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Looks Vs Personality

As a girl who is not fond of superficiality, I think personality is more important. Sure, I notice when someone is good-looking, but if his nature is ugly or horrible, then I am not interested. Looks are not going to be there forever, anyway, and what is going to be left then? Personality.
 
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It depends for me. Looks are usually what I go for first, but I will ditch a guy whose personality doesn't live up to his looks. On the other hand, some guys who I didn't think were attractive at first became attractive to me after I got to know them in a non-romantic way.
 
It takes a little of both. Honestly to be in a relationship with someone you need to be attracted to them. But personality is really all that matters in the long run. Looks can change easily, people not so much.
 
Ugh, this is a tough one for me.

I am actually a bit revolted by the starlet/model aesthetic. It is so plastic and artificial it does nothing for me, and never has. But I am physically attracted to a wide variety of women, and have usually preferred a more serious, bookish, artistic look. Often those who are older than I, although I am getting to an age where I have started to appreciate the beauty of those in their mid to late 20's again.

Looks play no part in whether I would be interested in being friends/friendly with someone, personality and interests are far more important.

Now comes the tricky part.

Looks or personality have taken a back seat to whether or not someone shows an interest in me. I am extremely passive in dating/relationships. I have relied primarily on the efforts of the female to move relationships forward, and as such have been at the mercy of more aggressive, forward women. I have only tried to pursue two women who I found both physically and mentally attractive. Neither lasted more than a couple of dates.

Even though I have been married, and am currently in a 11 year relationship, I have dated so few people that I would really not be able to tell who would be the better match for me, or what kind of person I would really like to be with. I am attracted to my partner, we have a difficult but overall fulfilling and valuable relationship, we butt heads in the typical Aspie/NT ways. Yet enjoy each other's company and I appreciate and love her.

I have so seldom gotten to know someone well enough as to be able to rule them in or out due to personality, with the exception of one person. And she is not the person I am with. She pushes all the right buttons for me, I've know her for a long time and she has felt the same about me, but we have never been unattached at the same time. It actually frightens me that I feel this way, that there could be someone like that out there. It goes against my life long feeling that there would never be anyone out there for me who could be the whole package.
 
I just realized that, although looks don't play a real role in whether I enjoy being around someone, their voice sort of does. If someone's voice is grating, that is quite difficult for me.
 
Both are important. That being said personality goes a long way and an average looking woman with a great personality, is better than a supermodel who is a terrible person. I have met females who are way over weight who were not nice people and I have met really attractive females who are not nice people. The stereotype that if someone is good looking, they have to be mean is false. I may get a lot of flack for this, but I can't stand the it's alright to be lazy and out of shape and if people don't like you for it they're not nice people mindset. This is especially true when it comes to the female gender. Men are criticized heavily for not wanting to date women who are over weight and taught to feel guilty about it. I'm not saying women should be expected to look like supermodels. Women with 'average" bodies are beautiful. What I mean is the whole mindset, that you should feel guilty for not being attracted to someone who doesn't take care of themselves. I'm also not bashing anyone who is over weight. I'm a little overweight myself now. If you're over weight and happy, be happy. If you're overweight and not happy about it, don't expect the world to change for you. I heard about a group of females who were mad at Victoria Secret, because they didn't display ads with overweight women. Incidences like this just show how absurd some people are.
 
Shiznown said:
Both are important. That being said personality goes a long way and an average looking woman with a great personality, is better than a supermodel who is a terrible person. I have met females who are way over weight who were not nice people and I have met really attractive females who are not nice people. The stereotype that if someone is good looking, they have to be mean is false. I may get a lot of flack for this, but I can't stand the it's alright to be lazy and out of shape and if people don't like you for it they're not nice people mindset. This is especially true when it comes to the female gender. Men are criticized heavily for not wanting to date women who are over weight and taught to feel guilty about it. I'm not saying women should be expected to look like supermodels. Women with 'average" bodies are beautiful. What I mean is the whole mindset, that you should feel guilty for not being attracted to someone who doesn't take care of themselves. I'm also not bashing anyone who is over weight. I'm a little overweight myself now. If you're over weight and happy, be happy. If you're overweight and not happy about it, don't expect the world to change for you. I heard about a group of females who were mad at Victoria Secret, because they didn't display ads with overweight women. Incidences like this just show how absurd some people are.
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It seems funny that people bash people for not being attracted to someone who's overweight, but they don't bash someone for not being attracted to someone who's 40 years older. No one criticizes a 30 year old for not being attracted romantically to an 80 year old. Weight and age are both physical bodily differences.
Being physically attracted or not physically attracted to someone is different than recognising the essential goodness of that person's soul. It's not even the same thing as loving that person: the 30 year old might really love that wonderful 80 year old, but the love doesn't translate into physical attraction.
It's okay to be physically attracted to some people and not to others. It's not okay to think that the essential worth of that person as a person depends on whether you find them physically appealing.
 
