I don’t understand why NO ONE takes an interest in me/likes me?

[Frostee]

Wouldn’t be caught dead going to school where?

 

[Judge]

Wouldn’t be caught dead going to school where?

They're from Andersontown, Belfast. Some from Derry too. Don't see them going to school in England.

Though most of them are older than you are...different perspectives and different times...

 

[Frostee]

Um it’s pretty normal for Northern Irish people to go to University in GB since we only have two Universities.

I did experience a lot of ignorance, and substantial cultural (socially) differences which I think attributed to my social issues there.

I didn’t experience direct racism so I don’t know if they didn’t speak to me because i’m Northern Irish, but certainly their social behaviours where very different.

 

[Judge]

Um it’s pretty normal for Northern Irish people to go to University in GB since we only have two Universities.

Do you have any school acquaintances from Northern Ireland who are Catholic Nationalists?

 

[Frostee]

Let’s get back to the topic in hand.

 

[Judge]

Let’s get back to the topic in hand.

From your own video, it sounds more plausible that you're being shunned given your place of origin. Not your autism. Or do you know others from Northern Ireland who get along just fine with these people?

Pretty difficult right now to separate being Irish from all the controversy of the Brexit. Emotions and sentiments are running quite high on both sides- and for good reason. And with so much uncertainty...

 

[Frostee]

I don’t think young English people would care about my place of birth.

I have met A LOT of ignorance over there though.

 

[Judge]

I have met A LOT of ignorance over there though.

No doubt. But then prejudice usually starts with ignorance.

And you may have to factor in political prejudice as well based on the actions of the DUP and their affiliation with May's Tories. Especially given the political demographics of young people in Britain who apparently support remaining in the EU who don't appreciate May's handling of the Brexit.

Utterly unfair- worse perhaps if you don't belong to the DUP or even any political party in Britain. But such things can happen. Guilt by association, even if or when you aren't actually affiliated with such parties. With tensions running high, whether you can sense them or not.

It would be interesting if you were to take part in a pro-EU demonstration just to see if suddenly the same people gravitated to you who in the past wouldn't give you the time of day. Would make for quite a social experiment. But I can only speculate on all of this based only on your posts. I do hope somehow things can improve for you, but it would seem you must get to the heart of their sentiments first and foremost.

Eye contact is terribly important, but I just get the overall impression that there's much more going on here than only considerations of autism. Which may well explain why you're having such a difficult time getting to the heart of the matter.

 

[Frostee]

Um, I haven’t met too many people whom have talked about Politics. I did meet some people who I could tell thought it weird that I studied there. One kept talking about “how far away you have come from”.

I don’t consider 400 miles to be far.

I also noticed the ignorance but the desire to stick more with their culture. I did jell more with foreigners.

I think ultimately it was their culture and reservedness that I could not deal with. I struggled big time with Passive Aggressive behaviour and I never really found a way to communicate with them comfortably. They did not like my direct, to the point style of communication at all.

And I was not fond of their indirect communication. I.e you never knew where you stood with them because they would complain about you instead of telling you that they were annoyed with you.

But this does not explain my social issues on Facebook.

 

[Judge]

Um, I haven’t met too many people whom have talked about Politics. I did meet some people who I could tell thought it weird that I studied there. One kept talking about “how far away you have come from”.

I don’t consider 400 miles to be far.

I also noticed the ignorance but the desire to stick more with their culture. I did jell more with foreigners.

I think ultimately it was their culture and reservedness that I could not deal with. I also struggled big time with Passive Aggressive behaviour and then hating my directness.

Stands to reason. Regional differences in Britain seem far more pronounced compared to the US. Yet with Britain we're talking about potentially very short distances from one region to another.

In any event, it all sounds mostly like prejudice based on your point of origin- not your Neurodiversity. Though perhaps the neurological divide can compound such differences.

So seek out those foreigners that you jell with. I did as well with my college dorm experience. Met some very interesting people in the process. If anything that might make for another social experiment in attempting to reach out to those without such regional prejudices.

 

[GadAbout]

I see my observations about communication were of less interest than discussions of regional/ethnic prejudice. Oh, well. Live and learn.

 

[Fino]

I think cognitive-behavioral therapy would be perfect in this case. Exercises such as listing the things about yourself you like and listing things you're grateful for each day would be indirectly addressing the problem, in my opinion.

It would likely influence your social reactions such as the less than desirable response to Judge's efforts. When a person takes time from their life to attempt to help you, even if you disagree with their opinion, gratitude is still a more logical and productive response than ""

I feel like I should thank the people in this thread just so someone has!

I see my observations about communication were of less interest than discussions of regional/ethnic prejudice. Oh, well. Live and learn.

I think it's because there was disagreement. Arguments take up more space than, "Yeah, he's probably right..."

 

[Frostee]

I see my observations about communication were of less interest than discussions of regional/ethnic prejudice. Oh, well. Live and learn.

No I read your post. Thank you for your feedback.

Do you think all of that will make a difference?

 

[GadAbout]

Look at it this way, Frostee. The prejudices of other people are something you can do little about. On the other hand, characteristics of your speech and conversational style ARE something you can do something about.

So I recommend you place your efforts where there is some chance of having an effect.

 

[Monachopia]

@Frostee Having watched snippets of your video - you are someone who could pass for an NT. At least in my view from what I've seen. That is both an asset and a curse. An asset because you can blend in. A curse because NTs would assume you are as such - and deviations from what they EXPECT will unnerve them and unsettle them. I am like this too, people just assume I'm mostly shy - but NT, so when I act a bit off, in either my speech or behaviour, they tend to avoid me. They pick up on subtle cues that are not under my control and it's hard to fix those perceptions after.

