenes. In an early scene, Andrei’s fellow monk Kirill leaves for the secular world in a fit of jealousy against the more talented painter of the bunch. His return in the final episode ties together many of the film’s themes in a circular motion.

Indeed, the final episode here is some of the greatest epic filmmaking my eyes have come across. The casting of the iron bell as dictated by an arrogant young man, while Andrei silently watches nearby, is filled with intense suspense – especially since the Crown Prince will murder everybody involved in making the bell if it turns out this young man has no idea what he is doing. As all the subplots get tied up not so neatly at the end while this is going on in the forefront, the result is the kind of shattering catharsis that many religiously themed films strive for, but very few manage to obtain.

There are many historical inaccuracies to be found here. But like I said before, this was never intended to be a historically accurate biopic. It is a meditation on the relationship between an artist and his work. It is a meditation on faith in a world where religion is facing violent oppression – those whiny bastards who manufactured fictional oppression for the God’s Not Dead movies could learn a few lessons about what true religious oppression is like by watching something like this.

Seeing as the film takes place in the fifteenth century, the idea of a mute woman with an intellectual disability being called a “holy fool” might rub many viewers as offensive, but I took that as a sign the film was set in the fifteenth century. Despite the nudity and the gore, this is one of the most directly faith affirming feature films I have seen, and it affirms religious faith by showing it genuinely challenged constantly. I can see why the USSR government was quick to ban this film when it was first produced.

 

[Metalhead]

I just watched In the Realm of the Senses and I wrote a review of it. I don't think these forums are the right place to post a review of an art film that was produced with hardcore sexual content in it, though.

 

[Metalhead]

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Grade – 3.5 / 5

Rating – R

Running Time – 84 Minutes​

One of the most infamous slasher movies of the ‘80s still holds up today as a camp classic. The promotional artwork and the subject matter of Silent Night, Deadly Night caused tons of controversy amongst American parents, eventually leading the film to be pulled from cinemas after two weeks because parents did not want their kids to watch an R-rated movie about a man in a Santa costume killing people on Christmas Eve. While this film certainly does earn its R rating with the copious amounts of bloodshed and gratuitous nudity, it certainly is far from scary. It has a pitch-black sense of humor behind its campy antics that I am going to say was intentional.

This super low budget production makes up for its limited funds by racketing up the sleaze and embracing how ridiculous its narrative thread is. The film starts off with a young boy watching his parents get murdered by a man in a Santa costume. Then it goes on to see him in a Catholic orphanage being cruelly abused by the Mother Superior, who believes the key to solving his trauma is to traumatize him even more. When he is 18, he gets a job at a toy store and becomes the last-minute Santa substitute. Then he has his first taste of alcohol. Then he starts killing people in a variety of graphic ways.

There are not any socially or morally redeeming values to be found here, although a lot of it could be taken as a satirical jab against Reagan-era moralizing. The production values and the cinematography are not bad considering how low the budget was for this production. The cast chews through the scenery with glee, and I suspect everybody here had a lot of fun making this silly movie. This is a film that outright demands the audience not to take a single second of it seriously. The audacity of some of its plot twists and red herrings are certain to generate a lot of genuine laughter with the right kind of rowdy crowd.

Is this a great movie? I would say it most certainly is not. But it is great entertainment, and after a slow start it starts moving at a brisk pace. Fans of sleazy slasher movies will find tons to enjoy here. All other audiences need not bother to watch Silent Night, Deadly Night.

 

[Thinx]

Nice one! And thanks again, this is another one I won't need to watch... I like how measured and fair you are about it, because clearly it's in a genre some people enjoy. I see the point you make about how the tone helps us to take it as a camp kind of fantasy not intended to be lifelike exactly. I still am not great at not taking such depictions seriously though, so I'll steer clear of this one. Keep on reviewing!

 

[Rodafina]

@Metalhead
Any new reviews? I don't mean to be pushy, but maybe doing a new film review would help with how you've been feeling. You have fans of your reviews here.

 

[Kalinychta]

Are you still taking requests for reviews?

 

[Metalhead]

@Metalhead
Any new reviews? I don't mean to be pushy, but maybe doing a new film review would help with how you've been feeling. You have fans of your reviews here.

I plan on bringing up my own website within the next couple of months.

Are you still taking requests for reviews?

I cancelled most of my video streaming services a couple of months ago due to unforeseen medical expenses, but I plan on resubscribing after Christmas and taking requests again then.

 

[Metalhead]

I just had a conversation with my friend who built my last website. She is willing to bring it back up for a fair price which I can pay next month, but she is also swamped with work at the moment so it may be a couple of months before my website sees the light of day again. I don't want to add to her stress currently, so it may be a few months before I ask her about it again.

I know nothing about building websites. Wordpress looks difficult to me to get what I want out of it and have it look halfway decent.

 

[Metalhead]

Thanksgiving (2023)

Grade – 4 / 5

Rating – R

Running Time – 106 Minutes​

I went into Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving expecting a dumb slasher movie, but the opening scenes are so full of vicious satirical bite that I was convinced I was watching something truly subversive. As the brutal Black Friday massacre at RightMart unfolded before my eyes, I laughed at how horrifically spot-on Roth’s vision of American consumerism was. This is a movie that starts off with all cylinders running, and it keeps going on strong with its wit, which is every bit as strong as its grisly imagery.

This does eventually degenerate into another movie where teenagers are being butchered by a masked serial killer, but the tone here is so intentionally ridiculous that it was impossible for me to take any of its over-the-top violence seriously. Roth knew that a slasher movie set around the American Thanksgiving holiday was going to be a tough sell to begin with, so he embraced the absurdity of that notion fully. This is a film that works as well as it does because it makes no apologies for its gratuitous nature.

