I might need help to understand

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673784, member: 22350"]I do feel as strange as it sounds that something is not ok with him I don’t know why but I have this strong feeling and in the past it did seem right.

" & youre right he is in obvius crisis now but sadly as i said you cant force him "

2 days ago I did ask him if he’s ok because he would just message me once and than gone every day. Well after I said I’m just worried about him and stuff and that it is not a criticism he writes again every day morning and night now.

" Its obvius he do love you and also that He tries he`s best to do this small talk (i also suck at it belive it or not BUT im trying to learn as time goes by ) try to give him the time & space he needs to learn and try to accept you wont get the same small talk or showing of emotions as with someone not on the spectrum or other diagnosis. "

But still no answer if what’s going on. I just now he is busy with work with rehearsals and remastering a album wich are things he loves but I just feel at the moment I don’t matter any more somehow. Because when I say something or ask him stuff he normally likes to talk about he just ignores things and never says anything to it. He sometimes answers next day.I really don’t know what to think at the moment

" First as i said based on what youre telling he DO cares for you .and also he tries his best to show this . Second he is a MAN dear most men and deep feelings is like oil and vinager add to that possible diagnosis then .......... & also it can just be that he dont know how to react and deal to this sensitive things (i presume youre refering to get him to seek help and so on) & belive me for MANY this is a HUGE step to take and add to that men in general even more so as it takes away there masculinity and are forced to actually accept they need help and that for MANY men (with or without diagnosis) is a HUGE failure & also very tough step to take. So what i read about all this is he is NOT yet ready to take this step YET he needs time. And the more you try to puch him the more he will step back im afraid.

SO all this said try to SLOW down and let this take time. he is trying and thats good sign but you must also accept that this is a LONG road to travel. And if you at any time feel you re not able too or whant too any more its time to step down and above all DONT think of it as you fail him you tried but you are only a human as well.

For a non diagnosed its sadly VERY hard to be in a relationship with someone with diagnose & it takes a special person to be able to do this sadly. But it can most defently be done of course. "

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673786, member: 22350"]He really doesn’t seem to comincate at all. About what’s really going on or how he feels. i Kind of feel he thinks he had this feelings Or anxiety and outbursts because of me.

" Sadly you CANT expect the same response as you would get from a man not diagnosed. what you need to try to do is learn how he express his feelings (wich is diffent then others) "

I think he blames me for it and gets cold towards me or avoids me because of that idea.

" I can tell you right now he DONT blame you and he tries his damndest to get this right "

He doesn’t seem like he does really want to think about the idea that something is wrong with him. Or that there are triggers.

" Perfectly understandble he fights with him self to be able to understand and accept he has problems "

it’s hard to get into perspective of this situation but it feels like he just lives in the moment between his music and mastering his practice and his job also he helps his friend a lot with installation jobs. And than he seems to be super drained or tired and just cuts of the next closest unimportant thing wich is me

"Youre right in that he is probaly drained from having to " mask " all his possible diagnosis BUT youre wrong in that he cuts of you and most defenetly that youre not as important to him (if he were to whant to cut you of he wouldent get back to you as he does nor continued any contact or indeed trying his best to for you "

. When we do a video he always seems happy to see me but lately he is not even really looking at me and he seems to be super nervous and picking his lips again. He seems super confused and frazzled.

" He is confused and very lost in how he suppose to act around you. & because of this he dont know how to act and gets even more anxiety and confusion "

I just wish I get something of my boyfriend back . I feel like he is super far away from me . In every case and I wish he would see that he needs some kind of help or talks to me at least.

" As i said before you CANT expect to get the same response out of a person with possible diagnosis so you have to try to learn how to interpent his way of expressing him self. to me its obvius he DO loves you. and he tries hes best to learn how to be able to show you this. SO as long as you feel you still whant to and are able give him time and in the mean time try to show him its OKEY i still love you and we can do this as slow as you whant and together we will try to make this work "

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673784, member: 22350"]I do feel as strange as it sounds that something is not ok with him I don’t know why but I have this strong feeling and in the past it did seem right.

" & youre right he is in obvius crisis now but sadly as i said you cant force him "

2 days ago I did ask him if he’s ok because he would just message me once and than gone every day. Well after I said I’m just worried about him and stuff and that it is not a criticism he writes again every day morning and night now.

