I don’t understand why NO ONE takes an interest in me/likes me?

[Juliettaa]

I'm of NI descent with immediate family who live and work in cities in England. They've all retained their NI accent and don't face any of the issues outlined by the OP. They're all NT.

I'm autistic and I don't experience what the OP does which may be due to a few reasons. I'm female and have trained myself to communicate as and when necessary. I'm happy enough in my own skin not to care what others think of me. I don't have any social media presence apart from this forum. I have a cynical view of Facebook and can see it for what it is - fake and potentially damaging. I have friends and am able to socialise within my own limitations therefore I don't have a need for new friends. I work in a professional environment with policies in place to tackle racism (and other prejudices). I'm older than the OP.

I have never witnessed prejudice towards people from NI and I know a lot of people from NI as we have big, extended families.

 

[Judge]

I'm of NI descent with immediate family who live and work in cities in England. They've all retained their NI accent and don't face any of the issues outlined by the OP. They're all NT.

I'm autistic and I don't experience what the OP does which may be due to a few reasons. I'm female and have trained myself to communicate as and when necessary. I'm happy enough in my own skin not to care what others think of me. I don't have any social media presence apart from this forum. I have a cynical view of Facebook and can see it for what it is - fake and potentially damaging. I have friends and am able to socialise within my own limitations therefore I don't have a need for new friends. I work in a professional environment with policies in place to tackle racism (and other prejudices). I'm older than the OP.

I have never witnessed prejudice towards people from NI and I know a lot of people from NI as we have big, extended families.

Think of the Brexit more than any other consideration. An issue that transcends many considerations. Politics, geography, ethnicity, even age. Where prejudice and political or social differences can be strewn throughout the country with no particular pattern. The "Troubles" might be a catalyst for some to ignite hostile reactions, but the source is the Brexit. Economics- not ethnicity or nationalism.

I have family in Ulster, though I doubt any of them would consider relocation in England. In their case they also seem to be in lockstep about the Brexit. Oddly enough I can recall as an adolescent being harassed by Californians over my own Tidewater accent I brought from living in Virginia. Had to learn to speak that dialect without an obvious accent and fast. But then from my perspective they seemed to discriminate against anyone with any perceivable accent, NT or not. Go figure.

If anything in this instance, my own bias would be in sensing an undercurrent of such sentiments felt exclusively in a university environment. Where political feelings can run pretty high, regardless of a neurological divide. That it's just a matter of what may trigger such unfortunate responses. That for some, my nationality alone was enough to evoke only hostility from such people. Even when that nationality was their cordial host in providing them with an excellent education.

 

[Monachopia]

I am so confused by this thread... It's not very common, honestly, for people to bring politics into everyday life like this... We are all just trying to get by. Brexit is a downer, but, voting decisions don't come into it so much in common conversation anymore, it's been long enough... We're all in this mess together at this point and sick and tired of it.
As for people being from other places... While, yes, historically NI and England have had problems, majority of people aren't on those extreme sides and it doesn't come into play. I've met people from NI and they fit in just fine, but I am in London which is a massive soup of all sorts of different backgrounds.

South East UK is actually the most accepting, so I don't think his origin has anything to do with his social problems...

 

[Judge]

I am so confused by this thread... It's not very common, honestly, for people to bring politics into everyday life like this...

I think that's part of the issue that the OP was explaining. Where his culture (and mine) are more open and less subdued about discussing controversial subjects. Something that likely exacerbates preconceived notions. Where people might either overtly shun a person, or simply shy away from interacting with them altogether.

Though IMO, the source of such things lies in political polarization revolving around a single issue so central to so many people at the same time and place. And when you combine both considerations, that you're likely to see any number of social encounters that go sideways or worse. Where under any other circumstances they might not even happen. It's rather sad...



The only less complicated alternative that I can surmise is if the OP has been less than honest about his social encounters with others. Something to argue, though personally I just see something more complex, and on a much larger scale to consider. So much so that I'm willing to give the lad the benefit of the doubt.

 

[tree]

For discussions of a political nature, please use Politics Discussion

 

[Frostee]

I really think that Judge is exaggerating this and that is why I didn’t reply.

As a Northern Irish person I have met ignorance but few people who discussed politics.

I did have some issues in not knowing how to deal with their reservedness and indirect communication.

I will discuss later as I am out at Dinner now.

 

[Judge]

I really think that Judge is exaggerating this and that is why I didn’t reply.

As a Northern Irish person I have met ignorance but few people who discussed politics.

I will discuss later as I am out at Dinner now.

If you perceive this as ignorance, have you pondered what might actually motivate it? Bear in mind we don't know if or what you may be exaggerating yourself.

Urban versus Rural differences? Petty, though I suppose it happens. Though I can't say I ever encountered that particular bias in college at all. I think we've discussed this in earlier threads with your other alias. And if this involves regional differences over reserved and closed subcultures, there may in fact be no real answer for you to breach such social barriers. Such people may be unwilling to discuss much of anything with you let alone current events. As I mentioned in another thread that it may be your best bet to reach out to foreign students who may encounter the same social barriers.

Or in your heart, do you see this in terms of Neurodiversity? One thing for sure, you can attempt to explain it, but quantitatively it's unlikely few people if any will get it in whole or in part.

What other considerations can you think of that would turn people off from even the most superficial contact with you? Especially if they really don't even know you. We're just trying to understand.....

