Ladies: What is Your Definition of a "Nice" Guy?

[Rayner]

Thank you, Mia. It's seems that everytime I ask a woman a question I'm left with more questions than answers. I guess I should have learned to stop asking women so many questions.

Even from your writing some women can tell that you are a good guy, one who's honest and not a fake pretending to be someone else. Don't ask me how I know that, it's a gut feeling young man.

 

[watersprite]

Sob stories are often a red flag. Most people get themselves into bad situations because they are attracted to the wrong people. I'm assuming stories of abusive relationships.

Not to offend other women who have been in physically abusive relationships, but there's something they are attracted to in that kind of man. A nice guy isn't going to fill those shoes unless that woman has done some psychological renovation on herself and learned a lesson from it. Old habits die hard, and I would avoid anyone just coming out of a dysfunctional relationship.

The thing is, sometimes women will "try on a nice guy for size" after leaving an aggressive man, just as sort of a breather. However, as soon as she starts longing for that which attracted her to the jerk to begin with, she's off to the races again. It's kind of an addiction really, and I don't know if it's excitement and drama, the negative attention or what, but many of those women will return to jerks over and over again, often leaving a trail of "nice guys" in her wake.

It's not all one gender's fault. Both men and women need to get their own **** together.

 

[Cali Cat]

What's that supposed to mean? The Rayner is confused as usual.

Nothing confusing about it. You're a good guy ... dare I say, "nice?"

 

[Nitro]

I would venture to say that confidence is very attractive to women,where Casper Milktoast the wall flower will only sit on the sidelines until he makes the right moves. I also agree that some women are attracted to rough and tumble kind of guys because they show spirit and a willingness to break out of the moulds that society places on them.

For the life of me I could never wrap my head around females who thrive on abuse and keep returning for more of the same. Not healthy at all and most likely a psychological glitch on their behalf. I for one have never hit a woman,but have raised my voice when it was time to end a dispute. I carefully weigh each word and have to suffer the consequences if the wrong ones are chosen. When I talk,I only speak the truth which at times is brutally honest,but you never have to second guess me as a result of it because it is straight and to the point.I don't have time for silly games

 

[Shiznown]

Sob stories are often a red flag. Most people get themselves into bad situations because they are attracted to the wrong people. I'm assuming stories of abusive relationships.

Not to offend other women who have been in physically abusive relationships, but there's something they are attracted to in that kind of man. A nice guy isn't going to fill those shoes unless that woman has done some psychological renovation on herself and learned a lesson from it. Old habits die hard, and I would avoid anyone just coming out of a dysfunctional relationship.

The thing is, sometimes women will "try on a nice guy for size" after leaving an aggressive man, just as sort of a breather. However, as soon as she starts longing for that which attracted her to the jerk to begin with, she's off to the races again. It's kind of an addiction really, and I don't know if it's excitement and drama, the negative attention or what, but many of those women will return to jerks over and over again, often leaving a trail of "nice guys" in her wake.

That's why I avoid women with red flags and a history of abuse. This will sound harsh, but every women I have ever talked to in real life that has gone through trauma has turned out to be batsh** insane and often reflect their anger on men that have nothing to do with their past trauma. This is why I tend to avoid women who have gone through abusive relationships.

 

[Rayner]

Well thank you Cali Cat, but again I'm left with more questions than answers.

Nothing confusing about it. You're a good guy ... dare I say, "nice?"

 

[watersprite]

Confidence is attractive to men too Nitro. Some people men and women are trapped due to their own inability or choice to not responsibly address their issues. Whether this is someone's parent's "fault" does not matter.

Taking responsiblilty for one's problems and sadnesses needs to come in front of having a real relationship. We can't be perfect of course, but we need to parent ourselves, not look for and build life around a lover-friend-counselor who will repair us and pet our egos.

 

[Cali Cat]

This is something that I will never, ever understand. Why do they keep going back? Maybe you are right, maybe it is a type of addiction.

I've never been in a physically abusive relationship. I've suffered my share of dysfunctional relationships in other ways ... psychological/emotional abuse I guess.