" Its obvius he do love you and also that He tries he`s best to do this small talk (i also suck at it belive it or not BUT im trying to learn as time goes by ) try to give him the time & space he needs to learn and try to accept you wont get the same small talk or showing of emotions as with someone not on the spectrum or other diagnosis. "

But still no answer if what’s going on. I just now he is busy with work with rehearsals and remastering a album wich are things he loves but I just feel at the moment I don’t matter any more somehow. Because when I say something or ask him stuff he normally likes to talk about he just ignores things and never says anything to it. He sometimes answers next day.I really don’t know what to think at the moment

" First as i said based on what youre telling he DO cares for you .and also he tries his best to show this . Second he is a MAN dear most men and deep feelings is like oil and vinager add to that possible diagnosis then .......... & also it can just be that he dont know how to react and deal to this sensitive things (i presume youre refering to get him to seek help and so on) & belive me for MANY this is a HUGE step to take and add to that men in general even more so as it takes away there masculinity and are forced to actually accept they need help and that for MANY men (with or without diagnosis) is a HUGE failure & also very tough step to take. So what i read about all this is he is NOT yet ready to take this step YET he needs time. And the more you try to puch him the more he will step back im afraid.

SO all this said try to SLOW down and let this take time. he is trying and thats good sign but you must also accept that this is a LONG road to travel. And if you at any time feel you re not able too or whant too any more its time to step down and above all DONT think of it as you fail him you tried but you are only a human as well.

For a non diagnosed its sadly VERY hard to be in a relationship with someone with diagnose & it takes a special person to be able to do this sadly. But it can most defently be done of course. "

="NiniS29, post: 673784, member: 22350"]I do feel as strange as it sounds that something is not ok with him I don’t know why but I have this strong feeling and in the past it did seem right.

" & youre right he is in obvius crisis now but sadly as i said you cant force him "

2 days ago I did ask him if he’s ok because he would just message me once and than gone every day. Well after I said I’m just worried about him and stuff and that it is not a criticism he writes again every day morning and night now.

" Its obvius he do love you and also that He tries he`s best to do this small talk (i also suck at it belive it or not BUT im trying to learn as time goes by ) try to give him the time & space he needs to learn and try to accept you wont get the same small talk or showing of emotions as with someone not on the spectrum or other diagnosis. "

But still no answer if what’s going on. I just now he is busy with work with rehearsals and remastering a album wich are things he loves but I just feel at the moment I don’t matter any more somehow. Because when I say something or ask him stuff he normally likes to talk about he just ignores things and never says anything to it. He sometimes answers next day.I really don’t know what to think at the moment

" First as i said based on what youre telling he DO cares for you .and also he tries his best to show this . Second he is a MAN dear most men and deep feelings is like oil and vinager add to that possible diagnosis then .......... & also it can just be that he dont know how to react and deal to this sensitive things (i presume youre refering to get him to seek help and so on) & belive me for MANY this is a HUGE step to take and add to that men in general even more so as it takes away there masculinity and are forced to actually accept they need help and that for MANY men (with or without diagnosis) is a HUGE failure & also very tough step to take. So what i read about all this is he is NOT yet ready to take this step YET he needs time. And the more you try to puch him the more he will step back im afraid.

SO all this said try to SLOW down and let this take time. he is trying and thats good sign but you must also accept that this is a LONG road to travel.


Thank you so much for your experience. I do understand how hard it must be for him now way better. Honestly sometimes it is very difficult to just not loose the reality of how it is than of how I wish it would be.

Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and stressed and worried that I completely forget how hard it must be for him

he is working so hard and so much also to maintain everything he has and also give me some of the little time he has because I thing he would probably rather have just some time to relax and just be for himself.

I feel like I shouldn’t loose this out of my eye just because of a stupid idea of how things should be based on what you got told love and relationship should be.


I will try my best to be more understanding and think of how he must feel. I know he is the Person for me. And I just want him to be ok and also I wish for myself that he doesn’t see me as a reason for certain behaviour. And just trust me again.

i also feel ungrateful when I complain about little contact or when he ignores thing’s because it might be that he is just frazzled

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673816, member: 22350"]
Thank you so much for your experience. I do understand how hard it must be for him now way better. Honestly sometimes it is very difficult to just not loose the reality of how it is than of how I wish it would be.

