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Just thinking out loud...

M

Misty Avich

I have ADHD
V.I.P Member
I don't really want advice, I'm just thinking out loud but members are free to share your feelings.

I just feel quite inferior lately, like I don't really matter. Like I'm just pushed to the side and my needs aren't really being met.

1. As the only daytime cleaner at work I do feel insignificant at times when a young bloke I don't like much is there. He's loud, confident, full of himself, etc, is a self-employed engineer with his own van but seems to be at our workplace every day all the time because they can't be bothered to hire more employees. He's there from 7 in the morning to 7 at night. All the time. Sick of the sight and sound of him. Talks down to me. Makes me feel like Miss Mop (an inferior feeling a lot of cleaners feel when they feel they just get in the way, surrounded by higher paid people, and doing a thankless job).

2. I feel my voice is not being heard living below a noisy, hectic family. They're a family with cute little babies, they're more entitled than me, I'm just an insignificant childless person who is just expected to put up with other people's noise and if I complain, I'm the one being selfish and inconsiderate. Maybe I am, but I just don't have enough spoons any more to feel compassion for other people like them when my mental and physical health is being trodden on.

3. My haven is often on internet forums, but as some of you know my experience on the forum I used to belong to got too traumatic for me and it seemed that the worst members were the most favoured by the mods who couldn't see no wrong in anything they did. That brings me back to the situation at work, where the supervisor favours the loudmouth git and they seem to be so chummy that nothing they do is wrong at all even if it is. Why is it always the wrong people who get favoured by authority? In fact, why do authority figures have to favour anyone at all? Why not just treat everyone the same?

I know these might sound like first world problems but to me they are big and I do get sick of life sometimes. I just wish I could escape it all for about 6 weeks; escape the neighbours, the two annoying people at work, and even the internet. Just retreat somewhere in nature, leaving all my woes and cares behind.
 
ok, I'm doing the autistic thing of dissecting again, but it seems you complain about noises quite intensely for a little while, then back off. is there a pattern to when noises have bothered you?
 
jsilver256 said:
ok, I'm doing the autistic thing of dissecting again, but it seems you complain about noises quite intensely for a little while, then back off. is there a pattern to when noises have bothered you?
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No. There are only selective noises that bother me, and the neighbours bother me each time I hear them moving about.
 
I wish I could offer some useful advice...

I know how difficult it is, I lived in a place where some neighbours liked to party all night. It becomes exasperating very quickly. And the reason I work in a private home as a cleaner is that I no longer can deal with people. I rarely see anyone there because they leave the house early in the morning and usually only return in the afternoon.

Maybe you could find a job at a place that would allow you to have minimal contact with the people. Also, from experience, I'd advise a home with no children... there's very little worse than spoiled bratts and their spoiled parents.

I know it's unfair that we're the ones having to accommodate and struggle, but it's rare that others, the "regulars", will bother to be helpful.
There are still nice people out there though, bosses that care for the people who work for them. I pray you'll be able to find some, and a good place to live in.
 
jsilver256 said:
I meant, does this bother you every single night or are there seasonal patterns?
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It bothers me day and night, all year round. Christmas can be worse because I feel really isolated having to have earplugs or NC headphones on, preventing me from being able to relax and take part in the social side of Christmas (having visitors, playing board games, etc).
 
I do like my job, and finding a new job would be difficult for me. I like everyone else at work, we get along great, but those two have palled up and have similar personalities so they tend to echo each other. It's very rare for my supervisor to express that he likes someone, as usually he rants about everyone, but with this loud lad he seems to worship the ground he walks on and when I had a quiet word about him the supervisor just gave excuses for everything he does. So I can tell they are very chummy.
 
Misty Avich said:
I do like my job, and finding a new job would be difficult for me. I like everyone else at work, we get along great, but those two have palled up and have similar personalities so they tend to echo each other. It's very rare for my supervisor to express that he likes someone, as usually he rants about everyone, but with this loud lad he seems to worship the ground he walks on and when I had a quiet word about him the supervisor just gave excuses for everything he does. So I can tell they are very chummy.
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You have to decide if you will be able to endure that for a long term.

It's an unfair and tough decision.

I decided a while ago that I wouldn't study or work somewhere where people go out of their way to disrespect me. It would destroy me.
But it does mean less choice, particularly in the job market.

Can't you talk with HR?
 
Neia said:
You have to decide if you will be able to endure that for a long term.

It's an unfair and tough decision.

I decided a while ago that I wouldn't study or work somewhere where people go out of their way to disrespect me. It would destroy me.
But it does mean less choice, particularly in the job market.
Click to expand...
In the future maybe I'll consider something like that but I don't want to leave my job. This thread wasn't really for advice but I know you mean well.
Neia said:
Can't you talk with HR?
Click to expand...
I don't know if we have HR but I spoke to the union rep. They can't do a lot, because this kid isn't bullying directly, I'm just scared of his extrovertness. Also they said he's a very good engineer so that's why they're hanging on to him.
 
Misty Avich said:
In the future maybe I'll consider something like that but I don't want to leave my job. This thread wasn't really for advice but I know you mean well.