I've had friends whom I've watched going through nightmare ordeals with men, and I never could figure it out. But then I am not attracted to, nor do I attract, that sort of man. They don't like me.

Luckily, I go for the truly nice guys. I'm by far the more aggressive person in the relationship, and I think that is very off putting for abusers ... to think they may get abused back ... maybe in the middle of the night ... with a baseball bat.

 

[Nitro]

Confidence is attractive to men too Nitro. Some people men and women are trapped due to their own inability or choice to not responsibly address their issues. Whether this is someone's parent's "fault" does not matter.

Taking responsiblilty for one's problems and sadnesses needs to come in front of having a real relationship. We can't be perfect of course, but we need to parent ourselves, not look for and build life around a lover-friend-counselor who will repair us and pet our egos.

I think that many either can't see their own faults or care to do nothing about them if they are aware of themselves. Yeah,being a crutch is not a good place to be. I have zero tolerance for quitters who just sit back and wait,so I see no reason to become their enabler alongside our relationship. If I see that you are willing to help yourself,I will give all the effort necessary for them to attain their goals,as supporting them in words and physically assisting as much as I can.




I think my fascination with motorsports and flying is the feeling I get in my body when subjected to G forces. A motorcycle can place you in Zen in mere minutes. An aircraft lets you both control and experience them in three dimensions while trying to not get lost or killed.Getting tossed back into a vehicle's seat is an unequaled rush to me where I always want to feel more.Staring down a quarter mile of asphalt and trying to get there first adds some competition to the danger,with a win as your reward for being just a little bit better or lucky sometimes as you get to stay out reach of death's grip just for another shot of adrenaline.
Many are attracted to both watching and joining in on a thrill-seeker's fun,so that becomes a new magnet and a bigger pool to draw from. Common interests were a good place to start,but each individual has to have their own personal interests to add diversity to the mix.My ex was an active part of my type of adventure,but had her thing too,so we always had something to do without having to be up each others butts when we needed some space.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thank you, Mia. It's seems that everytime I ask a woman a question I'm left with more questions than answers. I guess I should have learned to stop asking women so many questions.

Sigh! you aren't the only guy to make that mistake Rayner , lost count on how many times I stuck my head in that bear trap.

 

[Maelstrom]

I've never been in a physically abusive relationship. I've suffered my share of dysfunctional relationships in other ways ... psychological/emotional abuse I guess.

I've had friends whom I've watched going through nightmare ordeals with men, and I never could figure it out. But then I am not attracted to, nor do I attract, that sort of man. They don't like me.

Luckily, I go for the truly nice guys. I'm by far the more aggressive person in the relationship, and I think that is very off putting for abusers ... to think they may get abused back ... maybe in the middle of the night ... with a baseball bat.

They have a ladies joke they tell out here in the west Cali Cat ,A ranch girl gets married and soon comes crying back to her Moma, she says Moma he hits me. Her Moma pauses and says do you own a frying pan? Her girl is confused, she says yes Moma I have a frying pan, why do you want to know that? Her Ranch Mother says well the ...... has to sleep some time?

Edited for language! Maelstrom

 

[Maelstrom]

So now we in this thread have come from what is our definition of a nice guy to what as usual comes up in NT conversations: not funny jokes - killing abusive husbands with cast iron frying pans.
(Sorry Mael), I don't find it funny because people leave it there like it is okay, funny and acceptable that the violent ethos is where we as humans will always live.

sorry! I didn't mean it that way kestrel ,nothing was said about anyone being killed. It was suppose to be a empowerment joke, as in a BAD! husband can not be hitting his sweet little wife all the time, and not get some well deserved payback!
Of course kestrel ,all hitting is bad, and if my autistic girl hit me because of a meltdown she couldn't control, I would ignore it and be kind to her. But going to police in real abuse situations doesn't always help, sometimes you have to be willing to defend your self in life, too.

Out west the attitude is just take care of it yourself if you want it done...so we do. Most of the time that is a good thing.

