I haven't a clue.

[NothingToSeeHere]

Consider replacing glasses with sunglasses in summer and contacts in winter, not essential but many girls dry up when they see glasses.

And lots of women find glasses extremely attractive.

Women don't have a hive mind, we have extremely diverse likes and dislikes when it comes to men, personality, and style. What one women thinks looks lame another will find adorable (I personally love the much reviled socks with sandals look), what one woman finds stylish and attractive another will find intimidating, or vane and desperate. At the end of the day beyond not looking like a homeless person the way you dress isn't going to have much impact on your chances of attracting women in general, it's just going to impact your chances of attracting women with specific preferences. You can spend all you money on buying fancy clothes if you want... but do you really want to attract the sort of women who care about that stuff?

All you need to not scare women off is to look clean and tidy. Things like a tidy haircut, neatly trimmed beard or clean shaven, neat clothes which fit you properly, and looking healthy, these can all be achieved cheaply. You can buy lightly used good quality clothes second hand, but to be honest I've discussed this sort of thing with a lot of my friends over the years and none of them would be ale to tell whether you spent $10 or $10,000 on a jumper, if they happen to notice that you're wearing a jumper at all (I wouldn't).

So, you're too intense. When first getting to know someone it's important to talk in a way that makes you easy to relate to. Speak simple English, talk about things that anyone can engage with, like the news, don't try too hard with the humour or being clever. Don't get me wrong, being smart is great and you certainly shouldn't dumb yourself down, but just hold back a bit, let the conversation end with the other person wanting to know more, not feeling overloaded. And yes, small talk is boring, but it is an important social convention which exists for a reason; it makes talking to people you've just met easy and let's you figure out if you want to make not-so-small talk with someone at a later date. Conversation is a skill, it takes work to get good at it.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I'm also curious by what you mean by 'autism phenotype'... this is the sort of thing I mean by speaking simple english, I'm an ecologist and I'm still not entirely sure what you're referring to, someone who doesn't know what a phenotype is won't stand a chance.

 

[Pats]

I have a thought. When you talk to a woman speak English! I have no idea what you are saying. It could just be a generation, or two, gap.
If you are a coder, you should have money, right? I think you said you don’t live in a place to entertain. So, that doesn’t make sense because you have a special and valuable skill.

I'm with you - I'm completely lost.

 

[tree]

Phenotype =
what an organism looks like as a consequence of the interaction of its genotype and the environment
phenotype - Dictionary Definition

A phenotype (from Greek phainein, meaning 'to show', and typos, meaning 'type') is the composite of an organism's observable characteristics or traits...
Phenotype - Wikipedia

 

[cberg]

I'm not too sure about cutting my hair except for keeping it out of the way. I doubt if I'd be recognizable with short hair & it also just feels weird on me.

 

[BraidedPony]

I have to disagree with all the need for expensive clothes and contact lenses!
Clean is important.
Pony tails are cool.
Facial hair should be neat.
Health is important, so go to the dentist if you have bad breath, go to a dermatologist if you have growths on your face.
Other than that, be yourself with less talk of extra chromosomes and being built out of baggage...

 

[AloneNotLonely]

And lots of women find glasses extremely attractive.

I never said all. I said many.

So yes there are women that don't care about this or that, but when you are looking at 99% of women, looking cool is important. If the dude is looking for a girl like you that gets totally turned on by glasses, shorts and white socks + sandals, he's going to be looking all his life. I also said the glasses thing wasn't essential, but I've noticed a difference myself and I personally think I look like the hottest nerd ever (might be my narcissism, though). If he wants to go all out he can do it. Even if he does have glasses, he needs cool looking ones anyway.

Eh just keep the long hair. I know you are never going to cut it for all the girls in the world cause I'm the same. But it's probably a good idea to get a good haircut anyway. Be very very adamant about keeping as much length as possible, though. When you say you want to keep it "long" to the average barber you are going to end up with a hideous f-boy haircut with a fade, getting a barber that has nice long hair himself is probably your best bet. Long hair turns off 90% of the girls but if you are into metal the 10% that's left are really cool, smart and hot.

Phenotype is understandable to me. But I'm not sure what an autistic phenotype specifically is.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I never said all. I said many.

So yes there are women that don't care about this or that, but when you are looking at 99% of women, looking cool is important. If the dude is looking for a girl like you that gets totally turned on by glasses, shorts and white socks + sandals, he's going to be looking all his life.

99% of teenagers maybe.

Research has shown that while women tend to judge what other women wear, they don't generally pay attention as much attention to what men wear, and clothing generally doesn't have a significant impact upon how attractive they find men. What effect it does have is largely attributed to how confident the man appears when wearing nice clothes.

The exception to this are tight clothes on physically fit men, so cberg, if you've got great abs wearing a t-shirt that's too small for you may increase your chance of getting laid.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Which study? Please show me as I am quite curious.

I have done my own studies, while I didn't go as far as socks and sandals, simple t-shirt + jeans + sneakers definitely underperforms $400 shoes, $200 polo, $200 jeans and $500 jacket. $1000 shoes also outperform $400 shoes. Don't get me wrong, I still wear pretty cool $40 t-shirts and they are just as good as the $200 polo, but without the rest it just doesn't work. Cool $40 t-shirts are also pretty rare, as I mentioned before. This is the biggest issue.

I'm not telling him to go out and spend $2000 on a single set of clothes, as buying expensive clothes without knowing exactly what you want is extremely foolish, but don't tell me "Women don't look at that stuff" when it's quite obvious that they do. And no, not just teenagers.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Which study? Please show me as I am quite curious.

