Is this an autism thing or a me thing?

[grommet]

From the beginning of the pandemic to now, except for all the stuff going on outside my home, which meant no more new episodes of shows I like, I am honestly pretty happy with the staying at home stuff. I felt/feel really relieved to not have to talk to strangers or go through the confusing and annoying social niceties of day-to-day life. I am pretty happy never leaving my house, and I feel like I get all the socializing I need from the other people in my house (mom, dad, older brother[20], younger sister[14]).
Is it weird that I'm not bothered by being "stuck in my house" or is that a normal thing for autistic people?
I honestly have enjoyed not being pressured to "go out and do things" and I know part of it is my anxiety surrounding sometimes events and going places, but my little sister tells me it's super weird to not miss being with my friends, so I don't know.
This feels too long and maybe confusing now, but whatever, if you don't understand then you can ask me for clarification.
Thank you and please help me

I'm really grateful you posted. I've been feeling so much like this and feeling guilty about it. It's really good for me to know I am not alone. Thank you.

 

[LadyS]

I was only recently diagnosed during this pandemic and for me I agree that the social distancing has been a blessing in disguise for me. Not having to have forced interactions, particularly with my rather large extended family and obligatory events has been such a welcome relief. The time at home has also given me a chance to finally explore and embrace my ASD traits more without having to constantly mask. Being pregnant also probably contributed to this as a high risk person, people are wary about interacting with me to keep me safe. Overall I've fared better than other people I know.

Unrelated side note: I'm more thrilled to give birth this time around as the first time I had too many unwelcome visitors, unwanted family members staying with me to "help" with the baby, unsolicited advice, and people clambering to be in the delivery room. This time, just me and my husband only allowed in the hospital, no one visiting or staying with us except my mom. My inlaws who were a big annoyance last time are now stuck under lockdown in their country so I finally don't have my "share" time with my baby or keep up social niceties with them while dealing with the intense rollercoaster of post-partum life. Grateful . Very very grateful.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

With the changes, I think for many Aspies there are many positive take-aways. For me, working from home showed me which colleagues actually do value me (e.g. send messages / greetings) and which ones while appearing to be friendly were just being friendly for the sake of politeness (e.g. sat nearby) but don't really care. I suppose for NTs, they would have figured that out naturally, but it's not something that comes to me naturally.

I also appreciate not having to get into packed trains and busses each day. As a slightly smaller guy, it seems there's often a larger sized lady who decides that they'll sit beside me, and then I can't even get my phone out of my pocket to fidget with because they're pressed up tight against me.

I do miss the serendipity of casual conversations and interactions at work, like poking your head out to see who's humming a certain song. For me, my work friends are my friends, so it's hard to not see them. But it's nice to know they're still there, a message or phone call away, and that they'll be there.

 

[kbryson77]

I think it's important to remember autism is envisioned as either a spectrum or other 3-dimensional models because it can't be encapsulated in a single, simple definition for every ND--which means there will be ND individuals who find the current social structure a relief and others who find it severely stressing. Personally, I find it a relief. I also know I'm an introvert with social anxieties. I don't think those are necessarily related to autism, but are often comorbid (my new vocabulary word from 2020).

I hope others understand that just because you and I feel more comfortable right now does not mean that we are happy with a society that is suffering or individuals who are victims of Covid or economically effected. I was reading a blog recently where one person commented their similar experience this year, that 2020 had actually been good for them personally. She didn't identify as ND but she did say "personally", not making any assumptions about others' experiences. The next comment attacked her for belittling the negative experiences of so many others by publicly rejoicing in her own positive moments. She was simply stating her own experience. Don't let others belittle your experience for any reason. We don't have to shout from the rooftops, but both NT and ND experiences are valid and critical to make up our society.

I'm on a little bit of a tangent because all of this seems to link to a 2012-3 book that I found eye-opening: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. Before I ever knew about my diagnosis and began learning more about the AS, this book helped me better understand that it's not just me. Most societies, most definitely the US, are structured on the assumption that the best way to do things and to "be" is all the things and ways that are conducive to how extroverts function best. NDs may not all be introverts, but there's a lot to learn from that book just about how a dominant personality type can cause a whole sector of society suffer. The more I've learned about being ND, the more I'm frustrated and disturbed that the only way a non-dominant experience of the world can be "accepted" is to be labeled as a disorder. Or, that our experience is antagonistic to ND or extroverted experiences.
(edited for typos)

 

[SDRSpark]

I was reading a blog recently where one person commented their similar experience this year, that 2020 had actually been good for them personally. She didn't identify as ND but she did say "personally", not making any assumptions about others' experiences. The next comment attacked her for belittling the negative experiences of so many others by publicly rejoicing in her own positive moments. She was simply stating her own experience. Don't let others belittle your experience for any reason.

