"I understand you're autistic... [3 minutes later] ... now why are you ___."

[Grumpy Cat]

You could ask your friend out for ice cream 3 minutes later - they just need sugar free ice cream.

Is the above person close to you?

 

[icesyckel]

I don't tell anyone IRL I have ASD unless they are "close" to me, so yes.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Maybe these people think you want to be treated as an NT. Kind of like when someone has a disability they always say they don't want special treatment and want to be treated just like everyone else.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

If they are close to you they may be in denial and don't want to think of you as having Aspergers. Accepting this as fact means that they would have to learn everything about Aspergers and also act different themselves when they are around you (meaning change for them). Acting around you like they always have is comfortable for them.

At the same time, you have been uncomfortable your whole life around them and you now know why and want to get your chance at being able to be comfortable around them. Just when you think they "get you" you find them expecting you to act NT again (like you have been doing all along). If they are close to you, whenever they say something like that remind them again that it is a symptom of Aspergers. That would work for me anyway - repetition.

 

[icesyckel]

Maybe these people think you want to be treated as an NT. Kind of like when someone has a disability they always say they don't want special treatment and want to be treated just like everyone else.

That is a certainly third plausible hypothesis now to consider. Interesting.



For the record, while I make efforts to assimilate to the statistical NT majority for the sake of pursuing my own goals, it is very much like flexing a muscle. I don't enjoy it, and I enjoy it even less so now that I know there are other people out there like me, no matter how rare they are. It was one thing when I thought it was just me who was like this, but now I feel that I am less of a minority than I was when I was a minority of 1.

Consider: my condition is only a "disability" to the extent it makes me different from NTs and thereby complicates my interactions with them and by extension my life. Even then, it is only a "disability" to the extent that NT's don't understand it (ignorance) and b/c of that lack of understanding misinterpret my words, actions, and inactions. If they did understand, and if they could adjust their expectations (or just not have expectations), then my condition would not be a "disability" at all; rather, it would simply just be a different way of thinking, which it is apart from their expectations that I think like they do.

So, you see, my "disability" exists only because NT's expect me to think, speak, and act as they do. I don't require or want "special treatment," and I am not "handicapped." I am different living in a world of people who expect me to be routine, ordinary, normal.

EDIT: I supposed the issues I have with children screaming and being touched are "disabilities" independently of my thought processes, but that really is unrelated to the topic we were discussing in this thread.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

That's why I never know what "word" to use - the medical community sees Aspergers as a disability. I see it as a different way of thinking. What word do Aspies prefer?

And you say you don't want special treatment, but any other treatment that isn't NT would be considered special treatment because its change from what an NT is used to.

 

[Nolan1971]

I get very annoyed when others get upset about any aspie behavior I may show.
Especially when they think it is making excuses
This is most upsetting at work!

 

[icesyckel]

That's why I never know what "word" to use - the medical community sees Aspergers as a disability. I see it as a different way of thinking. What word do Aspies prefer?

And you say you don't want special treatment, but any other treatment that isn't NT would be considered special treatment because its change from what an NT is used to.

I can't speak for others, but I don't really care if you call it a disability, an illness, a handicap, a condition, or a different way of thinking. The point of my prior posts was not about the word choice so much as the underlying meaning.

I am "disabled" or "impaired" only because I think and act so differently from most people that most people take issue with it unless I conform to some degree or another.

You are right that it is "special treatment" to ask normal people to forego their assumption/preconceptions about the things I say and do whereas I look first to the literal meaning of their words and even their deeds. It's just frustrating that those who know I am different still interpret my every word and action as if I thought like an NT person. The effort just to be understood is often staggering, and I do sort of resent having to maintain the effort for those "in the know." However, I supposed there are 3 good theories here for why NTs who understand us still expect us to act and think like NT's, so there is not point in resenting them.

That also means there is no point in telling them about our ASD either, in most cases.

 

[icesyckel]

I get very annoyed when others get upset about any aspie behavior I may show.
Especially when they think it is making excuses
This is most upsetting at work!

