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Inappropriate emotional responses to funerals

I don't think it's surprising we may not fit in or feel comfortable at funerals. That's how I experience any social event.

I have been to several funerals, usually I have the opposite issue to the OP, and cry buckets. I'm sad that the person has died, I wouldn't go if I wasnt, but I am sure crying is for ourselves, and for our loss not only of them, but for our other losses, and impending losses. I don't see that as wrong though. It can be a bit OTT though, I properly cry once I get started.

But on the whole I like to find my own ways to grieve, I may talk with the person or animal who has died, in my head not out loud that is. Usually. I find that helpful. They tell me their thoughts on the situation, and I share mine...

I get the idea that I may feel glad for them that they are not in pain or ill anymore, is that what you mean here?
 
Thinx said:
I get the idea that I may feel glad for them that they are not in pain or ill anymore, is that what you mean here?
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I am not a religeous person. The idea I will present below comes from personal experiences concerning "God" and the nature of the universe.

I have a deep belief that all things, seen and unseen, known and unknown, share an equal place as part of the one being. There is, to my mind, one being and all things are part of that one being. That one being is infinate into the multitudes of dimensions but, we humans are disconnected from our full understanding, or if you prefer, we are disconected from the conscious experience of being the one.

When we die, that flicker of conciousness that is self aware of its one beingness, reawakens to its self. This is a joyful event.

So when I am at a funeral, or learn of anothers death, unconsciously I am excited and happy, much in the same way some people are when a baby is born.

I think this belief is the root of my inappropriate laughter. I try to be empathetic to others when they are grieving and I too know the sadness of loss. But I also just feel joy.

There is probably some Jungian theory to explain my belief and my response but I don't know it.
 
Suzette said:
I am not a religeous person. The idea I will present below comes from personal experiences concerning "God" and the nature of the universe.

I have a deep belief that all things, seen and unseen, known and unknown, share an equal place as part of the one being. There is, to my mind, one being and all things are part of that one being. That one being is infinate into the multitudes of dimensions but, we humans are disconnected from our full understanding, or if you prefer, we are disconected from the conscious experience of being the one.

When we die, that flicker of conciousness that is self aware of its one beingness, reawakens to its self. This is a joyful event.

So when I am at a funeral, or learn of anothers death, unconsciously I am excited and happy, much in the same way some people are when a baby is born.

I think this belief is the root of my inappropriate laughter. I try to be empathetic to others when they are grieving and I too know the sadness of loss. But I also just feel joy.

There is probably some Jungian theory to explain my belief and my response but I don't know it.
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I see. Yes that's interesting, probably a bit similar to some ideas about the essence we are all part of.

I think the ritual of funerals is meant to be about acknowledgement of loss, and the idea of a celebration of the life works more to the positives they represented.

Sometimes these are attempted all in one 20 minutes at burial or cremation. That's a tall order.
 
I rarely feel any kind of emotion at funerals, just uncomfortable and awkward to be around others who might have certain expectations of me. I can be solemn, but rarely emotional. I'm not going to cry when the urge to cry isn't there.
 
I feel sympathy for relatives who have died that I have gone to funerals for. Really I just like going to them because I get to wear full black-since that is one of my favorite colors-or darker clothing. If I didn't like wearing black as much as I do (I'm not goth but I enjoy it), they would be way more unbearable. I've never really cried at funerals before because I have a hard time crying unless I'm really upset about something.

You're allowed to feel happy for people who have died. They are no longer suffering as they were, as well as probably being in a better place.
 
@Suzette The laughter & smiling happens to me too. Family members & others at funerals saw me and were angry. It happened when I was a kid too. My parents told me my (who was then quite elderly) former babysitter had died; a burst of laughter came from me. This prompted my mother to slap me.

When my younger brother died of an overdose a couple of years ago, I lost one of the most difficult & interesting people I’ve ever known. Over a hundred people attended the memorial, but not me. I was hiking in the mountains and thinking about my memories of travels & hikes with him.

I’m not religious either & agree that all life is equal & in some ways unbeknownst to us, not just connected but part and parcel with itself.
 
This reminds me of the Mary Tyle Moore Show. I think this was one of the most famous episodes, where she can't stop herself from laughing at a funeral.

 
Best thing to do is to go completely flat and do things slowly. (Of course for me, that's business as usual.) It will be interpreted as shock or depression which are culturally acceptable at a funeral.
 
I haven't been to many funerals but I can't say that I've cried at any of the few I attended. I thought I cried at my father's funeral, but my Mom's perception was that I never did. I was only 7 years old at the time so it's difficult to remember and I can understand a child being confused by everything that was happening. What I do remember is one of my Aunt's screaming when she saw the body. She started yelling that the body wasn't her brother and putting on a big show. I know funerals are emotional but I found that display to be rather distasteful and over-the-top.

I also didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral. Neither did my Mom (who might also be on the spectrum). I remember people saying how stoic we were and not to worry because the tears would come. They really never did. But it's weird that people had to tell us "not to worry." It's almost as if they were saying, you're not acting normally but don't wI was certainly grieving so I'm not sure why I had no overt emotional reaction. I just didn't feel it.

