If you had a baby with someone you broke up with or had a fling with

[Ella Spell]

I'd like to adopt because I know I can't face going through pregnancy. I'm very squeamish and I have a phobia of vomiting. Although I whine about loud children, I feel differently when it's children and babies in my family who I love. I know I'll do great with a baby. Just one baby.
But the rules for adopting are unfair and diabolical. Apparently you have to be 100% mentally and physically stable (probably meaning no disabilities), you have to be rich, you have to be under 25, you have to own your own house, and all these other things that I don't have. But when you breed children none of these rules apply. Single parents with low paying jobs who are in council are usually financially supported and very secure, if the parents are not abusive or neglecting or dependant on drugs or alcohol. I don't drink or take drugs and I have an overwhelmingly caring nature. I treat my pets like they're my children. I actually put them first. And yes, I understand pets are easier than children but even so.

Also I heard you can't change the name of an adopted child. So I'll have to get used to having a little'n running around called Albert or some other name I dislike.

I found this interesting since I adopted and I'm autistic. I even did it unmarried.

Here's the (only) rules for prospective parents.

There may be luck for you after all!

 

[kenaij]

There are some who would disagree, seriously.

BTW, my comment was just a pure joke without any social commentary.

Actually that would be if the word woman was used. Female luckily this has its original meaning when it comes to these situations

 

[kenaij]

If you got someone pregnant, what would you do? ^

Before you answer this question with, I wouldn’t, view it as ha hypothetical question in which you ‘mistakenly’ would.

 

[Luca]

I’m unable to get pregnant, and my partner is female anyway. But hypothetically, I would love and care for any child who was placed into my care. Regardless of gender or who the parents were.

I’m uncomfortable with infants, but I would ask for help properly caring for one rather than just giving them up or placing the responsibility entirely on someone else.

I’m adopted, and I can’t stress enough how many older children in foster care need loving homes just as much as babies do. It makes me so sad and angry how often they are overlooked.

I have never turned away a rescue animal, so I would never do that with children either.

 

[Jonn]

Actually that would be if the word woman was used. Female luckily this has its original meaning when it comes to these situations

Rationality doesn't have much to do with it, unfortunately.

 

[Forest Cat]

Humans have the ability to reason, but most have been brainwashed from childhood to mindlessly accept the breeding program.
Indoctrination + instincts = unthinking compliance.
Humanity is seriously amusing.

I don't know, I never had anyone tell me I should have kids. It just seems to happen naturally. Isn't it just one of the most basic things in nature? Making sure your genes and the species survives? That's a very strong instinct.

 

[Jonn]

I don't know, I never had anyone tell me I should have kids. It just seems to happen naturally.

Children are indoctrinated before they have deeper reasoning abilities.
The prefrontal cortex is the last to fully develop, and happens around age 25 for males and 22 for females.
You probably heard the saying:
"Give me the boy until age 7, and I will show you the man." Jesuit motto.

People are profoundly influenced on a subliminal level by parental/social indoctrination.
It can take half a lifetime to "clean out the attic", as I like to say.

 

[Forest Cat]

Children are indoctrinated before they have deeper reasoning abilities.
The prefrontal cortex is the last to fully develop, and happens around age 25 for males and 22 for females.
You probably heard the saying:
"Give me the boy until age 7, and I will show you the man." Jesuit motto.

People are profoundly influenced on a subliminal level by parental/social indoctrination.
It can take half a lifetime to "clean out the attic", as I like to say.

Well, I don't think people are indoctrinated to have kids because there's no need to do that. They'll have kids no matter what you do. Mother Nature takes care of that.

 

[Rodafina]

A big part of the natural force that drives us to have kids, is to make sure our genes survive. That's hardwired into us, that's just a natural thing. It's like that for pretty much all species as far as I know. And it is a very strong instinct.

I’ve been thinking about this for several decades now and I can’t figure out why I don’t have this drive within me. Lacking the desire to procreate since I was young has always confused me. It seems unnatural that I lack this wiring.

I have never had the desire, drive, nor instinct to be a mother. I don’t think this makes me horrible in any way, but one of the few instances where I feel like a true anomaly. I have not figured out a sensible explanation yet. It is not a logical or emotional overriding of instinct. It is an instinct that is completely lacking.

 

[Forest Cat]

I’ve been thinking about this for several decades now and I can’t figure out why I don’t have this drive within me. Lacking the desire to procreate since I was young has always confused me. It seems unnatural that I lack this wiring.

I have never had the desire, drive, nor instinct to be a mother. I don’t think this makes me horrible in any way, but one of the few instances where I feel like a true anomaly. I have not figured out a sensible explanation yet. It is not a logical or emotional overriding of instinct. It is an instinct that is completely lacking.

I have never had the drive or desire to be a mother either. But I do have the drive to be a dad. Without kids I don't really have anything, I'm not supposed to only care for or only take care of myself, it feels unatural. Empty. But people are very different and I don't think there's anything wrong with not having that drive.

 

[Ella Spell]

My husband made me write an essay about why I thought we should have children, and when. He said the content of my paper would determine whether or not he’d agree.

I should have caught that as a huge red flag and run.

 

[Rodafina]

I have never had the drive or desire to be a mother either. But I do have the drive to be a dad. Without kids I don't really have anything, I'm not supposed to only care for or only take care of myself, it feels unatural. Empty. But people are very different and I don't think there's anything wrong with not having that drive.