Best wishes Mael

 

[Maelstrom]

Maelstrom my ancestor's family came to the west in the late 1800's and I've lived in the west of the U.S. all my life, grew up in the mountains so yep I know what you are talking about. "a sweet little wife" LOL

I'm done with this.

Okay! kestrel , you are still one of my favorite AC friends don't worry about it.
I don't see involuntary meltdown stuff as being the same as intention meanness...motivational intent makes a difference.
To me melt down stuff seems more like just a bad luck wind and rain thing...more natures fault.

 

[Kupu2]

I think the whole 'nice guy' thing is worded in such a clumsy way. I think if it as more a values and morals and ethics weigh up. It is something that is extremely hard to quantify and package in words. I see others write about good manners, being nice to animals etc, but it is deeper than that. I've known many men who sprout off sexist jokes, swear all the time and do dumb things, YET have a heart of gold and their base actions when tired, ill, lacking finances etc are consistently honourable and altruistic. The so called 'bad boys' are generally (from my own observations only) selfish, vindictive and revengeful people when the veneer rubs off.

A man who finds humility empowering, is guided by a greater good equal to or higher than himself, CAN stand up with power from within in a sea of naysayers on a cause and doesn't suffer manflu is what I call a 'nice guy'.

 

[Nitro]

I think the whole 'nice guy' thing is worded in such a clumsy way. I think if it as more a values and morals and ethics weigh up. It is something that is extremely hard to quantify and package in words. I see others write about good manners, being nice to animals etc, but it is deeper than that. I've known many men who sprout off sexist jokes, swear all the time and do dumb things, YET have a heart of gold and their base actions when tired, ill, lacking finances etc are consistently honourable and altruistic. The so called 'bad boys' are generally (from my own observations only) selfish, vindictive and revengeful people when the veneer rubs off.

A man who finds humility empowering, is guided by a greater good equal to or higher than himself, CAN stand up with power from within in a sea of naysayers on a cause and doesn't suffer manflu is what I call a 'nice guy'.

So once again,we go full circle while attempting to compartmentalize humans and get them to neatly fit into a few boxes

 

[Nitro]

This tune could pretty much be my theme song

I'm No Angel-Gregg Allman

No, I'm no angel
No, I'm no stranger to the street
I’ve got my label
So I won't crumble at your feet
And I know baby
So I've got scars upon my cheek
And I'm half crazy
Come on and love me baby
So you find me hard to handle
Well, I'm easier to hold
So you like my spurs that jingle
And I never leave you cold
So I might steal your diamonds
I'll bring you back some gold, I'm no angel
No, I'm no angel
No, I'm no stranger to the dark
Let me rock your cradle
Let me start a fire with your spark
Oh, come on baby
Come and let me show you my tattoo
Let me drive you crazy
Come on and love me baby
So you don't give a darn about me
I never treat you bad
I won't ever lift a hand to hurt you
And I'll always leave you glad
So I might steal your diamonds
I'll bring you back some gold, I'm no angel
No, I'm no angel

 

[Kupu2]

Nitro , yup. Pretty much an exercise in futility. Some of us thrive on that.

 

[Cali Cat]

So once again,we go full circle while attempting to compartmentalize humans and get them to neatly fit into a few boxes

Isn't that what we do best?

 

[Rayner]

Nitro, be careful. That question might involve opening a can of worms.

Isn't that what we do best?

 

[Suiseiseki]

A nice guy is one who is respectful, courteous, thoughtful, kind, loyal and genuine.

I certainly know I am not, or try not to be someone like that as I consider most of those things stupid and traits people leech of you for.

I certainly do not respect most people, I am not very courteous and certainly not thoughtful, I am hardly kind, I am not too loyal and I am certainly not genuine.
But somehow people still think I am nice.
Very strange, I assume they just say that as a buzz phrase like how was your day.

I was "nice" once, but I didn't like who I was then, looking back, though I feel still unhappy I am more content then I was then, more days now I find myself content with life vs before.

I am a taker not a giver.