I'm a plague to women who are not married.

[Judge]

You need a wingman Tony!

Ironically that's what I find so cool about ND men here who married NT women. That it would seem an act of love to help them through the NT world as their "wingman". Especially at social events that tend to make many of us cringe.

 

[jsilver256]

I can move to another city where no one knows me, and I guarantee 100% the same crap will happen.

Well, there's only one common factor in that case.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Other neurodivergent people at a local group for people with autism and similar conditions might be more accepting.

 

[Kayla55]

Meeting people, going out more, is a good thing. Romance, um, complicated.
The more friends you meet, then you may get introduced to a single friend, better than being to head on.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Meeting people, going out more, is a good thing. Romance, um, complicated.
The more friends you meet, then you may get introduced to a single friend, better than being to head on.

I can go to a thousand different places with the same damn outcome except I will end up with more burnouts and meltdowns.

 

[Rodafina]

married women would actually be friends and talk to me in every social place. They would be my most supportive even going as far as giving me free food going places that they pay with there family and consoling.

Only women in relationships approach and befriend me like you, for example.

My closest are trying to help. One really is so sad for me and she showed it even cries for me but does not understand.

Tony, I know you are feeling badly, but one takeaway for me is that you have a few good friends who care about you and want to help. That is very special and something quite a few autistic people do not have.

Think of these people when you consider taking your life. Your friends.

I know that you don't have everything you want, and it's okay to feel frustrated, but you do have people that care about you - in your real life and here on the forum.

 

[Aspychata]

Like it's tough for females or males on the spectrum. Its tough for NT also. Relationships are a difficult task, l don't care if you are ND or NT.

 

[Peter Morrison]

I am beginning ti believe that you come on way too strong with women. I have no idea what you talk about, what you say, or what these women see when they meet you. I'm curious to know what makes them all get up and run. It has to be something that can be identified. You never share that in your posts. I am assuming that you don't have a scary look, that your teeth are clean, and that you don't smell awful. Is it possible that you come across as very needy. That's a red flag for anyone in the universe. You might want to run through your encounters with these women and see if you can't identify what words or actions caused them to walk away. It's for you to decide and for you to remedy. If everyone rudely walks away from you without an explanation, there has to be a reason. Stay strong and move forward. Be honest with yourself. Best of luck.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I am beginning ti believe that you come on way too strong with women. I have no idea what you talk about, what you say, or what these women see when they meet you. I'm curious to know what makes them all get up and run. It has to be something that can be identified. You never share that in your posts. I am assuming that you don't have a scary look, that your teeth are clean, and that you don't smell awful. Is it possible that you come across as very needy. That's a red flag for anyone in the universe. You might want to run through your encounters with these women and see if you can't identify what words or actions caused them to walk away. It's for you to decide and for you to remedy. If everyone rudely walks away from you without an explanation, there has to be a reason. Stay strong and move forward. Be honest with yourself. Best of luck.

another reminder on how my mindset and perspective has changed over the years on how men and women interact with each other.

Reminds me, these are quotes or statements i've always hated and will make me angry and enraged until the day i die, they are "its the way the world works", or "thats the way it is", or "so what?".

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am beginning ti believe that you come on way too strong with women.

What hi or sitting next to them is too strong. I am tired of hearing that. I am cursed that's it. Because since I got baptized this and my entire life has gotten worse especially with women they find me repulsive as best. I did not change anything.

I shaved and showered clean hair cut deodorant does not make a damn difference. I see guys who look like hobos go up or sit next to them and they talk to them and have conversations.

 

[thejuice]

Something i need to work on is ironing my clothes and brushing my hair, it definitely makes a big difference in first impression. A lot of the time im like ah good enough (usually i dont have the mental space for it, its weird. My Grandpa used to say why do I need to have a haircut, i dont have to look at it! ) I also need better fitting clothes, some of my shirts are not flattering. I really hate clothes shopping !!

 

[thejuice]

I shaved and showered clean hair cut deodorant does not make a damn difference. I see guys who look like hobos go up or sit next to them and they talk to them and have frigging conversations.

I know that type of man! Total scruffs lol

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My married friend Patricia now thinks that a different deodorant will make a difference she wants me to try it tomorrow when I go to the cafe like it gives a damn for women they still ignore my ass and they're still give me the resting face and they'll still walk away from me when I sit next to them and only married women will still talk to me but she insist it'll work but I know it's a complete waste of time but I'll try it anyway because I know it's a waste of time.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

To think I was thinking about going to this at that loser church event that I that I was trying they were hosting monthly what a laugh I would have went to this I know they would have said at the bar the bartender would have said no there's no such thing as Park Slope Community Church at this event tonight even though they would have sat there and ignore my ass and then I would have been so sad I would have texted my friend and I would have been so depressed but instead I stayed home and watch porn all evening instead I don't care.
https://psccbrooklyn.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/1464876

 

[Raggamuffin]

I'm wondering what the technique is when you're attempting to sit next to women.

If they don't know you, and there's plenty of spare seats in the location - then a stranger coming up and sitting next to them could possibly feel like an invasion of privacy and make them feel uncomfortable - which is not a good foundation to start upon.

Perhaps walking up to them - offering a warm smile and asking "Is this seat taken?" or some such might help to break the ice.

Ed

 

[NB79]

I usually don't even bother approaching people to make friends etc, but i have no issues approaching people to talk about transactions etc, i got burned up of that in early high school, and with my very poor social skills i lost any confidence in doing so, so if someone wants to talk to me thats great, i know thats not going to get you friends, but i don't know how to recover confidence.

