Ignoring other members

[Stuttermabolur]

I do ignore some of those I think are trolls, but I dont know if they are currently active.

I find interesting that you (@SimonSays )...We usually talk about how good it is telling the truth, but as a very assertive person who often engages in discussions (and dont ignore them) I can say first hand that even with good data and even trying not to hurt others it may be better to ignore. What do I get from entering those topics? Usually nothing, people who think bad of women will keep thinking the same. People who think bad of men will keep thinking the same. Same goes for people thinking bad of autists or porn watchers. Or black people or whatever other group. What do I get? A false ilussion of being helping to solve the hate problem of mankind? To get ignored myself?

As an example, every time I participate in a porn thread I get the feeling that I had better ignored it instead of entering the discussion. I just find hard to ignore people, but Im learning about it.

I guess there is a correct way of doing it, not ignoring neither engaging, but I have not find it yet. This is a hard topic for me.

I have thought about this topic a lot, and I see three benefits to engaging in a discussion with people you disagree with, even if you are very unlikely to change anyone's mind directly.

1. Your opponent doesn't really matter. It's just one person and if they have an opinion strong enough to get into arguments about it is likely related to their identity in some way (same with your opinions, though it might be uncomfortable to admit). However, what does matter is the audience, or other members using the forums who do not take part in the discussion, but still observe the arguments being used. Their pride is not at stake so they are likely to change their mind than your opponent. From reading accounts of people who have changed their minds on big issues (like racism and classism), arguments pretty much never changed what they thought, but observing what other people did or dealt with as well as noticing contradictions in their world view did.
2. Related to the first point, but though your opponent may not change their mind immediately, or even soon, arguments do give them some food for thought if they do decide to analyze their believes further. If they never encounter any arguments, they never have a base point to analyze or even distrust their beliefs.
3. It gives you training and forces you to research the subject matter further. This means that you are further equipped to take part in arguments further down the line, including if others seek after an argument with you, or directly challenge your beliefs by responding. It also means you can do better in an in person argument (traditionally a weak spot for us).
4. [BONUS] It can be fun and stimulating to take part in an argument. I like learning and understanding how people think, so arguments are one of my interests. I enjoy a good discourse whether I am observing it or taking part, and it can be satisfying to take your opponent's argument apart piece by piece, even if it won't change their mind. Of course this depends on how emotionally invested you are in the arguments, or how your opponents or bystanders behave.

In conclusion, while getting into an online argument can definitely be a drain of time and emotions, I do not think it is without value, and speaking personally, I greatly appreciate a lot of your arguments put forth on the forums, as they are intelligently constructed, based on evidence, and most of all, I because I tend to be of the same opinions .

 

[SimonSays]

For me, the decision to ignore is never about something I disagree with. We're all entitled to our opinion; just because I might disagree doesn't mean I would want you not to give it.

In my case, to ignore someone is about not liking their attitude, if there is any aggression, or how they react to what other people say, on a regular basis. So ignoring a member doesn't happen very often, because most people show respect for fellow members, and are willing to consider or just allow other people's points of view.

 

[tree]

How many people do I Ignore?
zero

How many people have I Ignored in the past?
zero

How many people do I intend to Ignore in the future?
zero

 

[Tom]

Well if I have to be honest I ignor people at the drop of a hat.

But there is some method to my madness. It began when I was battling Leukemia and made a concerted effort to maintain a positive attitude and limit any negative stimulus.

But even after going into remission I kind of liked the method. No news, no politics (half my family and relations are secretly blocked on Facebook for posting something political), nothing that annoys me - if possible. It's like moving to the mountains for cleaner air.

The list gets up pretty big. Once I counted it past 200. But every once in a while I have a 'Jubilee' year and unignore everyone. Most have moved on anyway and everyone still here gets another chance.