I can't say I feel joy when someone dies but I sometimes feel relief. My grandmother had been dealing with various ailments for years and I was always worried about something happening to her. So when she finally died, part of me felt, I no longer have to worry about her. I know that probably sounds kind of selfish to say but if you're always imagining the worst-case scenario, sometimes it's a burden lifted when it actually happens.

My Mom and I have both also questioned the point of people visiting cemeteries. It seems that if I want to communicate with the dead I can do so from anywhere. Being six feet above their lifeless body probably wouldn't make me feel any closer to them. I also watch true crime shows and the family/friends will sometimes visit the place where the victim died. This just doesn't make much sense to me. If I was murdered and had my body dumped in the woods, I wouldn't want my friends/family going to the place where I experienced the worst moments of my life, in order to feel connected to me. It'd make more sense to go to a park I enjoyed or my old bedroom.

I definitely think it's an Aspie trait to question traditions and some of the cultural acts we all engage in without thinking much about them. I think I've read that laughter can be a reaction to anxiety. If you're at a funeral, I'm guessing emotions might be heightened anyway. If you're also worried about behaving appropriately you're probably experiencing a good deal of anxiety which manifests as laughter.
 
jleeb05 said:
. If you're at a funeral, I'm guessing emotions might be heightened anyway. If you're also worried about behaving appropriately you're probably experiencing a good deal of anxiety which manifests as laughter.
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This is probably very true. But the "up" feeling is odd too. Endorphins in response to that stress perhaps?
But physiology, while technically accurate, seems to leave the mysteries of the spiritual experience out of the loop.
I am of two minds on the concept if "soul". Yes, it exists. No, it does not, and any experience one might consider spiritual is simply brain chemistry. Neither explaination really feels exactly right.
 
In the country where I live, at funerals the coffin is open and people are expected to go up the the deceased and kiss them to pay their last respects. I think that's horrible and can't do it. Firstly, it's really icky. Secondly, I don't want my last memory of that person to be them lying in a coffin dead.
 
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I never fit in at funerals either but unfortunately I have been to many. I usually don't experience much of anything emotionally besides relief that their suffering has passed and that now they are free from the decay of physical life that is coming for all of us. I feel sad and cry for their suffering before their empty shell is now in a casket. I think I agree with what someone said above that what most people are crying about and being almost in hysterics even if they didn't even associate with the person much is their own mortality and the way it presents this as much as most of them would not want to openly admit. I simply bless what's left of the body and the location that's now an absolute negative energy disaster and leave feeling much worse than before that what this event mostly did is make most people feel also feel worse. This brings me to my next point on presentation of death.

This whole death culture we have that a funeral ties into is extremely backwards. It just feeds into the whole horror and suffering aspect we attribute to death when these are just amplifications of the most negative aspects of life which ironically I see taken so lightly. Everyone loves their violent and scary entertainment as well express such apathy in the face of it and especially to the suffering of others the don't like but when someone actually dies suddenly they completely change. There is nothing healthy about this, we need to be better than that and be aware of the bigger picture of what we take part in. These lengthy, weepy events only create and drag on more suffering. There is too much focus on the body, there was enough on it before they suffered and ended up where what is left of them is now. The priests in the matter try their best to present this in a better light I know but the whole process is skewed by an overabundance of negativity that the ritual that puts so much focus on what is no longer useful in doing so.
 
Suzette said:
Does anyone else have inapproprite emotional responses to funerals or any event really.

I hate funerals, not because everyone is sad but because one is supposed to act sad, maybe cry or be solemn.
The first funeral I went to was for a classmate that died from leukemia. I was horrified to find myself smiling and I even laughed.
I've been to several funerals since and I still have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing and smiling.
The thing is, while I feel sad that someone I know and love is gone, I am happy for them in a weird way too.
I am hesitant to post this message because I know it is bizarre. I have never confessed these things before to anyone!
Can anyone relate to this?
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This post is not bizarre at all. I generally do not feel any emotion upon hearing about a friend’s or family member’s death, so I usually don’t go to funerals.
 
When MY mother and then brother died, both times I went back to work with very little time to grieve. Much easier to do quietly my way on my own. Work kept me busy, Not to be mistaken for lack of empathy. All the condolences and people asking how are you feeling drive me nuts.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
and people asking how are you feeling drive me nuts
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This has been the trigger for me to laugh. I think they are hoping (metaphorically speaking) to snack on my emotion. Like it or not I have to protect my self.

Since I am a visual thinker I immediately picture them as from ancient times, some sort of mythical creature which has emeged at the funeral/memorial.
Then again, a few of my relatives are always like that.
 
I've never been to a funeral. I have been to memorials, or sat through moments of silence and the like. I don't smile or giggle or anything like that; I tend to get lost in my thoughts, and apparently I look bored when I do, and then people think I'm being rude.
 
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