I'm an expert at flirting because...

[Sparticus]

Describe your brilliant failures...ruses you have used...victories :bounce: or the pain of defeat.

I'll start:

I'm an expert at flirting because tonight after work, I went walking at a park. Met an old guy & while we were talking I complimented an attractive older woman's earrings walking by us. She was an exotic looking a beautiful tanned, black-short hair...she stopped, REALLY wanted to talk to me but duh! did I notice? I didn't know if I should continue talking to the man or her. :unsure: So I did both...and realized the guy HAD walked away while the woman, feeling rejected? by me was walking away.

Yep...a flirting expert I yam...how bout you?

Eh?! Come on me Pirate laddies and lasses...don't be shy! :mask2:

 

[Soup]

Okay.....Uh...I'm an expert at flirting because I frequently get dust on my eyelashes that triggers irritation that causes me to blink rapidly which, in turn, can be misconstrued as flirtation?

 

[Sparticus]

:bounce: That's funny! So...you are the one! ;D

I can see it now...a Western movie...Wyatt Earp swings open the Saloon door...cowboys go running, women go looking, Soup is batting her eyelashs at Wyatt...[or so he thinks...] Doc Holiday says "why Wyatt, you are an Oak..."

 

[Peace]

OH, I've Got One! Lets see, Um.........................Ah............................OK, Nevermind.

 

[total-recoil]

I've gone from being a total failure to amazing success. Last night, for example, after chatting to a quite attractive female for half an hour about her troubles she started to kiss me. Then another attractive Indian girl asked me if she could stop by one day and visit. I gave her my mobile number. Seems to only happen with women from other countries but for sure this has never happened before. I would normally always be ignored. Mind you, I do think one-to-one encounters are different to group situations and a lot of aspies don't do so badly one-to-one. I can even make eye contact with them these days.

Describe your brilliant failures...ruses you have used...victories :bounce: or the pain of defeat.

I'll start:

I'm an expert at flirting because tonight after work, I went walking at a park. Met an old guy & while we were talking I complimented an attractive older woman's earrings walking by us. She was an exotic looking a beautiful tanned, black-short hair...she stopped, REALLY wanted to talk to me but duh! did I notice? I didn't know if I should continue talking to the man or her. :unsure: So I did both...and realized the guy HAD walked away while the woman, feeling rejected? by me was walking away.

Yep...a flirting expert I yam...how bout you?

Eh?! Come on me Pirate laddies and lasses...don't be shy! :mask2:

 

[Sparticus]

Excellent!!!! Confidence & great positive attitude. The ole feast or famine thingie. I'm good at initiating communication & sometimes getting phone numbers. But I need to do better follow up, not talk too long or act too impulsively. It depends on my mood and energy level. Recently I was chilling with some acquaintainces. I sat near an exit to the bathroom. Quite a number of people said hello to me as they had to squeeze by my chair. I also stood up a few times to chat with a few of the guys. Women notice who is popular.

Of course I have days with low energy & I might not want to flirt.

Good luck!

I've gone from being a total failure to amazing success. Last night, for example, after chatting to a quite attractive female for half an hour about her troubles she started to kiss me. Then another attractive Indian girl asked me if she could stop by one day and visit. I gave her my mobile number. Seems to only happen with women from other countries but for sure this has never happened before. I would normally always be ignored. Mind you, I do think one-to-one encounters are different to group situations and a lot of aspies don't do so badly one-to-one. I can even make eye contact with them these days.

 

[total-recoil]

I doubt I'd ever be in an ongoing relationship as I'm always so busy and remain a loner. Still, I do chat a lot to girls and make jokes and am not really so shy anymore. Lately i've met a girl who seems to flirt with me but I never get into these kiss and chase games (where they then suddenly play hard to get and you're supposed to do the chasing). As it stands, she has my number so, if she calls, she calls and and if not I just carry on doing my music at home and keeping busy.

Excellent!!!! Confidence & great positive attitude. The ole feast or famine thingie. I'm good at initiating communication & sometimes getting phone numbers. But I need to do better follow up, not talk too long or act too impulsively. It depends on my mood and energy level. Recently I was chilling with some acquaintainces. I sat near an exit to the bathroom. Quite a number of people said hello to me as they had to squeeze by my chair. I also stood up a few times to chat with a few of the guys. Women notice who is popular.

Of course I have days with low energy & I might not want to flirt.

Good luck!

 

[Sparticus]

Sometimes I can get phone numbers...but 50% of the women won't answer? Hmmm...then most of the others pick up the phone like "huh, oh my not HIM!" Hey man...what gives? So I got excited when I met you, talked like I was on 3 cups of coffee, threw in the kitchen sink to impress ya...yeah man I got game...uhm well NY Giants Football game... :-( Somehow I seem to destroy any possibility of a new relationship.

Forrest Gump "that's all I have to say about that"

 

[Soup]

I've got game too, Sparticus: you are not the only one here with game. Unfortunately, most of mine are crossword puzzles...

 

[Ereth]

I'm an expert at flirting because I can go up to people I like and try to start a conversation. But then I always seem to talk too much. Yep, flirtation expert right here . . .

 

[Gulas]

I'm an expert at flirting because I can go up to people I like and try to start a conversation. But then I always seem to talk too much. Yep, flirtation expert right here . . .

The start of a conversation is the hardest part for me. How can you just start? I keep over-thinking the interaction, bad thoughts like "will I act like a creep?", "I like potatoes", "Oh god, I'm so nervous." etc.

 

[ifightdragons]

I'm an expert because no matter how attractive or fascinating a girl approaches me, I somehow manage to repel her in less than 5 minutes. :happy:

If I however by some dumb luck manage to let my brain get off the overdrive for one second (analyze mode off), and actually become somewhat empty-minded - and dare I say dull - she will stick around.