I don't know if we have HR but I spoke to the union rep. They can't do a lot, because this kid isn't bullying directly, I'm just scared of his extrovertness. Also they said he's a very good engineer so that's why they're hanging on to him.
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I'm really sorry.

I'm a problem solver. My brain automatically starts looking for solutions when presented with an issue.

I hope you find the balance you need ☺️
 
I'm a problem-solver too, but more with things that I can control, such as how to separate my rats in their cage using objects safely, that sort of thing. Things like jobs, where I live, and authority, are more out of my control and requires more life planning to take control of, which I find difficult and/or daunting.
 
Right now I'm listening to music on my Bluetooth headphones but for some weird reason the sound keeps going all fuzzy and it doesn't stop until I turn the headphones off then on again. This stresses me out because it'll mean I'll have to hear their horrid thumping noises upstairs while I'm turning the headphones off and on (which takes several seconds). It's 11pm so they're at their noisiest. Their noisiest times are between 4pm and around 2am, although they are noisy all day as well but just seem to stamp and thump even louder during the evening and half the night. And now they've got another baby, they spend a lot of time during the night pacing around trying to soothe it I guess, so all we can hear is floorboards creaking all hours of the night like we're underneath an old rickety bridge.
And add a jealous, miserable toddler to the mix, although it sleeps at night, it's tantruming most of the day, screaming and slamming on the floor. Jeez, my brother and my sister weren't like that when I was a tiny baby. My mother said they were very kind, helpful, loving, protective little toddlers. Yes, the odd tantrum occurred obviously, but the thing upstairs is just a different kettle of fish entirely. Just our luck to live below them.

I sent a polite but firm email to the landlords telling them that we are considering on moving even though we were otherwise happy living here. I said that it isn't practical to house a family upstairs in an apartment like this with poor sound insulation. My husband has been living here for 20 years and has been happy and has never had a family living above before.
 
Jonn said:
It is hard for us problem-solvers to resist the temptation.
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You all have empathy which makes you want to help me, so I appreciate that. But I'm working on these things; on the housing list and just trying to be patient awaiting an appointment, on the waiting list for therapy to help me get over the bullying I'd faced from that hellhole of a site, and just hoping and praying that the git at work won't be there forever.
 
Misty Avich said:
You all have empathy which makes you want to help me, so I appreciate that. But I'm working on these things; on the housing list and just trying to be patient awaiting an appointment, on the waiting list for therapy to help me get over the bullying I'd faced from that hellhole of a site, and just hoping and praying that the git at work won't be there forever.
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I hope I am helping rather than hindering. <hug>
I can be a little unthinking at times.🫤
 
Misty Avich said:
3. My haven is often on internet forums, but as some of you know my experience on the forum I used to belong to got too traumatic for me and it seemed that the worst members were the most favoured by the mods who couldn't see no wrong in anything they did. That brings me back to the situation at work, where the supervisor favours the loudmouth git and they seem to be so chummy that nothing they do is wrong at all even if it is. Why is it always the wrong people who get favoured by authority? In fact, why do authority figures have to favour anyone at all? Why not just treat everyone the same?
Click to expand...

Yeah I totally understand what you mean by mods favoring the worst members in a community and not seeing anything wrong with what they do. I was unfortunate enough to experience that kind of behavior too, albeit in a different kind of community.

I used to frequent a niche online browser game where the moderators were made up of "the old guard", basically older players that had been around in the early days of the game. Which could be sensible and work with the right individuals and community but these kids unfortunately were not that.
They favored their fellow older players when it came to moderating, and yes that meant they'd overlook bad behavior by these members too and would take their side instead of that of the players being wronged by these members, seeing nothing wrong with their actions.
I'll give an example of something they often did that the moderators would overlook despite all the complaints about it.. At one point when I used to play the dev added mini bosses to the game which would drop unique items if you manage to defeat them, and what did the older players do when this feature was added? Did they properly engage with the feature by beating the mini bosses as they were intended to? No, they instead would wait around in the zones the minibosses spawn in and wait for another player to kill the miniboss and then while they were weakened and still recovering from the fight they'd strike and attack the player for the unique item they just got from the boss. On top of that since these are older players they know how to exploit the game's combat system which they fully use to their advantage, essentially "Stunlocking" their victims so they can't retaliate. Aaaaand the moderators didn't care about this behavior, despite the numerous complaints by the players being victimized by these people they'd take their side saying "Oh they're just playing the game their way", or "If you don't like it just switch to protected mode.", which is the game's non pvp mode, which also restricts you from certain aspects of the game in addition to not allowing you to attack other players and vice versa.
I ultimately stopped playing the game when the dev, who actively played and updated the game regularly, left and put one of the moderators in charge of the game.. basically making them super moderator and ofc the dev chose the worst moderator to take over, so ya wasn't sticking around for that.

Sorry for rambling, just figured I'd share that as a long example of an experience I had of moderators favoring the worst of a community.

Oh also I actually almost joined that forum you were on previously, but joined this one instead and your stories of how that other forum operates made me glad I picked this one.
 
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