" Youre very wellcome , belive me i understand "
Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and stressed and worried that I completely forget how hard it must be for him

" Perfectly understandble but try to not get this stressed up as it will only increase the anxiety on youre end (yes i have both Severe Anxiety and depression among the gazilion other co morbid diagnosis too ASD 3 & Severe ADHD / Mild ID (see my Signature & profile ) and when you do this you only increse the levels on him as well"

he is working so hard and so much also to maintain everything he has and also give me some of the little time he has because I thing he would probably rather have just some time to relax and just be for himself.

" Yes he is working hard to maintain what he has thats obvius and yes he needs some alone time

BUT DONT​

for a minute think he rather be just by him self. You dont have to a pro to see he loves and cares for you very much and he tries all he can to get this right

I feel like I shouldn’t loose this out of my eye just because of a stupid idea of how things should be based on what you got told love and relationship should be.

" I agree you both need to try to understand eatchoder as of now its obviesly misscomincation between you "

I will try my best to be more understanding and think of how he must feel. I know he is the Person for me. And I just want him to be ok and also I wish for myself that he doesn’t see me as a reason for certain behaviour. And just trust me again.

" THATS what gives this a relatinship a chance. It will take time and lots of hard work BUT it CAN be done, he trusts you its just that he is Strugling right now to find who HE is and what is wrong and ACCEPT this (again us wimen usely have easier to accept this then men in general) "

i also feel ungrateful when I complain about little contact or when he ignores thing’s because it might be that he is just frazzled

"DONT its perfectly natural that you would feel this as those without diagnosis DONT behave this way. It takes 2 persons to make a relationship work and added to someone having diagnosis ALLOT of support and understanding from the partner without diagnosis. "

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673816, member: 22350"]
Thank you so much for your experience. I do understand how hard it must be for him now way better. Honestly sometimes it is very difficult to just not loose the reality of how it is than of how I wish it would be.

" Youre very wellcome , belive me i understand "
Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and stressed and worried that I completely forget how hard it must be for him

" Perfectly understandble but try to not get this stressed up as it will only increase the anxiety on youre end (yes i have both Severe Anxiety and depression among the gazilion other co morbid diagnosis too ASD 3 & Severe ADHD / Mild ID (see my Signature & profile ) and when you do this you only increse the levels on him as well"

he is working so hard and so much also to maintain everything he has and also give me some of the little time he has because I thing he would probably rather have just some time to relax and just be for himself.

" Yes he is working hard to maintain what he has thats obvius and yes he needs some alone time

BUT DONT​

for a minute think he rather be just by him self. You dont have to a pro to see he loves and cares for you very much and he tries all he can to get this right

I feel like I shouldn’t loose this out of my eye just because of a stupid idea of how things should be based on what you got told love and relationship should be.

" I agree you both need to try to understand eatchoder as of now its obviesly misscomincation between you "

I will try my best to be more understanding and think of how he must feel. I know he is the Person for me. And I just want him to be ok and also I wish for myself that he doesn’t see me as a reason for certain behaviour. And just trust me again.

" THATS what gives this a relatinship a chance. It will take time and lots of hard work BUT it CAN be done, he trusts you its just that he is Strugling right now to find who HE is and what is wrong and ACCEPT this (again us wimen usely have easier to accept this then men in general) "

i also feel ungrateful when I complain about little contact or when he ignores thing’s because it might be that he is just frazzled

"DONT its perfectly natural that you would feel this as those without diagnosis DONT behave this way. It takes 2 persons to make a relationship work and added to someone having diagnosis ALLOT of support and understanding from the partner without diagnosis. "

so right. Support is so much more important and also trust. Men don’t like to talk about feelings very often because it seems like they always have to look strong and put together. So I do appreciate when he sometimes tells me that he is not that well and struggling a bit.

I will just continue and try to understand his few and not expect things. He is caring and loving in his own way and sometimes I feel like I’m a bit of a burden when he is so busy with stuff. I hope everything works out and he doesn’t have to feel anxious around me anymore he seemd to also not like any touch at the moment and seemd to felt ashamed about to say it.

