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I can’t find an “in-between”
- Thread starter Markness
- Start date
- Status
They show contempt for me. You’ve seen it here.
Masked Man
Well-Known Member
Agreed with this but wanted to add that I've noticed, if anyone has shown contempt it's been Mark. He seems to look down on anyone who does things he doesn't "agree" with - drinking alcohol and liking sports comes to mind. How many times has he mentioned he can't associate with a group because some of the members drink?
Looking down on everyone is easier than admitting that maybe the problem is him and not everyone else.
Is that really an answer to the question "Why would they care?"
"They show contempt for me" is a description of a feeling.
Assuming a position of contempt is to take a feeling as a platform for action,
without taking into account a basis for the feeling.
The question is what reason do you perceive as being the
motivating factor for these other people's concern regarding you?
You’ve made a gross assumption about me. I don’t look down on those who drink alcohol at all. When I bring up alcohol, it’s an observation that it seems to be a social requirement and I tend to fall to the wayside in social situations because of that. Also, I like Metalhead and have never once judged him for consuming alcohol. It’s never even crossed my mind.
Do these *social winners* who are consuming alcohol actually
come out and state that if you don't drink you're not welcome?
Or is it more that being around intoxicated people isn't all
that fascinating for you? Plus you're not inclined to imbibe,
yourself, so the camaraderie of the shared experience isn't
there.
come out and state that if you don't drink you're not welcome?
Or is it more that being around intoxicated people isn't all
that fascinating for you? Plus you're not inclined to imbibe,
yourself, so the camaraderie of the shared experience isn't
there.
"Mind over matter".
You shouldn't mind, because such people and their opinions shouldn't matter to you.
-And on general principle.
Masked Man
Well-Known Member
Fair enough - but have you hung out personally, in real life with Metalhead?
Also: per tree's question: have people explicitly said to you that you are not welcome because you are not drinking?
Additionally, tree's question in post 66 still is unanswered.
jacobmockler
New Member
TW (Sorry if we don't do this here!) Social Isolation, Young adulthood virginity
Deep, Deep underneath the trauma response that is growing up and trying to date as an Autistic Man you have buried your own strengths: a strong frame and goal driven mindset. Pragmatism.
I was 24 before losing my virginity, and all of my forays were a complete embarrassing trainwreck. I've been left for my friends, left on read, left for dead. I was desperate, needy, deep in pain. I really thought that some lady was going to swoop me up like i used to dream dad would and take me away for another summer of pizza, mountain dew and video games
I communicated even with Female mentors in recovery (I am sober and clean!) as if they were some sort of Ramona Flowers, in my life to teach me deep life lessons. In my life to Love me forever unconditionally and high five me on my way to the next score.
I was twisted. I was depraved, perverse, lonely.
I met a literal keeper on the spectrum, all of the same special interests, the same authors, the same venues and music, the same movies, the same games.
But emotionally entirely different. I've met someone else local and we have our differences, but we are in each others lives to have fun, lighten the load. That honeymoon you're the best thing to ever happen to me dies fast.
you have so much someone is looking for, but you will run them off needy every single time
Focus on your goals and your life. I intend no ableism when I say your yoga is a fantastic idea..any sort of martial art or exercise with this sort of strategy can be an absolute mind changer. The Nak Muay, the Karate practice all stem from humility, constant growth and regular understanding. Boxing, these are all things that will harden you up a bit -- you are completely worthy of an awesome relationship. That's going to include some very very unfun times and you will be tested and expected to fight fair when you have to. There is no better place to practice than one of the only practices clinically documented to activate the PFC.
Does any sort of other training possibly call out to you? Bodybuilding, Calisthenics to boost your yoga..running?
Its you vs you, and all FOR you. Every second you spend bettering yourself for ANYONE else is a huge waste. Building strength and appearance for you can feel absolutely exhilarating.
I don't know you man. But I know you can do this stuff. Start right now. Go get yourself a bottle of water. Drink it.
Those women that have wished you well and moved forward? I have a task to suggest... From now on if you find yourself in one of those awful feedback loops, where you feel bad about feeling bad, and you are thinking nonstop I want you to say: "I will think negative thoughts later. I hope they are doing well. I am surrendering all of this to flow."
It will NOT come overnight. Your reactions to NT society are definitely trauma based. We get played, laughed at, talked crap about, joked on, and made to look like villains plenty even amidst our worst shortcomings. Learning to own your entirity is the goal, there is no masking or hiding for you! She won't want it. It will scream I'm hiding.
Grace and poise will come. You will learn to quietly bow out when you can sometimes in this world of regular messaging and connection. It's never fun. Consider these analogies.