If you truly sense someone who disdains you, at that very moment in real-time, do you feel yourself negatively reacting emotionally or physically? Is there a possibility that you project this even when there's no cause to do so? "Social false-positives" I suppose we could call that. It can happen.

It's just easier for me to rationalize some explanations more than others. Unless we have more information to the contrary. Though ultimately it is you who must truly work the problem- not us. To successfully interact with others, you often have to aggressively put yourself out there without expecting such overtures to be immediately returned. Admittedly a somewhat alien concept for some of us on the spectrum.

 

[Fino]

People talk to people they enjoy talking to or think they will enjoy talking to. Anything beyond that is over-thinking it, in my opinion.

 

[Judge]

People talk to people they enjoy talking to or think they will enjoy talking to. Anything beyond that is over-thinking it, in my opinion.

You mean "birds of a feather flock together" ? That might be a simple cliche, but among humans I think it's a profound one. Compounded if and when other forms of bias are present. No need to overthink that either.

"Social dynamics". For the longest time I had no idea why that term used to make me cringe. Now I know...

"If you're in, you're in. And if you're out, you're WAY out."

 

[Frostee]

I think that English people have a bit of a superiority complex and don’t learn about other UK regions.

It is possible that some people stick to their own nationality.

But don’t you think that it’s a stretch to think that 55 million people have a racist view of people from the island of Ireland.

Truth be told no one knows where i’m from until I speak. I got a lot of people asking me for directions in London last week!

 

[Judge]

Truth be told no one knows where i’m from until I speak. I got a lot of people asking me for directions in London last week!

Do you consider hearing your accent to be a sort of "trigger" that usually evokes a less-than-friendly response?

 

[Juliettaa]

I think that English people have a bit of a superiority complex and don’t learn about other UK regions.

You're making a sweeping judgement based on your very limited life experiences.

Some English people would find your statement offensive.

You'd have been better off posting ............

Some English people have a bit of superiority complex.

The emphasis being on 'some'

Time to work on that communication @Frostee

 

[Frostee]

No. I just think they think it’s weird that I study there.

 

[Judge]

If one approaches another with such trepidation over preconceived notions, they may inadvertently project it to that person as well, evoking a negative reaction from them.

Potentially becoming a sort of "self-fulfilled prophecy" socially speaking. Pretty basic stuff...

 

[Fino]

Even if others' biases are play, that's not relevant. The goal is to help the situation and nothing can be done about others' biases. The topic is a red herring and an abdication of personal responsibility.

But what are the odds that a person who has difficult socializing is having "no one like him" not because of his difficulty socializing but because everybody he meets is prejudiced? Sounds a bit like a conspiracy theory.

He's gotten a lot of negative reactions from people on this forum. What prejudice was that caused by?

 

[Judge]

But what are the odds that a person who has difficult socializing is having "no one like him" not because of his difficulty socializing but because everybody he meets is prejudiced? Sounds a bit like a conspiracy theory.

The odds? I think that depends on the social chemistry of an individual environment apart from the people themselves. I don't think you can lump them all together given so many variables of the human condition. And to consider whatever real biases may abound in it. Made worse if a person not conducive to that chemistry has their own biases. And as to how far such biases might go in a radius is anyone's guess. They might be non-existent down the street...

In terms of fault I don't think you can entirely blame one side or the other. That they both share a form of "contributory negligence". But it's also possible that one side may have much more momentum in rectifying the situation than the other. If they choose.

Provided that such biases on both sides can be overcome. Some people can resolve some profound differences. Others can't. Though in this instance it's impossible to attain any meaningful perspective given we're only hearing one side of this situation. Where we can only speculate as to what biases are in play and from which parties.

When a group of people all congregate together with the same bias, that can reflect anything from a common interest to personal affinity for one or more people. Who just happens to share a viewpoint that may be detrimental to those outside the group. However in my country that's only a conspiracy if their collective viewpoints translate into acts that violate laws and not merely hurt feelings.

All I know is that people are weird. Where they can hold some extreme viewpoints and stick to them like glue, or even petty ones...where there may eventually be some way of mitigating them to a point of mutual respect- even friendship. You never know where people "draw that line in the sand" or they find that moment of contrition when they reach out to others in real earnest. TBH, real social chemistry often remains a mystery to me, even when it works.

What's that term? "Strange Bedfellows".

 

[tducey]

Maybe post on others' statuses. Show an interest in what they are doing and then they should return the favor.

 

[Edward764]

Frostee is a fortunate fellow to be so young.
If he follows the advice given here, his issues will be a fading memory, and he will be a successful, well liked, and well respected communicator.
I would love to be in his position, but I will have to wait until we discover time travel.

Wait a minute; time travel wouldn't work since I would still be 61. DRAT!

 

[christopher.k]

ah ha! but you could time travel to the future and use genetic enginering to restore your body to that of its prime! (or whatever version of it you think was the best) and return to the present with the experience age has given you but with the health of a young man

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

I observe when I am down the street and rarely do I see anyone really looking at me.... nor do I get praise when I dress up.

This is representative of my life experience in friendship.. at my university I had a few acquaintances but never strong friendships.

No one ever really bothered to talk to me.. or appeared to take an interest.

People say “you don’t talk to anyone”... but no one talks to me.

I don’t think that i’m miserable or unlikeable.

Yet most people just ignore me entirely and I have no clue why.

i can relate,because no woman my age takes an interest in me ever,but somehow girls take an interest in me despite my age,mainly those who recognize me by appearance,but not by name.doing the smart thing,i avoid being seen by them like a ninja !