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Looks Vs Personality

Personality trumps all for me. Plus, I have found that my perception of a person's looks changes as I get to know them personally. A great personality and character makes a person look increasingly more attractive to me. The opposite is also true. I have watched a gorgeous person become quite disgusting in my eyes as I got to know how little integrity they have, etc.

There is so much more to a person than what's on the outside. People are not what they look like. I also think that this superficial focus on looks can be very harmful because people come to negative conclusions about certain people based on their looks. For instance, someone who is very big and tall may be seen as inherently aggressive and mean when in fact they are quite calm and nice.

I also agree that make-up is ridiculous. I think it's just a socially accepted form of deception. I guess that's extreme to say, but the way someone looks with make-up tends to be drastically different than how they look without make-up. So, I don't like it.
 
Shell-Bell said:
I don't develop any feelings for someone until I start talking with them and get to see and experience their personality a little. In fact I think I distrust guys that are too good looking! I think my head associates really good looks with arrogance or jerks. Obviously when I start talking with them and see they have a fun personality those feelings drop immediately but I never imagine starting a relationship with them.
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I tend to feel the same way but of course about women
 
[QUOTE="King_Oni, but prefer a heavily tattooed woman with a green mohawk.. or something like that (not saying I do like this; well, maybe I do, except for the green mohawk, I like red more). [/QUOTE]

Hi I believe you next wife is waiting for you on POF Ha ha! sorry couldn't resist.
 
If I had to choose one over the other, I'd choose personality as I think it has more mileage to it.

I have always found the state of being physically attracted to a person intoxicating and in the past this has always been my starting point for a relationship. It has taken a while for me to figure out that physical attraction does not automatically equate to a well-rounded and fullfilling relationship.

Ideally, I'd like looks and personality :D

I think it's possible to be attracted to a person without considering them to be goodlooking, it can be more about how they hold themselves, their mannerisms and demeanor.
 
[QUOTE="Vinca, physical attraction does not automatically equate to a well-rounded and fullfilling relationship. [/QUOTE]

Hi I agree with Vinca, Looks ring the dinner bell but you leave the table hungry if there isn't more. I have seen girls who were 3s on looks come off as 8s or 9s because they were so sweet warm and charming. As for looks the packaging can make a difference, a plain girl with a properly colored wardrobe, a nice set of heels, and nice hair, can move into the she's Hot zone. On hair unless you have the face of a angel, it had better touch your shoulders. There is a subliminal virginal quality to long hair, on girls, that winds guys up. But at the end of the day friendly, engaging, warmth, and niceness count for allot in a girl, even if its just a learned traits. Making people feel nice when around you, never hurts your prospects in life.
 
It's kind of a 60/40 split.. 60 Personality, 40 looks.

Looks aren't everything but I insist you have to find the person attractive, if you don't it's just complicated in my experience. I found my ex attractive but his personality made him very very unattractive.
 
Looks initially get ones attention, but people can get very ugly in a hurry if they have a vile personality, and an initially plain woman can become very very beautiful if she is a beautiful person inside. Plus, makeup and well-chosen clothes can be very deceptive. I've never had a "type", per se, though I notice things that seem to get my attention on that initial, very superficial level. I married completely against my type, tho, so go figure.
 
I can sadly attest to the truth about looks v personality! I stupidly got married to a man who blew me away with how good looking I found him; probably more so, because he was the first guy I found a dish that actually found me dishy too and so, I was born along with it, as I was in a terrible place emotionally and alone and young and he offered to take care of me for the rest of my life (little did I know that I was an apsie) and thus took him literally. Tons of nasty stuff happened, which caused me to be invited to move in with him and it was during this time, that I my subconscious was attacking me ie warning signs about his personality and the rows that ensued but I was so frightened of my own shadow, that I pushed those disquieting thoughts down! We did actually break up ie deemed that there was no way, us being together, was going to work but oh the shame because I was mentally incapable of being on my own, so he paid for renting a room and then, naturally I was left on my own and tried very hard; got a small job, but it didn't last and finally, social services caught on that this 21 year old, needed help and so, I went to live in this house where apparently, it was for older women but who needed parental guidance still, but if anything, I was treated not very nice. I should say that my husband said before social services stepped in, that he was not at all sure about his feelings for me and said he needed time to think, but sadly, where I stayed, there was just one other tenant and happened to be a chap and we got interested in each other and I did sleep with him once and he wanted to further it, but I was not sure! It was around this time, that social services, stepped in and whilst I was in this house, up popped my husband who said that he was in love with me and wanted us to get married as soon as possible and we would work through the difficulties! If I am honest, I felt sorry for him and was deeply flattered. He gave me flowers and handed me a letter but wanted me to wait to open it. When I agreed to marry him, I read the letter and it was pure love ie tortured for not seeing me! I acted like I was in seventh heaven!

