I don`t know how to live this life.

[convallaria]

I didn't know automatic translation was bad !when I was reading the translation I thought it was exactly right but I'm not fluent in those languages so I could be wrong .
If I ever tried to speak another language in another country ,the people of that country always wanted to speak my language which defeated the purpose,people are probably just relieved because they probably can't speak your language ,I am 90% fluent in English ,they might just be confused .The rest of the languages are dribs and drabs. As you can see from my grammar ,I am probably at the level of a two-year-old child ,my comprehension is about the same .

in which countries have you been? (if it is not a secret).
I am confused that in English there is no polite form of the sentence and with older people it is necessary to talk as well as to peers (this is strange)

 

[OlLiE]

Hello, welcome

Basically, accept yourself, surround yourself with people who appreciate who you are and ignore everyone else, find studies/job in an area that interests you rather than focusing on pay, status... etc etc

At the end of the day even among NT's not everyone is the same and subgroups come into being, there is nothing wrong with being different, and there is no rule that says you have to comply with society's popularity rules.

Choose to define yourself based on your strengths rather limiting yourself based on your weaknesses.

It's your life, live it the way that makes you happy, as long as you're not damaging anyone else, there is no obligation or need to acknowledge NT's norms for happiness and success.

By the way, I don't know what language you are coming from, but your English is great.

 

[convallaria]

Basically, accept yourself, surround yourself with people who appreciate who you are and ignore everyone else, find studies/job in an area that interests you rather than focusing on pay, status... etc etc

I constantly hear about the fact that doctors should be able to talk to people (patients) and it scares me.

By the way, I don't know what language you are coming from, but your English is great.

Thank you. My native language is Russian but I took English lessons at school for few years and I am studying Korean myself for 4 years and German almost 3 years.

 

[Streetwise]

in which countries have you been? (if it is not a secret).
I am confused that in English there is no polite form of the sentence and with older people it is necessary to talk as well as to peers (this is strange)

Germany ,Italy ,Malta ,France ,The island of Madeira ,,Scotland ,the Republic of Ireland ,Australia ,Belgium ,Austria ,Switzerland, The island of Tenerife , The island of Gozo ,Israel . The island of Guernsey . Morocco. Greece.
It was in Germany that I tried to speak German ,but the German citizen immediately wanted to Converse in English ,I tried to converse in German in Austria but I haven't learned well enough .
My problem was we learned to languages at the same time when I was a teenager in school it was very confusing I couldn't understand male and female cases or neuter in German ,I know to a lot of people English is a strange language, but it isn't really English ,it's a trade language began after the industrial revolution.
The real English was a mixture of Anglo-Saxon ,Celtic and some French and high German -which was like all the other Latin based languages.

 

[convallaria]

Latin based languages.

oh i forgot i know latin too. i have always been interested how sounds and looks like my language for foreigners. my groupmate is a spanish native speaker and he says only that it is very difficult to learn our language and english is easier.
I know that the Germans know English very well. probably it is well taught in schools

 

[Streetwise]

oh i forgot i know latin too. i have always been interested how sounds and looks like my language for foreigners. my groupmate is a spanish native speaker and he says only that it is very difficult to learn our language and english is easier.
I know that the Germans know English very well. probably it is well taught in schools

I remember being in southern England and two French students were studying English ,they said English is very hard ,I find English very hard but I don't think I'm a natural speaker .
I tried to learn Latin but my mother became terminally ill so I had to stop.

 

[convallaria]

English is very hard

hard to pronounce as for me ("the" for example) but grammar is easy and words are short. english is cool

 

[Streetwise]

You must be very clever I always found it funny that the government department said I was above average intelligence I thought if only they knew

 

[convallaria]

last year my iq was 120 it's kind of a norm i think

 

[Streetwise]

oh i forgot i know latin too. i have always been interested how sounds and looks like my language for foreigners. my groupmate is a spanish native speaker and he says only that it is very difficult to learn our language and english is easier.
I know that the Germans know English very well. probably it is well taught in schools

I tried to learn Russian but ill health has prevented it.

I constantly hear about the fact that doctors should be able to talk to people (patients) and it scares me.

Thank you. My native language is Russian but I took English lessons at school for few years and I am studying Korean myself for 4 years and German almost 3 years.

from what I remember people who are autistic appear to cope with communication when it is about something they are very interested in it only becomes a problem if you're not interested in the subject that is being discussed

 

[WittyAspie]

I remember being in southern England and two French students were studying English ,they said English is very hard ,I find English very hard but I don't think I'm a natural speaker .
I tried to learn Latin but my mother became terminally ill so I had to stop.

I’m surprised French students found English to be hard. Once you get past basic verbs the cognates become more and more numerous. Pronunciations may be vastly different, but many words look identical on paper.

