Incredibly upset by this article

[zaphod]

I actually started laughing a few paragraphs in and then stopped reading. I bet the author wished she could have inserted some heartbreaking violin music to be played while we read. Does she end the article by concluding that ASD men should all be sent to Auschwitz?

The author doesn't do that directly, but some of the commenters do. For example:

I would recommend, first off, I will be encouraging my four daughters to never marry a man who has any signs of ASD or ADHD, it a curse and women should not marry these types of men ever ever ever ever. They should be purged from the gene pool, they are a plague on society,

The author responds to most of the comments, but not that one.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm not one to get offended by things, but because this is extreme hate speech, it makes me feel depressed.

Is this only aimed towards men on the spectrum? It's disgusting, and little does she know that this could cause suicide in some autistic men. Does she not know that? Doesn't she have empa-- wait, according to her, only autistic men lack empathy, and all women are the victims.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

We shouldn't let things like this be out there on the internet, especially in this day and age where most minority groups are protected and anything biased against them is only found on the dark web. Why aren't autistic people a protected group yet??

I may be from a different generation here, but minority groups often times don't need protection. Sometimes more harm than good can come from other people being offended for them, when they might not be offended themselves. Sometimes people just need to be understood rather than protected. Sometimes we need to be offended more by people wanting to protect and coddle us into submission rather than teaching us that the world is cruel and give us the tools to overcome, that things in life are earned or taken. Nobody really wants a handout, or be granted a special consideration, as it's a blow to one's self esteem. I would rather live and fight with the proper intellectual tools and earn my own self-respect instead of someone making it easier for me.

 

[Kalinychta]

The author doesn't do that directly, but some of the commenters do. For example:

The author responds to most of the comments, but not that one.

Yikes. She sounds like a real piece of work. Seems like there are so many shows and movies out now that actually make autistic men/boys (and women/girls) seem cool and quirky, so I think most people would probably find her opinions harsh and inaccurate.

 

[zaphod]

Since you asked Misty, the author says it applies to women married to an undiagnosed man. I was specifically searching for that to try to figure out what my ex wife was going through.

Another commenter wanted to be sure that was abundantly clear.

This article is fantastic except one thing – it is not the problem of AS/NT relationships. Female aspies are not like male aspies. The problems described above apply to Relationships where the male has aspergers – whether the woman is neurotypical or autistic

To be honest, the comments are far more triggering for me than the article itself, which is quite upsetting too.

 

[Misty Avich]

I may be from a different generation here, but minority groups often times don't need protection. Sometimes more harm than good can come from other people being offended for them, when they might not be offended themselves. Sometimes people just need to be understood rather than protected. Sometimes we need to be offended more by people wanting to protect and coddle us into submission rather than teaching us that the world is cruel and give us the tools to overcome, that things in life are earned or taken. Nobody really wants a handout, or be granted a special consideration, as it's a blow to one's self esteem. I would rather live and fight with the proper intellectual tools and earn my own self-respect instead of someone making it easier for me.

Yes but homosexuals, non-whites and transpeople are all protected groups, people with neurological disorders should be too.

By the way I think almost all the comments in the article are written by the cow who wrote the article, as the writing style seems very similar in almost every comment, and honestly there can't be that many women experiencing such abuse from an autistic husband.
Also, if her husband wasn't diagnosed, why did she just assume autism? I mean, how does she know he's not just a psychopath? Admittedly I didn't really read the whole article, but to me it sounds like either he is a psychopath or she is just an entitled woman behaving like a spoilt child.

 

[Misty Avich]

Since you asked Misty, the author says it applies to women married to an undiagnosed man. I was specifically searching for that to try to figure out what my ex wife was going through.

I knew that, I was asking who they were describing. But it seems to just be autistic men.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Yes but homosexuals, non-whites and transpeople are all protected groups, people with neurological disorders should be too.

But,...do they really want to be? I would think they would want the same rights as everyone else and to be understood, respected, and given the intellectual tools to succeed in life. My brother and his partner, and our family have had these discussions several times. Yes, there should be laws against discrimination, but no special advantages for anyone.