I happened to chance upon a letter by an ex girlfriend who rather horrible aptly said that my husband is a kind man, but not very easy to be with!

I soon had a rude awaking because I was thrust into the world of mental slavery! Wake up at 6 to make his sandwiches for work! I just had no idea what marriage was really about! Yes, very reasonable for a wife to get her husband's sandwiches if she is not working and so, I had to learn to adapt to being his wife.

I have tried to make things work, but he is cruel and dictatorial! I feel that he is a constant menacing shadow, always ready to pounce on me. I get very bewildered by his behaviour. He expects me to do what he does!

Yes he is still a good looking man, but most times, I see a ugly face, because of his ugly personality and find myself drawn to men who have amazing personalities.

To me: someone who has a smashing personality comes very handsome or pretty.

I do not want to walk away from 23 year's of marriage, but I am losing my courage rapidly!
 
The Penguin said:
Suzanne I sure there many can relate to your case. You gave a great example.
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Thank you! I always worry that I say too much! Well ok, I did say too much, but it had to be said. I am awfully conscious that every time I respond to a thread, I say how my husband and I argue and so, now anyone reading this, will appreciate why.

As it happens, I have just broken down and told all to an elder (priest) who lol came over to dig up some old concrete for to use at his house, and instead, he gets a very upset sister crying out to him and says that my husband's behaviour to me is not on and is going to try and work with him on it! I confess, I am scared witless, because I know my husband and he is not humble and thus, will make my life a misery, but I know it has to be done, because personally, I fear for my health!
 
Suzanne said:
Thank you! I always worry that I say too much! Well ok, I did say too much, but it had to be said. I am awfully conscious that every time I respond to a thread, I say how my husband and I argue and so, now anyone reading this, will appreciate why.

As it happens, I have just broken down and told all to an elder (priest) who lol came over to dig up some old concrete for to use at his house, and instead, he gets a very upset sister crying out to him and says that my husband's behaviour to me is not on and is going to try and work with him on it! I confess, I am scared witless, because I know my husband and he is not humble and thus, will make my life a misery, but I know it has to be done, because personally, I fear for my health!
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I can't and don't pretend to imagine what you're going through, but I have been in an abusive relationship and I can say it was the hardest thing to break away from. But, my god was it the best thing I ever did.

I'm not sure if this is an aspie thing but with me, when I get really fed up with something - I take action and it's like I have blinkers on. Tunnel vision and I do it, cut everything out and don't stop pushing - this will help you if you wanted out.

But unfortunately, it takes quite a lot to get to this point.

I hope things work out for you.
 
danielcollins said:
I can't and don't pretend to imagine what you're going through, but I have been in an abusive relationship and I can say it was the hardest thing to break away from. But, my god was it the best thing I ever did.

I'm not sure if this is an aspie thing but with me, when I get really fed up with something - I take action and it's like I have blinkers on. Tunnel vision and I do it, cut everything out and don't stop pushing - this will help you if you wanted out.

But unfortunately, it takes quite a lot to get to this point.

I hope things work out for you.
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Ah thank you so much! I had a sort of revelation today and that is, I do not want my marriage to end, just want peace with him, and things are looking up ☺
 
I go for personality more than looks. Face it, most people aren't going to be drop dead gorgeous when they're older. I'd much rather have a deep, meaningful conversation than talk to a hot airhead.
 
ThatSkyWing said:
I go for personality more than looks. Face it, most people aren't going to be drop dead gorgeous when they're older. I'd much rather have a deep, meaningful conversation than talk to a hot airhead.
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Ha, this is so true! I think this is something that most people forget.
 
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