I see words in my head when working with French. Hearing the language took awhile, but once my ears got used to the flow of the language it wasn’t hard.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome Convallaria! I hope you can find the support you are looking for here. School can be really stressful for a lot of people on the spectrum, so know you are not alone.

I am currently in school as well, though nothing as hard as med school. My issue has never been with succeeding in class. I have a problem of letting everything else in life fall by the wayside, which is likely an even bigger problem.

 

[convallaria]

I have a problem of letting everything else in life fall by the wayside, which is likely an even bigger problem.

how do you cope with stress in school? I sometimes give up when I have problems with my academic progress.in such a situation i think that my efforts will never be enough and there is no point in trying further.

 

[WittyAspie]

how do you cope with stress in school? I sometimes give up when I have problems with my academic progress.in such a situation i think that my efforts will never be enough and there is no point in trying further.

When school gets stressful I put 100% of my effort toward getting it done. If that means staying up for 30 hours to get a paper written then that’s what I do. I have never had problems with doing well in school, but I tend to not accomplish anything outside of school. I hope that makes sense. Basic tasks of living, like getting the oil changed in my car, seem overwhelming when I have school work to do. So instead of getting everything done something gets neglected.

Sorry I can’t really be of any help. I don’t really have any healthy coping mechanisms. What specific problems do you have academically? Do you struggle with course material? Is your classroom environment to stressful or distracting to focus?

 

[convallaria]

staying up for 30 hours

oh my god no i love to sleep its too much for me.

Basic tasks of living, like getting the oil changed in my car, seem overwhelming when I have school work to do. So instead of getting everything done something gets neglected.

I also can not concentrate on studying when parents say that I should wash the dishes right now or urgently help to charge the battery from the car.

I don’t really have any healthy coping mechanisms

Yes. the way that helps you cope with stress is very unhealthy

What specific problems do you have academically? Do you struggle with course material? Is your classroom environment to stressful or distracting to focus?

Well, I can not answer the seminar classes because I'm afraid that I'll look stupid and everyone will laugh at me. I'm afraid to look uncertain when answering a question, I'm afraid of leading questions from teachers. so I can not score enough points on time. (academic succes points maybe you know about that system) teachers think that I write off in control works, they ask me to repeat the same thing verbally, I can not do it. and therefore teachers underestimate me. one teacher thought that I was not sufficiently interested in the subject because I did not ask questions to her in class. so she gave me very few points.
on examinations it becomes bad for me when I see crowds of people, quartz lamps. noise greatly distracts me. this is a great stress. if i could not communicate with classmates, I would do that. they are terribly boring, it is very difficult to keep talking with them. I support a neutral relationship with all classmates, because I do not want to stand out and be a black sheep (? i dont know how to write it in english right but in my language it sounds like белая ворона belaya vorona) , I do not want to be discussed behind my back.

 

[WittyAspie]

oh my god no i love to sleep its too much for me.

I also can not concentrate on studying when parents say that I should wash the dishes right now or urgently help to charge the battery from the car.

Yes. the way that helps you cope with stress is very unhealthy

Well, I can not answer the seminar classes because I'm afraid that I'll look stupid and everyone will laugh at me. I'm afraid to look uncertain when answering a question, I'm afraid of leading questions from teachers. so I can not score enough points on time. (academic succes points maybe you know about that system) teachers think that I write off in control works, they ask me to repeat the same thing verbally, I can not do it. and therefore teachers underestimate me. one teacher thought that I was not sufficiently interested in the subject because I did not ask questions to her in class. so she gave me very few points.
on examinations it becomes bad for me when I see crowds of people, quartz lamps. noise greatly distracts me. this is a great stress. if i could not communicate with classmates, I would do that. they are terribly boring, it is very difficult to keep talking with them. I support a neutral relationship with all classmates, because I do not want to stand out and be a black sheep (? i dont know how to write it in english right but in my language it sounds like белая ворона belaya vorona) , I do not want to be discussed behind my back.

Great job on the idiom, those can be really tough. Yes, black sheep is the equivalent of white crow.

I am not familiar with the system of academic success points, but it sounds like it involves a time limit, which I would find extremely stressful.

I sometimes stray from the point of what I am supposed to be writing as well. I find that revisiting the prompt part way through writing can really help. I ask myself, “Is what I am writing really answering the question?” It might also help to make a quick outline of the points you need to cover, even if the outline is only in your head.

Would it be possible for you to wear headphones while doing certain assignments? I know you couldn’t wear them all day, but even 10-15 minutes of time to really focus might make a big difference.

Almost every Aspie I know communicates much better in writing than in verbal communication. I’m not sure how to help you there. It’s less stressful when you have the time to choose just the right words.

It seems like one of your biggest fears is getting something wrong in front of others. Remember that no one is right all of the time. It can feel embarassing to answer a question wrong in front of everyone, but that is how we learn. I have noticed that teachers are usually a little more lenient with students that are noticeably trying, which is often judged by how much you engage with them during class.