Maybe I am just part robot after all!

 

[kenaij]

Maybe I am just part robot after all!

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In all honesty there are a lot of people I know who I wish didn't have that drive.
There are just way too many people who are absolutely no good at being parents.
Not claiming at all you would be! Don't get me wrong.
Just saying it wouldn't be a bad thing if more people lacked it.

 

[Ella Spell]

I think it's great that you have this awareness, @Rodafina.

I wonder sometimes if I would have decided on children or not, if I'd known I was autistic or if I'd really been given time and space to reflect on it. I think I just did what was expected of me, but I'm not sure. I was always interested in baby names like a special interest and I did a bit of babysitting, but I was never the type to think rationally about my strengths and weaknesses, or admit to myself how much parenting would push me out of my comfort zone. Little did I know I'd be a single parent, too.

All I remember from my essay to my husband was that I said "It's the next natural step" or "the natural progression", or something like that. I was so young. I married him at 22. Even that was done without much forethought. I didn't want to move back to my parents after going to university so I assumed marriage would be the right choice. It didn't occur to me I could live independently, or even live with my boyfriend without marrying him. I really didn't think for myself, and I didn't know myself.

It's been a long process to figure out who I am and what my needs are. I didn't know I was autistic until 2017 even though I'm a Level 2. I didn't know I had ADHD. I didn't know myself at all.

I don't regret having my kids but I do wonder what I would have said in my essay if I knew then what I know now. I'm glad you knew all along because it's a very demanding job whether you end up with a co-parent or not.

 

[Jonn]

I’ve been thinking about this for several decades now and I can’t figure out why I don’t have this drive within me. Lacking the desire to procreate since I was young has always confused me. It seems unnatural that I lack this wiring.

No, it simply means you are an individual.
We don't have to be held hostage to evolutionarily created instincts.
Thinkers can transcend animalistic influences.
Evolution has provided the mechanism to do this, I.E., The pre-frontal cortex.

Social concepts are merely man/woman/gender-diverse/person constructs.
I suggest ppl don't blindly worship them.

I have never had the desire, drive, nor instinct to be a mother.

Neither have I.
I have never had any interest in being a father, either.
On the contrary, fatherhood is one of my worst nightmares.
I am a hard core antinatalist.

I don’t think this makes me horrible in any way, but one of the few instances where I feel like a true anomaly. I have not figured out a sensible explanation yet. It is not a logical or emotional overriding of instinct. It is an instinct that is completely lacking.

Some ppl do think there is something wrong if you don't want to start a family.
These are unenlightened individuals, IMO, and I simply smile... on the inside.
Not being a victim of evolutionary manipulation is a big plus, imo.

Most ppl walk through life with "eyes wide shut", ignoring the brutality of "life, the universe, and everything".
Some ppl have been blessed with a greater perspective, to avoid the mistakes of the past.

Just my personal opinion.

 

[Jonn]

I have never had the drive or desire to be a mother either. But I do have the drive to be a dad. Without kids I don't really have anything, I'm not supposed to only care for or only take care of myself, it feels unatural. Empty. But people are very different and I don't think there's anything wrong with not having that drive.

I am not criticising anyone's choice, here.
"To each their own". It is their life after all.
Just making some observations.

Evolution has been tinkering with all organisms.
It blindly "rewards" <cough> those that manage to procreate.

These tendencies/instincts are generally passed down to their offspring.
And so the cycle continues...
Reason would suggest that finding fulfilment in fathering/mothering a child is simply nature's "little trick" in continuing the process.

And there are other psychologically manipulative mechanisms to help the process along, such as "falling in love" which produces "fairy dust" in the mind to obscure the harsh realities of life.

Also, look at the "ego" and consider its influence in wanting to create a "dynasty" or simply establishing a greater level in the social hierarchy.

Much to consider.

 

[Jonn]

Maybe I am just part robot after all!

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We are all simply "Meat Machines", my dear.

 

[Jonn]

In all honesty there are a lot of people I know who I wish didn't have that drive.
There are just way too many people who are absolutely no good at being parents.
Not claiming at all you would be! Don't get me wrong.
Just saying it wouldn't be a bad thing if more people lacked it.

Total agreement.

"You need a licence to drive a car, but anyone can breed". as they say.

There are so many bad parents in the world that simply bring misery to their offspring due to their own selfish unthinking desire.
Just saying.

 

[kenaij]

I am not criticising anyone's choice, here.
"To each their own". It is their life after all.
Just making some observations.

Evolution has been tinkering with all organisms.
It blindly "rewards" <cough> those that manage to procreate.

These tendencies/instincts are generally passed down to their offspring.
And so the cycle continues...
Reason would suggest that finding fulfilment in fathering/mothering a child is simply nature's "little trick" in continuing the process.

And there are other psychologically manipulative mechanisms to help the process along, such as "falling in love" which produces "fairy dust" in the mind to obscure the harsh realities of life.

Also, look at the "ego" and consider its influence in wanting to create a "dynasty" or simply establishing a greater level in the social hierarchy.

Much to consider.

Eventhou I don’t neccesarily agree with what you say I do want to thank you for this perspective. I always like to know a lot of perspectives on a subject and you have provided a very good viewpoint to consider. Or atleast understand a viewpoint that is against procreation.

 

[Rodafina]

We are all simply "Meat Machines", my dear.

One of my ancestors…