If I would at least know what he has a hard time with at the moment I could avoid making this situation creep up and stuff. But I’m also scared to frazzle him when he is very busy because he will just become overloaded easily. It’s his birthday next week and I wanted to send him something nice or such to Show him someone cares because he mostly avoids and things he is not important. The worst he said to me before I left is that he doesn’t understand why I’m with him and that he is no good. I really would wish he would see what a great person he is. His year I can’t see him because he is away for a gig with his mate . But I’m happy he does something he loves

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673826, member: 22350"]so right. Support is so much more important and also trust. Men don’t like to talk about feelings very often because it seems like they always have to look strong and put together. So I do appreciate when he sometimes tells me that he is not that well and struggling a bit.

" Corect on all accounts "

I will just continue and try to understand his few and not expect things. He is caring and loving in his own way and sometimes I feel like I’m a bit of a burden when he is so busy with stuff.

" Im shore with time and lots of work you too will find a way to get this to work. DONT simple as that "

I hope everything works out and he doesn’t have to feel anxious around me anymore he seemd to also not like any touch at the moment and seemd to felt ashamed about to say it.

" To me its just strainthen my belief of him most probaly having ASD (but as i said only pro can diagnose that ) as thats ONE of the criterias for a diagnose if im not remembering wrong here. "

If I would at least know what he has a hard time with at the moment I could avoid making this situation creep up and stuff. But I’m also scared to frazzle him when he is very busy because he will just become overloaded easily.

" Again you have to try to learn and understand he `s language so to say BUT on the other hand you cant be walking around on egg Shells either. With time you will learn to spot and react in time to when he is in danger of overload & the only way you can do this is spend time with him "
It’s his birthday next week and I wanted to send him something nice or such to Show him someone cares because he mostly avoids and things he is not important.

" Well i cant see anything wrong in sending him something nice on his birthday (im actually the same reg my birthday and pretty much all big holidays (but on other grounds then he im shore)"
The worst he said to me before I left is that he doesn’t understand why I’m with him and that he is no good.

" Thats a clear sign that i am right in my beliefs that he struggles emensly with him self at the moment (been there done that MANY times ) & its NOT aimed at you its more he`s frustration and anxiety etc... Thats talking "

I really would wish he would see what a great person he is.

" When youre as far down as i belive he is you cant see anything then pure black darkness, youre not worth anything and it dont matter if you normaly would be the happyest person on earth with a lovely family and otherwise great life. its all a dark black deep hole of nothing then constant torture "

His year I can’t see him because he is away for a gig with his mate . But I’m happy he does something he loves

" You still have the webb /phone /skype / personal medias etc... "

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673826, member: 22350"]so right. Support is so much more important and also trust. Men don’t like to talk about feelings very often because it seems like they always have to look strong and put together. So I do appreciate when he sometimes tells me that he is not that well and struggling a bit.

" Corect on all accounts "

I will just continue and try to understand his few and not expect things. He is caring and loving in his own way and sometimes I feel like I’m a bit of a burden when he is so busy with stuff.

" Im shore with time and lots of work you too will find a way to get this to work. DONT simple as that "

I hope everything works out and he doesn’t have to feel anxious around me anymore he seemd to also not like any touch at the moment and seemd to felt ashamed about to say it.

" To me its just strainthen my belief of him most probaly having ASD (but as i said only pro can diagnose that ) as thats ONE of the criterias for a diagnose if im not remembering wrong here. "

If I would at least know what he has a hard time with at the moment I could avoid making this situation creep up and stuff. But I’m also scared to frazzle him when he is very busy because he will just become overloaded easily.

" Again you have to try to learn and understand he `s language so to say BUT on the other hand you cant be walking around on egg Shells either. With time you will learn to spot and react in time to when he is in danger of overload & the only way you can do this is spend time with him "
It’s his birthday next week and I wanted to send him something nice or such to Show him someone cares because he mostly avoids and things he is not important.

" Well i cant see anything wrong in sending him something nice on his birthday (im actually the same reg my birthday and pretty much all big holidays (but on other grounds then he im shore)"
The worst he said to me before I left is that he doesn’t understand why I’m with him and that he is no good.