A stagnant pool of water outdoors? it's mucked up. dirty. Without either flow in a short term, more casual sense,
or maintenance you will have dirty muddy water fast. You are behaving in a way currently that has left you with a very dirty pool. It is time to introduce new Mark new water new bubbles. Not brand new, not fake, but AUTHENTIC and passionate, caring, dry or outgoing in bubbly, own those parts of your personality. faking it won't work long
I also must say, short term sprees of NSA, FWB, can be very fun but do NOT start anything not in line with what you want. You don't need "practice runs", but authentic fun connection as you want it.
I am also going to bring forward somethings many ignore:
We are in 2023. Swipey apps rock for the right crowd. Assess. There are also apps made for inboxing, mutual interest. social groups. Use the feeds.
"I'm looking for a gf my age" is not an introductory post.
Take care, good luck. look over the questions users here have. there is lots of deep insight being offered. take what you can apply for growth, and use it. Because the alternative is letting shortcomings win and isolate you
Deep, Deep underneath the trauma response that is growing up and trying to date as an Autistic Man you have buried your own strengths: a strong frame and goal driven mindset. Pragmatism.
I was 24 before losing my virginity, and all of my forays were a complete embarrassing trainwreck. I've been left for my friends, left on read, left for dead. I was desperate, needy, deep in pain. I really thought that some lady was going to swoop me up like i used to dream dad would and take me away for another summer of pizza, mountain dew and video games
I communicated even with Female mentors in recovery (I am sober and clean!) as if they were some sort of Ramona Flowers, in my life to teach me deep life lessons. In my life to Love me forever unconditionally and high five me on my way to the next score.
I was twisted. I was depraved, perverse, lonely.
I met a literal keeper on the spectrum, all of the same special interests, the same authors, the same venues and music, the same movies, the same games.
But emotionally entirely different. I've met someone else local and we have our differences, but we are in each others lives to have fun, lighten the load. That honeymoon you're the best thing to ever happen to me dies fast.
you have so much someone is looking for, but you will run them off needy every single time
Focus on your goals and your life. I intend no ableism when I say your yoga is a fantastic idea..any sort of martial art or exercise with this sort of strategy can be an absolute mind changer. The Nak Muay, the Karate practice all stem from humility, constant growth and regular understanding. Boxing, these are all things that will harden you up a bit -- you are completely worthy of an awesome relationship. That's going to include some very very unfun times and you will be tested and expected to fight fair when you have to. There is no better place to practice than one of the only practices clinically documented to activate the PFC.
Does any sort of other training possibly call out to you? Bodybuilding, Calisthenics to boost your yoga..running?
Its you vs you, and all FOR you. Every second you spend bettering yourself for ANYONE else is a huge waste. Building strength and appearance for you can feel absolutely exhilarating.
I don't know you man. But I know you can do this stuff. Start right now. Go get yourself a bottle of water. Drink it.
Those women that have wished you well and moved forward? I have a task to suggest... From now on if you find yourself in one of those awful feedback loops, where you feel bad about feeling bad, and you are thinking nonstop I want you to say: "I will think negative thoughts later. I hope they are doing well. I am surrendering all of this to flow."
It will NOT come overnight. Your reactions to NT society are definitely trauma based. We get played, laughed at, talked crap about, joked on, and made to look like villains plenty even amidst our worst shortcomings. Learning to own your entirity is the goal, there is no masking or hiding for you! She won't want it. It will scream I'm hiding.
Grace and poise will come. You will learn to quietly bow out when you can sometimes in this world of regular messaging and connection. It's never fun. Consider these analogies.
A stagnant pool of water outdoors? it's mucked up. dirty. Without either flow in a short term, more casual sense,
or maintenance you will have dirty muddy water fast. You are behaving in a way currently that has left you with a very dirty pool. It is time to introduce new Mark new water new bubbles. Not brand new, not fake, but AUTHENTIC and passionate, caring, dry or outgoing in bubbly, own those parts of your personality. faking it won't work long
I also must say, short term sprees of NSA, FWB, can be very fun but do NOT start anything not in line with what you want. You don't need "practice runs", but authentic fun connection as you want it.
I am also going to bring forward somethings many ignore:
We are in 2023. Swipey apps rock for the right crowd. Assess. There are also apps made for inboxing, mutual interest. social groups. Use the feeds.
"I'm looking for a gf my age" is not an introductory post.
Take care, good luck. look over the questions users here have. there is lots of deep insight being offered. take what you can apply for growth, and use it. Because the alternative is letting shortcomings win and isolate you
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