I can’t find an “in-between”

[Cryptid]

↑ I doubt we'll get answers.

 

[Markness]

How do you know that?
Did she use those exact words?
How do you know what this person's hopes for you were?


How long ago was this?
And what degree of acquaintanceship did you have with that person?

She was saying that I can’t be thinking of wanting a girlfriend as the first thing to socialization and that’s partly why she wrote “SMH” to me.

She didn’t but I tend to think that is how she feels about me.

She told me that finding the right group or “people” takes “trial and error” but since she wrote “SMH”, she probably doesn’t hope for me to ever get better.

It was back either in April or May.

She was an online “friend” from the Discord server.

 

[tree]

You are reading a lot into that.

 

[Masked Man]

The following items are facts (from your text):

She didn’t (use those exact words)…

She told me that finding the right group or “people” takes “trial and error”


And these are your beliefs:

I tend to think that is how she feels about me.

she probably doesn’t hope for me to ever get better.



One set is fact; the other is emotion.

Feelings are not facts.

Your emotions are incredibly distorted.

You immediately jump to conclusions that are... wrong.

You then base your behavior on your incorrect conclusions.

Your behavior that is based upon incorrect conclusions keeps you trapped in a loop.

You need to break the loop.

 

[Jeff T]

Each of us are just a tiny splinter of the mass of humanity.
People are all doing their own thing. Each has their priorities.
The mass of humanity doesn't give a darn about my opinions, dreams, desires or fears.
That's how it should be.

Maybe give this a try when you feel that others don't behave the way you wish them to:
"I'm doing my thing, they're doing their thing, and how they interact with me is their choice!!!"
Say it fervently, with AN ATTITUDE. Pump yourself up.

Indeed, it does seem that you are in a rut, and an unpleasant one at that. I hope you jump out of it,
but it requires some changes to be made?

 

[Markness]

↑ I doubt we'll get answers.

Yet I replied to her.

 

[Cryptid]

A reply that was not necessarily an answer . . . but subsequent replies from others seem to give better explanations.

How long has this been going on? For how long have you been complaining, receiving suggestions, rejecting those suggestions, and then complaining some more?

How deep is the rut you are in?

 

[Markness]

A reply that was not necessarily an answer . . . but subsequent replies from others seem to give better explanations.

No, you claimed there wouldn’t be any answers in reference to Rodafina wondering if I would answer tree’s post. I answered her post.

 

[Cryptid]

No, you claimed there wouldn’t be any answers in reference to Rodafina wondering if I would answer tree’s post. I answered her post.

No, I said, “I doubt we'll get answers.”

 

[Markness]

Each of us are just a tiny splinter of the mass of humanity.
People are all doing their own thing. Each has their priorities.
The mass of humanity doesn't give a darn about my opinions, dreams, desires or fears.
That's how it should be.

Maybe give this a try when you feel that others don't behave the way you wish them to:
"I'm doing my thing, they're doing their thing, and how they interact with me is their choice!!!"
Say it fervently, with AN ATTITUDE. Pump yourself up.

Indeed, it does seem that you are in a rut, and an unpleasant one at that. I hope you jump out of it,
but it requires some changes to be made?

A large part of my rut is being an outsider in what’s supposed to be my culture.

 

[Cryptid]

@Markness

Then go your own way and establish your own culture.

 

[Markness]

You are reading a lot into that.

Are you saying I shouldn’t at all?

 

[tree]

Are you saying I shouldn’t at all?

Do you always assume that people are saying secret things,
that they aren't just saying what they mean?

Clue: what tree is saying what she means.
Saying that Markness leaps to conclusions based on feelings
which develop from stories he doesn't seem to be aware
that he is telling himself.

 

[Cryptid]

← Typical 'Aspie'; one who says what he means and means what he says.

Overthinking the things people say and do leads to "Analysis Paralysis", which prevents people from developing meaningful relationships. There is no way to develop trust in others when one is constantly imagining the worst of what they "really" mean. This is likely what is holding Mr. Markness back from making social connections with other people.

 

[Markness]

As Misty Avich put it, I am very baffled and hurt by my social experiences. I also missed out on milestones in my developmental years and didn’t get to experience the psychosocial moratorium like most teens do.

 

[tree]

didn’t get to experience the psychosocial moratorium like most teens do.

Psychosocial moratorium???

 

[Markness]

Psychosocial moratorium???

I’ve read it described as a period in life where teens and young adults get to socially experiment.

 

[Cryptid]

"Psychosocial Moratorium: In ego psychology, a term introduced by the German-born psychoanalyst Erik H. Erikson (1902–94) to denote a 'time out of life' during which a person can retain a fluid identity, such a period often being a feature of early post-adolescent life in modern industrial societies, when young adults can take time out by travelling, for example, before settling into more fixed identities constrained by work and relationships." -- Oxford Reference

Seems to also be a period of "finding one's self", in the hippie/emo vernacular. I did not "find myself" until I was nearly 40, when I realized that I did not need self-validation by having a girlfriend, and that I was capable of much more than what my detractors had told me as a child. This was also when I stopped caring what others thought of me.

 

[Markness]

Do you always assume that people are saying secret things,
that they aren't just saying what they mean?

Clue: what tree is saying what she means.
Saying that Markness leaps to conclusions based on feelings
which develop from stories he doesn't seem to be aware
that he is telling himself.

I often think people are thinking the worst of me when they criticize me.

 

[Cryptid]

↑ What people think should not matter. The important thing is what you do to influence their thinking.