It drives me nuts when people do this!!! It's a problem with them to be fair, when they manage to see someone else's positive experience as a personal attack. So it really shouldn't bother me as much as it does. But it's seriously annoying.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Hi @EeveeFae
People who like to isolate might not be as badly affected by the lockdown. Take an autistic man who lives in a house alone with a cat and a garden and a bookshelf. He can read to his heart's content, social distance, wear a mask and go shopping. He may be ok. He may not like talking to strangers, he may not like pubs, and all of the places that are shut down, so lockdown may not affect him, he is happy, he has hit cat, he can get fresh air in his garden and can do his own thing.

Your post was not too long.

 

[LadyS]

I think it's important to remember autism is envisioned as either a spectrum or other 3-dimensional models because it can't be encapsulated in a single, simple definition for every ND--which means there will be ND individuals who find the current social structure a relief and others who find it severely stressing. Personally, I find it a relief. I also know I'm an introvert with social anxieties. I don't think those are necessarily related to autism, but are often comorbid (my new vocabulary word from 2020).

I hope others understand that just because you and I feel more comfortable right now does not mean that we are happy with a society that is suffering or individuals who are victims of Covid or economically effected. I was reading a blog recently where one person commented their similar experience this year, that 2020 had actually been good for them personally. She didn't identify as ND but she did say "personally", not making any assumptions about others' experiences. The next comment attacked her for belittling the negative experiences of so many others by publicly rejoicing in her own positive moments. She was simply stating her own experience. Don't let others belittle your experience for any reason. We don't have to shout from the rooftops, but both NT and ND experiences are valid and critical to make up our society.

I'm on a little bit of a tangent because all of this seems to link to a 2012-3 book that I found eye-opening: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. Before I ever knew about my diagnosis and began learning more about the AS, this book helped me better understand that it's not just me. Most societies, most definitely the US, are structured on the assumption that the best way to do things and to "be" is all the things and ways that are conducive to how extroverts function best. NDs may not all be introverts, but there's a lot to learn from that book just about how a dominant personality type can cause a whole sector of society suffer. The more I've learned about being ND, the more I'm frustrated and disturbed that the only way a non-dominant experience of the world can be "accepted" is to be labeled as a disorder. Or, that our experience is antagonistic to ND or extroverted experiences.
(edited for typos)

As an introvert, that book really changed my presepective of life, in the same way my diagnosis did. It was a much needed vindication after a lifetime of feeling odd and out of place. Adding being left-handed, in a right-handed world where I was forced to use my right in many things due to cultural taboos. And agree that it is frustrating that the way we operate is considered a disorder because we're a minority group. It almost sounds similar to how racial minority groups were treated by scientists years ago to justify racism.

 

[Dadamen]

Personally, I'm happy with closure of bars and night clubs becuase my peers went there and had fun, but never invited me. BUT I'm not happy with closure of schools because online school makes me a lot of stress. Many of my teachers nave no empathy and understanding and behave like they are aspies. Also, no school means no chance for socialization.

 

[Meistersinger]

I seldom leave my apartment. On only step outside the door and into the hallway to take out the trash, get my mail, and do my laundry. The only time I leave the entire complex is to go grocery shopping and to see my physician.

I no longer trust people. I’ve been burned too many times. I have issues with PTSD, dating back to junior high school, almost 50 years ago, with older girls trying to get into my pants, and getting blamed by my parents for allowing it to happen. It’s bad enough that I actually hate myself, and stay cooped up so I won’t be bothered. (One of the reasons I left wrong planet, and why I seldom host here or on Facebook.)

 

[WoodWorkingJoel]

Being friendless and not a member of any social or sports clubs the lock downs barely effected my day to day.
Is it an aspire thing?.. . More like an introvert thing to me and not all aspies are introverts.

 

[Dadamen]

To me only strict stay at home orders were a problem because I couldn't go ride a bike and visit my grandfather on Easter and my birthday.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I seldom leave my apartment. On only step outside the door and into the hallway to take out the trash, get my mail, and do my laundry. The only time I leave the entire complex is to go grocery shopping and to see my physician.

I no longer trust people. I’ve been burned too many times. I have issues with PTSD, dating back to junior high school, almost 50 years ago, with older girls trying to get into my pants, and getting blamed by my parents for allowing it to happen. It’s bad enough that I actually hate myself, and stay cooped up so I won’t be bothered. (One of the reasons I left wrong planet, and why I seldom host here or on Facebook.)

Sorry you have had so many challenges and that people have not always been sympathetic.
Sorry that you hate yourself, you are not to blame for abuse.
Just wanted to send you a big hug.

 

[AprilR]

I feel the same way. Lack of anxiety or pressure to please people has been relaxing.
And there are so many things to do at home i am surprised when people say they are bored.

 

[Shillelagh]

I've always kept to myself. Quarantine and social distancing hasn't really changed anything for me.

