I can't feel love for people!

[risootser]

Yes, but you never know if those types are interested in you or if they're just being their nice self, which adds a layer of stress if you fancy them.

The amount of people online be who moan about folk taking it the wrong way when they were "just being nice" or "just being a friend" really puts me off making a move.

You can take it like that if you will. I don't really care if people care about me all the time - I'm quite self-nihilistic as a person. Care can be a very controlling suffocating thing. Everyone has their own subjectivity which will prevail itself. All it matters for me at least is the atmosphere because investment in it throughout the span of things is a tell tale sign. It can be seen as bad time management but I don't care about getting fast relationship profits.

 

[SDRSpark]

try. I talk to them. I invite them places. But there's never anything built up. Nothing grows. It's like there's a glass wall between me and them.

It's like I'm working on trying to build a relationship and all my efforts bounce of the glass wall.

The "glass wall" metaphor is perfect! That's exactly what it feels like much of the time.

 

[Outdated]

My issue seems to be a little more complex than many of the responders here. I don't generally form bonds with people. I've had many great friends over the years but if I stop seeing them I don't miss them. Family the same. When they die I feel nothing, some appreciated my presence at their deathbed because I'm not upset by it and so I don't project any bad emotions on the friend that is dying.

I have fallen in love a few times though. That bond seems eternal, even though it's been decades since we last spoke and I would never want to return to those relationships the bonds are still there. I still wonder about them and I hope that life turned out well for them. I still miss them.

Aahh... such is life.

 

[Lecia Wynter]

Greek had a few words for the English equivalent of love...1) agapey - decision, selfless, self-sacrificial, desire for good 2) phileo - friendship, care 3) eros - sensual love, arousal, emotional passion

People today make the wrong choices, and base their love on feelings... on number 3... love isnt supposed to be about feelings, nor friendship...that is subjective... love is supposed to be about objectivity deciding to be loyal, to honour and cherish someone, to respect someone.

As supporting evidence, divorce rates are spiked in relationships where both partners have had intercourse with other people outside of marriage...but divorce rates are greatly reduced where both couples have had no prior dating realtionships nor sexual relationships prior to marriage...and it is not to do with sex at all...but to do with the willpower and psyche...the mindset if you will...that a person is supposed to self-sacrificially fill a single responsibility of a relationship with no other concerns in life... it is the objective love that is also described for people who take care of their own babies, or die for a cause...it has nothing to do with passion

If you want any references I can google it for you or help you...but do not worry...real love is an objective decision, that one makes inside onces core... it is not a transient feeling... alexithymia does not mean you dont love someone...just means you are not subjectively emotional, which is somewhat irrelevant to a successful marriage anyway...the feelings disappear after the first few years...and what carries you after that is the desire to protect and nurture

Sounds boring and machinelike. It also sounds dystopian but I get there are a lot of utopian things about what you are saying. In terms of darwinian evolution though, people that lack eros aren't probably going to reproduce or marry in the first place. A lot of the people in this thread (I didn't read all the replies yet) seem to lack eros and consequently, didn't seek marriages.

So, eros can cause the first two things to happen, but without eros you sometimes don't get an investment into the first two things to begin with. What usually happens is, people pair bond at a young age through eros, then through time they stay loyal even when the eros begins to fade. As you get older finding a date becomes harder and harder, becomes more and more platonic and transactory.

That being said, eros has let me down before, so I'm not super stoked about it. For example I had eros for a guy who didn't reciprocate. But I think eros brings the other forms of love and loyalty as an added effect, and without eros a lot of people aren't going to try to invest in marriage in the first place.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I'll keep this short; aside from my relationship with my mother and brother, I don't know if or when I've felt "love" towards someone.
I've had dating relationships in the past, and they all ended very nicely, no one was mad at the end. But I think that's because I don't know how to feel or care for the other person.
Is this an Asperger's trait? What causes it? I'm in my 30's and was diagnosed in my 20's, and I'm a woman.
I just don't know if I've ever felt anything for anyone, and I've known a lot of nice guys and nice people. I'm getting concerned because I want to get married, but I don't know what's going on! And I've met another great guy!
How does one become emotionally invested?
Thank you.

It can be hard, I find these feelings hard as an autistic too, it feels like for me someone has to draw you to them and you have to connect on several levels.
I have to feel some form of emotional and some sexual or idk maybe just have chemistry connection to form a bond I think.
They have to spark my interest and then it has to build.
It is hard for me too with trauma I do not feel like my family gives me enough attention. Like what is attention to me like seeing you, spending time with you, knowing you. Giving you love when you sick.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Greek had a few words for the English equivalent of love...1) agapey - decision, selfless, self-sacrificial, desire for good 2) phileo - friendship, care 3) eros - sensual love, arousal, emotional passion

People today make the wrong choices, and base their love on feelings... on number 3... love isnt supposed to be about feelings, nor friendship...that is subjective... love is supposed to be about objectivity deciding to be loyal, to honour and cherish someone, to respect someone.

As supporting evidence, divorce rates are spiked in relationships where both partners have had intercourse with other people outside of marriage...but divorce rates are greatly reduced where both couples have had no prior dating realtionships nor sexual relationships prior to marriage...and it is not to do with sex at all...but to do with the willpower and psyche...the mindset if you will...that a person is supposed to self-sacrificially fill a single responsibility of a relationship with no other concerns in life... it is the objective love that is also described for people who take care of their own babies, or die for a cause...it has nothing to do with passion

If you want any references I can google it for you or help you...but do not worry...real love is an objective decision, that one makes inside onces core... it is not a transient feeling... alexithymia does not mean you dont love someone...just means you are not subjectively emotional, which is somewhat irrelevant to a successful marriage anyway...the feelings disappear after the first few years...and what carries you after that is the desire to protect and nurture

Love for me comes from divinity. If I did not have a faith I would not have love in my heart. Faith opens your heart to love.