I have done my own studies, while I didn't go as far as socks and sandals, simple t-shirt + jeans + sneakers definitely underperforms $400 shoes, $200 polo, $200 jeans and $500 jacket. $1000 shoes also outperform $400 shoes. Don't get me wrong, I still wear pretty cool $40 t-shirts and they are just as good as the $200 polo, but without the rest it just doesn't work. Cool $40 t-shirts are also pretty rare, as I mentioned before. This is the biggest issue.

I'm not telling him to go out and spend $2000 on a single set of clothes, as buying expensive clothes without knowing exactly what you want is extremely foolish, but don't tell me "Women don't look at that stuff" when it's quite obvious that they do. And no, not just teenagers.

You have access to google scholar, feel free to use it, there's plenty of research out there. Personal anecdotes are not empirical evidence.

 

[balsabonbon]

Add me to the "totally turned on by a man in glasses" group! Also, I love a man in sandals, although I generally prefer sandals without socks, since I like feet as well.

 

[OkRad]

Look for other geeks, like geeky women. Nerds and geeks are more accepting

 

[cberg]

What I always say, be sure to take care of yourself! Like clean clothes, a decent haircut, brushed teeth. (With a decent haircut I mean get your hair cut when it is needed).
For everyone there is someone that likes that. Maybe try to find yourself someone that likes your intrest as well?
Also just find yourself to be respectable, that is what everybody wants. It doesnt nessarly mean you have to be the perfect prince charming ofcourse.
Don't forget that everybody has their downsides and postive things!
Maybe you are a bit too much insecure ? Like do not get me wrong, everybody is insecure to some level.

My friends might not recognize me with short hair, haircuts just aren't honestly my style.

You have access to google scholar, feel free to use it, there's plenty of research out there. Personal anecdotes are not empirical evidence.

Well at least I'm into fast cars for what that's worth. I wish I were as scholarly as the rest of my family but I'm squarely the weird one, it doesn't keep me from studying but 30 hours of Windows automation scripting might.

 

[cberg]

Look for other geeks, like geeky women. Nerds and geeks are more accepting

Ironically, this is extremely difficult even on the internet. I'm also rather outdoorsy & full of acquired tastes. I am an acquired taste, for those who know me. All I know is I must be somewhere between oolong tea and rave music.

 

[cberg]

I'm with you - I'm completely lost.

I'm not going to link to "Let me Google that for you". Suffice it to say I'm basically a mad scientist with extra computers & I'm trying to relate more to the women I already know because frankly I'm amazed I have any social life whatsoever.

 

[cberg]

Phenotype =
what an organism looks like as a consequence of the interaction of its genotype and the environment
phenotype - Dictionary Definition

A phenotype (from Greek phainein, meaning 'to show', and typos, meaning 'type') is the composite of an organism's observable characteristics or traits...
Phenotype - Wikipedia

I'm what you might consider a case study in Broad Autism Phenotype, keep in mind I could also be wrong here.

 

[cberg]

I never said all. I said many.
Even if he does have glasses, he needs cool looking ones anyway.

Eh just keep the long hair. I know you are never going to cut it for all the girls in the world cause I'm the same. But it's probably a good idea to get a good haircut anyway. Be very very adamant about keeping as much length as possible, though.

Shout out to Oakley for the cool squarish metal frame, I kind of need lighter ones but at least these look serious. Whatever, I guess I can magically afford another pair by midnight when my paycheck arrives. Maybe I'll get some more colorful plastic/rubbery ones. Next haircut I'll try & find that dude or a cool girl, it shouldn't be any trouble just taking off a few inches.

 

[cberg]

I did tell my friends with tracksuits that we level up if we all get matching tracksuits.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Shout out to Oakley for the cool squarish metal frame, I kind of need lighter ones but at least these look serious. Whatever, I guess I can magically afford another pair by midnight when my paycheck arrives. Maybe I'll get some more colorful plastic/rubbery ones. Next haircut I'll try & find that dude or a cool girl, it shouldn't be any trouble just taking off a few inches.

Can you link to a pic of those glasses? You might not even need new ones if they look pretty ok. Always focus on the weakest links in your appearance. It's better to have everything mediocre than have almost everything awesome while wearing grampa pants with pleats.

If you know you know what looks good on you but just never gave a damn then I suppose it's best to look for sale items that are cheap in the first place while still looking decent. You'll be lucky to score 1-2 shirts and 1-2 jeans but it's enough for the time being. Spending a lot of money on clothes when you don't have money is not really smart. Just understand to not take things too personally if girls reject you left and right. Even models with perfect clothes get rejected a lot, so it's not a big deal.

You have access to google scholar, feel free to use it, there's plenty of research out there. Personal anecdotes are not empirical evidence.

Well whaddaya know. I had a few extra minutes and my curiousity got the best of me, but strangely I could only find research with some loose quotes to the contrary. As I don't have access to anything other than the abstracts on those sites, it wasn't worth linking to anyway. If you are going to say "research" then you need to produce actual links to solid papers. Tons of studies done are done incorrectly or with incorrect conclusions. At this point, you have a personal anecdote of not even a consistent experience, but a personal anecdote of a research paper that may or may not exist and that may or may not have been correctly executed. You cannot magically invoke the "There's a research paper somewhere on the internet that proves what I say" to get an instant correct.

 

[Alis1998]

I'm not too sure about cutting my hair except for keeping it out of the way. I doubt if I'd be recognizable with short hair & it also just feels weird on me.

I mean , this is what I find personally attractive. Not nessarly everyone. Besides that, long hair isnt bad either. But it was more ment in the way of "properly taking care of yourself". A girl needs to like you for you as well, and if long hair is something you enjoy then it shouldnt be a problem.