 

[WolfSpirit]

From the beginning of the pandemic to now, except for all the stuff going on outside my home, which meant no more new episodes of shows I like, I am honestly pretty happy with the staying at home stuff. I felt/feel really relieved to not have to talk to strangers or go through the confusing and annoying social niceties of day-to-day life. I am pretty happy never leaving my house, and I feel like I get all the socializing I need from the other people in my house (mom, dad, older brother[20], younger sister[14]).
Is it weird that I'm not bothered by being "stuck in my house" or is that a normal thing for autistic people?
I honestly have enjoyed not being pressured to "go out and do things" and I know part of it is my anxiety surrounding sometimes events and going places, but my little sister tells me it's super weird to not miss being with my friends, so I don't know.
This feels too long and maybe confusing now, but whatever, if you don't understand then you can ask me for clarification.
Thank you and please help me

I think it's mostly an autistic thing (though apparently many with PTSD feel the same way), but I've also heard that there's a limit even for the least social person to when this social isolation thing gets to be 'enough' or 'too much'.

 

[WolfSpirit]

I don't know if it is an autism thing or not, but I definitely resonate with it. Before the pandemic, my anxiety and depression were very serious, and because I've always known living with anxiety and depression, I figured that it was a chemical imbalance thing, but nope. Take forced interaction with human beings out of the equation and I'm for the most part, perfectly happy. I have my close circle of people, but even with them my energy for socialization is very minimal, and now having a proper excuse to not meet with people has greatly minimized my guilt for not being a more social person. The pandemic has really helped me see that working and interacting with others in the world (neurotypical people in particular, who are often difficult for me to relate to) is just not my thing and has helped in narrowing down my future career paths to align with this.

Also, nobody hugs me against my will anymore- which really, shouldn't be an issue in the first place, but at least its nice and resolved now!

I remember discovering (many years later) that a significant, but never to be precisely determined, degree of my depression growing up was actually unrecognized overload, and that I must've lived in a borderline shutdown state for most of my life prior to discovering autism and that it really did apply to me. (and then the whole self-advocacy thing, and... everything else.) Personally, it was a relief, in a way, to realize that my depression growing up probably wasn't as severe as I'd always thought it was. Though I'm not sure how to explain how.

 

[WolfSpirit]

As for not going out...I find that my social needs have largely been met just by being in the presence of others, but not interacting with them.
.

Yeah, much of the time, I can get my fill of 'socialization' just by going for a walk in a populated place, wearing my headphones and listening to my music, and not interacting with anyone.

Sometimes I do need actual interaction, especially now that I'm not actively involved in society per se, and live alone, but much, much less than most people.

 

[WolfSpirit]

It could be an "Aspie thing". [...]

In my anecdotal experience, I do not bond with people, in general. My parents, my siblings, my children, co-workers,...basically they are "out of sight, out of mind." It has nothing to do with liking them or not,...I like them,...but just don't "miss them",...ever. So, I am not one to be on social media, on the phone, texting,..."Hey, how are you doing?" It's no contact, at all,...which, to them, is a bit insulting,...and also a little weird for them when, after perhaps years, just pick up a conversation at a family reunion and act like we have never missed a day. Getting to my wife,...it is a similar thing,...but my "work around" is that I have found that I can bond through physical touch. It could be something simple like a hug, a kiss, holding hands,...it doesn't necessarily have to be something sexual.

This whole "not missing people" is pretty typical for autistics. It's been noted a lot in the professional (and parental) literature about how autistic children, even if attached to their families, won't show the same behaviours that NT children do in terms of separation distress, etc.

 

[Sherlock77]

This whole "not missing people" is pretty typical for autistics. It's been noted a lot in the professional (and parental) literature about how autistic children, even if attached to their families, won't show the same behaviours that NT children do in terms of separation distress, etc.

That makes some sense, I lived on my own in Ontario for three years (2000 to 2003), with all my family still in western Canada... I probably "should have" called home more often, but I rarely did, even now I'm like that when it comes to contact with family...

My one brother lives 20 minutes away from me, for over ten years I never called him or had anycontact, just because I didn't, it had nothing to do with a grudge or anything, just because I didn't... We have more contact now, my nephew (his son) contacted me on social media actually and got the ball rolling three years ago...

 

[WolfSpirit]

That makes some sense, I lived on my own in Ontario for three years (2000 to 2003), with all my family still in western Canada... I probably "should have" called home more often, but I rarely did, even now I'm like that when it comes to contact with family...

My one brother lives 20 minutes away from me, for over ten years I never called him or had anycontact, just because I didn't, it had nothing to do with a grudge or anything, just because I didn't... We have more contact now, my nephew (his son) contacted me on social media actually and got the ball rolling three years ago...

I don't know how to look it up or find it, but somebody recently posted a description of 'cognitive empathy' which also is relevant here, and may help. It certainly made a lot of sense to me.