I wish I fully understood this, and not least how to control it.

 

[MoCoffee]

I'm an expert at flirting because.......oh heck, even I don't believe it! Funny thing is, I don't flirt but men try to pick me up anyway. It's almost like they see me as a challenge or something.

 

[Sparticus]

I feel so much of what everyone is saying. A few nights ago while in a store I saw a beautiful very light skinned woman with sensitive eyes. I said hi to her & she said hi back. We both walked out of the store at the same time. Outside as I was talking to her my brain shut off & eventually I woke up to realize I was talking fast. Was I flirting or trying to over sell her something? Plus she was on her way to her 2nd job.

I told her I'd like to talk to her again-on the phone. She asked for my number [the mark of death for a single guy] & suggested we could go out for dinner. Not after I messed up so badly. Beautiful soul, beautiful eyes, beautiful heart, beautiful woman. But I know I'll never hear from her. Why? Cause outside that store I fell to pieces, lost in her eyes...so comforted by her presence...I forgot to flirt with her.

Instead I accidently gave her short sales presentation. "Buy me! Buy me, not the other guy, yes buy me cause_____" blah blah blah blah...she must of thought I had just escaped from the "Single Man Nervous Institution." SMNI...

 

[ifightdragons]

Instead I accidently gave her short sales presentation. "Buy me! Buy me, not the other guy, yes buy me cause_____" blah blah blah blah...she must of thought I had just escaped from the "Single Man Nervous Institution." SMNI...

A fellow escapee of the SMNI. You know this really sums it all up; it's a constant crapshoot and you never know which way the dice will roll.
It even makes success with ladies frustrating, because you know you won't be able to replicate or even really identify your own successful behavior.

It's a tragically comic thing. I mean, it could be much worse...

 

[Soup]

Many women find that slightly awkward flirtation is much more sincere & charming than the contrived, expert flirting of a too suave Lothario. The latter can be a real turn-off & it feels like manipulation. The line between confident & smarmy is too easily crossed by these types of guys.

 

[Gulas]

I'm learning that adaptation and body language are important. But aspies are famous for not easily read body language and to not adapt; sticking with habits. What most people take them for granted, I have to consciously learn about them.

I'm learning these subtle signs of body language, like when to go away (like short/cold answers, she's looking for an escape route, ), signs when to ask her out (she asks if I'm single, she hugs my arm, she plays with hair when there's no wind, etc). I'm usually clueless about these things. I believe in time I can learn these signs.

And it would be great if I knew how to adapt, just a bit, to the person I'm talking with. Everyone is different, have different minds, different life experiences (like harassment), different preferences. Some people like compliments, others don't, some people like loud/extroverted people, others prefer quiet ones. I'm not saying to change who I am. I'm saying it would be great to know how to react to different types of people, and still be who I am and stick with my beliefs, instead of shutting down and being avoidant.

For example, I like having intelectual/meaningful talks with girls. And if she is not that smart, she would dump me for being too nerdy. Then rejection is good, because I don't enjoy being around stupid humans. So instead of lamenting a interaction that didn't work out, I just need to adapt and move on, be thankful, stay loyal to me and who I am, and find the ones who are compatible (easier said than done). Sex and relationships aren't prizes or things you can't live without, or something you have to take or bargain for. Sex and relationships are things to share together, enjoy together, choose together, like pizza.

I guess I digressed. Yea, I'm not expert because I'm not very skillful in reading signs like body language, nor adapt when things do not goes as planned.

 

[Sparticus]

It's all body language IFWD. I'm just learning this now but NOT yet able to yet do it. Plus emotions, women love emotions & passion over intelligence.
There are threads on google called "getting game" etc. Using your looks is enough...the problem is probably like me, you get nervous. Sometimes I get so excited I'm not longer "macho" or "exciting."

Wish I could practice this & get it down...me thoughts disappear when I see an attractive woman. My whole strategy {get her catnip, ger her to smoke it, get her to meow & purr...} disappears in a hazy fog as I get lost in their eyes...

A fellow escapee of the SMNI. You know this really sums it all up; it's a constant crapshoot and you never know which way the dice will roll.
It even makes success with ladies frustrating, because you know you won't be able to replicate or even really identify your own successful behavior.

It's a tragically comic thing. I mean, it could be much worse...

 

[Sparticus]

Friday night I had a date *gasp!* A woman I had gotten her phone number 6 weeks ago-I've been calling her 1x a week. We went to for a cup of coffee. She stayed for hours & seemed to enjoy herself. Walking back home she walked very close to me & I wondered if I should have kissed her. It was dark & cold & when we got to her place there was an ackward moment. I didn't feel like kissing her and asked to hug her. So I hugged her.

That was Friday. I called up Sunday as I was going out ot meet some guys & left a message asking if she wanted to go for a walk. But the weather didn't look nice. She never called my cell phone back. I'll call her tonight I guess. She can never replace my ex-girlfriend.

 

[Gulas]

That was Friday. I called up Sunday as I was going out ot meet some guys & left a message asking if she wanted to go for a walk. But the weather didn't look nice. She never called my cell phone back. I'll call her tonight I guess. She can never replace my ex-girlfriend.

Congratulations on the date, you're light-years ahead of me. It seems you both had a good time. And from my experience, no one is irreplaceable, including ex-es.

I would say be careful when reading dating advice on google or internet. Most of them are based on marketing strategies, trying to take money from lonely men. I've read some pick up bullcrap, and I definitely do NOT recommend it. It's so misogynist and fake. Try finding your own path, based on your own experiences, being yourself.