Is having bad social skills offensive.

[N2k12]

@N2k12... yea NTs are very judgemental. It is human nature to not trust someone who is different.

Take a village 300 years ago. It's snowy in Sweden. A stranger comes to the village. He looks like the village people, talks the same language, has the same god, same culture, same clothes. They accept him and help him.

But say a black man walks into the village with a bone through his nose with an accent and a strange fur coat. They are very likely to be suspicious.

This also applies to social groups. If you are used to your social group anyone acting different is an outsider.
An Aspie is considered an outsider due to a technical "communication culture" difference. Most people aren't deep thinkers either to take the time to understand why.

well said

 

[MildredHubble]

Something I've been thinking about recently is how I always seem to get along famously with people that others try to exclude.

Often they will say "oh did you see how rude they were to you, they didn't even smile once or ask you to sit down..." This apparently went ZOOM!!! way over my head. I felt like I had a perfectly nice conversation with them and wonder why people have a problem with them.

Usually I end up interacting with them more than the "group". I find that I don't have to behave like a kids TV presenter to keep on the "group's" "good side". The "group" will usually start to have a problem, as they start to see me perhaps as a kind of "Trojan Horse" (or maybe that should be Trojan Goat?? ) that enables this pariah to become included in the "group".

People become weird with me, angry even, perhaps it's because I allowed the pariah to join in on the reindeer games?

Then I become excluded. Which to be honest starts to become a relief, because I don't have to plaster on my "kids TV presenter" mask.

At my oft mentioned ex workplace, I was invited to the pretty expensive restaurant on site. I didn't really want to go. I asked (we'll call him David from now on) David if he was going, he seemed a bit reluctant, so I said "I might go." He replied in a way that I interpreted as "ok if you're going I will".

So I went to meet the "group", having put my best kids TV presenter performance on for the normies. One member of staff asked me if David was coming. I let them know he'd be joining us soon. She said "Oh well, I had better move as I don't want to be in a David Mildred sandwich."

So that was nice.

I was relieved when he arrived. We spent most of the time talking to eachother in the end. He didn't stay long and I left shortly after he had gone.

They all seemed to be so assured of their obvious superiority to us, and particularly to David. Not a moments doubt or self reflection or awareness. Just a dumb little mutual appreciation society.

I never seem to be bothered by these apparent social blunders people make. I don't even notice this apparently negative behaviour. Unless someone is being an overt bully or being aggressive I'm rarely "offended" by anyone.

 

[The Lorax]

Most people aren't self aware of their behavior. Even if you point it out to them they can go in denial. They still want to fit into the social group despite being wrong. It is human nature.

For example.
My neighbor said something completely ridiculous to me out of anger. If was incredibly racist and offensive.

I politely pointed out the obvious incorrectness of her statement with..... math.

When it was shown how idiotic she looked instead of owning it and saying wow I was wrong she doubled down, cried, and stormed off saying I don't understand.

Humans in general would rather stick to their beliefs than be embarrassed and wrong. The same applies to social situations like your friend.

The group mindset is all over our society. Even if you live alone but watch the news you are being impacted by the group. My oldest and closest friend has some beliefs that are flat out incorrect. It is in a scientific field I have studied fairly extensively due to my wife and son having neurological disorders. One day I decided that I was going to correct him. I put all my knowledge and intellectual power in a 1 hour discussion with him on this subject. In the end he finally understood that I knew what I was talking about and that I was right.

1 week later he reverted to his old ways because he went back to the same old mass influence information channels he was watching. The group beat all my efforts.

The debate was how neurology, mental illness, and to a lesser degree environment impact a person's ability to function in the real world. We were on extreme ends. He is quite bright too. The science is crystal clear on the subject.

So fighting for someone who is excluded from the group because they are different is very difficult and risks you being excluded from the group unless you are incredibly charismatic and convincing.

I know it is very tough for all of you to navigate the social norms of the NT world. There are so many nuances that are difficult to pin down. I learned them naturally, then added to my knowledge through education for work and frankly picking up women when I was younger.

NTs have trouble relating to aspies because your brains work different than NTs.

Imagine if we ever have a first encounter with an alien species. That will be a disaster. We can't even accept our own cultural and minor neurological differences. What chance do we have with a completely different species that has no knowledge of us.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

@Forest Cat
Or everybody freezes up at my jokes in the morgue.

Sounds like a grave mistake!

 

[Sasha22]

I don't understand why I often rub people the wrong way. Is it offensive or insulting to someone else for me to have bad social skills?

I had never thought of having bad social skills as a potential "insult" in itself. An insult to social conventions in that you're breaking the rules of the social pact somehow?

In any case, people can feel insulted if you don't say hello, as they assume you just ignored them. I guess it depends on how well they know you and how aligned your worldviews are. There's people I never say hello to, but they know I don't mean it as an insult - just skipping the small talk so we can talk about real stuff. So I think "bad social skills" can isolate from groups that want people with "good social skills" as per the norm - but what is considered bad social skills in one group can be considered okay in another.

 

[Rodafina]

People suck.

Have you met Huxley? He is not a person and he doesn’t suck. He is showing you his seashell.

 

[Aspychata]

@autism-and-autotune
I am getting comatose just thinking about it.

 

[The Lorax]

People don't suck. I am an NT, do I suck?

Keep in mind that if you find 2-3 real good friends in life that is pretty good. Most people don't. All the other "friends" are really acquaintances. Good friends are people you can trust, that help you out, you help them, they share, you share. It's an even balance relationship based on kindness and love.

 

[The Lorax]

Very sorry to hear that. May I ask how old are you... teens, 20s, 30s?

 

[The Lorax]

If you PM me, perhaps I can give you guidance. I will be straight with you about what is and what isn't. 22 is still a very young age. When I was 22 I still had poop in my head. Not until my mid to late 20s did I get my poop together.

 

[Gerontius]

That's a good joke! I can dig it.

Please don't start digging no matter what they are paying you for the corpses