 

[Misty Avich]

But,...do they really want to be? I would think they would want the same rights as everyone else and to be understood, respected, and given the intellectual tools to succeed in life. My brother and his partner, and our family have had these discussions several times. Yes, there should be laws against discrimination, but no special advantages for anyone.

That's what I always say, and which is why I get so wound up when society makes some groups too entitled. I could go on further into it, but I know I'll just get a warning and the posts would be deleted, which proves how protected certain groups really are (not getting at the mods, it's not really the mods who make up rules exactly, most of the rules are standard procedures for any site that will be enforced automatically before the site developer can even create a site).

Anyway, let's get back to the article before I say something I might regret. Well, nothing I have ever said in my entire life can be compared to this article thing and its comments.

 

[MildredHubble]

I'm not one to get offended by things, but because this is extreme hate speech, it makes me feel depressed.

Is this only aimed towards men on the spectrum? It's disgusting, and little does she know that this could cause suicide in some autistic men. Does she not know that? Doesn't she have empa-- wait, according to her, only autistic men lack empathy, and all women are the victims.

There are a few authors online who are writing things about men in particular that a lot of people find disturbing. There was one woman who basically had written off both her sons as essentially being a lost cause and were going be dead cert abusers of women when they grew up. Why? Because they did not want to go on a march promoting the idea that "all men are abusers".

There was an article I read that was criticising her behaviour, they used the villain from the Despicable Me movie as a illustration of a child who grows up to be evil because his mother kept telling him he was evil. They call it "Bootstrap Induction" or "Self fulfilling Prophecy". The author said it was abuse, pure and simple and showed examples of comments that agreed also criticising the article.

There's toxic men and toxic women in this world, they fortunately make up a small portion of the population, but we should not judge either gender by their worst examples.

 

[Hypnalis]

We get a woman doing this here about once every couple of months.

Nobody notices.

 

[MildredHubble]

We get a woman doing this here about once every couple of months.

Nobody notices.

I haven't seen this myself? I don't think I've seen anything that even begins to approach the article I read that I mentioned in my post, or the one at the beginning of this thread.

 

[Jumpinbare]

We shouldn't let things like this be out there on the internet, especially in this day and age where most minority groups are protected and anything biased against them is only found on the dark web. Why aren't autistic people a protected group yet??

Not enough $$ in it.

 

[Hypnalis]

@MildredHubble

They get sympathy and support, rather than the skeptical reception they deserve. But it's because they've already practiced demonizing their soon-to-be-ex husband, so they're good at it.
All the obviously unpleasant stuff is repackaged for helpers (like us) and the courtroom, and/or channeled through a professional (especially in courts and formal negotiations).

People here are a soft touch for a good sob story. Which isn't such a bad thing in principle - this is a pleasant and polite place, especially by online standards,. But perhaps it's a bit naive.

BTW I suspect there are web sites or reddit groups that explain how to do this. It feels like there's a "playbook".

 

[MildredHubble]

BTW I suspect there are web sites or reddit groups that explain how to do this.

I'm not sure what this means? Could you explain a bit more?

I haven't really seen many threads on the topics you mentioned. I have seen one about a potential divorce but I don't think anyone was being demonized. Sure it's one side of the story, but we can only make decisions about what position we take based on the information we have. If the behaviour described sounds bad then we will probably be critical of it. Also when people aren't receiving the best treatment from somebody in particular, a lot of people will try to be supportive.

But I've not really seen a thread where the behaviour of one person is extrapolated to include every person in that identity group. Sometimes I suppose people vent their frustrations and may phrase things like "why are all NTs so horrible to me?" and we know that really we shouldn't do that. But I think there's a difference between frustration, or frustrated venting and vicious, calculated attacks on people due to their immutable qualities, with the intent of persuading others to do the same.

We can all fall into the first trap, but I think it takes a special type of toxic person to fall into the second trap.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm not an autistic man but I still feel angry about this article. I wish I could do something to take it down. My heart goes out to lonely autistic men enough, without these articles being pasted all over the internet. It's diabolical.