 

[1ForAll]

So married women feel sorry for us. If it was not for their support, I would be in a mental hospital now. I know two have my back.

Then why do other women treat us like yesterday's garbage when we just walk in the room?

Partially true.

Women do not feel threatened as much with us near or talking to us when they are married, as they know they may be able to approach or talk us without feeling like they will be hit on (asked out or flirted with) as much, and they know they have one or more excuses on their side to not get too close. This may allow themselves to be themselves more, relax more, empathize more, and to show their nice side more.

Women who are married may take more risks in talking to single guys by acting more friendly, as they feel the expectations will be seen as different with the contact. They know that the encounters need not be perfect and will likely not lead to much other than a friendly exchange or possible friendship. Married women also could less fear being judged adversely by others if they talked to one who was not their type, as they would think the others would know they were already in a committed relationship.

I however do agree single women may unfairly negatively judge single guys or assume too much for those guys who are friendly to them or who even just stand or sit near them. Is this guy safe? Is he my long term type? Is this guy trying to date me? Does he hope for sex with me? Could he stalk me? What is this guy's job? Is he financially stable? Is he married? Why is he near me or looking at me? At times they may overthink things or put all guys in the same basket, thinking they want something more than just be polite, friendly or social.

What women may often do is to size guys up quickly. They not only look at what he says or does not say, but how he says it, his tone of voice, his posture, his facial expressions, his other mannerisms, his attitude and they may put that into context with the setting and what he did just prior, to determine what to do or to make of his doings This may give her some clue to finding more about him, his intent, if any, and if he is suitable for her in any capacity, like for a quit chat, or as a potential friend or future partner, etc, or if it is best to just avoid.

I do not think most single women have any malice or ill will towards guys who do not meet their expectations, but most do seem to act very differently towards single guys and married guys, and for guys who have some traits they are interested in quickly versus those traits that they think or assume would be not for them long term. Many single women may not even need single guy friends, as they may feel they have women for that, where they feel more comfort to express, or to feel more safe.

So, unfortunately, yes, many single women may not give the time of day to any guy who does not stand out in a very positive way rather quickly, unless talking to them through less direct communication means. That is why I myself never approached single women in person. Either they approached me if interested or I communicated online with them well before we decided to meet. This gave time for both to know each other, without premature judgements.

However, women can judge a person's writings too. Is he too negative? Does he talk about or show through words what he brings to a relationship? Are his interests interesting? What does he do for fun? Does he have much baggage? Does he seem responsible and hard working from what he says. Will he be compatible with me in person too? What is his living situation? What are his goals? What does he want in a friend or partner? How does he act under stress, etc.

I do feel women thus are more complex and needing of the right situations. I understand often their concerns and needs thus there, but I do empathize with guys who cannot meet societal expectations of what a guy should be. It is far more common for women to be allowed to at times not offer as much, or for them to be allowed to be more themselves without added pressures to do more that they can do. I do think though more and more women are realizing that traditional guys are not always the best long term partner material, that nicer guys can be safer and more supportive and loyal. I hope more will understand that at least as women advance and more guys are allowed to help in other ways.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

If they don't know you, and there's plenty of spare seats in the location - then a stranger coming up and sitting next to them could possibly feel like an invasion of privacy and make them feel uncomfortable - which is not a good foundation to start upon.

How did I know I would get blamed yet again for this how many damn times do I have to tell you this is not some random place these are damn social events social events I said this is places where people supposed to socialize and meet each other not some random place public place social events were you supposed to talk to each other and interact with each other so why am I the damn predator again.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Your hostility aside, my question remains.

How are you approaching these people before sitting next to them?

Ed

 

[Misery]

How did I know I would get blamed yet again for this how many damn times do I have to tell you this is not some random place these are damn social events social events I said this is places where people supposed to socialize and meet each other not some random place public place social events were you supposed to talk to each other and interact with each other so why am I the damn predator again.

Nobody said you're the predator.

This is more of a generalized reaction. It'd happen if I did it, and I'm about as imposing as a flower. It'd happen if anyone I know did it, even my extremely social stepmother. It's not just you.

A lot of people just really, REALLY dont like it when someone they do not already know comes and sits right next to them. Heck, *I* dont like it if someone does that, and it doesnt matter how nice the person trying to sit near me is. I will always get up and wander away. Always. Only closest friends & family are allowed to do that.

And for a lot of people, it's just like that.

There can be exceptions of course... like if you're on a plane or whatever, there's no choice except to sit right next to strangers if the vehicle is crowded enough (and on planes in particular, they almost always are at capacity). But outside of those situations, it's extremely common for people to simply not like a stranger (or even a friend that they simply arent close enough to, yet still consider a friend) to sit right next to them. Though exactly how close someone needs to be in order to be allowed to sit immediately next to them differs from one person to the next.

And yes, all of this stuff applies to social events. Simply being at a social event doesnt change this type of behavioral preference, or preferences regarding personal space/boundaries.

There can be other situations too that could create more confusion... for instance if someone is sitting at a table that SEEMS to otherwise be empty, and you sit on the other side of that table, and they get up and leave... it could be that they were actually waiting for family members or friends to arrive and sit at the same table, so if a stranger sits down, they might be like "welp, I better just find a different table rather than risk a bad interaction here".

Unfortunately with a situation like that one, there's no way to be 100% sure what's going on without the person telling you.

Also dont forget one universal rule: some people are just jerks. Those people, you wont get to like you, most likely... and that's probably for the best. Ya dont want to have to be around some mean bully or something, yeah?