" Thats a clear sign that i am right in my beliefs that he struggles emensly with him self at the moment (been there done that MANY times ) & its NOT aimed at you its more he`s frustration and anxiety etc... Thats talking "

I really would wish he would see what a great person he is.

" When youre as far down as i belive he is you cant see anything then pure black darkness, youre not worth anything and it dont matter if you normaly would be the happyest person on earth with a lovely family and otherwise great life. its all a dark black deep hole of nothing then constant torture "

His year I can’t see him because he is away for a gig with his mate . But I’m happy he does something he loves

" You still have the webb /phone /skype / personal medias etc... "

But I don’t understand the touch thing. He didn’t have problems befor but after his melt down it came out of nowhere and since than he seems to don’t like to be touched but he still does it because he seems to feel bad if he wouldn’t hold your hand and stuff. He likes to hug you but if you hold his hands you se he doesn’t like it or stops after 1 minute immediately. It seems like he is ashamed to say he doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t be mad or such if he tells me look I can’t deal with touch because it seems to make him nervous but also he doesn’t just say no.

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673838, member: 22350"]But I don’t understand the touch thing. He didn’t have problems befor but after his melt down it came out of nowhere and since than he seems to don’t like to be touched but he still does it because he seems to feel bad if he wouldn’t hold your hand and stuff. He likes to hug you but if you hold his hands you se he doesn’t like it or stops after 1 minute immediately.

" Thats ONE of the strong criterias for ASD i dont have (i have pretty mush most of the others ) but what i can understand of this is. Somehow if you have this try to imagine having to put on a sticky itchy old nasty sweater . You shore wouldent like it as you feel uncomfortable and it scratches and itches. And you cant wait to get it of you because how it makes you feel. Well when you have this imagine it must feel similar to me being able to look another person in the eyes (cant do it have never been abled too it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and aqward) so its not that he DONT whant to its just sadly he feels very uncomfortable. "

It seems like he is ashamed to say he doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t be mad or such if he tells me look I can’t deal with touch because it seems to make him nervous but also he doesn’t just say no.

" I agree it would KILL me if i had that to be honest . Perhaps you need to tell him thats OKEY i still love you we dont have to do this if you dont whant too (other words build up he´s self confidence as a MAN which obviesly is att rock bottom right now "

What i humbly would suggest is try to read up on Asberger and ASD in general and learn about this diagnose so that you then based on what you have learned can see if he fits in to said Criterias of having either Asbergers (now lumped in with ASD (and would be ASD1 ) as i strongly suspekt he does. The webb is full of info and of course we are all here as well to anwer questions and help .This will intern help you understand him better of course "

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673838, member: 22350"]But I don’t understand the touch thing. He didn’t have problems befor but after his melt down it came out of nowhere and since than he seems to don’t like to be touched but he still does it because he seems to feel bad if he wouldn’t hold your hand and stuff. He likes to hug you but if you hold his hands you se he doesn’t like it or stops after 1 minute immediately.

" Thats ONE of the strong criterias for ASD i dont have (i have pretty mush most of the others ) but what i can understand of this is. Somehow if you have this try to imagine having to put on a sticky itchy old nasty sweater . You shore wouldent like it as you feel uncomfortable and it scratches and itches. And you cant wait to get it of you because how it makes you feel. Well when you have this imagine it must feel similar to me being able to look another person in the eyes (cant do it have never been abled too it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and aqward) so its not that he DONT whant to its just sadly he feels very uncomfortable. "

It seems like he is ashamed to say he doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t be mad or such if he tells me look I can’t deal with touch because it seems to make him nervous but also he doesn’t just say no.

" I agree it would KILL me if i had that to be honest . Perhaps you need to tell him thats OKEY i still love you we dont have to do this if you dont whant too (other words build up he´s self confidence as a MAN which obviesly is att rock bottom right now "

What i humbly would suggest is try to read up on Asberger and ASD in general and learn about this diagnose so that you then based on what you have learned can see if he fits in to said Criterias of having either Asbergers (now lumped in with ASD (and would be ASD1 ) as i strongly suspekt he does. The webb is full of info and of course we are all here as well to anwer questions and help .This will intern help you understand him better of course "

the one thing I struggle with understanding is if he did have this sensory issue since the beginning or did that came later .
The worst for me still is when he had this one meltdown freaked out and layed himself flat on the floor on his belly with no response for a few min. It hit more and more of those things and he seemed to get more and more complex and complicated with new ad ons. So when I was living with him I didn’t know what to do anymore.