 

[Kalinychta]

I think the entire story the author tells is a lie anyway. This woman (character) who argued a case before the Supreme Court (so, she’s a very successful attorney) begins wilting like a daisy when her husband says he doesn’t care about his birthday and in response she decides to pout by celebrating everyone’s birthday except her own? And she spends the rest of her best years like Persephone perpetually stuck in the underworld by her wicked, insensitive autistic husband?? Invertebrates have more backbone than she does. If anything, this is an article about a rather pathetic woman who needs to learn to speak up and not passive-aggressively pout when a disagreement or problem arises in her marriage. If anything, she sounds like the narcissist.

 

[MildredHubble]

I think the entire story the author tells is a lie anyway. This woman (character) who argued a case before the Supreme Court (so, she’s a very successful attorney) begins wilting like a daisy when her husband says he doesn’t care about his birthday and in response she decides to pout by celebrating everyone’s birthday except her own? And she spends the rest of her best years like Persephone perpetually stuck in the underworld by her wicked, insensitive autistic husband?? Invertebrates have more backbone than she does. If anything, this is an article about a rather pathetic woman who needs to learn to speak up and not passive-aggressively pout when a disagreement or problem arises in her marriage. If anything, she sounds like the narcissist.

Sounds like you got through more of the article than I did. I just had to quit reading it or my phone was likely to end up being hurled somewhere.

From what I did read, it seems that the author believes that autistic traits or behaviours are a calculated campaign against people. It sees intention where there is none. It reads like it's written by someone who can't differentiate between the deliberate actions of a narcissist and the unintended actions of an autistic person.

It's perception. If I had a dollar for every time someone exploded at me at work for not "looking" at them "enough" when talking, I could take every member of this forum for a all expenses paid trip to Disneyland! The things ND people overlook in their interactions with others are not calculated to be unkind or cruel to others. It's like the author and the people in the comments didn't get the memo "Autistic people are not trying to be cruel, and if they mess up according to some arbitrary social rule, they often try to do better next time and mask to make you all feel the comfort they don't..."

The 35% of the article I did read was some of the most bigoted nonsense I've ever read on the topic of Autism. I was quite stunned!

 

[Kalinychta]

Sounds like you got through more of the article than I did. I just had to quit reading it or my phone was likely to end up being hurled somewhere.

From what I did read, it seems that the author believes that autistic traits or behaviours are a calculated campaign against people. It sees intention where there is none. It reads like it's written by someone who can't differentiate between the deliberate actions of a narcissist and the unintended actions of an autistic person.

It's perception. If I had a dollar for every time someone exploded at me at work for not "looking" at them "enough" when talking, I could take every member of this forum for a all expenses paid trip to Disneyland! The things ND people overlook in their interactions with others are not calculated to be unkind or cruel to others. It's like the author and the people in the comments didn't get the memo "Autistic people are not trying to be cruel, and if they mess up according to some arbitrary social rule, they often try to do better next time and mask to make you all feel the comfort they don't..."

The 35% of the article I did read was some of the most bigoted nonsense I've ever read on the topic of Autism. I was quite stunned!

The author is probably a troll. If she is actually a real therapist, her license should be ixnayed, and she should be run out of town.

I don’t even feel like the husband did anything particularly wrong. Seriously, you’re in a marriage with an autistic person, knowing that he has cognitive empathy issues and difficulty understanding social cues,…but you’re going to go all borderline when he doesn’t understand the meaning behind your pouty, passive-aggressive, faux-martyr narcissistic behavior??

 

[MildredHubble]

The author is probably a troll. If she is actually a real therapist, her license should be ixnayed, and she should be run out of town.

I don’t even feel like the husband did anything particularly wrong. Seriously, you’re in a marriage with an autistic person, knowing that he has cognitive empathy issues and difficulty understanding social cues,…but you’re going to go all borderline when he doesn’t understand the meaning behind your pouty, passive-aggressive, faux-martyr narcissistic behavior??

I think they are basically using societies misconceptions about autism as a way of attacking men. It's presented in such a way that it makes it look like narcissistic abuse and it's probably necessary for them to create an other attack vector towards men. People are then jumping on the bandwagon as they think it's just another brand of malignant narcissism. It's quite disturbing as misconceptions like that can spread quickly