 

[Aspychata]

Definitely have put some on ignore because l do have a impulsive somewhat juvenile attitude depending on how much caffeine and exercise l have had, and general fog of stupidity floating between my ears at any given moment.

However, l have lifted ignores when l see people's attitudes maturing and improving.

Sometimes l am triggered, and l will ignore some. Sometimes l don't quite understand where they come from, like their box of thinking is too small for me and l can't quite crawl in it to understand them. So it's not dislike, l just don't get you. One such person here emailed me, which was weird too. It was their trauma, and black and white thinking which l also suffer from.

One thing l never do is tell someone l am ignoring them. That seems outright abusive to me. In real life, (not internet life), we like some, dislike others, and can't explain why. And in real life,, l have never said, l don't like you. I assume the internet is pretty much the same. Some people here, l would call up and ask if they are free for coffee. There are males and females that are quite open in their thinking.

But if triggered, l do have to ignore. It's nobody's fault. It's not that l dislike you or you are *bad*, l just need to deal with my trigger.

 

[Homulilly]

Ten children with asd? Are you building an army?

He’s including his children and grandchildren, I think.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Oh yeah, I guess I should also reply to the topic at hand (I tend to focus on specifics or what grabs my eye in threads).

Personally, I never ignore/mute anyone, neither here or elsewhere, and I don't plan to. There is quite a simple reason for it, which I have expressed in a prior thread of mine. I like reading, and tend to be a completionist reader, so I don't like the thought of skipping anyone's opinions. Maybe their newest thought is some brilliant insight, even if they have been nothing but toxic up to that point. Maybe they put forth an argument I won't be able to challenge (despite perhaps being more knowledgeable than others) unless I can see it. I don't like stuff happening without knowing about them, and human interaction fascinates me, so for me personally, it doesn't make sense to ignore people, though I understand some individuals could prove triggering to others, so it's understandable people use the function.

 

[Aspychata]

I only block crewlucaa.

kidding, I don't do that. I don't have much problems with people here.

I am getting a couple of badly behaved dogs just so l can call @crewlucaa.

 

[Crossbreed]

But every once in a while I have a 'Jubilee' year and unignore everyone.

(Fifty years is a long time to wait... )

He’s including his children and grandchildren, I think.

Nope, children.
I have seven grandchildren (so far).
Family scorecard: ⚤ ♀♀♂♂♂♂♂♂♀♀♂♂⎛♀⎞♂♀♂♂♂

 

[Forest Cat]

On another forum, I [ASD1] was relating my experiences raising ten children

Just one more and you have your own soccer team. My aunt used to say she wanted her own soccer team but she stopped at 6.

 

[Jeff T]

Came here after diagnosis to gather insight and wisdom from a rainbow of people who have dealt with this better than I.
Ignoring people would be antithetical to all that.

 

[Crossbreed]

Came here after diagnosis to gather insight and wisdom from a rainbow of people who have dealt with this better than I.
Ignoring people would be antithetical to all that.

This being the internet, we still have our share of trolls.
Thankfully, they are usually ousted before I get around to ignoring them.

 

[WildCat]

If someone is consistently antagonistic, negative or stirring up the pot here, yeah, it comes in handy. Even if they're not banned (most of them usually are) that's one less distraction for me, and there's always the option of unignoring someone, which I usually do over time.

Not going to discuss it in detail but I know a few people have me on their list, probably because of some thoughts that slipped out of my keyboard that shouldn't have. I'm not perfect, just another human on this planet, but that's fine - they can do them and I'll keep on doing me.

 

[Bolletje]

Not going to discuss it in detail but I know a few people have me on their list, probably because of some thoughts that slipped out of my keyboard that shouldn't have.

Ah, I see you have a periodically slippery keyboard too? Must be a faulty batch . In all seriousness though, I have some people on my ignore list because I know their posts will cause me to want to climb on my soap box, crack my knuckles and start listing all the reasons they are wrong. As I said in an earlier post, I’m all for civil discourse. And some members (and topics) bring out my angry side which makes it hard for me to be civil, so I hide their content rather than read content that tempts me to be unpleasant to others.