Sometimes I wonder if some people prefer somebody who looks similar to them, some prefer somebody who looks completely different and some rely on advertised image. In the end deep inside they still prefer similar or opposite of themselves. Some may also prefer somebody who looks like one of their parents. I think looks important for majority no matter what we say, it's just not necessarily the good looks but certain type. I think people who prefer advertised image are more likely to live in a fantasy world. I mean we all do so, but there's a difference between being somewhere in between ground and the skies and being all the way up there. As for personality. Personality is also a shell just like the looks. It can be changed if a person is willing to. Most people don't want to change their personalities because for us personalities are like comfy blankets, we're too attached to them. And here's my question, what personslity? And... how do you choose the type of personality you would be attracted to? I feel the same "rule" can apply to personalities: similar to yours, opposite to yours, like parents or people you were close with as a child, advertised personslities. This is simplified version, there obviously many variations and shades. One more thing, it seems illogical to me - people being attracted to one or another. Otherwise people could be attracted to mannequins... well I know some do :) but they imagine personality. And the same goes for the ones attracted to personality. Let's say, somebody falls in love with somebody after just talking to them online but never seeing... and again don't the person imagine the looks? Don't they catch themselves thinking about a particular type of look 1st and then, if there's no match, they just deal with it, but the original thought what matters not what they have to deal with in the end.
 
Looks and personality go hand-in-hand, with the latter being the one that has a higher priority. I don't think a relationship will last long if two people feel no sexual attraction towards their partner. Of course you can be sexually attracted to someone who you don't find sexy - because that person is charming, for instance - but often sexual attraction is strongly connected to your opinion about someone's looks.

...And besides that, looks determine your first impression of someone. A book that has not been read can only be judged by its cover. And that's the case with people too. I think it needs no explaining that you will naturally feel more drawn to people who are good looking than people who (in your opinion) are not. If these people are colleagues, friends or aquintances you will get the opportunity to get to know them better. But if it is someone you have met in a bar and will never see again unless you talk to them, it certainly helps when they look good. After all, you don't know which awesome personality you will miss out on if you don't give this person your phone number.

I do think personality is more important. Someone is born with looks but can influence their personality. And after a while, when you get used to the way someone looks, it's the personality you will be stuck with. And a handsome douche will now be a regular douche whose looks are not that tempting anymore.
 
For me, I have simply been drawn to people, and it has never been about looks. I cannot really explain it, more of an energy thing I suppose.
Intelligence, stability and good morals are fairly important to me following that, and common ground. I have found that if there are no converging interests, it becomes very difficult to make it work.
 
I am drawn to a calm energy level first. Mellow is good. Easygoing is nice. A calm, safe harbor to weather any storms? Perfect! Looks do factor in, but personality wins the day.
 
I'm finding myself drawn to calm energy, myself. Things have been changing since I started the process of learning about this condition.
 
I'm drawn to very intelligent women as I find myself drawn to smart women who you can have an intelligent conversation with. Looks wise I'm not a fussy person most of my girlfriends have been plus sized and to me looks are not important looks will fade but a great personality will not. So my ideal woman would be a physicist with a brilliant personality and looks ain't a concern but if she's plus sized then
Ding
Ding
Ding
Jackpot
 
So, looks vs. personality.. I must say, I like to have beautiful people around. Well, who doesn't? But in the end, I think, it all comes down to personality anyway. And if we're lucky enough, that beautiful person we got attracted to will have a personality that would resonate with ours. The wonderful thing is that "beauty" is different for every one. While one likes bright and intense beauty, another likes soft and quiet one. And personality is included, it's right there, I think. For me the attractiveness of a stranger consists of looks plus "feel" (before knowing what kind of personality they have), I would say my being interested to get to know a person further will fully and totally depend on that "feel". I guess, it's the energy that Graelwyn, Warmheart and On The Inside were talking about. It makes me think that if the energy is compatible, people would find each other attractive even looks-wise.

Oh, and there is one very necessary quality a person must have to be liked by me: being sweet. I'm not talking about too much sugary sweet, but that little sunshine that some people have inside, that is not always visible on surface but warms you up when you need it. One can be all cool, gorgeous, intelligent, kind, with great sense of humour, all you want, but if he/she doesn't have that little sunshine, no way i would want to get closer. I sense it right away, always!
Maybe I'm not making a lot of sense here, it's very hard to explain... :sweatsmile:
 
My personality has quite ruined all the chances I had, my looks are fine my personality is just ****
 
I don't develop any feelings for someone until I start talking with them and get to see and experience their personality a little. In fact I think I distrust guys that are too good looking! I think my head associates really good looks with arrogance or jerks. Obviously when I start talking with them and see they have a fun personality those feelings drop immediately but I never imagine starting a relationship with them.
 
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