 

[convallaria]

Would it be possible for you to wear headphones while doing certain assignments? I know you couldn’t wear them all day, but even 10-15 minutes of time to really focus might make a big difference.

when I use headphones I concentrate on the music in the headphones and can not understand the task. Maybe the earplugs can help me?

I sometimes stray from the point of what I am supposed to be writing as well. I find that revisiting the prompt part way through writing can really help. I ask myself, “Is what I am writing really answering the question?” It might also help to make a quick outline of the points you need to cover, even if the outline is only in your head.

yes! recently I started doing exactly the same thing! but I still try to write as much information as possible, even if this does not apply to the question theme (but close to it)

I have noticed that teachers are usually a little more lenient with students that are noticeably trying, which is often judged by how much you engage with them during class.

thank you for advices! teachers often say that I'm inactive and I'm hover in the clouds. what I find interesting in class, my classmates are considered boring and vice versa. for this reason I'm afraid to say something about the topic of the lesson, to ask questions. I do not want them to think that I'm strange. perhaps, this fear is irrational and stupid. I also fear the conversation with the teacher. because the teacher can ask questions, to which I should give answers in accordance with my "image" at school, and not my real thoughts. I'm afraid that I will not be able to transform pictures in my head into words etc.

 

[Nightingale121]

Welcome @convallaria and @Tulipa!

I imagine you have many days when you must be totally exhausted not only by your studies but by all the social interaction you must have to undergo in order to obtain your goal.

Honestly, during the first year of study, every day, returning home, I cried a lot and just now I can explain why. Crowds of people, bright lights, quartz lamps, loud sounds, smells and useless talk about the weather. I thought everyone was facing these problems, but coping with stress better than me.

I thought this as well for quite a while and assumed I was bad at coping and should just "get over it" since everyone was way better at dealing with life than me. I felt rather stupid for not being able to cope like everyone else seemed to do easily.
I don't cry very often. Instead, I have times when I just go to bed at 7 pm because I am so exhausted from everything. I just need time to recover by myself in my room without people or bright lights. I darken my room, hide under my blanket and try to sleep.

I don’t know how to explain my problem better. I understand texts or what people say to me, but I can’t talk (writing is easier than talking) because I'm afraid to make a mistake. I'm afraid that people will laugh at me and will consider me stupid.
My mind consist of images, so I have to translate them into my native language, and then into English.

Writing is easier for me than talking too, even more so in English, which isn't my native language either. One great advantage of writing is that I can edit sentences and words as many times as I want to before actually posting them. While speaking I feel more pressured to reply immediately and tend to mess up words or the sentence structure more in order to do this quickly enough. Plus, you don't have to consider pronunciation while writing.

I am quite used to English nowadays though, so I often skip the images to native language translation step you mentioned and am able to directly translate pictures to English words.
However, it is a mix of both languages at first from time to time, for example if there's a word I cannot remember in English right now although it is required for a sentence. Then this one German word replaces the English one until I look up the word or find an English alternative eventually. Of course this is easier when it comes to writing than in spoken conversations too. The pressure in spoken language I mentioned makes me actually say mixed sentences from time to time. I just want to reply quickly even though the process isn't finished yet.

oh i forgot i know latin too. i have always been interested how sounds and looks like my language for foreigners. my groupmate is a spanish native speaker and he says only that it is very difficult to learn our language and english is easier.

I find this fascinating too. I have talked to some non-native German speakers and it's interesting to learn about their experiences and thoughts about the language. Many seem to find German rather difficult to learn.

I also can not concentrate on studying when parents say that I should wash the dishes right now or urgently help to charge the battery from the car.

Maybe you could agree on specific study times with your parents, so you aren't interrupted. You could say: "I need to study in my room for an hour (or another amount of time) now. Please do not interrupt me. Afterwards, I am going to help you with your tasks (for example, washing the dishes)." This way you could also plan the times together. You could wash the dishes at a specific time, but then get your own two hours of studying without interruption, for example.

 

[convallaria]

Many seem to find German rather difficult to learn.

as for me, german is looks like english because of latin words, but sounds specific. i think english for you like serbian or polish for me. sounds similar but words still not meaningful.

This way you could also plan the times together. You could wash the dishes at a specific time, but then get your own two hours of studying without interruption, for example.

i was trying to do this. but i can hear tv from other room anyway. I can not tell my parents what they have to do. it will be a violation of subordination and relationships between elders and youngers. but sometimes they try not to touch me and to behave quietly when I study. I share a room with my younger brother and he loves playing games and yelling loudly. this is hell but i mostly study at my uni in library or at lectures

 

[WittyAspie]

When I mentioned headphones I was thinking of using them like ear plugs. Sometimes when I need it to be a little quieter I will put headphones on and not listen to anything, just enjoy the silence. No one has to know you only have headphones on to block out noise.