basically he said to me last December that he was anxious about living again because he is just scared it will happen again and he doesn’t know where things goe because of that but we did get along well besides that. But I’m happy now that he at least was ok that I’m spending my holidays with him In summer but also I’m scared if things happen again . Of course I do also miss him because I can only see him 3 times a year.

but I want that summer time to have just a good time together no stress for him aswell and enjoy the time we have

but I’m so scared that things happen again aswell because I don’t actually know what’s the trigger and what he is actually struggling or sensitive against.

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673838, member: 22350"]But I don’t understand the touch thing. He didn’t have problems befor but after his melt down it came out of nowhere and since than he seems to don’t like to be touched but he still does it because he seems to feel bad if he wouldn’t hold your hand and stuff. He likes to hug you but if you hold his hands you se he doesn’t like it or stops after 1 minute immediately.

" Thats ONE of the strong criterias for ASD i dont have (i have pretty mush most of the others ) but what i can understand of this is. Somehow if you have this try to imagine having to put on a sticky itchy old nasty sweater . You shore wouldent like it as you feel uncomfortable and it scratches and itches. And you cant wait to get it of you because how it makes you feel. Well when you have this imagine it must feel similar to me being able to look another person in the eyes (cant do it have never been abled too it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and aqward) so its not that he DONT whant to its just sadly he feels very uncomfortable. "

It seems like he is ashamed to say he doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t be mad or such if he tells me look I can’t deal with touch because it seems to make him nervous but also he doesn’t just say no.

" I agree it would KILL me if i had that to be honest . Perhaps you need to tell him thats OKEY i still love you we dont have to do this if you dont whant too (other words build up he´s self confidence as a MAN which obviesly is att rock bottom right now "

What i humbly would suggest is try to read up on Asberger and ASD in general and learn about this diagnose so that you then based on what you have learned can see if he fits in to said Criterias of having either Asbergers (now lumped in with ASD (and would be ASD1 ) as i strongly suspekt he does. The webb is full of info and of course we are all here as well to anwer questions and help .This will intern help you understand him better of course "

Also when it comes to intimacy he of course did totally block and freak out all of a sudden last year. He said he was even scared to go to bed because he would think at some point I’m expecting something of him wich he can give.

so he didn’t say that straight he later said it was a mental feeling not you but at that times he would just say all of a sudden your not attractive to me and I just don’t want anything at the moment I’m sorry. Just to have his peace wich was probably a smack in my face because I felt soooooo down and still feel like the ugliest duck ever. Basically .

but I understood after the frustration got hold of me pretty soon there was more and that it was touch in general. But I still didn’t understand the all of a sudden change after this massive meltdown he never seemd to recover

 

[All-Rounder]

He apologized and said it's his fault when you talked, at least. That may mean he knows he did a wrong. But I dont think he wants to be around lately, he seems to be unwell.

My gf recently threatened to remove me out of her life if i touched her, then apologized. Your bf has some aspie similarities, even beyond this one. She said she was very touch aversive when her sister touched her and she only tolerated it because she was a child. My gf has been unwell for a while but especially at that time, because of me having messaged her when she was gaming telling her i was pancking then going to bed. She said to me that is only temporary, the touch thing.

Although in my opinion whenever he is in such a mood he will not allow touch. So you can expect this for your entire existence together on and off, sadly, but it can be even if its not your fault. And it can be frustrating that stuff constantly affects the relationship, cause the goal is to be able to rely on each other and not stop sex, time together and affection despite whatever comes each of your ways. But maybe that is not realistic expectation for anyone.

 

[NiniS29]

He apologized and said it's his fault when you talked, at least. That may mean he knows he did a wrong. But I dont think he wants to be around lately, he seems to be unwell.




My gf recently threatened to remove me out of her life if i touched her, then apologized. Your bf has some aspie similarities, even beyond this one. She said she was very touch aversive when her sister touched her and she only tolerated it because she was a child. My gf has been unwell for a while but especially at that time, because of me having messaged her when she was gaming telling her i was pancking then going to bed.

