In my 40's. Never been on a date.

[LadyS]

I come from a world of arranged marriages. Let me know if you're interested.

 

[jleeb05]

I never been asked out by a girl or been on a date. The only woman who approach me are married or in an relationship so they are an waste of my time.

So I'm part of the LGBT community where the rules/norms are not all that clear. However, my twin brother is straight and has also lamented that no women approach him. However, my perception is that most women still expect the man to make the first move. If you're sitting around waiting for the woman to come up to you, you'll likely be waiting longer than if you take action.

Maybe couples approach you because they know what they want and they're willing to put themselves out there to find it. Sounds like that's not something you're interested in but maybe there's something you can learn from their technique/confidence.

 

[Misery]

May I ask what exactly it is that you’re hoping to get from this thread? There isn’t a question in your original post, and you don’t seem to be finding any of our replies very helpful. Are you mostly just wanting to vent your frustration?

Aye, this is what I'm wondering too.

This isnt the first of these threads, and in every single one of them, plenty of advice is given, and all is ignored. Every time.

It likely wont be the last one either.

What is the point? After all, without a willingness to make changes, nothing will come of it...

 

[Kalinychta]

Aye, this is what I'm wondering too.

This isnt the first of these threads, and in every single one of them, plenty of advice is given, and all is ignored. Every time.

It likely wont be the last one either.

What is the point? After all, without a willingness to make changes, nothing will come of it...

Exactly. I hope he reads your response, because it’s spot on. I understand how sad and discouraged he must feel, though. It can feel impossible to pull yourself out of the slump. He really should take your response to heart, however, because it’s the best advice he’s going to get.

 

[Markness]

I never been asked out by a girl or been on a date. The only woman who approach me are married or in an relationship so they are an waste of my time.

One of my friends is married but I still talk to her. Her husband is fortunately not a possessive and insecure person. This friend has also shared to me the avenues I’ve mentioned here before. Please try to reconsider.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

What is the point? After all, without a willingness to make changes, nothing will come of it...

That seems to be a common requirement. Doing the same thing and expecting different results has never worked. Only when I changed how I viewed myself, becoming positive that I was interesting, had the skills for a good future, and noticed the positive about people, did I enjoy myself, first alone (not lonely) and had the confidence to approach and engage with women I felt were interesting. Mistakes were made, but I made incremental change to correct.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

One of my friends is married but I still talk to her. Her husband is fortunately not a possessive and insecure person. This friend has also shared to me the avenues I’ve mentioned here before. Please try to reconsider.

Bravo @Markness . It seems to me from other posts of yours that I've read, that you are growing. How I hope the best for you to find connection and companionship. You show that you value the connections you make. When I was coming out of my cage I wish I had a woman friend who could have offered me advice.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's not like I don't try. I join Coed life groups that end up being all guys or couples. So that's why I give up.

 

[tree]

The extent of your trying appears to be, from what you say,
joining a group, and expecting single women to flock to you.

You reject friendly advances from couples, because, according
to you there is no value to be found in becoming acquainted
with a female who is *taken.*

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The extent of your trying appears to be, from what you say,
joining a group, and expecting single women to flock to you.

You reject friendly advances from couples, because, according
to you there is no value to be found in becoming acquainted
with a female who is *taken.*

YEP.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I guess no one understands me. I try to be nice but I end up getting the bumb rush. I do try to talk to girls but only ones that I know or meet at an small life group when they attend which is rare.

Couples girls and guys I really don't want to be friends with. I am friends with one couple from life group and he says I am not ready to even talk to girls nevermind date them.

The other couples that were acquaintances irrited me one also named Tony rubs in his wife and two daughters in my face even said to me that he wants and third kid. He is younger than me as is everyone else but I really don't like talking to him but he shows up to all the Church events so he is hard to avoid.

