Cooking isn't
necessary. It scores points because it demonstrates real-world capability and competence, and it also handles the "ritual meal" aspect. Just find some other way to demonstrate competence in something. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular.
The related "eating together" thing is strange if you think about it. It's so consistent across different cultures that I half suspect it's genetic. But the actual cooking aspect is different - definitely about competence.
I just saw
@Alexej 's new post, which is consistent with this one.
It's important to show that you care about the other person as an individual - i.e. "
its the caring that motivates you that's important" (I copied that directly from Alexej - excellent phrasing
There are a lot of ways to do this. It doesn't
require money, and it
can't be bought. This is e.g. what the "surprise gift" protocol is for (like Valentine's Day - you won't get a reminder, but you're not allowed to forget it).
It's about demonstrating you put an effort into getting it right (being "thoughtful".).
I'm not sure if you've sorted out a good pattern of communication. Some thoughts just in case:
* Attention and Affirmation (I called this "positive reinforcement" above) are generally important.
And it's something that's often not present at all in M-M social relationships (i.e. between guy friends), so it's easy to miss it. You may not be able to trust your instincts.
This is why it's important to get the comms protocol right - you need to make sure that e.g. an "unexpectedly long delay" between texts isn't interpreted in a negative way when you were just unwinding after a work-related "communication/human interaction overload".
On the plus side, you don't need to spend a lot of time to make a personalized "1-shot" reaction.
Icons are "too easy", but one sentence that's specific to the context is usually enough. Earlier I said
I would just say "Me too" in response to something you put in your post. But "Me too - I've already bought all the ingredients" is what I'd do if I was in
your exact situation.
(Remember I literally wouldn't date someone who doesn't accept my dislike for phone calls and texting. I'm definitely
not suggesting you follow my approach
PS - you mentioned somewhere above that you've had some annoying interactions during previous dating interactions (i.e. with other people).
It sounded like you had been either set up for a foodie call, or were being tested as a possible "orbiter".
If someone who genuinely wants to date you can't come, they will definitely apologize and try to set up an interaction as soon as possible (like lunch or even a 15 min coffee date).
I probably said that if it happens to you and they don't contact you about it, just ghost them. If not, that's the move. It protects your time and energy - and towards impolite people, politeness is optional.
In contrast, your current interaction sounds literally perfect. Stay optimistic. Stay "upbeat" with her. Assume the best outcome is likely.
(BTW - I said that because I saw a little bit of "negative self-talk" above. I don't think it's justified. And even if it was, "optimistic and outwardly upbeat" is still the
best move if you're "playing to "win".)