It sounds like we are in the same situation like. But he never seemd so. It started after he had his first meltdown and he completely changed in not a good way was like living with dr jackel and mr Hyde he could change in a second .. after that time.

how is it now with your girlfriend? He didn’t say that he wanted to remove me or anything we did already decided to take it slower and that we want each other around. But he just has moments when he is gone and will come back as if nothing happens.

but it seems to get a bit better at the moment. At least but I have to be very open minded and I mostly know and hear when he is full of everything and give him his time.

are you guys living together?if so did it work?

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673853, member: 22350"]the one thing I struggle with understanding is if he did have this sensory issue since the beginning or did that came later .

" Only profetinal can anwer that one BUT its a known a fact that this kind of diagnoses may get worse with age (incl high stress level ) as is also my case with both age as well as WAY to high negative stress level all my life "

The worst for me still is when he had this one meltdown freaked out and layed himself flat on the floor on his belly with no response for a few min.

" Thats whats known as a Autistic meltdown /also comes with ADHD actually"

It hit more and more of those things and he seemed to get more and more complex and complicated with new ad ons. So when I was living with him I didn’t know what to do anymore.

" To me it sounds like said possible diagnose have progressed most probaly from the negative stress anxiety level (NOT by youre fault ) he has "

basically he said to me last December that he was anxious about living again because he is just scared it will happen again and he doesn’t know where things goe because of that but we did get along well besides that.

" Perfectly understandble and its not a pleasant sight or experince for someone to have to view such meltdown. But all we can do is leave them be and be there when they come back again. Its as faras i understood this not dangerous and its Bacikly when youre mind needs to take break from serios overlaod when we get this meltdown. How we display them is different ways (incl this laying on the floor ) "

But I’m happy now that he at least was ok that I’m spending my holidays with him In summer

" As you should be "

but also I’m scared if things happen again.

" It probaly will and you just have to try to be mentaly prepared for when it does and know how to handle it. constantly worrying about this and other things will NOT help either you or him"
Of course I do also miss him because I can only see him 3 times a year.

" Perfectly understandble "

but I want that summer time to have just a good time together no stress for him aswell and enjoy the time we have

" As you should "

but I’m so scared that things happen again aswell because I don’t actually know what’s the trigger and what he is actually struggling or sensitive against.

" Again you worry about all this wont help either one of you . So DONT when it happens it happens and in time you learn to spot those triggers and signals that he is close to meltdown "

 

[All-Rounder]

Trust me its usually much better for autistics especially such sensitive ones to have their own appartment, they need time and space alone, much more than some people like us who are wanting to spend practically all the time together and are madly in over the head despite whatever happens. Stuff seems to affect them a lot, and need tons of time to recover. Strange, cause i recover best with my partner, but my partner recovers alone.

 

[Sarah S]

="NiniS29, post: 673859, member: 22350"]Also when it comes to intimacy he of course did totally block and freak out all of a sudden last year. He said he was even scared to go to bed because he would think at some point I’m expecting something of him wich he can give.

" As i said he is very lost in both his possible diagnose as well as his manly hood "

so he didn’t say that straight he later said it was a mental feeling not you but at that times he would just say all of a sudden your not attraktive to me and I just don’t want anything at the moment I’m sorry. Just to have his peace wich was probably a smack in my face because I felt soooooo down and still feel like the ugliest duck ever. Basically .

" Thats just his un security talking . But i can defenetly understand how bad that must have hurt you "

but I understood after the frustration got hold of me pretty soon there was more and that it was touch in general. But I still didn’t understand the all of a sudden change after this massive meltdown he never seemd to recover

" Its NEVER aimed too hurt you its just as i said he`s self confidence as a man was at that time at rock bottom and still is "

 

[All-Rounder]

so he didn’t say that straight he later said it was a mental feeling not you but at that times he would just say all of a sudden your not attractive to me and I just don’t want anything at the moment I’m sorry. Just to have his peace wich was probably a smack in my face because I felt soooooo down and still feel like the ugliest duck ever. Basically .

but I understood after the frustration got hold of me pretty soon there was more and that it was touch in general. But I still didn’t understand the all of a sudden change after this massive meltdown he never seemd to recover

Omg, i think he actually doesnt like you nor love you. This is a very big red flag. I dont think he is able to leave you, but he clearly expressed he doesn't like you.