 

[Shaddock]

I ignore over 10 people here in this forum. a few of them are confirmed trolls. a few of them did nothing, but I had a bad gut feeling, so I felt more comfortable ignoring them and/or I don´t liked their posts and found them insulting, even others didn´t. and a few of them are very controversial and too controversial for me. when I have a bad feeling with someone, I put him/her on the ignore list. for me 10 people are very less, especially because a few of them are trolls. in other forums I had much more on the ignore list.

for me, a bad gut feeling is a 100% reason to break up with someone or to not get into contact with someone. in most cases my feeling has a reason and even when it has none, it is better to have 1 good contact less, than to have 1 bad contact too much. also I don´t have bad gut feeling that often, most people don´t trigger that in me at all.

I can have bad gut feeling instantly. after one post or in real life when I just saw the person or when he/she spoke a few words with me. I have the theory that bad gut feeling is most of the times not "senseless", but is the result of the information our mind collected unconsciousness. we don´t know exactly what the reason was, but we know that there is (most of the times) a reason.

the reason don´t has to be "the other person is a bad person", it could only be "we both don´t fit together" but that´s also enough to not get into contact with some.

when I ignore someone I don´t want to say "I dislike you" with that, I want to say "I don´t feel comfortable when reading your posts (especially when they are in my threads) and I ignore you to protect myself." and this is a huge difference.

I don´t harm anyone when ignoring that person, but I realized that "I can not" with this person and instead of lying to myself and to forcing myself to have contact with this person, I decide to ignore him/her and so prevent conflicts in the future.

I have no problem when others would put me on the ignore list, when they feel more comfortable with that, because I know some of my posts are heavy and I understand that for some people it sounds like I´m a bad person or they just don´t want to read them.

but I have no understanding for people who insult me or answer in my threads, even when they don´t like me.

 

[Misery]

2 or 3, I forget exactly.

Generally I wont block unless I'm 100% sure that there's one heck of a good reason and zero chance of me ever getting along with that person.

 

[LadyS]

I'm guessing for some, ignoring might be necessary not to get triggered themselves, and taking care of ourselves should always be priority, so no judgment to anyone who does. I don't ignore anyone here, haven't had a reason to.

But I also don't have much time to lurk around, always too busy. I do feel bad for not liking posts that I do like or reading more. Have the bad habit of reading things and forgetting to contribute or reply. I do that with text msgs as well. I'll reply silently in my head thinking the other person has a read my mind, sorry 'other person'. Primarily use this place to vent anyway. But also to learn more about others even if I'm not contributing. Mostly because I cannot relate.

But never will purposely ignore unless I don't feel safe. Even the trolls keep it mildly amusing .

 

[Fino]

I don't really believe in ignoring or blocking because I enjoy being exposed to opposite views, even antagonistic views, but I'm ignoring one person who was intentionally grotesquely offensive in response to my specific explanation that I would not like to hear exactly what he proceeded to say, and he said it in much worse terms than I had imagined. I found it disturbing--a sign of a personality disorder.

 

[SimonSays]

Have the bad habit of reading things and forgetting to contribute or reply. I do that with text msgs as well.

I do the same sometimes too. I don't exactly reply in my head, although maybe I do I suppose, which does feel like they heard me. I accept I heard what they said and don't need to reply. But I can understand why this isn't always understood by the other person (sorry other person).

 

[Aspychata]

I don't really believe in ignoring or blocking because I enjoy being exposed to opposite views, even antagonistic views, but I'm ignoring one person who was intentionally grotesquely offensive in response to my specific explanation that I would not like to hear exactly what he proceeded to say, and he said it in much worse terms than I had imagined. I found it disturbing--a sign of a personality disorder.

Sorry to hear of this Fino.