While I was able to accurately guess who the killer was early in the film, the large number of red herrings were entertaining. Nell Verlaque plays a rather intriguing final girl, while Karen Cliche plays her stepmother with delicious venom that makes her character earn the most over-the-top death in the film. Rick Hoffman plays the father of this family who owns the local city superstore, RightMart, and he wants to have another Black Friday sale after the stampede that killed several people one year earlier. A masked serial killer dressed as a pilgrim has other plans for this family and their friends.

The performances from the cast are not that great, but this is the kind of film where Shakesperean thespianism would completely kill the mood. Roth wanted to create a midnight movie, best served with beer, pizza and good friends. Thanksgiving is not a masterpiece, but it is one of the most purely fun movies to enter American cinemas in 2023, and that must amount to something. The pacing never lags as the body count rises, and there are some surprises to be found in the absurdity of some of the kills. This is slasher movie manna from the heavens for genre fans, but everybody else would not likely find much to appreciate here.

 

[Metalhead]

Silent Night (2023)

Grade – 5 / 5

Rating – R

Running Time – 104 Minutes​

John Woo’s American films have rarely been able to hold a candle to his classic Hong Kong productions, so I was surprised to find that his experimental Silent Night was one of his best films to date. An action film with no directly spoken dialogue might sound like a thoroughly idiotic proposition, but through the steely intensity of its leading man, Joel Kinneman, it ended up being played as a tragic descent into insanity instead of as a straightforward revenge flick. I was swept away by the purity and the simple poetry that Woo infused this project with.

The plot is predictable, but the predictability adds to its tragic nature instead of working against it. The leading man enters his quest for bloody vengeance without any intentions of making it out alive, after all. Kinneman plays a man so overcome with grief and rage over the accidental shooting of his young son that it overtakes his reason and sends him rapidly into madness. After a few months of engaging in alcoholism while the wife eventually decides to leave him, he throws away the bottles and starts a training montage where he learns how to become a one-man army.

The massacre that makes up the film’s second half is full of fantastic stunt work and over the top gunplay, but the tone is somber, and Woo keeps in mind that the violence here is not to be celebrated. The futility of revenge is a theme that gets a thorough treatment here. Silent Night feels as if John Woo wanted to capture the mood of the last ten minutes of Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven and keep it going for nearly two hours, and he succeeded at that task perfectly. If Sergio Leone were still alive to direct a silent film, it would turn out to be something like this.

Woo has created a film where the style makes up all the substance, and it works perfectly. And this film would not have worked nearly as well as it does without Kinneman carrying the weight of his character’s trauma with ironclad resolve. This is one of the best movies of 2023, and it is a shame it failed to find its audience in American cinemas.

 

[Ghostinthemachine]

@Metalhead your reviews are fab if you can please keep them coming,loved the one for silent night deadly night ,watched it many times although its not as bad as the "so bad it's great" uk film "don't open till Christmas (1984) now that is really bad!

 

[Metalhead]

I am taking requests again, but this time only with films that are avaiable on Prime Video and Apple TV + with the subscription in the USA. I also just posted two pictures of my latest VUDU purchases on my timeline, feel free to pick any of those movies as well. I will add more streaming services after I finish paying off the septoplasty.

 

[Metalhead]

Here is an update on my upcoming website.

A friend is going to take my old website, update the code, add some bells and whistles and host it on her server. We are going to discuss a fair price for labor and hosting and a payment plan over the next week. I am hyped about this.

 

[Metalhead]

The Burning Hell (1974)

Grade – 1 / 5

Rating – Unrated (Equivalent to a R)

Running Time – 58 Minutes​

I am not a part of the intended audience for The Burning Hell, which is a ‘70s Southern Baptist propaganda film meant to scare its audience into the loving arms of Jesus Christ. How it intended to scare its audience was with psychedelic scenes of torment in Hell, featuring sinners being eaten alive by maggots, impaled on spears, fighting each other nonstop because there is no friendship in Hell, only hatred. Cheesy flame effects and embarrassingly amateur gore makeup is abundant during these scenes.

There is no profanity or sexual content to be found here, but HG Lewis grisliness is apparently A-OK for the preacher Estus W. Pirkle, who clearly only wants to avoid going to Hell while not being such a great and kind person on his own right. He offers no proof that Hell exists other than “the Bible says so”. Then he pulls in two of his friends, who also claim Hell is real, simply stating that “the Bible says so” is conclusive evidence. This film was made to preach to the choir, and it is highly unlikely that anybody was converted to the Southern Baptist brand of church after watching this.

There are laughs to be had as Middle Eastern characters from Biblical times all speak in heavy American Southern accents as they burn in eternal torment. Jesus’ parable of the rich man and Lazarus is expanded and fully embellished by the great preacher Pirkle who dismisses that it was a parable and states that it was actual fact. This is insulting to Biblical scholars, but it makes for decent B-movie entertainment.

Near the start of this hour-long sermon propaganda film, Pirkle meets two “modern” Christians who dismiss his old-fashioned fire and brimstone views of hell. Then those two friends go motorcycling and one of them ends up dying in a horribly graphic motorcycle crash. His friend should have contacted the authorities, but instead he goes back to the preacher to hear his sermon about Hell. The preacher immediately assures him that his friend is suffering for all eternity in his moment of grief.

This is terrible filmmaking. If I were a Christian, I would not want this piece of violent pornography speaking for my belief in Jesus Christ. And it is pornography, and it is exploitation, and it is made to shock and disgust its audience into Christianity. This kind of insanity is acceptable in some churches. If the only reason why these people do not sin is because they fear eternal torment, they must not be great people to begin with.