Question is, does he want to like you, does he try to, does he work towards it or does he run away from you? Seems to me he is not very interested in rebuilding attraction towards you.

Just because someone doesnt like you it doesnt mean you arent attractive. Preferences differ. I really think you would help him by letting him go, as hes expressed already he doesnt want to be with you. Then he can move on and find someone who he truly likes, and you can find someone who truly likes you too. I really hope you manage to find strength to accept you are not right for each other.

 

[All-Rounder]

how is it now with your girlfriend?

are you guys living together?if so did it work?

My gf doesnt do those things she threatens me, those threats are usually her panicking, she said she didnt think i would understand because in the past i argued against her explanations with my own opinions, and could not really trust her for her explaining some things to me, but the threats do give me a scare and mess with my ability to trust her in the long term. She has stayed with me, and things got better. She hasnt been so distant except for not being around one day and the next she said shes gonna do chores, friends come over. We're dating online. I think things would be complicated if i were to follow her around and her to run away from me 24/7 around the house. I think it would drive me more nuts than it already does. But maybe itd keep her more distracted being with me. What do I know, i never tried it.

 

[NiniS29]

Omg, i think he actually doesnt like you nor love you. This is a very big red flag. I dont think he is able to leave you, but he clearly expressed he doesn't like you.

Question is, does he want to like you, does he try to, does he work towards it or does he run away from you? Seems to me he is not very interested in rebuilding attraction towards you.

Just because someone doesnt like you it doesnt mean you arent attractive. Preferences differ. I really think you would help him by letting him go, as hes expressed already he doesnt want to be with you. Then he can move on and find someone who he truly likes, and you can find someone who truly likes you too. I really hope you manage to find strength to accept you are not right for each other.

You know I used to think that what you said because I had no other clue of what’s going on. But after he said basically he just said that because he didn’t know what to say or react because he got anxious about things because he has touch issues now aswell.

he also explained he said that out of fear and reasons he couldn’t say something else

 

[NiniS29]

="NiniS29, post: 673859, member: 22350"]Also when it comes to intimacy he of course did totally block and freak out all of a sudden last year. He said he was even scared to go to bed because he would think at some point I’m expecting something of him wich he can give.

" As i said he is very lost in both his possible diagnose as well as his manly hood "

so he didn’t say that straight he later said it was a mental feeling not you but at that times he would just say all of a sudden your not attraktive to me and I just don’t want anything at the moment I’m sorry. Just to have his peace wich was probably a smack in my face because I felt soooooo down and still feel like the ugliest duck ever. Basically .

" Thats just his un security talking . But i can defenetly understand how bad that must have hurt you "

but I understood after the frustration got hold of me pretty soon there was more and that it was touch in general. But I still didn’t understand the all of a sudden change after this massive meltdown he never seemd to recover

" Its NEVER aimed too hurt you its just as i said he`s self confidence as a man was at that time at rock bottom and still is "

I understand it better now after many months that he never ment it that way. He just needed something quick to say to keep me away but sadly it was hurtful and I steel feel like he thinks I’m unattractive or such. That he doesn’t like me actually so I always have to be careful to not slide bin that thought.

it’s tough because it cracked my confidence a lot. He just feels also very uncomfortable for voicing any feelings. He would say things back but like last week when I was very happy and I just did write him in the morning that I’m happy and I love him. He just ignores the word I love you mostly as it seems when I write it. I don’t do often . But when I say it also very rarely he says it back wich I don’t get still and it confuses me where I am at sometimes.
It is difficult I will not lie but I think he is a good men

 

[All-Rounder]

You know I used to think that what you said because I had no other clue of what’s going on. But after he said basically he just said that because he didn’t know what to say or react because he got anxious about things because he has touch issues now aswell.

he also explained he said that out of fear and reasons he couldn’t say something else

I got many explanations from my ex who was on the spectrum, like that, after he would tell me truthful things at anger. Those things are his feelings, even if negative. How could he elaborately tell you hes not attracted to you out of not knowing what to say in the moment? He could have just said the last part without needing to express the first. But for some reason he felt the need to add it, and I think those are his true feelings. It might be hard to accept but he might have been honest.