Faking being outgoing and complimentary to other people is probably the only way forward. Complimenting people, smiling loads, but even that, if not done right will send all the wrong signals.. And who can keep up that facade for long? It's definitely challenging. But, I do believe that at your young age you can learn to keep it up for longer periods of time with practice. All you need to do is make a good, lasting first impression. After that, quirks will get accepted more readily and you would be able to relax a bit more. At least, in theory.

 

[Judge]

@Frostee Having watched snippets of your video - you are someone who could pass for an NT. At least in my view from what I've seen.

Indeed. I got the same impression after watching his video as well. Instantly began to realize that whatever problems exist likely lie elsewhere. Even considering difficulty with eye-to-eye contact. Then I began to get a sense of Déjà vu in that he posted about such issues using another nickname. That autism wasn't likely the trigger of such social problems with random or casual interactions with his fellow students. That it had to be something deeper- and more complex. In a nation that presently is deeply divided politically speaking. And in an academic environment, such prejudices are likely to be just below the surface socially.

Where I suspect it's easy to be unfairly "pigeonholed" over issues far beyond one's control, no matter how kind or polite one might be (assuming that they are). Not so much relative to prejudices indicative of the past "troubles" so much as the controversy what swirls around the present "Brexit". Where the Irish unfortunately play a pivotal role and on both sides of what amounts to a hotly debated issue on the minds of so many people.

Where a present lack of political resolve has a great many people on edge over their economic future. And that sadly for some, the sound of an Irish accent may trigger any number of negative thoughts, without spoken words. resulting in the OP effectively being shunned. I'd be upset as well had this happened to me.

Most of us on the spectrum of autism can always use help in being more friendly and tactful with others. That much is true. However in such circumstances like those in this thread, I suspect there may not be a lot we can do when it comes to deep-seated biases based on reasoning other than the neurological divide. We already have various degrees of problems in interacting with others based on far less complex and convoluted issues. So I can see how difficult coming to this conclusion may be for any number of you reading this.

 

[Juliettaa]

I see my observations about communication were of less interest than discussions of regional/ethnic prejudice.

Which, IMHO, is a pity @GadAbout as the points you made are very valid.

 

[Judge]

Which, IMHO, is a pity @GadAbout as the points you made are very valid.

Absolutely. Communication skills still count. Can't discount them, whatever the circumstances are. Though I see them as a secondary consideration in this instance. That this may be a microcosm of a much greater problem. The inability of Parliament to arrive at a proper consensus because so many of them are so immersed in political bias. A pool of any number of bright, articulate people who have lost the ability to interact with one another over ideological differences.

Small wonder if there is a contagion that has spread such negative social dynamics from Parliament to the public at large. Where people are no longer civil to one another because for some, regional differences have become a trigger of sorts for political differences. Even in the absence of political discourse.

Where perhaps even the best of communication skills and diplomacy are simply not enough. Not on the floor of Parliament, or on the streets or even universities. Where unspoken tensions run high in an absence of political resolve.

 

[Juliettaa]

Though I see them as a secondary consideration in this instance.

I'm not so sure.

Whilst I can see that the OP would be not feeling the community vibe that's prevalent in NI, England has a diverse population, particularly in the major cities, so he would not stand out in a cultural sense. However, the communication is 'off' as are the expectations ........

I observe when I am down the street and rarely do I see anyone really looking at me.... nor do I get praise when I dress up.

People don't tend to look at others; why would they? They're too busy focusing on themselves. As for praising you when you dress up. Do you give praise? In this instance it could be a case of 'you reap what you sow'

No one ever really bothered to talk to me.. or appeared to take an interest.

Again, it could be a case of 'you reap what you sow'

Why does everyone ignore me on Facebook?

Facebook - a sure fire way to damage self esteem. Sign out and never return. Fakebook.

I don't really talk to anyone else (and they don't talk to me)

Pertinent. Again, a case of you reap what you sow.

There is something behind why people ignore me, and I think it is my social status.

I disagree about the social status. It's more likely to be around your closed style and lack of being communicative/open towards others, which is not a criticism of you, just an observation based on this thread and others.

I think it's sad for you that you made the exact same thread some 14 months ago under a different user name and nothing has changed. You're clearly unhappy with the way things are, but you don't appear to have done anything to change your situation.

@GadAbout suggested social skills training with a therapist. I second that.

Until you look within, you're not going to find the answers.

 

[Judge]

I'm not so sure.

No question, the OP has pissed a number of us off in his past responses. Enough to question his social skills. I get your point in that regard. However under the circumstances I can see how he could be shunned for other reasons, particularly in those cases where he encounters relative strangers or even the most benign of social interactions. So "in the big picture" I can see issues that allow me not to take his sentiments too personally.

I'm inclined to "read between the lines" rather than just deal with what we see on the surface of it all. Plus I've had a fair amount of feedback from Brits and the Irish over the Brexit. People are indeed quite tense and jittery, and for very good reasons economically. And in academic environments you can usually find an abundance of political strife just below the surface even in the best of times.

No differently when I was in a university in the 70s. I still recall certain people who would stare at me with complete contempt. Where even one like myself who doesn't always read facial expressions well knew what their agenda was all about. Back then I was studying political science, so understanding root causes wasn't so difficult. One of the few things I value about my education is having been taught how to "read between the lines" as well as interpreting patterns of some of the lower forms of human behavior.

And lastly, it's impossible to ignore the obvious that doesn't require looking so deeply into the body politic. That across the pond we presently have some very similar social- and political dynamics in play as well.