I experience this too - immensely so. However, to keep my job, I know I have to "fit in." What I have learned is that, even if people are "in the know," most of the time they have the same expectations as if they were ignorant. There's no point in telling them anything or expecting any understanding. As frustrating as it is, I just have to continue to adapt and learn how to blend in.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

If I had Aspergers, I'd like to go one day just being myself and see what happens. If someone said something, I'd say "it's because of my Aspergers" then move on with what I was doing. Maybe you could try that and once people got used to the new "real you" you could start being yourself.

Or in a perfect world, what if everyone had to wear a tag (like a name tag) that said NT or Aspie. Kind of like at work we have to wear tags saying we're RN so people know then what to expect from us - we aren't nurses aides and we aren't doctors.

 

[Nolan1971]

Unless they are in authority I just let them rant and utterly ignore it.
Having a emotionless vulcan attitude at work is a real blessing I am praised for the doing great
work while avoiding all bull @#$%. Most mangers like this as I get more done without distraction
than almost all my peers.

 

[Nolan1971]

I am very proud to say while I worked at the last store people voted it the cleanest Kangaroo
in Gainesville!

 

[Judge]

Or in a perfect world, what if everyone had to wear a tag (like a name tag) that said NT or Aspie.

History has shown that it's having to wear tags at all that reflect a very imperfect society that would claim otherwise:

I'd rather be called by my name. Not my neurology. Or anything else as for that matter.

 

[icesyckel]

If someone said something, I'd say "it's because of my Aspergers" then move on with what I was doing.

Why even bother with having asperger's? Doesn't Moby do this anyway?

 

[Ste11aeres]

For the record, while I make efforts to assimilate to the statistical NT majority for the sake of pursuing my own goals, it is very much like flexing a muscle. I don't enjoy it, and I enjoy it even less so now that I know there are other people out there like me, no matter how rare they are.

Have you, especially in the past and before you knew you had ASD, made a lot of effort to "fit in" to the NT world and appear "normal"?
Presumably, if you did so, it was a lot of effort, and unpleasant. However, the effort and unpleasantness might not have been apparent to those around you. Maybe they got used to that behavior as the "real you". And now, even though you have told them you have ASD, and they have read about you, based on past habit and past experience, they still believe that your personality corresponds to that personality that you used to pretend to have.

 

[icesyckel]

Link here.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

History has shown that it's having to wear tags at all that reflect a very imperfect society that would claim otherwise:

Very true Judge. Point taken.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Why even bother with having asperger's? Doesn't Moby do this anyway?

Link here.

You're getting to know me too well. I was about to say "who is Moby?"

 

[icesyckel]

Have you, especially in the past and before you knew you had ASD, made a lot of effort to "fit in" to the NT world and appear "normal"?
Presumably, if you did so, it was a lot of effort, and unpleasant. However, the effort and unpleasantness might not have been apparent to those around you. Maybe they got used to that behavior as the "real you". And now, even though you have told them you have ASD, and they have read about you, based on past habit and past experience, they still believe that your personality corresponds to that personality that you used to pretend to have.

True I did and do make the effort to blend in, and most NT's do see that effort and ajudge me "normal," or, more accurately (since my efforts are imperfect), they see my as a quirky/odd NT (I've never been able to get all the way there with my efforts).

However, my issue is with those whom I have told, and I have largely only told those who knew me well enough to know the act was an act. These are the friends and family who always knew there was something different from me and should have learned not to expect "normal" from me even before they knew what specifically was different about me.

Actually, the 3 people I've told at work (just 3), who only knew the "normal act" I put on have done the best at remembering and accepting it. This is strange, since these are the ones were were "surprised" by my Dx. The ones with who I have the most problems are the ones to whom this came as little surprise.

 

[Judge]

I'd love to hear the feedback of some NT method actors....or at least those who have successfully portrayed Aspies in film and television. Makes me think of Josh Hartnett, Radha Mitchell, Sheila Kelley and others in (Mozart and the Whale).

Mozart and the Whale (2005) - IMDb

Just to hear if and how the process was arduous for them. Where select NTs might truly understand what it takes to emulate a different neurology and how taxing it is on the heart, mind and body.

But ultimately they get paid more than we do for a similar "performance".