Make friends as a adult. Keeping them impossible.

[Mary Terry]

So far these past 2 days everyone I thought ignored me talked and remembered me. It was all along that cafe that made me antisocial. I can actually socialize fine with people.

Good grief, Tony. You're up one day and down the next day. Flip, flop, flip, flop, emotional rollercoaster, predictably, daily, up and down, up and down. These feelings come from inside you, not from external factors.

Please get yourself a therapist today. This is ridiculous. What is preventing you from getting a therapist?????? It will help you.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Well I am down again I really have no friends they all actually make plans with people they barely know. They were taking out there phones. I got so pissed when some of there brat kids kept running around screaming. I am done with this losers.

 

[jsilver256]

I have zero interest in engaging with your posts until you contact a therapist. It would take you less than 10 minutes to send an email to all 15 therapists in Brooklyn, NYC accepting Medicaid and specializing in autism.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

So far these past 2 days everyone I thought ignored me talked and remembered me. It was all along that cafe that made me antisocial. I can actually socialize fine with people.

That is great! I had to learn how to be social.

This weekend I spent paddling a nice river with my spouse and friends, did work with a local conservation district to measure a watershed's quality using a sampling of macroinvertebrates in streams. Then, today spent time with my spouse. I have done well socializing now, but it took a lot of work to overcome my dislike of myself as a young adult. I got involved where participation counted more than neurology and I could practice being social, feeling safe, and sharing appropriate emotional support. Echos of those times I felt isolated had caught up to me 4 years ago and I have been getting therapy for PTSD. Now, using some no-nonsense Cognitive Processing Therapy, I have rarely felt as together as now.

 

[Zain]

In looking for a friend, you need to be giving to them more than taking from them. If you only take from someone even over a friendship, they will eventually shun you.

You were right all along in this instance. Knowing that you cannot "trauma dump" on people, especially new acquaintances and expect them to stick around. They won't. And that they are likely to warn others in the process to stay away from you when you frequent the same place with the same people. Which appears to be obvious from your own account.

Change your behavior by focusing on giving to others, instead of always taking from them. You might eventually find that people begin to see you in a different light when you stop thinking of only yourself and your problems. In this respect you can start here. Instead of endlessly posting about your own problems, consider addressing the issues of others here. To be a friend to them, to be of help to them in any way you can. To give, rather than take.

For better or worse, the world is full of "givers and takers". But if you should always take without even thinking of giving back, it will always catch up with you, and people will and do ostracize you. And no, it's not easy. However it's still a must if you truly want to remain in the good graces of people in general. To suppress your urge to tell people about yourself emotionally. Stick to simple things like what you might have in common with others.

Learn to give, and try to set aside what you are accustomed to taking from others. And in doing so, you may eventually begin to understand the efforts of so many people here who have tried for years to help you in earnest. Of all people, it is we here who have not shunned you.

And how the heck are you meant to work out what people want in the first place? Because in my experience, it would be unwelcome, or even met with dismay. I think there is a boundary that one has to get across before doing something like this.

 

[Judge]

And how the heck are you meant to work out what people want in the first place?

That takes time...with coinciding with being friends with someone. Most of all not to constantly talk only of yourself or your problems. To be a friend to someone and listen to what they have to say instead.

 

[Zain]

That takes time...with coinciding with being friends with someone. Most of all not to constantly talk only of yourself or your problems. To be a friend to someone and listen to what they have to say instead.

Sure, but most of what people say is shallow and ungenuine, so doing something to cater to them won't actually have the profound impact you're talking about.

 

[Judge]

Sure, but most of what people say is shallow and ungenuine, so doing something to cater to them won't actually have the profound impact you're talking about.

If you are that cynical about people and making friends, it would seem a waste of your time to try. What I'm talking about is what I've done. Making friends, who in some cases became more than that. Especially given that I don't date.

One thing for sure, don't expect deep, revealing conversations with anyone you just met. That comes only in time. Par for the course outside the realm of neurodiverse persons. (All my girlfriends were Neurotypical.)

And that more often than not, expect to give more than you take to establish a meaningful connection with people. You have to take a leap of faith with people in this regard.

 

[Zain]

If you are that cynical about people and making friends, it would seem a waste of your time to try. What I'm talking about is what I've done. Making friends, who in some cases became more than that. Especially given that I don't date.

One thing for sure, don't expect deep, revealing conversations with anyone you just met. That comes only in time. Par for the course outside the realm of neurodiverse persons. (All my girlfriends were Neurotypical.)

And that more often than not, expect to give more than you take to establish a meaningful connection with people. You have to take a leap of faith with people in this regard.

Okay. Thanks. I'll make a note of this and try it.