Then their is Katie rubbing in her fiance Eric in my face too always talking about him which bores me that I want to leave.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Then their is Katie rubbing in her fiance Eric in my face too always talking about him which bores me that I want to leave.

Have you ever asked Katie; "What must I do to meet a woman who would talk about me in the way that you talk about Eric?" And then listened?

 

[Kalinychta]

I guess no one understands me. I try to be nice but I end up getting the bumb rush. I do try to talk to girls but only ones that I know or meet at an small life group when they attend which is rare.

Couples girls and guys I really don't want to be friends with. I am friends with one couple from life group and he says I am not ready to even talk to girls nevermind date them.

The other couples that were acquaintances irrited me one also named Tony rubs in his wife and two daughters in my face even said to me that he wants and third kid. He is younger than me as is everyone else but I really don't like talking to him but he shows up to all the Church events so he is hard to avoid.

Then their is Katie rubbing in her fiance Eric in my face too always talking about him which bores me that I want to leave.

Do you have any close friends in your life?

 

[Kalinychta]

I am friends with one couple from life group and he says I am not ready to even talk to girls nevermind date them.

Did he tell you why he thinks you’re not ready to talk to women let alone date them?

one also named Tony rubs in his wife and two daughters in my face even said to me that he wants and third kid.

Then their is Katie rubbing in her fiance Eric in my face too always talking about him which bores me that I want to leave.

You seem to feel that the people around you are purposefully trying to make you feel rotten, and you are constantly talking about how bored you are by everyone. Don’t you think people pick up on your bad attitude and the fact that you won’t give the time of day to anyone who isn’t a single woman? I’m surprised anyone approaches you at all.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think you will find that most people who are in relationships didn't miss a big window of social/romantic development in their teens and 20s and didn't have to scout the internet for answers.

I daresay that many in this community, like me, missed that window, yet entered relationships, some long lasting. No internet in the 60s and 70s, undiagnosed then, so I only had one choice to escape my isolation, and that was to work on myself, and that included attitude adjustment. To be frank, I see no attempt by the OP to even do some introspection and recognize that without change the common element in his issues is himself.

I have not seen anybody using a "heads I win, tails you loose" approach you imply in your second paragraph. Reading many stories about relationships on this site, and from my experience, a common element was that the ND person was open to possibility and did not waste opportunities to practice their social skills or make connections.

 

[Misery]

To be frank, I see no attempt by the OP to even do some introspection and recognize that without change the common element in his issues is himself.

Aye, this bit here is important.

Don’t you think people pick up on your bad attitude and the fact that you won’t give the time of day to anyone who isn’t a single woman? I’m surprised anyone approaches you at all.

It seems to be difficult to get this point across in a general sense, really. Not just in this topic, but when dealing with anyone on the spectrum. Something that seems common is a difficulty on being able to pick up on stuff like that, so the idea of "am I giving off bad vibes" wont even occur to them. Well, the idea that others could be picking up on anything at all, really.

I've had to discuss this with more than a few people that I've gotten to know and it's one of those subjects that just seems to be rough for many.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

May I ask what exactly it is that you’re hoping to get from this thread? There isn’t a question in your original post, and you don’t seem to be finding any of our replies very helpful. Are you mostly just wanting to vent your frustration?

i do ,especially because of how i appear to them upon eye contact .

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Well, the idea that others could be picking up on anything at all, really.

I think this had gone hand in hand with my inability to read social cues. My spouse says I am a bad liar as it shows. But, when I desired to work on myself, besides my enjoying who I am, which came through, was my learning to enjoy people. I even continue practicing that with the people in the bike club I belong to and now find that being with them is a highlight of my week.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Oh, no no, no, just put yourself out, there sign up. For dating, sites try to meet people, someone never inform them you've never had a girlfriend, tell them you just haven't dated in a while, I'm not making fun of you can't, tell them that.

that`s why i would rather wait to be approached by someone.

 

[RobZombiefan]

that`s why i would rather wait to be approached by someone.

That works too!